Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Responsive

We have a gentleman who first appeared at the church in late September. He's been in and out since, and has a pattern of writing long involved letters. I suspect he has paranoid schizophrenia from some of the things he's written. A couple of weeks ago I got a short letter from him stating there was no point in us having a conversation. He said some other things that led me to believe that he felt I'd fallen prey to the evil conspiracy that is out to get him. His letters were postmarked from cities some distance from here, so I thought we'd seen the last of him. I did take his letters to the board, who had already figured out he suffered from mental illness. They weren't interested in the content, but did express concern about the safety of the administrative assistant and me if he showed up when we were alone at the church. We have an alarm system, and a monitor that allows us to talk to people at the door and decide whether to let them in when we're here alone. When we're both here, the door is unlocked.
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Yesterday, he showed up when I was here alone. I saw him on the monitor, and went to the door to talk to him. I refused to let him into the church. I finally explained that I was not comfortable letting people in when I was here alone. This morning he stopped back by. One of the men on the board saw his truck in the parking lot and came in to make sure we were okay. He talked to AA, and then stopped by my office. I told him what had happened yesterday. He lives close to the church, and so I said, "You know, I think in the future if he shows up I'll call you or R (who also lives close to the church) before I go to the door. Then you can just happen to stop by." He immediately gave me his cell phone number.
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R stopped by later. I told him the plan. He's also our contact with the alarm company. He said, "You know, we need to get you a panic button like we have for AA here in the office." One is being delivered to me tomorrow. It will be a key fob, so I'll have it with me wherever I go in the church. These people are great. They are genuinely concerned for my safety, and I'm grateful.

ODD on Steroids

Daughter is taking oppositional and defiant to new heights for her. I decided yesterday to be proactive. I gave her my undivided attention as we cuddled. I let her go to bed early, so she could get plenty of sleep. As I was finishing in the bathroom this morning, I told her I was almost done and it was her turn to get in the shower. Her response was such that I knew she was awake and probably had been.
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She didn't get out of bed. Okay, I told her that if she was in the shower in the next 3 minutes, she could have her computer and TV privileges back.
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She didn't get out of bed. I looked for another motivator. I informed her that if she didn't get in the shower within the next 3 minutes, I'd eat her left over pizza from yesterday evening.
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All right, so she wasn't going to get up in response to my instructions. I went into the kitchen and turned on the radio. I took care of various tasks. I read the newspaper. I was noisy. I gave her every opportunity to get up on her own. After 45 minutes, it was obvious this wasn't going to work, either. She was wide awake, she was just refusing to get out of bed. I asked her what she was going to do when I left. No response. I considered my options. I wasn't willing to leave her alone. She isn't safe at home alone. I wasn't willing to leave and have to come back and get her.
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I got ugly. I went in and yelled and screamed and told her there was no time for a shower, and if she didn't get up and get dressed right then, I'd drag her to church in her wet pjs. I gave her milk for breakfast. I yelled some more. I congratulated her on making me mad. I made her a peanut butter sandwich for lunch (no jelly-- she sneaked it out of the refrigerator when I turned my back for 30 seconds, so it's gone). When we got to the church, I made sure the kitchen doors were locked. I informed her her job for the day was to figure out a way to solve the morning problem and write it down. I told her it isn't a problem I can solve. Of course, she claimed she can't solve it. I told her she was the only one who could. She refused the piece of paper I threw at her, but she did write something in a notepad she had in her purse. She is now sleeping on my love seat. She didn't bring anything to keep her busy today. I informed her because we were late getting here, I'd have to stay later this afternoon. I also told her it was going to be a real problem next week when her program comes here if I can't get here to open up the building for them.
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I'm frustrated this morning, and there aren't any good ways to fix this problem. It's not a problem she wants to fix, and until she does, there's not much I can do.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Blessed

Yesterday a number of people asked about Daughter yesterday. When I told the man who was giving us basketball tickets that I couldn't take them and why, he shared that his sister had adopted a special needs child. One of the women sent me a note on facebook today, wondering if things were any better. She was concerned and had been thinking about us. The first woman who volunteered to come stay with Daughter during worship told me to put her at the top of a list of people who would come stay with her when she refused to go to church. She also told me I was right about her need for supervision-- Daughter had tried to ride her bike to the church, but decided it was too cold.
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Several people stopped by the church today, and all asked about Daughter. In Tiny Village, I often felt like there was judgment in their questions. Many did not approve of my parenting. They did not understand her issues. They believed that love was enough. Here, the people have more experience and a better understanding of the challenges. They recognize the challenges Daughter has, and are eager to offer support and resources. Two women are taking Daughter on outings this week. She will go to the park to walk a dog with a member on Friday morning, and Friday afternoon a member will take her to a movie. The movie will include a lecture on listening to me. She wanted to take her Friday so I could get a break from her on my day off. I'm truly blessed.

Caught!

I took some time to snuggle with Daughter this evening. I decided that a little concentrated attention from me might prevent problems. That was my hope, anyway. She got up and asked me if she could get some of her sugar free drink out of the refrigerator. I had my back to the kitchen, so I told her yes, and turned around to watch her. She went ballistic. When she finally calmed down, I suggested she had reacted because she'd been caught, and she had intended to get out more than her sugar free drink. She acknowledged I was right.
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It was a struggle to get her up this morning, but she was up and dressed in time for me to make it to my 7:00 dental appointment. I think she had a good day. She was chipper when she called me, but sullen when she got in the car and saw that I was on the phone. One downside of life here in Capital is I don't have long drives on country roads during which I can talk to my Sisters.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Keeping my Joy

There were certain plenty of things conspiring to ruin my Sunday:
  • Daughter refused to get up.
  • My computer was having a difficult time talking to printers.
  • The heat wasn't working in the sanctuary.
  • My PowerPoint for the sermon wouldn't download on the computer that runs the projectors.

But it didn't work. I chose to focus on other things:

  • Two different women volunteered to come stay with Daughter, so I knew she was safe.
  • We had visitors in worship this morning-- 3 different families were represented (one man came as an advanced scout). All plan to return.
  • There is a buzz and an excitement about the church right now. People are feeling positive and are energized.
  • The number of children in worship is growing.

Daughter had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. She says she's sorry, but she has a hair trigger and refuses to do anything to demonstrate that she's ready to turn things around. I'm not going to let her ruin my afternoon. I gave up a basketball game, but I'm not going to give up my joy. I'm going to put on my ipod and start baking. It will be fun.

