Camping

After 2 restful nights in a motel, today we pack up and start the next phase of our vacation. We'll go to church and then head north. My hope is to have camp set up and get a campfire going for dinner by 7:00. I think we'll make pizzas in our pie irons tonight. The weather forecast looks good, but that's no guarantee, of course.

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Daughter is excited, because we'll go back to some places she enjoyed and I've promised her a day of shopping. I know there will be some complaints along the way. There always are. I'm concerned because she has been taking long naps every afternoon. That could be a challenge with all I want to do. Hopefully it has been boredom, and not medication issues.

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I doubt I'll be online much the next week. It's truly going to be a break from everything. It will be good, and I suspect I'll find it challenging, too! I have always enjoyed camping, and I know our time in the woods will be renewing.

Hangin' with My Niece

I'm at Sister's house right now. Daughter is sleeping. I have laundry in the washer and dryer. Niece is playing a computer game. She's 4 years old-- and it's a spelling game. She spells 95% of the words properly. She keeps reminding me of how well she spells for a 4 year old. Sister is packing, as tomorrow they are getting on a plane to go visit Far Away Sister.

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This is a different visit for us. We will be staying in a motel-- it's the first time we've been here and haven't stayed with family. It is also the shortest time we've had with family. The family is changing. Mom is gone, and Dad is in a nursing home. It's a fancy nursing home, but it is still a nursing home. I grieve some of the changes, but I'm also enjoying the freedom we have to go off and do our own thing.

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Tomorrow Daughter and I will hang with Dad, and then Sunday we will head out on our camping adventure. It looks like we will have excellent weather-- highs in the 70's and lows in the 50's and sunny. It will be great weather for hiking.

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I'm tired, but it is a good tired, a content tired. I'm looking forward to campfires and walks in the woods.

Snapshots

Last night Daughter was downstairs with a group of about 20 adults and youth who were sitting in a circle and talking. Daughter decided to give them all back rubs, so she made her way around the group, giving everyone a brief back rub. They loved it. They had a napkin they were passing around ahead of her because they were all drooling in anticipation.

Today I made Daughter walk around the lake with me. One end is shallow and marshy, and there is a bridge over it. I took the picture from that bridge. We also saw a pair of swans. After I forced her to go, she enjoyed our walk.

This evening the closing hymn in worship was "Here I Am, Lord." That was the closing hymn at Mom's memorial service. I stood there and sobbed. Daughter was quite concerned, and found a friend to comfort me.

Daughter had desperately wanted to sing a song and dedicate it to Grandma during the talent show after worship, but I vetoed the idea. She always tortures herself when she's in the talent show. Before I could even ask, they had decided to have everyone sing Amazing Grace in the talent show in memory of Mom. Once again, I lost it. But there was lots of good humor in the talent show. The youth made a joyful noise to the Lord on kazoos. There was lots of good, clean humor. We had an opera singer serenade us, and a teenager sang a song she had written. A kindergartner put her feet on her head, and we all shook our bushy tales. There was a slide show of a bunch of face book pictures because people have been having difficulty getting online this week, and they were concerned about withdrawal.

In short, this has been a wonderful week of worship, learning, fellowship, and renewal. We say tomorrow after breakfast.

The Labyrinth

This afternoon there was an indoor labyrinth set up for our use. I let Daughter sleep after lunch, but at 4:00, I woke her up to go with me to the labyrinth. We walked over, and her awesome teacher was explaining it to her. She said, "This is a place of peace," and Daughter began to cry. I held her as she cried, and finally she told me that peace had been a word in Grandma's memorial service.

She didn't want to walk the labyrinth, so she sat with awesome teacher while I walked it. There were slips of paper with Scripture verses for us to take and reflect on while we were walking the labyrinth. The one I picked up said, "The Lord... gathers the outcasts... heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." As I walked I was praying/reflecting on Daughter's current emotional state and the possibility that we will be moving to a new community. I pondered how she will handle it.

The path of the labyrinth goes toward the center and out again, teasing you with the center, and then taking you away from it again. As I prayed for Daughter's healing, I recalled God's presence with us in the past, the way the call to serve in Tiny Village came about, and pondered how there is always strength for the current day's challenges. Right now I don't need the strength for the move, I just need the strength to deal with today's challenges.

As we walked back, I talked to Daughter about grief. I also discovered that she didn't know what grief or peace meant. I explained them to her. She spent some time talking and laughing with the community tonight. I could hear her downstairs, but I sat upstairs, with a smaller group. I decided we both needed time away from each other.

Daughter's tremors are getting worse. I don't know if it's because she's suddenly getting all her psychiatric medications on schedule and she's on too much, or if it's because she's now on a generic version of her seizure medication, and she's having partial seizures. It could also be exhaustion and stress. She slept for 3 1/2 hours this afternoon, and she's been sleeping well at night, too. She didn't want to go to the fireworks tonight. Usually, I make her go. Tonight, I decided to let her go to bed.

The labyrinth and the Scripture verse reminded me that though our path twists and turns, God knows where we need to be and when, and God will bring healing. Daughter will recover from her grief.

Blessings

Our theme this week is "Let your light so shine...." Yesterday evening's worship was in the outdoor chapel. The picture, taken with my blackberry, doesn't do justice to the beauty of the setting sun reflecting off the lake. It was a beautiful setting in which to reflect on the meaning of God's light in our lives and how we can/should reflect that light into the darkness of our world.

