Daughter has managed to turn things around today. Knowing that she needs quick rewards, I told her that if she did her chores we'd go to City and eat at her favorite Italian chain and go to the warehouse store. The car is always a good place for conversations. She talked about how she had turned things around, and I praised her and asked her where she was with Flasher. She was conflicted. I tried a different approach:
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"I know you want to be married. I understand that. I have a question for you. Can you ride a bike before you learn to walk?"
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"No."
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"Can you read a book before you know the alphabet?"
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"No."
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"Can you multiply and divide before you know how to add and subtract?"
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"No."
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I think she thought I was pretty dense by this time. "What are the things you need to be able to do before you get married?"
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She began to list them. I suggested she write a list when we got home so she could begin working on them. One of the things she said, which I had to work hard not to laugh at, was, "You can't wet the bed because that isn't comfortable for your opponent."
5 comments:
Ah, humor found in every situation...that was cute!
You also have to have a physical relationship with your opponent. Does your DD understand that marriage is much more than a wedding? It's not about the bridal shower and the white dress and the gifts and the honeymoon. To have a successful marriage you have to be able to respect the other person's viewpoint, learn to compromise and work very, very hard.
Does your DD know anyone who's in a successful long term marriage? It might be helpful for her to spend some time with a healthy couple to see that what marriage is really like. If she's getting her ideas about marriage from her friends at the workshop and from movies and TV, she's not getting the real picture.
Great discussion, I may use it with my kids. And thanks for the laugh!
~Kari
I agree that it might be a good idea to have her hang out with an older married couple to get an idea of what kind of work is involved in making a marriage successful. You're going to have a great upcoming week, I know it.
I'm glad to share a smile.
Daughter spent extended periods of time with my parents, so she saw their marriage close up. She also has spent time with my siblings and their spouses. A number of years ago she spent the afternoon with Sister. Mom had gone to pick her up, and Sister and her husband were debating if they were going to come join us for supper-- since Daughter and I were in town, they were invited. Sister wanted to come, her husband didn't. Both were being quite dramatic about saying they'd sacrifice their needs to please the other. Mom came home and reported to me with great pride that Daughter had looked at the two of them and said, "This isn't right. You are married and you love each other. You're supposed to be making each other happy, and you're trying to hurt each other." Mom said that she shocked the two of them out of their "who will sacrifice contest" very quickly.
She probably does need more exposure to successful marriages, though. Good point.
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