Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
- Pregnant Best Friend has been pressuring Daughter to get married and pregnant because, as Daughter puts it, "It's a wonderful feeling to have your feet swell up and have to sit with your feet elevated and not be able to do anything." I think she was being sarcastic.
- Flasher has an engagement ring he intends to bring to Daughter (not sure how reliable he is).
- Flasher is on probation for assault.
- Daughter knows she wouldn't be safe with Flasher, but thinks he has lots of money.
- There are lots of interpersonal conflicts that Daughter gets drawn into, and she often feels the need to protect her friends from verbal abuse.
Now this morning, Daughter called me, sobbing, from the bus. She's afraid and not sure she wants to make this change. This was more in line with what I expected from her. She has a very difficult time with change, and I was amazed by how happy she was last night. Her happiness about the possibility was really what convinced me that it was the right move. This won't be easy, but I think it is a very important thing to do for Daughter's emotional well being.
Three years ago she was doing so well that we (Therapist and I) allowed her to make contact with her birth mother. She hasn't done well since, and we've always had some circumstance we could point to as the reason: contact with birth family, grandparents decline and death. She has adjusted to the reality that she can't have contact with her birth family because it is such a powerful trigger for her PTSD. She has dealt with the death of her grandparents. The only stress left in her life is the workshop. I'm hoping that in time this move will give me back the delightful Daughter I was enjoying 3 years ago. That is my hope and prayer.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
- Clean up bedroom and run the vacuum cleaner.
- Clean the back porch bathroom and sweep and vacuum the back porch.
- Respect Mom.
The last item on the list was the ice cream place she wanted to go yesterday. She does better with written directions than she does with verbal ones, so I didn't say a word. She read the list and said, "I can do this." I heard her upstairs singing as she was doing her work.
I figured something else out, too. She has been coming out of her room dressed only in a robe when I call her. She's been upstairs masturbating, which triggers her PTSD big time. I confirmed that was what was going on, and explained it to her. I said, "I bet it feels good, but then you feel scared and angry." She acknowledged this was the case. I told her that it was reminding her of bad things that happened when she was very little, but she was older now and had a voice, so that didn't mean it would happen again. Far Away Sister suggested I check her cell phone to make sure she wasn't taking pictures. I did, and she wasn't
It turns out Therapist was right. She broke up with Flasher on Wednesday, and told him she wouldn't come back again. She said he was talking trash to her. I didn't ask what that was. Of course, she's now going with Phone Guy. She was talking on the phone to him quite a bit a couple of years ago. His parents told her they were going to report her to the cops for phone harassment. PG insisted that she was making all the phone calls. When PG's mom called I told her that PG was making many of the calls. She insisted her son wasn't making any of them, it was all Daughter. I went over the cell phone statement and highlighted the calls. PG was making more of them than Daughter. They never acknowledged that they'd been wrong, of course. Whenever Daughter has wanted to get together with PG, I've reminded her of the history. There are other problems in his past, of course, but at the time, the police threat was quite traumatic for Daughter. (Men in uniforms are also triggers-- birth dad wore a uniform and would come home and beat the kids while wearing it.)
I made the list easy, because it's important for her to experience some success quickly. Hopefully this will break the pattern and get her moving forward again. For today, I seem to have found something that is working. It may not work tomorrow, but for today, it's working. For today, that is enough.