Saturday, September 4, 2010

Pushing My Buttons

Daughter is wanting to be a victim and have a pity party today. I sought to reassure her and give her a better perspective, and she didn't like that. So, she made sure to push my buttons and assure that I wouldn't want to help her feel better. She has informed me that I am a selfish, terrible mother who never considers her needs and has moved her around entirely too much. I have no right to make her move with me, as she is perfectly capable of staying here and making it on her own. I'm ruining her life and holding her back.
The crazy thing is I feel the need to defend myself. For the record, one year after she moved in with me I bought a house and moved out of my apartment in Inner City. That was 19 years ago. Fourteen years ago, I moved her here to Tiny Village. We've lived in the same house all that time.
We were to work on the garage today, and I promised her that if we finished it, I'd take her out for ice cream for supper. She refuses to apologize for the things she said. There are times when I find it very hard not to react to her irrational behavior. Today is one of those days.


maeve said...

This is such classic RAD/Borderline behavior, isn't it? Sometimes I even see it here with Miss K. I had an accident at home that caused me a trip to the Emergency Department a couple of weeks ago and her reaction was to be very mad at me and blame me for being stupid -- because she was feeling extremely anxious.

Been reading a lot of Heather Forbes lately (Beyond Consequences) and I know that I should not be reactive when she's "dysregulated", but it's darned hard to remember when you want to throttle them. Did I say that????

Reverend Mom said...

It's getting harder to be patient. I'm pulling out my best parenting skills, but she doesn't want to be reassured or feel better. She wants to be the victim of a selfish mom who makes her move.

She did manage to turn it around eventually, and I'm pleased with the progress we made today. We did get our ice cream for supper-- though it was a very late supper.

Anonymous said...

What your your DD do if you looked her in the eye and said, "Honey, you're right; I AM being selfish and mean by making you move with me. How about this -- you can stay here while I move! Of course, you can't stay in this house because the church needs it for the new pastor, but I'm sure you'll find someplace to live."
I know you'd never do it beause it would send her into a tailspin, but do you ever feel tempted?