Relaxing Day

Sister Best Friend came bearing lots of clothes.  I now have a new professional wardrobe.  Some of the things fit now, some will fit soon.  I gave her the things that are now too big for me.  After sorting clothes (I declined the dry clean only silk dress), we moved on to creativity.

While SBF worked on a water color, I made a wreath for the front door, pinned the hem on 3 skirts, and the made 20 teddy bear ornaments.  We played one game of Scrabble before she left-- we're pretty evenly matched.  The final score was 307-305.  I've baked them now, so they are ready to go.  I have to go downstairs to the ironing board and sewing machine to finish the skirts, so that will wait until tomorrow. 

I picked up Daughter at 7:00 this evening, so I don't have to worry about getting her tomorrow morning.  She made a half-hearted attempt to guilt me into picking her up last night or this morning.  It didn't work, and she accepted that reality relatively quickly. 

Here are some of the ornaments I made today:

Experiments in Cooking

I haven't been doing much cooking-- I've fried a few potatoes, cooked some corn, and cooked some dry pinto beans, but most of what I'm eating is raw....  I have also been focusing on single ingredient things.  Today I decided to get creative and try vegetable barley soup.  Unfortunately, I couldn't find a recipe for vegetable broth that contained only things I could eat, so I had to wing it.  I just added a variety of vegetables.  I broke the rules, as there are several vegetables in it that I haven't tried on their own yet to make sure I don't react to them.  They were from early stages, though, so I think I'll be okay.  The reality is I don't like most of them on their own.  I'm hoping they'll be more palatable when mixed in this soup.  We'll see.  I haven't been tried it yet, but I don't think all the vegetables are cooked-- I added snap peas, green beans, mushrooms, cauliflower, carrots, and corn.  All of them were fresh, purchased today. 

I'm hoping I'll decide the soup is worthy of serving to Sister Best Friend tomorrow.  I made enough that I can freeze some for the future.  We'll see....

Ministry, Sick Daughter, Diet

Sometimes someone will come to see me and pour out a story of pain.  The things parents do to their children can be unbelievably evil.  After one of those stories, I'm exhausted.  I'm also honored to be entrusted with these precious stories of pain and suffering that have made them the people they are. 

Daughter spent the day at the church, but most of the time she was either sleeping or in the bathroom.  I think she had some sort of stomach virus.  I was concerned when she complained of back pain in the kidney region.  By the end of the day, she was beginning to perk up.  She apologized because she hadn't been able to do any work today.  I assured her we understood.  Administrative Assistant and I quickly folded the bulletins.  We have a member who I recruited to cut the stickers that need to be cut up for use this fall.  It was a quieter day in the office, so we got quite a bit done. 

On the diet front, I continue to be pleased with the weight loss and lack of hunger.  I have decided that some denim skirts that will become my weekday wardrobe for the foreseeable future.  I wear a belt with them, and they are much more comfortable than the slacks that are getting too big.  I am going to shorten them, though, as they were long to begin with and have gotten a bit longer with less to cover. 

Long Day

After two productive weeks, this week has been more frustrating.  We've been busy, but we aren't accomplishing the things we want to accomplish.  We had our third act of vandalism since spring at the church.  This time the lock was removed from our shed.  We don't know what happened to the lock.  Our mission trailer has been broken into (several tools were stolen) and a window in the lower level of the church was broken.  The shed was discovered yesterday evening. 

Today we had one of the members of the property team in and out of the office all day.  He needed the credit card to get keys made.  He got keys made and brought the receipt, but some of them didn't work.  He needed a sketch of the building with dimensions so he could consult with his daughter in the security business about the cost/advisability of installing security cameras.  He couldn't figure out how to send pictures from his ipad, and then he was connected to our wireless network. 

Someone else wanted to know who is responsible for cleaning under furniture (not the cleaning crew who spends less than an hour a week there).  The piano tuner was in.  The exterminator came by.  We couldn't complete a phone order without faxing a letter on letterhead changing the authorized purchasers. 

On a more positive note, we did get worship music selected through the middle of October.  I did write some more newsletter articles.  We still love our work. 

Two Hours and Ramblings

It took over 2 hours for Microsoft to fix my problem with Office.  A woman called today, took control of my computer, and eventually got it working.  I'm not sure what she did.  I was doing other things.  I do know she tried everything I had done first.  I felt somewhat vindicated. 

I'm beginning to feel the pressure of the upcoming fall schedule.  We're in fairly good shape, but there is still a great deal that needs to get done.  I'm glad I got the computer problem fixed before it gets any busier.  A locksmith came out to fix the broken lock at the church.  After working on the lock for a while in his van, he told us he was going to have to take it into the shop to fix it.  Apparently it had more problems than he initially thought. 

