Diversions

This morning I woke up to the sound of birds singing. I have the windows in my bedroom open, and I'm thoroughly enjoying the fresh air and the sounds of nature. After my workout, I cooked breakfast. I made some resurrection buns and some eggs with bacon, potatoes and cheese in them. I decided not to wake Daughter up, since I was pretty sure she would be ugly if I did. As I expected, the smells brought her downstairs. Once again she'd wet the bed, so I asked her to please take the linens from yesterday and put them in the dryer and bring her wet stuff down and put them in the washer. I told her I needed to do laundry, and I didn't want her stuff sitting in the machine all day today like it did yesterday. That set her off. She informed me she was moving out today.

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So, I got out my ipod out and got busy in the kitchen, making resurrection buns, bacon bits, a casserole and cheese cake for tomorrow, and various other things. She came down at one point and told me she felt stupid. I asked her what she was going to do to get off stupid. That made her mad again. I pointed out she was the only one who could change things. I spent 3 hours in the kitchen while she did nothing upstairs. At least she couldn't sneak the remote control upstairs today like she did yesterday, since it is now locked up, along with the medicine, insulin, knives and other sharp objects.

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She came downstairs and watched me dry and put away dishes (her job). As I listened to podcasts of worship services and choral music, I was able to focus on what I was doing. As I was putting the resurrection buns in individual boxes with Easter grass and jelly beans to distribute to the kids tomorrow morning, she asked if she could do something to help. I told her the bathrooms were still in need of cleaning. I gave up on her yesterday and cleaned the dining room and downstairs hall myself.

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I heard her call Therapist yesterday and tell her what the problem was, "I'm not doing my share around the house." She knows what she's doing. She knows it's her own doing. But she gets stuck on stupid and can't seem to move off it.

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I hope she follows through on what needs to be done today. I'm so tired of this. At least I have figured out that escaping into my ipod makes it easier for me to keep going in the midst of her ugliness. When I thanked her for taking some laundry upstairs today, she informed me, "I'm only doing mine." I repeated, "Thank you for putting it away." Not engaging her is hard, but keeping it her problem is key.

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Today I'm grateful for my ipod, which diverts me from the ugliness in my home and reminds me of God's love and grace-- for Daughter and me.