Monday, December 13, 2010

Slow Learner

Sometimes I'm a very slow learner. I cannot leave food unlocked, even when I'm in the room. Last night I discovered Daughter had eaten the last 2 pieces of peanut butter fudge someone gave me (I'd been sharing, and supposedly she hates peanut butter). This morning I realized that when I told she could finish one of the 2 liter bottles of sugar free pop, she'd also taken the other one.
It's a snow day, and so I'm letting her sleep in. I'm going to try a different approach this morning. I'm going to apologize (repeatedly, laying it on thick) for failing to keep her safe by leaving food unlocked. I'm hoping the guilt trip will work. I had a great teacher on guilt trips-- Mom. In honor of her memory, I'll see how well it works on Daughter.
I don't think I'll wake her up this morning. The longer she sleeps, the longer I can enjoy a quiet house. I like a quiet house.


Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog with interest, but sometimes I actually do wonder if you like your kid at all?

Reverend Mom said...

I love Daughter deeply, and am very grateful she's in my life. Sometimes, it's very hard to like her. Sometimes, it's very hard to live with her. Sometimes, she works very hard to push me away. Very hard. We are in one of those sometimes right now. I just asked her what she was doing. (She volunteered to clean up the kitchen). She told me she was putting the new brown sugar into the canister for it, and asked why I'd asked. I told her that was okay, but next time I'd like to clean it out first. I assured her what she was doing was fine. Result: she started to cry. I again assured her it was fine. Seh continued for about 30 seconds, got frustrated, and said, "Forget it. I can't do anything right. I can't do this." So now, she's crying and pouting. Correction: she just swore at me and stormed out of the room.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous -- I waited for Reverend Mom to answer this before I posted. I've known the two of them since before Rev Mom adopted Daughter, and I can assure you that she does love her. Daughter faces a difficult combination of challenges which make life very stressful for RM. Imagine a pre-schooler's insecurity, a young teen's desire for independence, and a 23 year-old-woman's hormones and hoeps, mixed together and combined with inability to cope with life in a way that most of us perceive as "normal." RM uses this blog as one of the ways she processes being a parent of this wonderful-but-very-challenging woman-child. Most of us who are around her and see the other parts of the story belive she does a pretty good job at the parenting part. But Daughter can sometimes make you want to tear your hair out, and that's what you've been seeing here.
Thanks for your concern.

Reverend Mom said...

Since the second anonymous poster didn't identify herself, that was Sister Best Friend. Thanks, SBF! She is going to take Daughter Christmas shopping tomorrow. She's a hero!

maeve said...

Anon 1: This is a question that moms of RAD kids hear often. One of the symptoms of RAD is that "mother appears hostile". It is very difficult to be the brunt of an attachment disordered child's wrath. They are angry with the mom who abandoned them but cannot express that so they take it out on the adoptive mom.

Does she like her kid? More than you will ever know. Does it seem like it? Well it seems like it to me....she's working hard to keep a young adult safe when the young adult, in ordinary circumstances, would be out and gone, living her own life.

That's all I know. And I know a lot.

Miz Kizzle said...

I get it that this is your place to safely vent. I also get it that you love your DD but sometimes she drives you up the wall.
So-called "typical" kids can be a trial sometimes; it's got to be rough dealing with a young woman with your daughter's many problems but you're lucky to have each other. I imagine you'd be lonely by yourself and she keeps you on your toes.
As an aside, I highly recommend online shopping. It beats driving all around the place and dealing with crowded stores.

Miz Kizzle said...

BTW, I'm amazed that she didn't eat handfuls of that yummy brown sugar!

Reverend Mom said...

Thanks, you do know a lot.

Miz Kizzle,

I was surprised that she didn't eat the brown sugar, too. I was kicking myself because I hadn't locked it up. I do get tired of locking everything up.