Digging Deeper

Daughter is getting herself deeper into her dark hole. She refused to get up this morning. I finally left without her. I locked things up, but I'm still very uncomfortable with her being home alone. Very uncomfortable. Lots of different scenarios keep running through my head, most not good.
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I feel guilty, but there's no way I can accept those basketball tickets for the game this afternoon. I haven't figured out what my next steps are with Daughter. She's not a young child who I can physically get out of bed, bathe and dress for church. She's 5" taller than I am. I will be talking to her case manager tomorrow. It's time to arrange for therapy again.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Frustration

Daughter has become an expert at ignoring me. She refused to move this afternoon as I asked her to help me decorate. She wouldn't even acknowledge that I was speaking to her. Her computer is locked up, and I don't think I'll be able to hear her this evening when she wants supper. I may provide her with PB&J, or I may take something out of the freezer for her. I'm not going to do anything nice for her, though. You can't ignore me all day, say you're sorry, and expect everything to be fine. Doesn't work that way. I will be very glad when I drop her off at her program Monday. Of course, before I do that I have a dental appointment at 7:00. It will be a challenge to get her up and moving, I'm sure.
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She has been getting on my last nerve this weekend. We're going to a college basketball game tomorrow afternoon. A member is giving us the tickets, so I'll take her, but I'm not happy about it. I'm tired of being ignored. This morning she dragged to the point I was late getting over to the church to help decorate. I'm tired of being ignored.

Mom

Today Mom would have been 80. I really thought that this year would be easier. She's been dead for almost 18 months now. The move, of course, has made me think about her more. When we were at Sister's for Thanksgiving, various items that had had belonged to my parents were on display. It was jarring. Brother lives in their home, but they had moved into a seniors' community, so I have many memories of them after that house.
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I always thought Mom would live to a ripe old age. If you'd told me she would die before Dad and be unable to talk to us for a couple of years prior to her death at age 78, I would have laughed. She was always the healthy one. She was going to be a merry widow, at least in my mind, and I suspect the minds of my siblings.
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We are all blessed with many good memories. We all carry on many of her traditions. All of that makes it easier. Daughter was crying yesterday, talking about how much she missed Grandma and Grandpa. Because of faith, we know they are okay, and that we will see them again, but for now, we miss them.

Friday, November 26, 2010

In Honor of My Parents

I don't like decorating for Christmas. It's always been my personal act of rebellion against the Christmas stress. My parents went all out with decorations, and I decided I had too much going on this time of year, and I wasn't going to add to my stress by doing lots of decorating. I'm still not sure how it happened.
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A couple of weeks ago, we were in a home improvement store, and I saw these twinkling snow flakes on stakes that could line a walk way. The next thing I knew, two sets were in my cart. There were some green and red CFL's that found their way into my cart-- 2 red and 1 green. It just so happens I have 3 outdoor lights. Today, Daughter brought up the Christmas decorations, and those items were on top. It suddenly hit me that I could hang the snow flakes on the porch. It wouldn't involve much climbing, and they were the perfect length and would hang down just the right amount. I needed some hooks to hang them. I found myself back at the home improvement store.
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Once again, items began mysteriously appearing in my cart. We now have snowflakes, lighted garland, and 2 sets of net light on the big bush. My parents would be proud.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Snippets

This morning's newspaper had an article about adoptions that had taken place in Capital this week as part of the Adoption Month promotion. It continued on page 2B. The article at the top of page 2B was about a teenager (adopted) who was being charged with murdering her father and attacking her mother.
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Yesterday evening Daughter spent a very long time figuring out what she was going to wear today. She said the problem was that she needed to find warm clothes (we're expecting snow today). This morning she came out wearing jeans and a sleeveless blouse.
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At choir last night Daughter went for attention, and put her head down for a long time. She came to find me, sobbing about having a headache. I gave her love and an ibuprofen and sent her back. One of the men left choir early and stopped to ask if she was okay. He said they didn't know if they should come get me. I assured him she was fine-- just seeking attention. I'm delighted that they didn't take her bait.
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Daughter claims she's having dreams about being a lesbian. I'm listening, assuring her I'll love her whatever, and pondering where this is coming from. I've never seen anything in her that would cause me to think she might be lesbian, so I'm just going to listen and wait. I'm not sure if this is a fear, a desire, or an attempt to shock me.
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Tomorrow we will head to Sister's, then Brother's, then back to Sister's. Far Away Sister and her family will be with us until it's time for their flight home. It will be good for all of us to be together. I'm making cranberry relish for the day (which means I need to buy the ingredients today).
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I've been in a low level panic for the last 24 hours. I could not locate Daughter's prescriptions from her new family doctor or psychiatrist. There are 17 total when you add in diabetes supplies like syringes, needles, test strips, emergency kit, etc. I didn't take them to the pharmacy right away because it was too soon to get them filled. Yesterday I searched my study here at the church and the guest room at home 3 times each. I laid in bed last night pondering where they might be. Both my home and study are very clean and organized (especially for me), so it just didn't make sense. I was going to go on line today to see if she had refills left on the old prescriptions. I remembered that I had brought some magazines to the church in a bag and placed them on the book shelves. So, this morning, I looked in the bag, and there were the prescriptions, neatly paper clipped together, just as I remembered. I will drop them off this morning as I take Daughter to her program.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Choir Night

I am hanging out in my study at the church on Choir night. My office is right next to the choir room, and my computer desk faces my door. It's a great opportunity to greet people and have some interesting conversations. Tonight one of the women wanted to make sure I met her granddaughters, who were with her. Last week someone wanted to show me a knitted cupcake.
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Daughter is singing in the choir, which is my official reason for being here. It's a wonderful excuse to come hang out, work on my sermon, and connect with people. Have I mentioned lately how much I love my life?

How Can a 2 1/2 Hour Board Meeting Be Good?