Last night I left a meeting before it was over-- they said they didn't need me for anything else.  Today the committee leader came in and told me 3 things had come up after I left that he wanted to talk to me about.  I guess that's what I get for leaving a meeting early.  Every Monday night I'm at the church for meetings.  We've been looking for ways for me to cut back on them.  So much for that idea.....

They are currently having a book sale at the library.  A number of our members volunteer at the library.  Daughter was there today, and found the lullaby CD I had given her and she had lost.  We had talked about it recently as something that might help with her sleep issues.  When she went to pay for it, she was told not to worry about it, the member had paid for it.  She was very excited when she called me to tell me about it. 

And It Continues

An hour and a half on the phone with Microsoft.  The last hour they took control of my computer and uninstalled and reinstalled Office 365.  Some of my contacts were lost in the process.  The problem is still there.  They are going to turn it over to the problem solving team and call me with a fix tomorrow.  We'll see. 

Then we discovered the lock on the door at the church is broken.  It's impossible to remove a key when the door is unlocked.  It could be worst-- the problem could be locking it rather than unlocking it.  We propped the door open for this evening's meetings. 

I hope everything will be fixed tomorrow.  It may be time for me to stay away from equipment and technology....

Technology

Sometimes it seems like technology is out to get me.  Today is one of those days.  We ordered a congregational subscription to a prayer class for this year.  We did something similar last year.  We print and bind the books with our comb binder in the office.  Each book is probably 200 pages long (about 100 pieces of paper printed front and back).  I downloaded the material when it became available Thursday evening and this morning I decided to make one book for myself so I could start preparing to lead it and make the copies for another 9 books, leaving them for office volunteers to bind later this week. 

The copy machine and I have a love/hate relationship.  I struggled a bit with figuring out how to get it to do the cover in color on cover stock, but I finally figured it out.  I printed the first page of each chapter in a different color to make it easier to find where each month's material began.  Again, there was a bit of a learning curve, but I figured it out.  Then I got to the easy part.  Printing 10 copies of the chapter pages front and back on plain white paper.  The machine did wonderfully until I reached March.  Then it started with the paper jams.  Of course, it is supposedly idiot proof, and gave me pictures showing me what to do to clear the jams.  About that time, a member came in and asked me to print out some stuff for this evening's meeting.  The two of us were taking turns clearing the jams.  I finally cancelled the book printing and printed what he wanted.  I decided the machine must be tired and overheated, so I decided to let it rest.  After a couple of hours I went back to print the last couple of chapters.  Once again, I had to deal with paper jams.  I am stubborn, though, so it is done.  I have bound one for me, and the rest are ready for binding when we have volunteer help (or I decide I need a break and bind one). 

So then it was on to working on Sunday's worship.  I have a new computer, and a couple of weeks ago I subscribed to Office 365.  The computer came with a 30 day trial installed, so it wasn't that big a deal.  Except that every time I'd open one of them I'd get an error message telling me I needed to connect with their server.  I'd click the link, and would be told the server was temporarily down.  This has been going on for 2 weeks.  It is showing as an unlicensed account some places, but the only option it gives me in the account settings is to uninstall it, because according to the account settings it is installed and licensed.  It's threatening to shut down because my trial is going to be over, but I've already paid.  So today I decided I would bit the bullet and call technical support, since the website has no information about this particular problem. 

So far I've talked to two people who have said that my problem is really weird, and that they are going to have to transfer me to someone else who knows how to deal with it.  I'm back on hold.  I called over 30 minutes ago.  I'm told the wait time is over 20 minutes.  They helpfully offer to call me back, but what are the chances that will be at a convenient time? 

So I'm listening to possibly the worst hold music in the history of the universe with my phone beside me on speaker. 

Sunday and the Diet

One of the passages I used in worship was from Isaiah, and the story of a vineyard that was well tended and nurtured but yielded only wild grapes.  God is going to remove the protection from the vineyard and allow it to be destroyed because it is not yielding good fruit.  I put a picture of my garden on the screen, and talked about how I had doubled the size this year, planted lots of my favorite food, and then had testing for food sensitivities.  I explained that the only thing I could eat now was the corn, and the only thing that wasn't doing well was the corn.  I said I had no desire and tend to the nurture the garden anymore, so I understood how God felt about the vineyard. 

After worship I was inundated with questions about my diet.  Most people thought it was an impossible diet.  It certainly is challenging.  I'm beginning to settle into a routine with it, though there are still challenges with it. 

It was another good Sunday.  I have to lead worship at the nursing home this afternoon.  Daughter isn't going with me, so for the first time I'll be doing it without anyone else from the church.  I hope there are some people who come-- some Sundays there are only 3 or so people there, which is discouraging.  The people who come appreciate it, so I keep doing it each month.  I wish I enjoyed it more....

Good Weekend

Daughter has helped me do quite a bit of cleaning around the house this weekend. I also did some work in the yard today.  This afternoon we went to see The Butler-- a very powerful movie. 

