Yesterday morning when I got up, I was still angry with Daughter for laying on her bed Saturday afternoon and evening, refusing to do anything helpful around the house. I knew that I didn't want a repeat of Saturday, and that beginning my day by yelling at her was probably not a good idea. So, as I was finishing in the bathroom, I said to her, "Daughter, it's a new day and a fresh start. I'll be out of the bathroom in a few minutes and then it will be your turn to get in here. Got it?" She responded, and was obviously awake and alert. It took several more gentle reminders, and by the last time, I was practically begging, "Please, I don't want to start the day by yelling. Let's make today a better day. Please get in the shower now. Please." She got up and into the shower.
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Several weeks ago I told her that on Sundays I had to yell to get her up, we wouldn't go out to eat. Wanting to encourage better behavior and set down and collect my thoughts prior to the final push to get ready to the open house, I took her to her favorite restaurant for lunch. She was a little surprised, but I reminded her that I'd promised we'd go out if I didn't have to yell to get her moving on Sunday morning.
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As we waited for our meals to arrive, I made a list of the things left to do, and put them into 3 groupings. The first group had to be done first, and then we'd move onto the second group, etc. I began writing M next to the ones I'd have to do in the first group. I asked her to go clear the driveway so I could salt it and people would have a safe walk to the house. We got home, and I began the items on my list. I turned around, and she had brought up a bunch of things from the basement. Bringing up serving dishes from the basement was part of the second group. She'd brought up all the wrong things. I thanked her and patiently explained why the things int he first group needed to be done first. Reluctantly, she went outside to begin her work. I was busy working, and moved onto my tasks in the second group. I looked outside. The driveway and path to the door hadn't been touched. She was out shoveling the street. I kid you not.
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I went outside and patiently explained that it wasn't necessary to shovel the snow in the street. I pointed to the side of our double driveway I wanted cleared. I pointed to the sidewalk to the door and the porch. She offered and explanation about wanting a path along the curb. I said that was wonderful, but we needed the driveway, walk, and porch cleared first. I returned to my work clearing off a table in the garage.
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I went out to check on her progress. She was clearing the wrong side of the driveway. Once again I redirected her. I went about other things. I came back out. You got it, she still wasn't cleared the area I had indicated. Now there was maybe half an inch of snow. It wasn't hard. I wanted it cleared so I could put salt on the icy spots under it. I learned long ago she can't spread salt. I took the snow shovel and began doing the work I had asked her to do. She got mad and said something along the lines of me not wanting her help. I called her back, and patiently explained to her that she had won, she'd proved she wasn't going to shovel the snow. I reminded her I still needed her help, and reminded her of her next task. After I finished spreading the salt, I headed into the house. Daughter had walked by the boot tray and was wandering around in her wet boots. So much for the kitchen floor I had stayed up late to mop.
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She continued in this mode until a woman arrived to help with the final set-up. Then she was super cooperative and did exactly what I asked her to do. She went caroling with the church, and I had an hour alone before people began arriving. It was great fun, and I really enjoyed the evening. I think I will do it again next year. It was much easier in this house, which is smaller and has a good kitchen. I'm glad I did it.
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This morning I once again had the morning battle with Daughter. She will be on peanut butter sandwiches until such time as she decides to cooperate. She only had time for milk for breakfast. She was getting into the shower at about the time I wanted to be at the church. Wednesday is the last day of her her program until after the first of the year. I will be off beginning Monday. I'm not sure how much of a vacation this will be....
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