The monthly board meeting was last night. They had been accustomed to meetings that lasted less than an hour, but last night we began at 6:30 and didn't finish until 9:00. It was an excellent meeting, and no one complained (at least not to me).
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We began with an educational piece, which was well received. I was pleased because they were all feeling positive about the church right now, and excited about the opportunities ahead of us.
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We had open and honest discussions about 2 difficult situations, including talking quite frankly about the individuals at the center of each of them. We developed good plans for each situation. There were a number of tasks that needed to be done as a result of things we did last night. The work of those tasks is delegated to members of the board. I don't have to do any of them. In Tiny Village I often was the one who had to follow through on those kinds of things, so I am delighted.
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I'm settling into my ministry here and loving it. Daughter is also doing well. Today she's hanging out at the church. We've had her folding and shredding today.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Week Two

Daughter started the second week in her program this morning. Thursday she was so upset by the program that I anticipated a battle getting her to return today. I was pleasantly surprised. As we left the church to head over to it, she said, "I'm not nervous about today." She decided she was going to see if she could make it all day without calling me.
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I almost hate to post anything, but the last 2 nights she hasn't had to change her linens. Her De.pends was wet, but she didn't soak through. She's quite proud of that. I think she is beginning to settle in. I hope she is. There's been a lot of change and turmoil for her this past year, so it's nice to see her settling in and doing better. I had been concerned because this was going to be a short week for her, but now I think this will be fine. Thursday we will see both Sisters and Brother. Friday we will be with Sister Best Friend. I think she is enjoying seeing family more.
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Tonight is our board meeting, and I'm excited about the educational piece I'm going to do with them. I received a wonderful note this morning from a young woman who told me she really is feeling the Holy Spirit at work, and is optimistic about the future of the congregation for the first time in a very long time. I'm glad that others are feeling God's hand as powerfully as I am. Daughter and I will have much to be thankful for this year.
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Sunday, November 21, 2010

A Wonderful Day

Far Away Sister and her family and Sister were in worship this morning. It was good to have them there. The congregation welcomed them warmly and told them how happy they are to have me there. They were impressed with the life in the church. It was a great morning. They came back here for lunch. We had a good visit. Then it was back to the church for the installation. A number of friends from the conference I go to every summer came to the installation. It was wonderful to see them.
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There were also people from my home church. They were friends of my parents. Daughter had mixed feelings about them being here. Overall, I'd say she was overwhelmed by the whole day. She was crying as we were getting ready to come home. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "Grandma and Grandpa should have been here today. They should have been here for you." The folks from my home church were all friends of my parents, and their presence underlined my parents' absence for Daughter. I do understand the feeling. I have thought about them a lot the last few days. I do miss them. It would have been nice to have them there. M is a 94 year old woman who moved to Capital several years ago. She was there tonight with a walker. Mom used to go visit her when she was at a seniors' residence near the home church. Now she has outlived both of my parents. Years ago I was working at my home church one summer. M's mother-in-law died, and I did the funeral, one of the first ones I did. I was delighted that she was at the installation today. She informed me I have to go visit her.
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This is going to be a short week, but a busy one. There is a board meeting tomorrow night. I'm going to begin doing some education with them. Today I was offered 2 tickets to the men's basketball game at the local university. It's a very good team, so that will be exciting.
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Apparently Daughter is concerned about all the work I'm doing. She told some people that I need a break. I am tired, but it's a good tired.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Preparations

Today has been a full day. Far Away Sister and her family and Sister will be here for lunch tomorrow. I realized I didn't have enough bowls for the soup I'm serving, so I decided to go out and buy new dishes. I'd had cor.elle for years, and Daughter had shown me she didn't like cleaning the kitchen by breaking dishes. I had a 20% off coupon, so I used a rebate and a gift to help pay for service for 12. I'm now ready to have my family here for holidays.
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Daughter told me she needed help, because the voices are back. I told her I thought I knew what the voices were saying. I thought they were saying that she wanted some attention from her mom. She agreed that that is what they were saying. She told me they were saying she needed snuggle time. I explained to her that there was so much that needed to be done today, and she could work with me and it would get done and there'd be time for snuggling, or she could refuse,and I'd have to do it all myself, and then there wouldn't be time for snuggling. I made a list of the things I wanted done, and let her choose what she wanted to do. She did a good job.
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I'm looking forward to tomorrow's festivities. I'll be glad when it is over. We stopped by the church today. I had brought books home to work on worship planning yesterday, so while we were out shopping we took them back. There was a couple there working on cleaning up the landscaping in preparation for the installation tomorrow. Following the installation, there will be a supper. I had signed up to take a couple of dishes, but I was told it was my party and I wasn't to bring any food. Have I mentioned lately how much I love it here?

Friday, November 19, 2010

The End of the Story

So yesterday I wrote about the preventive measures I had taken to keep Daughter in her program all day. She made it through the day without calling me. When I picked her up, she was sobbing. How much was real and how much was being dramatic I'm not sure. Apparently she didn't get to go to the stables yesterday to work with the horses like she wanted to, and she felt she wasn't being heard and her concerns were not taken seriously. I told her she has a voice and I'm confident she will work it out on Monday.
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I had a BOGO coupon for a restaurant, so that was where we went for supper. It was the first time we've eaten at this chain since we moved to Capital. It was the closest chain to us in Tiny Village (12 miles away), so we ate there relatively frequently. We went to the super discount store behind it, which I had also avoided since the move, for similar reasons. I have found though, that they have the best selection of store brand (inexpensive) sugar free drink mix.
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After stopping at a variety of stores, we went to the church for choir. Daughter fell asleep while waiting for her choir. I think she was exhausted. I got the sermon outlined and PowerPoint started for Sunday morning. Today Sister Best Friend and Husband came. SBF and I worked on worship plans while H took on a couple of projects for me. This afternoon we all went to see the new Harry Potter movie. I'd purchased the tickets online yesterday.
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Sunday I am officially installed as the pastor of the church. Far Away Sister and her family and Sister will be here for morning worship. They will come here for lunch after the service. Brother and his wife will come for the installation service in the afternoon. They probably won't come to the house, as there will be a supper at the church following the installation. It will be a long day. It has been a lot of work and a lot of stress, and I'll be very grateful when it is over.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Prevention

Daughter pretty much picked up where she left off last night, informing me that she couldn't go to her program today because she didn't feel good and she was being harassed and she wasn't safe there and her period had started and she needed to be with me and.... I told her she was going. As we were driving to the church I said, "I have a suggestion. If you want to spend more time with me you need to be nice to me."
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As I sat here contemplating our conversation and our schedule, I realized Daughter was setting things up so I'd have to come get her. On the way over to her program, I said, "Here's the scoop. We aren't coming back to the church after I pick you up because we have some shopping to do-- nothing for you, but other things. If you don't call me today to tell me your dying and I have to come get you, I will take you out to supper before we go back to the church for choir. If you do call and bug me, we'll go home and eat peanut butter and jelly for supper." In a very small voice, she said, "Okay."
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She began crying, and told me how sorry she is and that she doesn't mean to hurt me. She tried to tell me she can't help it, but I didn't buy that. It was a good conversation, and maybe after we have it 1,246 more times, she'll follow through on it.
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I'll be picking her up in an hour, and she hasn't called me yet today. I'm pleased.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Probably Shouldn't Post