There have been some glitches, of course, Daughter isn't able to experience success without acting some.  When we got here yesterday after I picked her up, she wanted to take a break and watch some TV, then she'd work.  I unreasonably told her to talk to me about TV after she'd done some work. 

This morning her blood sugar was sky high.  She got into food overnight.  Of course, both times she was immediately insisting I take her home.  Both times I ignored her request, and she managed to turn it around.  As I said, it's been a good weekend. 

Amusing Daughter

I picked Daughter up for the weekend this morning.  She had today off, and promised she'd be helpful.  I needed some help with cleaning, so I took her up on the offer.  As we were driving to the grocery store, I explained to her that she'd be with me all weekend, but next weekend that wouldn't be possible.  I told her that Sister Best Friend and I had plans.  SBF's husband is going to a men's event Friday and Saturday.  "So we're free, and we're going to celebrate and do wild things!"

She found that amusing.  "Yeah, two ministers doing wild things." 

"You never know, we may go bar hopping and visit strip clubs."

She finally stopped laughing long enough to say, "I want to see video!" 

Actually, our plans are to trade some clothing and do some painting.  But Daughter doesn't need to know that....

Unpleasant Surprise

I got notification that my American Express statement was available yesterday evening.  It claimed I hadn't logged into my account since June, which concerned me.  I was sure I had paid the July bill.  So, I logged into my account.  I looked at the too large balance with a sinking feeling.  Maybe, in the midst of our travels, I had forgotten to make that payment.  The payment had been posted, so that wasn't the case.  I knew I'd spent some extra money, but didn't think I'd spent that much.  I looked at the charges, and discovered almost $1300 in charges I didn't make.  I didn't know whether to be relieved the charges weren't mine, or concerned about what other credit card information might have fallen into the wrong hands.  I called American Express, and 30 minutes later the charges were gone, the account closed, and a new card had been promised.  There was a happy ending, fortunately. 

Numbers

I've decided I'm going to post numbers on my weight loss.  In January I weighed 208 pounds.  Through weight watchers, I was able to get down to 202.  My weight hadn't been below 200 in a very long time.  In May, my weight was about 206.  My Nurse Practitioner told me to stop eating wheat and dairy, and ordered food sensitivity testing.  I  stopped eating wheat and dairy.  The testing was delayed by my broken arm, but I had it in June.  It showed I had a number of sensitivities, including to many common food additives and preservatives.  I began avoiding the foods I was most sensitive to, but delayed the start of the very drastic diet until we returned from our camping. I officially started the diet on July 20.  As of today, I weigh 185 pounds.  I suspect I haven't weighed that little for over 25 years.  During those 25 years, I tried a variety of diets: weight watchers, atkins....

I've cut back on blood pressure medication.  My blood sugar is lower.  I'm not hungry.  I'm in less pain.  Here is a link to the testing I had done:  http://www.nowleap.com/

Today I'm venturing into a restaurant for the first time as I meet with the local clergy group for breakfast.  I don't anticipate being able to eat anything.  I'll drink ice tea and enjoy the company.  I won't be tempted.  In fact, I'm more concerned I'll find the food and smells repulsive.  It's another milestone. 

Creative Worship

On September 8 I've got another crazy idea for worship.  I'll be talking about a Bible story and the character will interrupt, contradicting what I'm saying.  She will be interrupted by another character, who will be interrupted by another character, who will be interrupted by another....  I have 4 women who are involved in it.  We did a dry run tonight, to see how it would work and what tweaks it needs.  I'm excited.  I have to do some editing, but we figured out logistics, and I'm exciting.  We will do a final run through on August 25th. 

I love this congregation.  I never have trouble finding people to be a part of my crazy ideas.  The women I was working with tonight all have a background in theater.  I am blessed. 

Reality?

Daughter has this ongoing need for drama.  She's been assuring me that she's been sleeping well at night.  Her mood would seem to indicate that is the case.  This morning I received a phone call from her telling me she's been lying to me when she said she was sleeping well and she's not sleeping at all and can't cope anymore.  I was unavailable much of the day, and missed some calls, probably from her.  I received a text telling me her day had been terrible.  I wish I knew what was real.  Tomorrow she'll be in the office with me, so it will be interesting to see how she is then....

Turning the Corner

The diet has been rough.  I haven't had an appetite.  Eating has been hard.  I haven't had much energy.  Today, I feel better.  I'm thinking maybe I'm through the detox and will start feeling better.  I also cut my blood pressure medication in half today, so it could be I'm feeling better because my blood pressure is no longer low.  Whatever the reason, I'm grateful....

Daughter's Phone

Daughter desperately wants a boyfriend.  All the men she meets at program have some form of mental disability, and for many that translates into a poor understanding of boundaries.  Daughter meets them, likes them, gives them her phone number, and then tires of them and gets upset when they won't stop calling or texting.  In some cases, I end up having to put a block on their phone numbers. 

