Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
If she's not at the church, I may swing by the house to pick her up around lunch time, or I may be too busy. One of the women in the church is picking her up at 11:00 tomorrow morning to walk, so I suppose she could bring her to the church after the walk.
I'm done getting sucked into this conflict every morning. The battle to get her out of bed ends up leaving me angry every morning. I don't want to start the morning angry, so I'm going to disengage. She also earned an early bedtime tonight by her refusal to get up this morning.
Will this plan work? Maybe. Hopefully it will work for at least a few days. Of course, tomorrow's my last morning in the office until Sunday. I felt much better today. I slept well last night without the aid of medication. I'm still blowing a lot, and I'm dragging tonight, but I'm getting better, which is very good news.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The open house was this evening. We had a good group of people who came through-- they loved my house and my cooking. I had help yesterday, help this afternoon, and help cleaning up afterwards. One couple was celebrating a wedding anniversary today, and they thanked me for giving them an anniversary party.
Daughter went out caroling with the church, so I had an hour of peace before the people started arriving. It was kind of nice. She was the queen of passive aggressive this afternoon, but that's a story that will have to wait. I'm tired and I'm going to bed.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Some of her attempts to create drama this week:
- stabbing herself in the ankle several times with a syringe-- she says she wants to break it (something an insulin needle definitely won't do)
- trying to get me to leave her home when I go to church in the morning
- telling me she was in pain and unable to go to the bathroom at all, including urinating. She insisted she was in excruciating pain and needed help immediately. I took it under advisement.
- 30 minutes later coming to me for stomach medicine because her stomach was upset and she couldn't stop going to the bathroom.
- insisting she was having severe flashbacks and was hearing voices and needed to be hospitalized immediately (so the hospital could kill her).
- refusing to get up in the morning, to the point of not reacting when I put ice down her top and her pants.
- the usual sneaking food-- her talent in that area continues to grow.
We've had several conversations about this bent toward drama this week. After a great day on Tuesday, she started moaning and groaning on the way home. When she finally agreed to tell me what was really wrong, she was scared because the roads were bad and was sure we were going to get in a bad wreck. Reassurance, prayer, and singing Christmas carols all the way home helped calm those fears.
Today I acknowledged that I've been busy, and suggested that she has been resorting to increasingly desperate measures (and wild stories) to get my attention. She readily acknowledged this, and informed me she'd only made up the flashbacks and voices today because it was too hot and noisy at bingo. I suggested that telling staff that would be more effective than claiming to be psychotic. I suggested we come up with better ways for her to get attention, and pointed out that if she would do her part around the house, I'd have more time to spend with her and would want to spend time with her. We have these conversations on a regular basis. Someday it's going to sink in. Then again, claiming psychotic episodes is much more dramatic than saying the room is too hot and noisy. If it's drama you seek, that's a pretty effective way to create it. I have to give the staff credit. They're doing a good job of not buying into her drama.
I've discovered the downside of email in the church this week-- we've had a couple of conflicts via email. Yesterday evening I had two combatants pulling me into their struggle. I told them both that we wouldn't have all the information to make a decision until January, so they should calm down and relax and we'd discuss it then. Both did so. I'm going to have to be at that committee meeting in January, because I'm sure the calm will end that night, if not before. One of the individuals involved had wanted me at their meeting this month, but I had another meeting at the same time I thought was more critical.
I'm still enjoying life here in Capital. I like the challenges I'm facing, even though I wonder how I can possibly get everything done. Each new problem presents a challenge and I find my brain flooded with possible solutions. I'm still not convinced my brain isn't in danger of exploding from all the ideas that are circulating in it. The joy and challenges I'm experiencing make it harder for Daughter to suck me into her drama, which is one of the reasons she's escalating. When she has my undivided attention, she's fine. As soon as I'm busy, she starts looking for the emergency that will focus my attention completely on her.
She's supposed to be working on telling me what she needs and helping more around the house so I am less stressed and have more time to give her.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
"I'm about done in the bathroom, be gathering the things you need."
"You need to get moving."
"I don't feel good."
"Then go check your blood sugar. You need to get moving."
I turned on her bedroom light, and headed towards her bed.
"Okay, I'm moving!"
She stayed in bed. I called her a few more times. She ignored me a few more times. I went in and pulled the covers off of her. Then I backed off and stood in her bedroom door.
"I will leave as soon as you're in the shower."
"Once you're in the shower, I'll leave you alone."
"Stop staring at me!"
"Get in the shower and I won't stare."
"If you don't move, I'll be forced to physically hurt you."
"I will move as soon as you're in the shower."
"You don't respect me! I'm not going to respect you because you don't respect me."
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
- When we got home yesterday evening, Daughter noticed the dishes in the dishwasher were clean and unloaded it. Then she put away the clean dishes in the drainer (which she hates doing. Then she moved on to the floor. When I ask her to do the floor, she says, "I don't do a good job."
- This weekend Daughter put a few ornaments on the tree and informed me it was done. She then took the ornament boxes back downstairs. Yesterday evening she helped me put lots more ornaments on the tree and do other decorating and made numerous trips up and down the basement stairs getting items we needed. She did it cheerfully.
- Yesterday evening Daughter decided to take a shower and wash her hair. "I feel dirty." Generally, she avoids showers, and will even try to convince me she's showered when she hasn't.
- We were without hot water for a while yesterday evening. When a friend came over to help me troubleshoot, we discovered that the hot water heater was turned way down. Way down. This morning we had hot showers. Both of us had hot showers. Daughter started her linens and was upset about the smoke in the laundry room. I figured out she was seeing steam from the washing machine.
- This morning when my alarm went off at 5:3o, Daughter was up and in the shower. That was after she was an hour late getting to bed yesterday evening.
- This morning I observed, "You look happy." She looked over both shoulders, said, "Who, me?" and then proceeded to do a happy dance.
- As of Monday, Daughter will be attending her program 5 days a week (and it will be here at the church).
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
- Daughter refused to get up.
- My computer was having a difficult time talking to printers.
- The heat wasn't working in the sanctuary.
- My PowerPoint for the sermon wouldn't download on the computer that runs the projectors.
But it didn't work. I chose to focus on other things:
- Two different women volunteered to come stay with Daughter, so I knew she was safe.
- We had visitors in worship this morning-- 3 different families were represented (one man came as an advanced scout). All plan to return.
- There is a buzz and an excitement about the church right now. People are feeling positive and are energized.
- The number of children in worship is growing.
Daughter had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. She says she's sorry, but she has a hair trigger and refuses to do anything to demonstrate that she's ready to turn things around. I'm not going to let her ruin my afternoon. I gave up a basketball game, but I'm not going to give up my joy. I'm going to put on my ipod and start baking. It will be fun.