I'm in a rotten mood tonight, so I probably shouldn't post anything. Having to provide transportation to Daughter mid-morning and mid-afternoon is certainly complicating my day. She didn't want to get up this morning, which put me further behind. She doesn't like it when I drag her back to the church after I pick her up. She wants to go out to eat every night. She lies to me and then gets mad at me when I catch her in it.
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So I picked her up this afternoon at 2:45 and headed back to the church. She wanted me to stop at a restaurant to get her a snack. I told her she could have a snack at the church. I offered her cheese and crackers, which would require insulin, or slim jims, which wouldn't need insulin. She chose the slim jims. I left the church a little early so I could go to the bank and post office (been trying to get to both of them since Monday), there was a long line at the post office, so it took me 30 minutes to get to the window. Daughter had chosen to wait in the car, so she was angry it took me that long and told me she was hungry and needed to eat immediately. She told me her blood sugar was dropping, and when I asked to see the meter she acknowledged she'd shaved 100 points off the actual reading. I knew her blood sugar shouldn't have been that high, so I asked what she ate. She got mad, insisting she hadn't eaten anything. She yelled and screamed and insisted she was telling the truth. We got home and she stormed around, complaining about everything. I finally told her she'd feel better if she told the truth, so she admitted she'd eaten cheese and crackers. By then I was exhausted.
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I'm behind on my work. We can't get the program for my installation this Sunday to print properly. I haven't had time to work on sermon yet. I skipped a luncheon I was supposed to attend today because I didn't have time, and still didn't get done all I needed to get done. My stomach is burning again, so I probably need to watch my diet more carefully-- eliminate caffeine, chocolate, tomatoes, spice, fatty foods, and anything with flavor from my diet....
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The doctor read me the report from my mammogram and subsequent ultra sound. I need to have a biopsy. When I got home, there was a letter informing me my mammogram was fine and I didn't need to do anything. I have copies of the reports from the doctor, and they clearly state I need a biopsy, though the mass is likely benign. So, I need to find a time to schedule that, hopefully when Daughter is at her program. She would freak out if she knew I needed a biopsy. She is freaking out enough over the changes and the new program, I don't want to add any more stress to her, as it just makes my life more difficult.
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I'm sure that once I'm through the installation on Sunday, the stress will ease up some. Then I'll just have to deal with Advent and the open house and Christmas.... I'm going to head to bed early tonight. I'm sure a good night's sleep and a productive day tomorrow will help ease my stress and recover my positive attitude.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Team

I had a breakfast meeting this morning, so I dropped Daughter off with some members. She had a good time playing with their dog, and I've been assured she can come any time. She will be back at her program tomorrow, but Tuesday and Friday she will be with me for now. She had an appointment at the mental health clinic this afternoon to get started with a new psychiatrist. This is the same agency that has placed her in a program, so the team was there for her appointment, Daughter, Case Manager, Program Director, and me. CM had all her records and was able to pull information out for the doctor. He's continuing her meds, and after he sees what labs the family doctor ordered, will order more blood work to check on things. I liked him. Daughter had a hard time, and spent much of the appointment with her head in my lap. At one point she sat up and demanded confidentiality and said, "I'm not straight with doctors." He said, "Well, that's certainly straight." She had relaxed some and was more involved by the end.
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This evening she came out of her room sobbing, telling me she was hearing voices and they were telling her to do things she didn't want to do. I comforted her, and suggested she was afraid she was going to her voices because we'd been talking about that with the Psychiatrist. I told her to put her ipod on to Christian music and to go finish making her bed. She did, and that seemed to solve the problem-- at least for now.
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It's nice to have everything with one agency, and know that she has a team working for her. I really like the team. Program Director told me that she and Case Manager had been talking about the phenomenal job I'm doing with her. I was pleased that professionals whom I respect recognize my expertise. I remember in the early days, when I was trying to get services for her. I was seen as the problem-- she was a normal child being made crazy by her mother. I'm so grateful those days are behind us.
She has been assigned a nurse who will go train the people in her program about diabetes. It looks like the program will be moving to the church until their new building is ready-- probably at the end of December. I have lunch appointments both tomorrow and Thursday, and both days I will be Daughter's transportation service to the program. I'm way too busy and enjoying every minute of it. Now I'm off to bed-- the long days are catching up with me.

Monday, November 15, 2010

As Expected

When she finished lunch, Daughter got anxious. Nothing happening, she began thinking. She claims she was sexually harassed by 2 men. Daughter called me crying and wanted me to get her because she wasn't safe. I sympathized with the difficulty of adjusting to something new, and reminded her that she knew how to keep herself safe. When she figured out I wasn't going to rescue her, she recovered. She's gone mall walking now. I've been texting with the director. Director wondered if she could be confused in what she reported to them. I told her she was "amplifying" it to communicate that she doesn't feel safe. Hopefully that will get better as she adjusts.
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I'm pleased with the way issues are being handled. I think she'll be fine. Daughter is very predictable.

Beginnings

We were in the office by 7:30 this morning, and about 8:30 I took Daughter to her new program. She decided she didn't need me to go in with her. I received a text from the director a little while ago. It said, "So far so good! D was very happy and talkative. She wants to bring 2 sweetener in tomorrow 4 her coffee. 1 fellow already told me he has a crush on her." Except for he crush, that is all good news.
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I'm enjoying a productive morning in the office. I'm working on Advent and Christmas Eve in preparation for a meeting tonight. I'm making plans for the board meeting next Monday. I've finished another book that will be helpful in the educational pieces I want to do with the board.
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The man who was elected to the board yesterday stopped in, and we had a brief conversation. Interestingly, the property committee didn't want me picking a paint color for my study. I told the search committee moderator not to worry about it, the study didn't need to be painted. He was quite embarrassed and apologetic when he told me what was happening. New board member is a major part of the property committee, and was chairman for both building programs. He told me if there was anything I wanted to change in here, to let them know and they'd take care of it. That feels like a big step-- they've decided I'm okay.
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I hope Daughter continues to have a good day. They were bowling this morning, and I know she'll enjoy that. Hopefully the group they share space with will be calm during the times she's there today. This afternoon they are going walking. She wore her new boots, and they have heels, so it will be interesting to hear if she still thinks they are so comfortable after she's done walking.
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We are truly blessed to be in this place.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Sunday Snippets

