Saturday, November 15, 2014

Breakfast in Bed

Daughter is staying with me this weekend.  She's actually been with me since Thursday evening.  Yesterday, she made me breakfast in bed, then accompanied me on a number of errands.  We had our children's ministry last night.  One of the younger guys was unhappy with the group he was in, I was impressed with the way she knelt next to him and wiped the tears from his eyes.  He ended up having a good time, and was glad to rejoin his friends at the end for some videos. 

Today, we've been busy working around the house.  She has been cooperative and helpful.  She continues to work on her dreams, and she continues to be unrealistic.  I continue to remind her she has to go a year without getting into extra food before she can move.  Since she got into food today, she reset the calendar. 

She showed me the notebook in which she's  been writing her plans.  She has decided she wants to live in a house, not an apartment.  She wants 4 bedrooms, a big kitchen with an island and double ovens, and much more.  I told her I didn't think she could afford it.  She wants to adopt a baby.  She wants to baby to be a 10 month old girl from overseas.  She was willing to consider an older child if absolutely necessary. 

Daughter has a very difficult time with the concept of money and what is and isn't realistic.  She is doing better now that she's back on the lithium.  She's decided she'll stay in her current house until she moves into her own place.  She doesn't want to move into another group home.  As far as I am concerned, that is excellent news and a great relief. 

Things continue to be busy at the church.  I've had lots of people wanting time with me.  I told Administrative Assistant that I'm just too popular.  Fortunately, I love every minute of it. The retreat I went on left me a little bit behind, but it was worth every minute I spent on it.  I gained some important insights into myself and why I've been avoiding some things.  I will share some of those insights at another time. 

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Appropriate Tears

Daughter called around supper time, in tears.  My heart sank.  She'd been doing so well.  What was she going to say to convince me she had to move?  I asked what was wrong, and she told me she'd been on Facebook.  She saw a note from a month ago.  A member of the church in Tiny Village had died.  Daughter called her granny, and they loved each other. 

We talked for a while.  I reminded her how Granny loved to write poetry, and suggested she could write a poem honoring Granny.  She thought that was a good idea. 

I had not told her of the death because I didn't think she was able to handle it.  Today, she was appropriately sad, and was able to receive comfort. 

I'm going to be at a retreat Thursday.  Administrative Assistant is going to pick her up for choir in the evening, but not to work in the office.  When I explained this to her, she was fine with that.  A couple of weeks ago she would have been upset by the change in routine.  She is definitely improving. 

I am much less stressed now, which is good.  I'm looking forward to the retreat, which begins tomorrow.  Life is good. 

Monday, November 3, 2014


Daughter is definitely improving.  She's calling me less, and when she does call, she's happier.  There's much less drama, and I am very grateful.  I get more done when she's stable. Daughter continues to insist that she wants to move.  I've told her we'll talk about that when she's healed.  I'm hoping and praying she'll decide she can stay where she is. 

Last week was very busy at the church.  Things here are going really well.  Worship attendance is growing, and we have a number of visitors who are becoming regulars.  Some of them will join-- we're having a new members class this Sunday following worship. 

On Wednesday, I'll be leaving for a retreat/seminar on spiritual practices and reinvigorating local congregations.  I think we are getting reinvigorated.  Last year we set up for 60 people for the monthly fellowship meal following worship.  This fall, we upped the number to 80, and I think we'll add another 10 come January. Not everyone stays for the fellowship meal.  Last year we averaged 85 in worship.  Our average since September is over 100.

I continue to have to evaluate priorities and how I'm spending my time.  I'm no longer going to everything.  Last week I was at the church every day, so I'm glad I'll be out of the office a few days this week. 

Friday, October 31, 2014

A Pin Prick of Light

The last few weeks have been challenging, to say the least.  Daughter has been rapid cycling.  She calls me multiple times a day, often times shouting or sobbing.  She has insisted that she has to move out of her group home immediately.  She has begged me to let her come back and live with me.  All this time, Psychiatrist was silent.  Her colleague said Daughter needed medication adjusted, but nothing was happening.  She had no openings in her schedule before Daughter's appointment on December 18. 

I was exhausted.  Beyond exhausted.  The toll she was taking on me with her drama was high.  Then I got a phone call from Case Manager.  There had been a cancellation and she had grabbed it for Daughter.  Daughter saw Psychiatrist yesterday afternoon.  Daughter sobbed, yelled, hid under her coat, hid her hands behind her back when Psychiatrist asked her to give her her hand, said (repeatedly) I was no longer her mother....  In short, she put on a show.  She is back on lithium, and has a prescription for ativan she can take if she wakes up between 12 and 2.  She has been going to sleep for a couple of hours, and then getting up and rearranging her room and such. 

