Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Worn Down

Yesterday I was gone for over 13 hours-- except for a supper break, I was at the church. I decided that today I would leave the church after Daughter's program people cleared out (I need to stay to set the alarm). This morning, before we left for the church, I cleaned the kitchen. As soon as we got home, I started on laundry and making potato soup for supper. I told Daughter she needed to deal with her bedroom. It's amazing how quickly she can completely trash that room, no matter how closely I watch.
I asked Daughter to deal with the laundry. She went in, looked at it, got mad and stormed off. So I dealt with it. I cooked supper. I cleaned the kitchen again. I folded the laundry Daughter didn't fold on Saturday, and put away the clothes she didn't put away on Saturday. Daughter came and asked me where she could put her spring and summer clothes. I said, "There should be room for those in your closet."
"There is, I just want them someplace else."
"Well, it's not going to be tonight."
She stormed off, furious that I wouldn't help her with it.
When I called her for supper, she ignored the first few calls. Once again I found myself sitting with my supper getting cold while I waited for her to check her blood sugar so I could give her her insulin. Her blood sugar had jumped up 100 points from the time we'd gotten home. I'd left the refrigerator unlocked while I was working at the sink. I calmly asked what she'd been into. She insisted she hadn't eaten anything. I told her I knew she'd had something. She got furious at me because I don't believe her. I know she's snuck food, and I know she's lying to me, and I'm calmly asking while she screams in response.
I finally sat down to eat supper, and patiently explained to her that when I had to do all the work, I was going to be tired and grouchy and not have time to do special projects for her. She went back to her semi-clean room to sit in the dark and pout as I continued to work. She offered a couple of half hearted apologies, and was offended when I suggested that actions speak louder than words and she needed to show me she was sorry.
I had asked her several times what she wanted for lunch tomorrow. We didn't have what she wanted, so she informed me she just wouldn't eat lunch. I had intended to do some baking tonight, but when I finally sat down after finishing the kitchen and laundry, I decided I wasn't going to start another project, I needed to sit and relax. She then decided she wanted to make a tuna salad sandwich for lunch tomorrow, and I needed to get up and unlock the refrigerator and pantry for her. I didn't jump right up, much to her dismay.
She decided to come over and kneel down and put her head in my lap. I didn't immediately move my computer out of the way to make room for her. I looked at her and said, "You've been pushing me away all day."
"I know."
I'm tired this evening, and I'm frustrated with her attitude. I informed her I couldn't continue to work long hours at the church, do all the work at home, and get ready for the open house by myself-- I'd end up getting sick. She went to bed with the promise to make tomorrow a better day. Will she? I'll believe it when I see it.


maeve said...

OK, so you didn't ask for my advice but I'm sendin' it anyway.

Don't let your supper get cold because she doesn't appear. Just eat and let hers get cold.

The room is her responsibility and if she doesn't clean it, so what. Close the door.

I've changed my laundry plan. I wash mine, she washes hers and puts them away, or not. As long as she has uniforms for school I'm cool. Her job is to wash, dry, fold and put away.

Lunch is also her responsibility. I keep food in the house for lunch and it's her job to pack it up and put it into her backpack. No packing means no eating. It's happened once or twice but not often. (I know you have a different issue with food, so I get it that you need to stay on top of that.)

The lying is ugly. Nothing you can do really except what you're doing -- call a lie a lie and keep going.

I'm so familiar with that babyfied "needing a hug" thing. It's so phoney, isn't it? And I love your response.

Your girl is a trip! And you are a really great mom.

Maybe you should switch to some frozen dinners -- lots easier than homemade potato soup. But if you call me the next time you're having it I'll come for a visit.

Oh, and you must have the cleanest kitchen in Michigan.

I'm off to watch Miss K's movie. It will be immensely boring, but I'm goin'.

Reverend Mom said...


You're right on with much of what you say.

Unfortunately, that night I made the mistake of getting the insulin ready too soon, so I was holding the pen upright to keep the insulin from leaking out. In the future, I'll wait until she's checked before I get the insulin out.

The challenge with the room is the odor if I don't keep on her.

I'll have to think on the laundry. She has no concept of how to sort clothes, and I don't want her good clothes getting ruined....

I've been trying to put the lunch responsibility on her, but since I have the keys to the food, it still requires me to do unlock the appropriate places. If I push her, she says, "Fine. I just won't eat." Not an option with her diabetes.

Oh, and you'll be pleased to know that I decided that it was time to make use of all those wonderful meals I had frozen before I started work. We'll probably use them quite a bit between now and Christmas. I just love my kitchen so much I want to cook.

maeve said...

I just re-read my post and concluded that sometimes I get into "first grade teacher" mode and sound really ugly. Sorry. I sure don't know your girl as well as you do and my unsolicited comments were not called for.

That said, mine went out a 5 last evening to "window shop" on coventry and shut off her phone so I couldn't track her. She showed up at 10:30 with a phoney (pun unintended) so I shut off her phone. She can't figure out how I know she lied. Amazing people, aren't they?

Reverend Mom said...

Sorry Miss K is testing the limits. It's no fun for you.

Your comments are always appreciated-- you have some hard earned wisdom that I am grateful you share.