I have told her we will get her a new phone and finally change her phone number to a local number.  I've also told her I don't want her giving the new phone number out.  She says she'll only give it to trustworthy individuals.  I pointed out that she always thinks people are trustworthy when she gives them her number.  I wonder how long it will be before she wants me to block numbers on that phone....

Mondays

On Monday I'm alone in the office.  Or maybe I should say, Administrative Assistant is off on Monday.  Financial Secretary and her son stop by briefly, but that's the only one scheduled to be in the office.  The entire congregation knows that I'm alone in the office on Monday.  So it is a good day for them to stop by to chat.  It makes it hard to do the reading and writing I want to do, but I love the visits.  I have some amazing conversations on Mondays.  I love Mondays.  Even with the visitors, I did get some of my reading and writing done today. 

Daughter couldn't reach me while I was in meetings this evening.  She forgot Monday night is meeting night.  I left my cell phone in the office.  By the time I got home and called her, she was very worried.  I reminded her that when I fell and broke my arm, I made sure someone had my cell phone and could tell her what was going on.  She was relieved, and said, "Mom, we have a good church."  I agree. 

Diet Results

I saw my Nurse Practitioner today.  She cut my blood pressure medication in half.  I'm delighted.  She thinks I may be able to cut some other meds down as well.  For now, though, I'm celebrating small victories. 

I also emailed the nutritionist today.  I asked her for more protein options.  Right now my options are pinto beans and garbanzo beans, and I'm having trouble eating either one.  While I like fruit, I think I need more than fruit to stay healthy.... 

In other news, I have yet to receive a response from Home Owner to the email I sent about the lost check she cashed and Daughter's need for sleeping pills.  Yes, I'm a little frustrated....

More on the Diet

Have I mentioned recently how much I love doing ministry with this congregation?  Worship went well this morning.  A number of people felt the sermon was exactly what they needed to hear.  Of course, I was preaching what I needed to hear, so it makes sense that they would connect with it. 

People are noticing my weight loss, which is nice.  Several suggested I check out the local thrift shops to keep me clothed until my weight stabilizes.  That sounds like a good plan. 

Administrative Assistant confirmed my belief that I'm more focused and less distracted in my work.  I'm a little concerned about how little I'm eating right now.  I hope I'm getting enough protein.  I had some pinto beans for lunch today, and only ate a few bites. 

I've now been to a couple of events with food, and find I'm not even tempted, which I find pretty amazing.  I went to an open house for a 60th anniversary celebration, and just had some water.  It is exciting to step on the scale and see that I'm losing weight.  Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with my Nurse Practitioner.  She's the one who referred me for the testing.  I think she'll be pleased with the results. 

Link to My Diet

I was asked to share more about my diet, so here's the website for the test I took:  http://www.nowleap.com/

I had a lot of sensitivities, including many food additives/preservatives.  Initially I was allowed pork, garbanzo beans, millet, barley, sweet potatoes, cabbage cauliflower, carrots, pears, blueberries, pecan oil/butter, goat's milk and tea.  The pork and goat's milk didn't work for me.  I've added items twice now.  The additions I have used most are pinto beans, corn, and now oats. 

I've been drying pears and blueberries in my dehydrator.  I discovered corn nuts last night.  The dried fruit and corn nuts are a good, portable snack. 

I saw Brother and his family this evening-- first time since Christmas.  I think he's going to have the testing done, too.  He has a number of issues the diet should address.  I saw Sister, too.  She was impressed with the weight loss.   Apparently she and Far Away Sister are plotting to take me clothes shopping once my weight stabilizes.  That will be interesting. 

Phase 3 of the Diet

I saw the nutritionist yesterday.  She added more food, including oats.  I had oatmeal for breakfast this morning with some dried blueberries mixed in.  If I don't have any problems for the next 3 days, I can add something else from the list, which includes quinoa and tapioca.  Chicken is also on it.  The problem is, most chicken is processed with things I know I react to.  I think I'll remain vegan for now. 

I continue to lose weight, and I continue to see that in the way my clothes fit.  My foot pain is gone.  I hadn't thought there was much difference in the way I feel or my energy level, but on reflection, I think there is.  It was an extremely productive week at church, and I didn't have as many problems focusing and was not as easily distracted.  I also think I have more energy.  I am contemplating mowing the lawn, going to the funeral home for visitation this afternoon (a member's mother died) and then heading to Short Niece's violin concert 80 miles from here.  Tomorrow I'm attending a wedding (I haven't attended a wedding that I wasn't officiating for over 20 years).  I have found some corn nuts I can eat, and so I will take those and some dried fruit to the wedding tomorrow, along with a full water bottle.  I don't want to eat anything there and risk reactions that will mess up my Sunday.  Sunday afternoon I will be attending an open house for a couple celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary....

