Daughter is taking oppositional and defiant to new heights for her. I decided yesterday to be proactive. I gave her my undivided attention as we cuddled. I let her go to bed early, so she could get plenty of sleep. As I was finishing in the bathroom this morning, I told her I was almost done and it was her turn to get in the shower. Her response was such that I knew she was awake and probably had been.
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She didn't get out of bed. Okay, I told her that if she was in the shower in the next 3 minutes, she could have her computer and TV privileges back.
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She didn't get out of bed. I looked for another motivator. I informed her that if she didn't get in the shower within the next 3 minutes, I'd eat her left over pizza from yesterday evening.
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All right, so she wasn't going to get up in response to my instructions. I went into the kitchen and turned on the radio. I took care of various tasks. I read the newspaper. I was noisy. I gave her every opportunity to get up on her own. After 45 minutes, it was obvious this wasn't going to work, either. She was wide awake, she was just refusing to get out of bed. I asked her what she was going to do when I left. No response. I considered my options. I wasn't willing to leave her alone. She isn't safe at home alone. I wasn't willing to leave and have to come back and get her.
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I got ugly. I went in and yelled and screamed and told her there was no time for a shower, and if she didn't get up and get dressed right then, I'd drag her to church in her wet pjs. I gave her milk for breakfast. I yelled some more. I congratulated her on making me mad. I made her a peanut butter sandwich for lunch (no jelly-- she sneaked it out of the refrigerator when I turned my back for 30 seconds, so it's gone). When we got to the church, I made sure the kitchen doors were locked. I informed her her job for the day was to figure out a way to solve the morning problem and write it down. I told her it isn't a problem I can solve. Of course, she claimed she can't solve it. I told her she was the only one who could. She refused the piece of paper I threw at her, but she did write something in a notepad she had in her purse. She is now sleeping on my love seat. She didn't bring anything to keep her busy today. I informed her because we were late getting here, I'd have to stay later this afternoon. I also told her it was going to be a real problem next week when her program comes here if I can't get here to open up the building for them.
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I'm frustrated this morning, and there aren't any good ways to fix this problem. It's not a problem she wants to fix, and until she does, there's not much I can do.
6 comments:
This button pushing is really familiar to me and I have no solutions. I'm now engaged in a campaign to be superlatively consistent. I think that's the most consistent a person can be, so that's my goal. I wonder if the reverse sticker thing would work? You get points when you are inconvenienced, like when you have to do her jobs or ask her 747 times to get out of bed. After some number of points you get ice cream or whatever. Just so you know that wouldn't work here but I have other things to hold over her head. I no longer listen to threats to quit school, be a teen mom, etc. etc. They know how to push buttons even better than we know how to help them comply.
A live-in child care worker would be good -- or residential treatment. Sorry this is happening.
I don't know that a reverse sticker chart would work here. I'm amazed that when I told her I'd get her leftover pizza if she didn't get up that didn't motivate her. She spent the entire morning sleeping on my loveseat. Now she's shredding things in the main office. She apologized and came up with a plan (to set an alarm and get up) and I told her she needed to do something productive. I'm going to push to increase her program to 5 days a week.
Yes. Increasing her program to five days a week sounds good. Has she done this before or is it new? Could it be seasonal affective disorder-- depression over fewer hours of daylight, cold weather blahs or do you think she's missing Tiny Village and her friends at the workshop?
Her catapres patch fell off at some point-- which might have contributed to the problems. I discovered the problem and put on a new one yesterday morning....
Aha! Better living through chemistry, but only if the chemistry sticks. Betcha that was it.
Maeve,
I agree. I feel a little guilty about not noticing the missing patch earlier.
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