I took Daughter to see Therapist this evening. I asked her Adelaide's question, and she told us she wanted to be 3. She drew pictures. She came to me right before her 3rd birthday. She equates age 3 with safety, comfort, and not being able to hear. I knew that Flasher's constant chatter was triggering her PTSD.
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When she came to me, she had a severe hearing loss. She got a loaner hearing aide, and it was amazing watching her as she began to hear. When we got home that first day, I put in a video for her and went into the kitchen to cook supper. I realized it was too quiet, and went to see what she was doing. She was standing, staring at the TV, transfixed. This video had never held her attention. I realized it was the first time she had heard the narrator. By the time medicaid paid for her to get her own hearing aide, the loaner had gone bad and she had decided it was safe to hear. Her hearing was normal. The theory is that she had shut down to protect herself from the house of horrors.
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That first year, I'd pick her up from daycare and spend the evenings rocking her. At bedtime there would be a story, a prayer, and I'd always sing her the song, Be Not Afraid. As I left her for the night, I would say, "You're safe her and no one is going to hurt you." The ritual had to be followed exactly every night. She had to have the door open. She was terrified of being shut in her bedroom.
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So, I'm going to sing Be not Afraid to her at bedtime each night. I'll also read her the book I'll Love You Forever. I will leave her bedroom door open until I go to bed. When I go to bed I'll close it and set the alarm. She wants the alarm on to protect her from temptations. Maybe this will stop the nightmares and she'll feel safe again. If she feels safe, hopefully she'll stop wetting the bed. I'm willing to try anything.
4 comments:
Merci.
"I thought so!" (that she would want to be 3: or, rather that some important part of her would have been 3 for 20 years. Another possibility would have been several ages [either separately or co-currently], or 8 because that was before the diabetes and psychosis).
The hearing bit is very revealing and very true. Hit in a visceral kind of way.
(I had wanted to ask some therapeutic questions about age progression/regression. Had thought a great deal of Sybil's Ruthie who was the youngest of the alters, and had a memory of church and the sandbox).
Be Not Afraid and I'll Love You Forever are great. It is a high tone and the background is not the best. Pictures are great though.
That song always gets me choked up
Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Adelaide. It has helped get a better handle on what's going on.
Jules, I agree on that song-- though I had an easier time with that than Love You Forever last night. It was the first time I'd read the book since Mom's death.
My Mom used to sing "You Are My Sunshine" to me when I was little. That is definitely the one song that REALLY makes me tear up, even when she teases me by singing it to me now as an adult. Ha, I'm a dork :)
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