In short, I'm planning to do quite a bit this weekend and don't find it as overwhelming as I would have at one time.  I guess the new diet is helping in a variety of ways.  I still find it frustrating at times, though. 

More Frustration

I got a text this morning that my checking account was overdrawn.  I knew I was running close this month, but was confident I had enough to cover all the checks.  I got online, and discovered Home Owner had cashed a check for Daughter's May rent that she said she'd never received.  I sent another when she told me she hadn't received it.  Yes, I'm frustrated. 

I picked up Daughter for her volunteer work at the church, and she was not in a pleasant mood.  She's still not sleeping well, and they still haven't gotten her sleeping pill for her.  She said, "Who can I trust?"  Different staff members have done things that have caused her to lose trust-- they've made promises they didn't keep, or failed to give her some of her meds, or miscalculated her food and insulin. 

I hope that they have her sleeping pills now.  She needs a good night's sleep or her mood will continue to deteriorate.  Sigh. 

Frustration with the House

Daughter has been having trouble sleeping at night.  The psychiatrist ordered a sleeping pill, but the house doesn't have any.  Apparently they haven't done anything about getting her some from the pharmacy. 

Last week she called and told me she was waking up very early in the morning and just getting up and getting dressed.  I told her she needed to go back to sleep, and suggested she put some soothing music on her ipod when she wakes up in the middle of the night.  I also told her she shouldn't be taking naps.  The next day she reported she had done that.  Apparently she didn't continue to do it. 

Staff complained to Case Manager that Daughter is waking everyone else up when she gets up at 3:00 and showers and gets dressed.  Case Manager confronted Daughter.  Daughter called me, hysterical.  She wants out of there right now.  It's like living in a prison.  She's not free to be who she is there.  She'd rather die than stay there. 

I again reminded her of the things she can do when she wakes up like that.  I suggested she ask them to get her sleeping pill prescription filled.  She wasn't screaming when we hung up, but she wasn't happy. 

I agree that Daughter should not be getting up and starting her day at 3:00 in the morning.  However, the staff should talk to her when it happens, not keep a list for Case Manager of everything Daughter is doing that they don't like.  If she's waking the entire house up, one of them could tell her to go back to bed, it's not time to get up yet.  At breakfast they could tell her she had disturbed their sleep and she needs to go back to bed when she wakes up like that.  I'm frustrated that they don't communicate directly with Daughter when this happens.  I also think they need to do some problem solving with her to figure out a better way to handle her early morning waking. 

In comparison to some other issues, this is relatively minor.  It is frustrating. 

Computers and Calendars

I have a new computer.  After doing some research, I decided to get Windows 7 Professional on it again.  That has been good.  I've gone from Office 7 to Office 13, which has been challenging.  There are also little challenges.  The new computer won't read my flash drive.  Administrative Assistant's will read it.  I ended up doing some work on her computer today, which was fine, since it was her day off.  I still am amazed to remember that when I was in seminary I didn't think there was any use for computers in the church. 

This evening we had a meeting and were going over calendar.  As we got to December, someone commented that they were already tired.  There are lots of good things going on, and that means lots of work to do.  The calendar is filling up, and I'm ready to jump in. 

Sunday

Today was my first Sunday back.  It was wonderful to be back.  I got lots of hugs and lots of people told me they'd missed me.  Attendance was up, and I had a larger than normal group for the children's sermon.  I love that time with our children. 

Our new pianist started today.  The congregation applauded when he finished the prelude.  They are delighted to have him back.  He is amazing.  He played themes and variations he wrote on the spot to the songs and hymns we were singing today.   He brought so much energy to the music, and the congregation responded with great singing.

After worship I had two meetings.  We've planned our Friday night children's ministry through December, complete with themes and activities.  Then we worked on the timeline we will be using in worship this fall.  We have some work to do perfecting things.  I'm excited about the plans we are making. I so love being in ministry with this congregation. 

Surprises

I've noticed that Daughter is more comfortable at the house this week.  I thought it was because she likes the new staff member.  Yesterday I offered the observation that she seemed happier.  She acknowledged that she wasn't as stressed.  I suggested it was because she liked the new staff member.  She acted like I was crazy.  "I'm less stressed because I did what you told me to do and trusted (missing staff member) to God." 

Today she was expressing some frustration with the one staff member she doesn't trust.  I offered a suggestion, and while she was dubious, she said she'd try it.

Today I've been cooking.  I've made polenta and hummus.  I never imagined myself making either of these.  I also have another load of blueberries in the dehydrator.  I've discovered I like dried blueberries.  I want to dry some more pears, too.  Dried fruit has become my treat.  The commercially prepared stuff has things I can't eat, so I'm learning to make my own. 

I still am amazed at the changes in my diet.  Hummus and veggies has become my favorite lunch.  I'll be taking some to church tomorrow, as I have meetings after worship that will keep me at church into the afternoon.  We're getting things ready for fall.  August is always a busy month for me....

