Perspective

The director of Daughter's program is a therapist and the daughter of someone who had borderline personality disorder. She keeps reminding me that BPD is fear based. At first she questioned whether Daughter had it, but now she just keeps telling me, "It grows out of fear."

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I appreciate that perspective, but quite frankly, when I'm battling to get Daughter out of bed in the morning and she's calling me a b and dropping f-bombs, it's very hard to have much compassion. Very hard.

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I realized this morning, as I was engaged in the morning battle, that this move has given Daughter a great deal of power. In Tiny Village, we lived next door to the church. Most days the bus picked her up before I started work. My study was in our home, so many days I was working out of home, and if she refused to get up, it wasn't a big deal.

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All of that changed when we moved to Capital. I need to be at the church. Often there is a time I need to be at the church. That gives Daughter a great deal of power. She can mess up my day by refusing to get up in the morning. It means I engage in the battle rather than just walking away.

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Right now I can step back and see what is happening. I can understand that all the change has left Daughter more frightened. I can see that because I am more invested in the battle, it escalates it. I can see that I am giving Daughter a great deal of power. Unfortunately, right now I don't see a way to fix it. Sister Best Friend suggested I buy a water gun (preferably a super-soaker) and make use of it on those days Daughter doesn't want to get up. As she pointed out, her bed is already wet. Except, of course, the last 2 mornings it hasn't been wet.