I love my life. Have I mentioned that lately?
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This morning the children's sermon returned to worship. I had 3 little girls come talk to me, and a mom brought her 17 month old son up. It was new, and different, but the girls talked to me, and we will figure out the details as we go along. The theme was love, so we commissioned the 15 people who serve as mentors at a local school, plus their prayer partners.
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Two weeks ago I began the stewardship season by talking about how we all have more than enough. A man who has struggled financially after a job injury told me the sermon was offensive. I apologized, and followed up with a short note acknowledging how hard it is when you are an exception to the generalization. I told him I hoped that the majority of the time he would hear good news at church. Last Sunday he wasn't there, and I was a little concerned. Today, he greeted me with a huge hug and thanked me for the note.
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People who have not been coming to worship for a while are beginning to trickle back in. One man was there today and informed me he was back, and next time he'd bring his wife.
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Tuesday morning I'm going to drop Daughter off with one of the saints and then pick her up after the ecumenical clergy breakfast. She hasn't been with this woman before, but the woman had 3 small dogs, so Daughter will be very happy.
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Several people told me how Daughter had been quite excited as she told them that she is starting her program tomorrow. She told me later she thought she'd explode if she didn't tell people.
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A retired pastor was in worship today. He was very complimentary. He offered to fill in if needed. I think he's offended that he's never been asked. I assured him he'd be asked. He's been attending churches from sister denominations. I encouraged him to come home to his roots. He thought that was a possibility. He apparently remembered me from my time in the inner city. I felt bad, as I don't remember him, but he knows I have dealt with conflicted churches before, and thinks I'll do well here.
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The wives of the two men I had conversations with on 'Thursday both told me they'd heard we'd had good conversations. That's good news.
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We collected food today-- a lot of food. I was impressed by the amount they brought in. The woman who is responsible for stewardship has been getting up and saying something about stewardship every Sunday. Today she got up and said I'd already said it all, and just reminded everyone to bring their pledges next Sunday.
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It is taking me an hour to get out after worship on Sundays-- lots of visiting and talking going on. Next week Far Away Sister and her family will be in worship, and will be coming over for lunch after. I'm going to make and effort to get out faster. We'll have lunch and then they'll be off to visit friends. Later that afternoon I will officially be installed as pastor, with a dinner following.
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This week is going to be very busy-- lots of appointments and commitments, and lots of things that I need to get done during my time in the office. I'm looking forward to getting at it tomorrow morning. Hopefully Daughter will do well with the transition as she starts in her program tomorrow. She'll be there Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It will be a busy week, and a good one. I feel like we're settling in, and that's a wonderful feeling.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Regional Meeting

Today we went to the regional church meeting. I've been to a lot of these over the years, and I have to say, I like this one. It seems healthier. They expressed appreciation for people's work. They had a collaborative style for the budget.
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We saw several people we knew from the conference we go to every July. A woman who was in a new pastor support group with me over 20 years ago is now in this area. It was great to see her again. Daughter was with me, and did very well. We talked about some of the issues on the way home.
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I'm tired, but it's been a good day. Daughter is very excited about starting her program this week. I hope it goes well for her. Now I need to finalize the sermon and PowerPoint for tomorrow.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Day Off

I began my day off by going to the church, where I had left my cell phone and the power cord for my computer yesterday. I really need to look into getting a second power cord for it. We went to the program site to fill out the paperwork to enroll Daughter. Eventually this program will be in its own building, but right now they are located in a building with a variety of programs. They are sharing space with a low functioning group that includes a number of individuals with autism. They are in the space the other program had used for cooling down and changing. Now they aren't in the space for long periods of time, but their presence is very disruptive for the other group, so, the other group is acting out. There is a bit of a power struggle going on, as the director of Daughter's program has a very different philosophy than the other programs in the building. It looks like Daughter will be the highest functioning person in the group. The first person rolled in in a wheelchair wearing a helmet. One woman has a protuberant tongue. Another woman is deaf and almost blind. There are communication challenges. There are also people who were eager to meet Daughter and were very verbal. It was noisy. Very noisy. I could see Daughter getting overwhelmed. I reminded her that the individual who became her favorite person at the gift shop had scared her at first. I reminded her that most of the day they would be away from the program out doing other things. As we were leaving, the director mentioned she was looking for another space they could use until they move into their own building. I suggested the church, and called the Administrative Assistant to see what would be involved and where they could meet. She immediately thought of a wonderful room they could use, and sent an email to the board to get their perspective on it. I arranged to meet the director at the church at 11:00.
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When we got to the car, Daughter began sobbing. She didn't want to go there. She wasn't like those people. She didn't want to use sign language any more. It was too loud. I held her hand as she sobbed, but my heart was sinking. I was inclined to agree with her. Then she stopped crying. "I need to practice my sign language so I can communicate with the deaf woman. I'll be able to talk to her and help the others talk to her." I sat there amazed, and very proud. We went shopping, and then to the church to meet the Director. She loved the space, and hopes to get the move arranged ASAP. As we talked in the parking lot, she talked more about the challenges at their current location. Last Friday the police were called twice on one of the individuals from the program whose space they have invaded. That concerned me, and I said I might wait to start Daughter until they get the program moved to the church.
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I talked to Daughter about that possibility, but she was adamant about her desire to start on Monday. After lunch, we went to get the car serviced. It was going to take a while, and since it is a beautiful day, I decided we'd walk home (just under a mile). The library was on the way, so I suggested we stop there and get our library cards. Daughter was opposed. As I headed to the library, she kept going towards home. I informed her that she couldn't be home alone, as I left the refrigerator unlocked. To my surprise, she immediately turned around and entered the library with me. She had her bad attitude until I pointed out the racks of CD's. Within minutes she was by my side, "Let's go get our library cards." She checked out an exercise DVD (which she is doing now) and 3 CD's. I got a couple of books and wii game. We then walked the rest of the way home, and then back to get the car later in the afternoon.
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I have some concerns about the other individuals in the program, but I love the director and her philosophy. I'm delighted that the program may be in the church for a while. The director was a case manager, and also has a private counseling practice. When we were there Wednesday, Daughter showed her how she fakes seizures. Daughter likes her, and so do I. I think this will be a good program for daughter.
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While our visit to the program today was a little overwhelming, I was very impressed by the way Daughter went from sobbing to planning to insisting on starting Monday. I'm sure there will be challenges as she adjusts, but I think that eventually life is going to be much easier. God is good.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Longer Update