Day Off

After a lazy morning, I went out and mowed the lawn and did some weeding-- as in I filled one of my 30 gallon yard waste bins.  Still more weeding to go, too.  I never caught up after I broke my arm this spring.

The diet is beginning to get to me.  My friends seem to be sharing and extraordinary number of recipes on facebook lately.  Right now the mainstays of my diet are corn, pinto beans, hummus, cauliflower, carrots, pears, and blueberries.  I've been eating polenta fried with various toppings on it.  I'm going to experiment with putting blueberries in the polenta next time I make it.  I'm going to try making some falafel.  I'm going to have to be creative, as some of the ingredients in the recipes I've seen are things I'm not allowed to eat yet.... 

I keep reminding myself that I'm losing weight  and that my feet no longer hurt.  That helps, but I'd still like a meat lovers pizza right about now-- except I know that I'd feel terrible after I ate it.  Those times I've had foods that I'm sensitive to, I felt terrible afterwards.  Last time I had some pork, I had a headache that night and diarrhea the entire next day.  I never imagined myself going vegan, but that is my new reality.  My feet don't hurt, and I'm losing weight.  My feet don't hurt, and I'm losing weight....

Daughter's House

Daughter's favorite staff member still isn't back, and her family won't provide any information.  Home Owner was told that she wasn't feeling well, but supposedly, that's all she knows.  Daughter has been quite stressed by this, and has not wanted to be at the house.  She's called numerous times, asking me to come rescue her.  I haven't, of course. 

This evening, after supper, she was ready to go back.  There is a new staff member there.  Daughter says she's just temporary, but it's obvious that she likes this woman and is much more comfortable now that she is there.  I'm glad.  I'm relieved. 

Daughter did her volunteer thing in the office today.  She shredded, picked up bulletins and hymnals in the sanctuary, and folded the bulletins for Sunday.  She wasn't too thrilled to be folding bulletins, but that means the Friday folder can focus on the brochures we got updated and printed today.  They are tri-fold, and I knew those would be too frustrating for Daughter. 

It was a productive week in the office.  It's good to be back. 

This and That

I love being pastor of this congregation.  I'm excited about the things God is doing in and through us.  All of that is good, except it makes it very hard for me to cut back.  I know I need to take more personal time, but I'm having so much fun, I don't want to....

Daughter is struggling right now at the house.  Her favorite staff member is still off, and no one knows if she'll be back (including the Home Owner).  She hasn't been sleeping well, and even asked for her sleeping pill last night.  The only problem is that they don't have any of them.  I'm hoping they were able to get some today.  I also suggested that if she wakes up in the middle of the night she should listen to soothing music on her ipod rather than get up and take a shower and get dressed.

I bought some elastic this afternoon.  I'm going to have to put in elastic in the back waist bands of some of my clothes.  Administrative Assistant is a gifted seamstress, and that is her solution for an easy way to take things in.  It's a wonderful problem to have....

Back to Work and the Diet

I started back to work yesterday.  It feels good.  Today was my first day back with Administrative Assistant, and we were quickly back in the routine.  I updated the two brochures we have about the church, and we did some things for worship.  I also worked on my calendar, which generated lots of agenda items for upcoming emails and prompted me to send out several emails about various things that need to happen soon. 

There have been people dropping by the office, and it's good to catch up with them.  I really do love what I do, and so as much as I enjoy vacation, I think I enjoy the return to work even more. 

The diet continues to present some challenges, but overall, it's going well.  The biggest issue is finding food that doesn't have chemical additives.  This week I've added corn to my diet, and I was thrilled to think I could have corn tortillas.  Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any that I can have.  The masa to make tortillas isn't even something I can have.  I tried making them from corn meal, but wasn't thrilled with the result.  I've lost 15 pounds, so I'm not going to complain too much.  It's nice to finally be successfully losing weight.  Very nice. 

Staff Issues

There are two live-in staff members at Daughter's house, and they alternate weekends off.  Last week the main staff member did not return.  Home Owner said she wasn't feeling well.  So, there were substitutes this weekend.

Friday evening Daughter called.  Supper was ready and everyone else had eaten.  Another person was supposed to come in and do meds, but she hadn't arrived, and didn't answer her phone.  Daughter wanted to eat.  I told her to text HO.  She did.  HO called, and Daughter got to eat. 

Saturday morning I started getting calls complaining about the staff.  She was yelling at the girls and cursing.  She was demanding Daughter help her.  Saturday afternoon she was fired.  They didn't have any toilet paper in the house all day Saturday. 

Daughter said HO is on a mini-vacation.  If she's been getting reports about what's happening at the house, it can't be very relaxing....