At the campfire last night, one of our friends, who was sitting between Daughter and me informed Daughter that when she came here, she gained not only a bunch of brothers and sisters, but a whole group of mothers. Daughter wanted to leave, and I told her she needed to wait a few minutes for me, so our friend put her leg across Daughter's lap so she couldn't leave.

Daughter has loved her first class of the day, which is taught by an old friend of mine. It is about more artistic approaches to God, including movement, dance, music, etc. The second class, which I am in is also taught by an old friend. It has been harder for her, because it is less active. I'm getting lots of good ideas and information, but it's too much information, and Daughter is overwhelmed. Another friend dropped her second class today and recruited Daughter to help her prepare craft material for Vacation Bible School. She brought drinks and snacks with Daughter in mind, so Daughter drank caffeine free diet pop and worked on this project with our friend during that class time. She was much happier.

This is why I love this community so much-- they are sensitive to Daughter and her needs and will bend over backwards to help her and give me a break. I am truly blessed by God in this community. There is friendship, support, worship, beauty, and opportunities to learn and grow. It is why we come here each year.

Dealing with Change

Daughter is struggling this week. It started even before we left home. She packed her own bathroom things, and I didn't check them. I did ask if she had specific things, like toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo. Each time I asked, she'd run back upstairs to the bathroom. That should have been a clue. This morning I realized that she hadn't brought shower gel or a shower poof. Her showers the last two nights consisted of getting in and rinsing off. I handed her a bar of soap and wash cloth and made her take a shower this morning.

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Yesterday afternoon one of the activities was viewing the movie, "To Kill a Mockingbird." Not knowing the plot, I went in to watch it with Daughter. The family violence and racism triggered her PTSD. She did a craft yesterday afternoon, but her tremors are such right now that it was very difficult for her. Her aunt is going to help her with this afternoon's craft, as the activity director warned me Daughter wouldn't be able to handle it on her own. We both need a break from each other, so I recruited her aunt.

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She's struggling with staying awake in the classes she's taking. She's just tired over all. She's sleeping right now, and I'm not going to wake her up until right before it's time for the craft. This afternoon's movie shouldn't bother her-- it's Second Hand Lions. The weather is pleasantly cool. We're having a campfire tonight, and that will feel good. Tonight's worship service will be outdoors in the lake front chapel. That will be nice, too.

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The community is supportive, and Daughter will probably adjust to being here right about the time we leave. Then we'll get to start the adjustment all over again. It will be worth the frustration, though, as I'm finding time for rest and renewal....

Renewal

Daughter and I arrived at our conference yesterday afternoon. I've been catching up with old friends and making new friends. I'm learning about how to set up a web page for my congregation and resources for teaching prayer. I'm eating food I didn't cook, and I don't have to clean up after meals (I con Daughter into taking my dishes up to the dish line). I'm sitting in worship for which I have absolutely no responsibility. I'm doing this all in the most beautiful location-- there is a lake and lots of beautiful trees. Life doesn't get much better.

Getting Away

Tomorrow afternoon we will leave for 2 weeks. Our time away will begin with a conference. This is a conference we have attended for years, and it has become a community. There is a core group that is there every year, and others that come in and out. This is where people can come tell me that they've seen progress in Daughter. This is where I can find a listening ear. This is where other people will watch out for Daughter, giving me a much needed break. At this conference center we will have a motel like room (and they're even providing a small refrigerator in our room for Daughter's insulin), three meals a day that I don't have to prepare or clean up, and an opportunity to learn new things and sharpen my skills for ministry. It also gives me an opportunity to reflect on the past year's ministry. It is a wonderful way to wind down for vacation.

We will go from there to a motel for 2 nights. We will have an opportunity to spend time with Dad. He is becoming more confused. He was doing really well for a while, but I think now the relief is past and the long reality is setting in, and he's having a harder time. It will be good to have a couple of days to spend with him, and I'm sure that we'll eat plenty of good restaurant food with him.

From there we will go to a state park and pitch our tent and camp for 6 nights. We are going back to campground we have stayed at many times before. We will go hiking. We will take scenic drives. We will search for fossils. We will attend a concert. We will cook over the campfire. Even Daughter is excited about it (at least at times). Vacation, with its unstructured time, is hard on her. We haven't been camping in three years, because she hasn't been stable enough to handle it. Or maybe it's been because I've been too exhausted to deal with the challenge of keeping her on an even keel while camping. We are going far enough north that I hope the weather will be cooler. Usually it's warm enough during the day to swim in one of the many lakes in the area and cool enough at night that the campfire and sleeping bags are welcome. The picture is from our last vacation in that area.

The last time we were there, it was very hot. We spent our time in movies, the mall, and anyplace we could find that was air conditioned. I'm hoping for better weather this time. I want to go out and hike one of the scenic trails. Maybe we'll go tubing this year. Daughter, unfortunately, prefers shopping and movies to the outdoor activities that I love. I will threaten her into compliance: "Every time you complain I'm going to add another mile to the hike." I'll also give her the opportunity to make choices so she feels like she has some control.

For several days, I will forget about all my responsibilities here and enjoy time in God's creation. I'm looking forward to it. What I'm not looking forward to is all the things I need to do before we can leave.... Daughter is still asleep, but I'm going to have to get her up soon and see if I can convince her that she wants to be wonderfully cooperative today.