A Ladder Up

This morning I realized that Daughter had once again gotten herself into her deep, dark hole, and probably didn't know how to get out of it. I left a note at her place at the kitchen table entitled, "A Ladder out of the Deep, Dark Hole." There was a list on it:

• Clean up bedroom and run the vacuum cleaner.
• Clean the back porch bathroom and sweep and vacuum the back porch.
• Respect Mom.

The last item on the list was the ice cream place she wanted to go yesterday. She does better with written directions than she does with verbal ones, so I didn't say a word. She read the list and said, "I can do this." I heard her upstairs singing as she was doing her work.

I figured something else out, too. She has been coming out of her room dressed only in a robe when I call her. She's been upstairs masturbating, which triggers her PTSD big time. I confirmed that was what was going on, and explained it to her. I said, "I bet it feels good, but then you feel scared and angry." She acknowledged this was the case. I told her that it was reminding her of bad things that happened when she was very little, but she was older now and had a voice, so that didn't mean it would happen again. Far Away Sister suggested I check her cell phone to make sure she wasn't taking pictures. I did, and she wasn't

It turns out Therapist was right. She broke up with Flasher on Wednesday, and told him she wouldn't come back again. She said he was talking trash to her. I didn't ask what that was. Of course, she's now going with Phone Guy. She was talking on the phone to him quite a bit a couple of years ago. His parents told her they were going to report her to the cops for phone harassment. PG insisted that she was making all the phone calls. When PG's mom called I told her that PG was making many of the calls. She insisted her son wasn't making any of them, it was all Daughter. I went over the cell phone statement and highlighted the calls. PG was making more of them than Daughter. They never acknowledged that they'd been wrong, of course. Whenever Daughter has wanted to get together with PG, I've reminded her of the history. There are other problems in his past, of course, but at the time, the police threat was quite traumatic for Daughter. (Men in uniforms are also triggers-- birth dad wore a uniform and would come home and beat the kids while wearing it.)

I made the list easy, because it's important for her to experience some success quickly. Hopefully this will break the pattern and get her moving forward again. For today, I seem to have found something that is working. It may not work tomorrow, but for today, it's working. For today, that is enough.