We're home for the evening, so I'll give a more complete update now. I am working long hours, and loving it. Saturday I have an all day meeting 65 miles from here. Daughter gets dragged along, of course.
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Tuesday I met with the area clergy. We gather monthly for lunch and a program. I met my colleagues, and had a wonderful time with a great group of people. I missed the support of colleagues when I was in Tiny Village. I've had conversations with two rather interesting people since I got here. It turns out that both of them have been making the rounds of all the churches. We shared some interesting information on them, and we're going to refer the one to the tall steeple pastor next time she calls. We scheduled some cooperative events, including a dinner on Fat Tuesday, a worship service and picnic in the park this summer, and a pulpit exchange-- we literally drew the names of churches out of a basket for that one.
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This morning two men who are leaders in the church came in to meet with me. One was unhappy with the budget. I sat an listened to all his concerns. He had note cards with everything written out, but he didn't refer to them, because I just sat and listened. He had some good points, and I told him that. I shared with him the plans I was making to address his concerns (and yes, I already had plans in place). I think he was happy when he left.
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Yesterday I met with two women involved in the educational ministry of the church. We talked about the needs in it, and made plans to address them. I recommended a new curriculum for them, and they wanted it. When I offered to order it for them, they assured me they could take care of it. The one woman was in her 70's or 80's, and she uses the computer and was going to place the order. The people here are much more willing to take things on and follow through, and much more confident about their abilities to research and figure things out. It's going to take some adjusting on my part, but it is a wonderful and very welcome difference.
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I discovered yesterday that we have a child protection policy that is supposed to be reviewed annually. It's not getting reviewed, and it's not being followed. That will change. There is just so much to do, I plan to spend some time Monday prioritizing my work over the next couple of months. I'm excited about all the possibilities and opportunities ahead of us.
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I think life will be easier once Daughter starts her program. She's understandably stressed about it. She's thinking she'd rather stay with me. We'd both go crazy. This program is relatively new, and they're still feeling their way along. The Case Manager was concerned about Daughter's ability to handle the constant changes and such. I assured her that it would be easier for me to help her adjust to the changes than it is for me to have her with me 24/7. The CM agreed that was a good point.
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So that's the news from Capital-- at least most of it. There's so much happening it's hard to remember what I've posted and haven't.
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Busy

Can you tell I've been busy? There is so much to do, so many people who want time with me, and all these ideas that are running through my head. Unfortunately, many of those fantastic ideas just serve to add to my workload. I'm happy and continue to have fun. I'm beginning to consider what my priorities are and how I can better manage my time. I think, though, that the reality is that I'm just going to be extremely busy for a while.
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Tomorrow we go fill out the paperwork so that Daughter can start a program next week. I'll post more once I know the details, but I think it will be good for her, despite her protestations that she'd rather stay with me. This morning a woman was driving by the church to go to park and walk her dog. She stopped in and asked Daughter if she'd like to go with her. Daughter had a great time, and I am very grateful to that particular saint. We are truly blessed to be in this community.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Lifelong Learning

I'm reading Leaders Who Last by Dave Kraft. Yesterday I read a chapter about growing. He emphasized the importance of being a lifelong learner. He encouraged leaders to ask questions, read, write, and do everything they could to continue growing. He talked about how learning and growth gives us energy. As I read, I realized how true that is.
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In Tiny Village, there was great resistance to change and new things. They did not encourage learning and growth, and did not understand my enthusiasm for it. As a result, I didn't do much learning, I think I was chronically depressed my last few years there.
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When I moved here to Capital, I had to begin learning and growing. I'm working with PowerPoint for the first time. I'm being asked for new ideas. I'm loving every minute of it, and I'm amazed by how energized I am. Yesterday we were away from home for over 14 hours. When we finally got home a little after 9:00, I worked on filing and taking care of the papers that were piled on the desk in my study. This morning I was up at 5:30, and after showering and getting dressed, started working in the kitchen. We were a the church by shortly after 7:00. I'm excited about the things I will be working on today.
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I am so grateful to be in a place that is stretching me, a place where I am learning and growing. I feel younger and have more energy because I'm being challenged. In Tiny Village, I was bored. Someone gave me a mug once that said, "Please hassle me, I thrive on stress." It was quite appropriate.
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Today I meet my Capital area colleagues for the first time. Daughter and I get to go check out a program for her. Hopefully we will like it and it will be a good match for her. I have another meeting here at the church this evening. Hopefully I will have just as much energy to do something around the house when I get home this evening.
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Today, I'm thanking God for calling me to a place that will stretch me to learn and grow.

Monday, November 8, 2010

A New Week

I began my week with a 7:00 dental appointment. When I left at 8:15, I had 2 new fillings and a tired mouth. Daughter got up without too much trouble this morning. She was into food again yesterday, and I was not happy, to say the least. This morning she sat at the table and watched me put clean dishes away, fix lunch, and do various other chores. When I got out the lunch box, I discovered she had put it away with the dirty dishes from Wednesday still in it. She eventually picked up on my frustration, and asked what was wrong. I told her I was glad she was having so much fun watching me do all the work.
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When we got to the church, I rearranged my office. I moved the computer stand so it is facing the door. My hope is that that will be more inviting for people who pass by. I can look up and greet them instead of having to turn all the way around. The downside of that is I am now facing Daughter, who is sleeping on the love seat.
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I sat down and sorted through the papers that had piled up on the desk in my home office yesterday evening. This is going to be a busy week, so I also did some prioritizing of the work for the week. Maybe I shouldn't have turned the computer stand around and invited interruptions this week....