My Amazing Administrative Assistant

I cleaned out my pantry today, and took quite a bit of food to the church for Administrative Assistant.  I was on my way to see my nutritionist.  When I walked in, she informed me that Daughter had just called her.  She was out with Home Owner, and the van had broken down in the southern part of the city.  AA was preparing to go pick her up.  Today was Daughter's day to volunteer in the church office, and HO was going to drop her off there after her appointment with the dentist. 

After I finished with the nutritionist, I went back to the church and picked Daughter up.  AA has had volunteers in helping her do some cleaning and organizing in the office.  I'm impressed with what they've done.  When I arrived, AA only worked half a day during the summer.  Since I've arrived, she hasn't been able to cut her hours in the summer.  She's been working on stuff for fall.  I'm looking forward to jumping back in next week.  I feel like I'm behind on fall planning....

Redirection

Daughter sent me a text this afternoon, telling me she was tired of being abused and disrespected and I needed to pull her out of her house and program immediately.  I replied that I was sorry she had a bad day, and reminded her of her coping skills.  She was not satisfied.  I told her we'd talk.

She called when she got home.  One of the other people at her program hit her and called her the N-word.  Because of this incident as she was leaving, she wanted to leave the program because she's not safe.  I tried reasoning with her without luck.  Finally I asked if she'd gotten some DVD's at the library today.  That was the right question.  She then told me about all of the movies she had checked out, the abuse totally forgotten. 

I reminded her that her Home Owner would take her to the doctor tomorrow and I'd meet them there.  She was happy when we finished the call.  She really does live in the moment.  Seeing the big picture is very hard for her. 

The Diet

This diet is certainly challenging.  The foods I'm allowed right now are not my favorite things by any stretch of the imagination.  However, I'm losing weight.  My ankles and feet are very skinny, even though I've stopped taking my diuretic.  I'm not hungry.  The cravings and compulsion to eat is gone.  I find it interesting that I'm really not tempted.  Don't get me wrong, I'd love a pizza or some chocolate right now.  However, I am very comfortable not having them.  Due to my dairy and wheat sensitivities, I may never have my favorite pizza again.  I am convinced though, that it is worth the sacrifice.  I know it is worth the sacrifice.  So I make the sacrifice. 

Another Frustration

I sent Daughter a text asking her for the location of something.  She responded with the location, and the told me she'd had a great day.  I was pleased. 

This evening she called, obviously upset about something.  Case Manager had been there and had confronted her on the way she treated another resident the other night.  The Home Owner had told her she was being inappropriate at the time.  She called me, furious about being misunderstood and abused.  I listened to her story and helped her understand why her behavior was inappropriate.  She decided she needed to apologize. 

This isn't the first time this has happened.  It seems like staff makes a list of everything she has done wrong and then gives it to Case Manager to address.  Daughter leaves her meetings with Case Manager feeling like she is a terrible person and doesn't deserve to live.  I then get a phone call and have to remind her of her strengths and the good things she does.  I believed the issue had been resolved the evening it happened, and I don't see the value in revisiting it, but then, maybe I'm just weird. 

Vacation Snippets

One day we were out hiking.  Daughter was ahead of me, as she often is.  I heard a thud followed by crying.  I rushed to her, and found her laying on the ground, complaining about her wrist.  I could see some redness, and it looked funny.  Since I fell and broke my arm, I'm paranoid about falls.  So I began pondering taking her to the urgent care center I've had to take her to before.  I helped her up, and we returned to the car.  When we got there, she took her cap off and proceeded to undo her bun and lower it to make it easier for the cap to fit on.  She was using both hands and showing no sign of any pain.  I decided we didn't need to go to urgent care.  On the way back, she told me she was in so much pain, she felt like the bone was poking through her skin.  I told her to cut the drama, but since she was so badly injured, we were done for the day and would go back to the campground.  She was not pleased. 

We had a concert.  It was a classic rock band.  We were sitting, waiting for it to begin, when Daughter turned to me.  "I'm tired.  I need to go to bed.  I can't stay for this." 

"We aren't leaving."

She proceeded to pout for the next 5 minutes.  Then the concert began, and she was on her feet, dancing.  So much for being too tired for the concert.

I had my first pedicure-- complete with lotion and foot massage.  I found it very relaxing.  I think it may become one of our vacation traditions....

The New Diet

Before we left on vacation, I visited with a nutritionist.  I MRT testing, which showed I have a number of food sensitivities.  Lots of sensitivities.  She explained the program to me, which involves gradually reintroducing food.  Since the diet was so strict, I knew there was no way I could follow it at the conference or while we were camping.  I did decide, though, that I could avoid the foods that showed the highest level of sensitivity.  It was very challenging, but I did pretty well overall.  My cravings have stopped, and I'm not as hungry.  I also have fewer aches and pains.  I also lost weight.  In fact, my weight is the lowest it has been in years. 