Daughter told Psychiatrist everything was dark.  After her appointment, she told me she saw a pin prick of light.  I hope that will grow, and her mental state will improve quickly.  I ended up going into the office this afternoon.  I was going to finish my sermon, but instead ended up helping Administrative Assistant with folding letters that had to go out today.  In addition to the monthly newsletter and bulletin, we also had a couple of other big things going on in the office:  the stewardship material went out today, and bids were due today for major roof work to prevent future leaks from ice dams.  There is also a bazaar at the church tomorrow, and AA is on the planning team for that. 

The sermon will get finished tomorrow.  Everything that needed to get done today, got done today.  I will be at the church most of the day tomorrow, so I will take some time to go upstairs and complete my sermon.  Daughter called several times this morning, but eventually calmed down.  I can see her pin prick of light now, in fact, it may be growing.  I hope it's growing. 

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Positive Things

After all the challenges Daughter has presented in the last few days, I'm focusing on positive things today.  One of the biggest ones is that she no longer lives with me.  She is safe in her group home.  I'm grateful.  She is calling me a couple of times a day, trying to sound pathetic.  I listen between the lines and I know she is doing well.  Today she was cleaning and rearranging her room (again).  I think she keeps rearranging it because she is desperate to bring order to the chaos in her brain. 

Today I am watching college football while waiting for the delivery of a new bed.  I've been waking up with back pain at least once a week, so I went out and ordered a new mattress.  I bought a memory foam mattress, and the base is adjustable.  I've had the head of my bed elevated for several years to help with my sleep apnea and  GERD.  I had two raisers under the legs of the bed at the head of the bed.  It made it challenging to move the bed.  Because of the way the headboard was on my old bed, I couldn't lean on it.  It was challenging to read in bed, with the challenges of the bed and my bifocals.  Now, I will be able to do it. 

My old bed will go into Daughter's room, which means I'll have a double bed for guests. 

Tomorrow we have a drama instead of the sermon.  I wrote it, and we will be hearing from 3 characters in the book of Acts.  We practiced last Sunday, and I think it will be good.  The congregation loves it when we do creative things in worship.  I get bored so I have to mix things up.  Things are going really well at the church.  We continue to grow in so many ways.  I am grateful. 

Friday, October 17, 2014

Long Night

Daughter was at the church yesterday for her volunteer day.  She came in and got right to work, completing her tasks quickly.  She was cooperative, in a good mood, showing her sense of humor.  Administrative Assistant commented that it was good to have the old Daughter back.  I agreed. 

Shortly before I planned to leave to take her to supper, she informed me that she needed to eat right then, she was hungry and didn't feel good.  She checked her blood sugar, which was 63.  I got 00her some sugar to bring it up, and went back over her lunch-- what she'd had what her blood sugar had been, and how much insulin she'd taken.  She should have been a little high.

I asked how much insulin she'd taken.  Eventually she confessed to having taken an extra 10 units.  I gave her sugar, we got into the car and I took her to the ER at the hospital with a psych unit.  We got there a little after 5.  On the way she had been telling me that she wanted to die.  When the nurse told her to put on a gown and the doctor would come see her, she started screaming about how no man was going to touch her.  I tried to calm her down and she started spewing ugly things at me.  A number of ER staff members came running, and she was told she had to stop screaming.  Eventually she did. 

They fed her, since her blood sugar was only 73.  Then we sat.  The shift changed at 7:00.  A new doctor (female) came on at 11:00, and she finally saw a doctor and was examined.  They took a urine specimen and blood.  I filled out the petition to have her committed for 72 hours.  Some time after midnight an ambulance came and took her to community mental health.  I followed.  I filled out more paper work. 

A therapist talked to her.  They called a psychiatrist in.  He talked to her alone, and then came and talked to me.  He said her medication needed adjusting, and he thought Psychiatrist was the best one to do that, since she knew her.  She has an appointment with Psychiatrist this Wednesday.  He suggested I bring her home.  I told him the last time she was with me, she broke into the pantry.  I dropped her off at the group home at 2:45.  I got home around 3:00. 

She is adamant that she can't live in group homes anymore.  She wants to move back in with me.  Not happening.  I hope that with a medication adjustment, she'll recognize that she is in a good group home and be willing to stay.  I hope.  For some reason, I'm tired today. 

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Power Struggle

Daughter was having a challenging day yesterday.  Case Manager demanded Psychiatrist come up with a plan for dealing with her if things get worst, pointing out Psychiatrist should have known she was being manipulated.  Psychiatrist refused.  Psychiatrist suggested sending her to a home that specializes in Borderline Personality Disorder.  We looked into that before, and Daughter is not eligible. 

Today seems to be going better for her.  Program is catching on to her manipulations.  She's been complaining of chest pain and pointing to a red patch on her chest that looks like she's been scratching it.  Putting a wet paper towel on it and not rubbing it for a while caused it to vanish.  Home Owner had suggested they could call 911.  I said absolutely not.  Daughter has to be vomiting (witnessed by a reliable adult) or have a fever before she is allowed to leave program.  I did offer them some suggestions. 

Daughter has not called me today.  I see that as a very good sign.