Sunday, November 7, 2010

A Good Day

This has been a busy day, and a good one. Sister Best Friend and Husband were in worship this week-- her final day of a 2 week vacation. Several people thought she was my biological sister. The best line of the day was her response: "No, her sisters don't look like us." It's true, too. They came over for bowl of soup after worship (actually, they brought Daughter home and heated up the soup before I got here).
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We left when they did, driving just over an hour to hear Short Niece's violin recital. Brother was there, too. Daughter was not too impressed with the violin playing. I though Short Niece did well for a 5 year old, but the reality is that listening to beginning violin students for an hour can be excruciating. When we got in the car I turned on the radio, and the station was playing classical music. Daughter said, "Ahh, now that's good violin music."
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This week is going to be exceedingly busy, beginning at 7:00 tomorrow when I have an appointment with the dentist. I have evening commitments Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, and a number of commitments during the day. Two men want time with me Thursday morning. I told the second one to coordinate with the first one so they didn't show up at the same time.
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I continue to enjoy the challenge of incorporating PowerPoint with the sermon. The congregation is very appreciative. Daughter is feeling more comfortable here, which is good. One of the saints is taking her Tuesday afternoon (I have a clergy gathering all afternoon), another said Daughter could stay with her on board meeting nights. Daughter is delighted, as she likes both of these women.
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I have what could be a major car problem, so I need to squeeze in a trip to a dealer this week. I'm already set to get new tires Friday. It could be a very expensive week....
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Now I need to deal with the pile of personal papers on my desk and prioritize my work for the week. I'm looking forward to a busy, productive week.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

A Tirade

Daughter had a tirade tonight about family. She doesn't want to go see Sister and Short Niece tomorrow. She hears bits of pieces of my phone conversations. She takes those bits and pieces and constructs stories to go with them. I often ask her if she has any questions as a result of what she heard, but too often she is afraid to ask.
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In tonight's tirade, I was amazed by some of her insights into family dynamics. Unfortunately, she sees the tensions and assumes the family is going to fall apart. She is terrified of losing another family. This afternoon Sister-in-law was talking about their cat settling into her lap, and then feeling the baby move and jumping up and running off. I was relaying the story to Far Away Sister, who recalled when she was pregnant with Nephew. Tall Niece was almost 2 when Nephew was born. Far Away Sister would be reading a story to Tall Niece, and Tall Niece would be leaning in and cramping Nephew. He would kick to get her to move. She would respond by elbowing him. Far Away Sister thought it was hilarious that they began fighting before Nephew was even born. Daughter heard me responding, and assumed that Nephew was getting into fights at school. She went off on how Far Away Sister is too focused on Tall Niece and her college plans, who Daughter described as perfect. Daughter thought she should be paying attention to poor Nephew, who is getting into fights at school. Now Nephew isn't getting into any fights at school, but Tall Niece is a remarkable young woman who is in the process of completing her college applications for very elite colleges. I'm sure there are times when Nephew is a bit jealous.
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I reassured Daughter that there have been disagreements and tensions between my siblings since Brother was born 41 years ago. I assured her that none of those problems stopped us from loving one another, and that nothing would tear us apart. I explained some of what she'd heard and misinterpreted. She listened, and she apologized. I try to protect her from the worst of the tensions, but there are conversations that take place in front of her. She assumes the worst, and is terrified. I hope that she will be able to enjoy seeing Sister and Short Niece tomorrow at the violin recital.
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The other piece in all of this is that when we are with family, she doesn't get as much of my attention. I don't think I will ever be able to give her enough attention to satisfy her. When she complained about how I was busy talking to Brother and Sister-in-law all afternoon, I pointed out that yesterday she didn't have to share me with anyone. That was yesterday. Yesterday's over. Today she had to share me. Tomorrow she will have to share me. Monday I'm back in the office and she will really feel neglected. I hope we get her started into a program soon. She needs a life apart from me. I need a break from her neediness.

Family

In Tiny Village, we didn't see family that often. When we did, it was because we drove 3 hours to visit, often having to pay for a motel room. The last time they visited us was when Daughter graduated from high school in 2006. Today Brother will be making his second trip to visit us, accompanied by Sister-in-law, who missed the first trip because she was working. Tomorrow, we will be driving just over an hour to attend Short Niece's violin recital. We will see Sister there.
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It's nice, being so much closer to family. I know Daughter will enjoy having more contact with them. I will, too. I'm looking forward to hosting Christmas for the first time. I'm also glad that I will be able to go to events for Short Niece and Brother's baby, who is due in March. I can dote on them since I won't have grandchildren. It will be fun.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Day Off

Today was my day off. I stopped by the church to make some copies. Administrative Assistant pointed out it was my day off. I had teased her last night, telling her that she would have one day a week without me disrupting her day. So, today I was in to disrupt her day. Fortunately, it was a very brief stop.
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We went to the tire place. I need new tires. They are going to be expensive. I need other work done, as well. It will also be expensive. I have an appointment for next Friday at 1:00. We went to the super farm market and ran into Realtor. We went out to lunch. We went to the home improvement store, where I bought a box that locks with a combination to hold a spare key for the next time I lock myself out of the house. We went to the grocery store. I talked to all my siblings. There has been some Thanksgiving drama this year. I've got two invites. Administrative Assistant said she'd get a member to invite me to Thanksgiving so I wouldn't have to choose between Brother and Sister. Far Away Sister finds it amusing.
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I'm hosting Christmas this year. That will be nice. We'll pick a convenient date between Christmas and New Year's for the family Christmas.
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I've also been cooking. I've made sausage balls to put in the freezer for the Christmas Open House and made 5 pounds of ground turkey into sloppy joes for the freezer and lunch tomorrow, when we will be hosting Brother and Sister-in-law. Sister-in-law hasn't seen the house yet. I also plan to make soup and a cake. Sunday afternoon we'll go see Short Niece in violin recital. I have commitments at the church Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday evenings this week. I have an all afternoon meeting on Tuesday. Wednesday between meetings I get to go for an ultrasound. I once again managed to flunk my mammogram.
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I'm very busy, and very happy. Daughter has been helping this afternoon, which has been nice. Back to the stove.

Services

So our first choice for Daughter won't take her because she is an insulin dependent diabetic. I'm waiting to hear about our current top choice. I'm also wondering about the impact the new governor and legislature will have on her services. I'm hoping that she will be established in a program before they begin, because I suspect that it will soon be harder to get any services at all once the n.
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I recently read an article about a couple in a neighboring state who can't get services for their special needs young adult son. He waits in his Dad's pick-up truck while his Dad is working. Yes, his Dad works full time. Soon, it will be too cold for him to sit outside in a pick-up truck all day. Perhaps most concerning were the comments that were made on the article. There wasn't much sympathy for the young man or his family. They should have been planning and preparing for this-- it was their responsibility to take care of him. If they couldn't afford it, they should get additional jobs. I sat here reading the article and comments and thinking about Daughter. Additional jobs. I already work well over 40 hours a week. Every hour I work is another hour that I need to make sure Daughter is safe and supervised.
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Yesterday, when I used the restroom at the church, I noticed that there was a paper towel opened neatly across the top of the waste basket. I lifted it up, and discovered a half eaten bag of pretzels. The church was a polling place on Tuesday, and we forgot to lock up the basement kitchen following the election. I have no idea when Daughter went scavenging and discovered the lapse. I don't follow her when she tells me she needs to go the restroom.
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The results of the election scare me. It seems like all of these new governors are promising to eliminate budget deficits while cutting taxes. To do that will require massive spending cuts. People like Daughter are invisible. Her needs are not understood, or are dismissed. In this state, they aren't even accepting applications for supported living. She will be with me as long as I live. I am going to have to explore adult day care options and find money for that in my budget. My work is flexible, and while I work a lot of hours, I can schedule appointments during my work day. While it is a pain, she can hang out at the church with me.
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I don't think the general public has any concept of the burden a child like Daughter places on a family. I doubt I'd be able to keep a job in a factory or cubicle-- I couldn't drag Daughter along and the hours wouldn't be flexible enough to accommodate all of her appointments. I love my Daughter. I'm grateful to have her in my life. Like most parents, though, I anticipated a day when she would move out and live independently. I anticipated a day when she wouldn't require such close supervision. There aren't many families who would have been able/willing to take her on if they had known what the future would bring. I'm sorry that our society is losing their compassion and willingness to support families like mine.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Not Quite the Impact I'd Hoped For

This morning Daughter once again refused to get out of bed. "I'm leaving in 30 minutes."
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"Okay."
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She didn't move. "Ten minutes."
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No response. "Good bye."
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"Good bye."
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To say I was slightly frustrated would be accurate. I had to leave, but worried about what she'd do home alone. I wondered what I'd do when she woke up and called me. I double checked all the locks on the food, medication, and knives, gathered my things, and headed out the door. I opened the garage door. I put my brief case in the back seat. I opened the driver's door, and realized I had a problem. My car keys and house keys were locked in the house. I had the cabinet keys and church keys hanging around my neck, but the car keys and house keys were still in the drawer by the stove.
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I checked the doors. They were securely locked. I pondered my options. No one else has a house key. I reluctantly walked to the front door and leaned on the doorbell. Daughter graciously let me in. I grabbed the house keys, and ordered her into the car. (She had gotten up and showered and dressed at 3:00. When the temperature in the house goes down to 60 at night, it's not comfortable sleeping in a wet bed.)
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Somehow the impact of leaving her home alone was lost when I locked myself out of the house. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Reality

We met with Daughter's Case Manager yesterday. We made a number of plans that sounded really good. She called this morning to update me:
  1. The program we wanted won't take Daughter because of the insulin.
  2. The female psychiatrist doesn't have an opening until February.
  3. The committee that will determine Daughter's eligibility and placement only meets every 2 weeks. We're hoping for programming 5 days a week, but may only get 3 (or none).

On a cheerier note, Daughter got up right away this morning, so she got to eat breakfast before we left for my 7:30 appointment. We were done and to the church by 8:00-- in Tiny Village that would have taken several hours. I love living here.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Done with the Morning Battle

Daughter has been refusing to get out of bed in the morning. I spend my morning calling, threatening, yelling, pleading with her to get up. I usually end up leaving later than I had planned because she refuses to get up. She will ignore me, and when I get too insistent, she tells me I don't need to yell, she hears me, and stay in bed.
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After yesterday evening's rage I decided I was done with the morning battle. I called her three times this morning. Finally I said, "I'm leaving in thirty minutes. Got it?" She dutifully responded, "Got it," and stayed in bed. I was fully prepared to leave her home. I took care of some laundry and shouted, "Goodbye," at the bathroom door. She came out a minute later carrying socks and shoes. I was still gathering things to leave. She went over to pack up her computer. I told her I was leaving. She rushed to get into the car with me. She hasn't checked her blood sugar. She hasn't had breakfast. She's sitting at the table in my study chewing gum. She has nothing to do today, because she didn't pack anything and I wouldn't wait for her to grab her computer. I dumped her morning pills on the table, and she went down the hall to the drinking fountain to take them.
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We'll be leaving shortly after 11:00 to go home to meet Case Manager. It will be interesting to see how she handles this morning. I have to be across town at 7:15 tomorrow morning for a mammogram. I will remind her of that tonight. She has plenty of alarms she can set. I'm done with the morning battle.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Rage

Daughter decided she didn't want to work when we got home today. We had stopped at the store to get her an itunes card she wanted and to get things to make one of her favorite meals for supper. She was mad because I wouldn't take her out to eat for lunch or supper today. I gave her a list of chores, and she sat and watched me work. I told her she had to get off the computer, and she yelled at me. I went into a commentary that was heavy with sarcasm about how right she was to refuse work, since she had worked all day while I did nothing. I talked about how I never worked as I cooked supper and cleaned the kitchen. I heard about how I don't understand her. I was told where I could go. I was told I wasn't helping her and didn't care.
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I discovered she'd lied to me about her blood sugars all day, telling me she was low when she was actually high. Then she complained that her blood sugars were too high. Well, if I don't know what your blood sugars are, I can't give you the extra insulin you need to bring them back into range.

Finally, I gave up. I went silent. She started telling me to get off of her, and I wasn't saying anything. She got mad and told me to get away from her. I wasn't near her, but I took the hint and retreated to the guest room/study to sew on some buttons. I locked myself in there. She didn't like that, either. She told me it was safe to come out, and she sat back down to watch me work. I started doing her jobs. She retreated to her bedroom where she threw rocks at her walls. She chipped the paint and dented the walls.
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She finally went to bed. She got up a little while ago to get her pills and insulin. I'm exhausted. I hope we can get her into an appropriate program very soon. We both need a break from each other. We've been together 24/7 for over 5 weeks. The Case Manager will be here at noon tomorrow. I hope she brings good news.

Conflicted

Daughter's new Case Manager called this morning, and she is coming to meet with us at noon tomorrow. When I got off the phone, I told Daughter what was happening, and she burst into tears. She insisted she wasn't ready for this and needed two weeks. I was shocked by her reaction, and offered her some comfort. I wondered how I could have so completely misread her desire to get started in a program. After some hugs and reassurance, she returned to the table in the corner of my office. I returned to my work.
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It wasn't long before she informed me that she couldn't wait until noon tomorrow, she wanted to meet with Case Manager today. "Let's storm her office!" She then sat down and begin writing out a list of questions. The first three are focused on money and hours. She wants a job and wants to earn money. The fourth question is about her diabetes. "I want to control my meter, but I want them to hide the insulin and the supplies to treat low blood sugars."
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It was an interesting glimpse into how conflicted she is about things. It must be hard, living in her head.