I have now started the strict part.  For the next 10-14 days the foods I eat are limited to pork, garbanzo beans, sweet potatoes, millet, barley, pears, blueberries, carrots, cauliflower, cabbage, pecan butter, and pecan oil.  For seasoning, I can use salt, lemon, cinnamon, garlic, carob, ginger, and baking soda.  I can drink water and goat's milk.  I can expect to feel worst while my body detoxes, but eventually I will feel much better.  I'll gradually add foods back, but there are some things I will probably never be able to eat. 

It's going to be interesting, to say the least.  So far the biggest surprise is that I'm no longer hungry all the time.  The fact that I'm losing weight is a huge bonus.  Breakfast was a pear with pecan butter on it.  Now I'm off to figure out lunch....

Vacation Stories

Daughter and I went tent camping to the place we visit most years.  It's in the north, so the weather is generally comfortable.  It can get down into the 50's at night, so we often end up snuggled into our sleeping bags.  Campfires feel good at night.  We may need sweatshirts in the morning.  It usually is comfortably warm during the day-- with highs in the upper 70's to low 80's.  There is water near by, lots of hiking trails, and a wonderful concert venue within walking distance.  For rainy days and hot days, there are museums, movies, and a shopping mall within a 30 minute drive.  In short, I consider it the ideal vacation spot for us. 

There is one week that is especially busy, so I like to avoid that week.  We avoided it this year.  Problem is, the economy has improved, and so there were more people there.  Traffic was heavy and parking was challenging.  Places that are usually quiet were busy.  Then, the heat wave hit.  I stopped cooking at the campsite.  We stopped having campfires.  We quit hiking.  We visited museums, saw 3 movies, took some tours, and sought out air conditioning.  This year's vacation was more expensive, and I pondered whether we should head further north next year.  We just love this area so much, I doubt we'll change our plans. 

Our tent camping is not necessarily roughing it.  I choose campsites relatively close to the restrooms, which have flush toilets and hot showers.  I seek a place close enough to run electricity to our tent.  I need it for my c-pap machine, and it also enables us to keep our cell phones, ipods, and my kindle charged.  We have good air mattresses, and mine is thick enough I don't have to struggle to get up off the ground in the morning.  We have a screen house, propane stove, and various other things that make camping less challenging. 

Daughter was generally cooperative and in good spirits.  She'd be in bed asleep by 9:00, and then I'd sit up and listen to lectures and sermons from the Festival of Homiletics while playing games on my cell phone.  I'll share some stories over the next few days, it was a good vacation, and we enjoyed ourselves tremendously. 

Home and Frustrated

We got home this afternoon.  Most of the camping gear has been put away.  Daughter has been delivered home.  I have picked up my new computer from the church, but haven't decided what I'm going to do about software for it.... 

And I'm frustrated with Daughter's Home Owner.  Daughter will not be returning to the workshop tomorrow.  They say they called to schedule transportation, but that the bus people don't have her on the list, so she can't start back until Monday.  I wish they'd be honest with her-- tell her you forgot to schedule it because you weren't sure when she'd be back. 

Before vacation we had an issue with Daughter's quarterly doctor's appointment.  Shortly after she moved in, I gave HO the orders for Daughter's blood work.  I also told her when the appointment would be.  About a week before the appointment, I emailed her asking her to get Daughter in for the fasting blood work.  I never got a response, so I rescheduled the appointment.  HO claimed I never gave her the orders, and I'm supposed to have them called into the lab.  So I asked the doctor's office to send the order to the lab.  She wanted to take Daughter to the appointment without me.  I said that we could both go, but since I was the one managing Daughter's diabetes, I need to be there.  She didn't respond to that email. 

This evening, Daughter called me.  Staff told her they had a call from the doctor's office and Daughter has an appointment Monday morning.  I looked at my calendar.  I have it scheduled for Wednesday.  Since they called the house, the house must have set the appointment (I tell them to call me).  I knew nothing about this appointment.  I don't know if it replaces Wednesday's appointment, or was scheduled at another time.  I told Daughter they need to check with HO tonight to find out what is going on with it.  She has to have fasting blood work done before Monday if they are keeping the appointment.  I need to know when she has a doctor's appointment.  In addition to being her mother, I am her legal guardian.  I'm frustrated, to say the least. 

Spies Everywhere

We had a delightful evening with friends yesterday.   We cooked sausage over the fire and went to a good concert.  This morning I posted a picture of our campsite on Facebook.   I called tbe church to find out if Administrative  Assistant had an update on a member who had major surgery yesterday .  She didn't,  but had heard from last night's guests.  She also said a member had stopped by to show her a picture of our campsite.  She isn't on Facebook so hadn't seen it.  Sbe said there are spies everywhere.  I believe her.

It Begins

Daughter was in my room at 7:00 this morning, excited because today is the day we begin our camping adventure.  I'm glad she's excited.  There have been times when she insisted she hated camping.  I'm certainly looking forward to it.  We have some friends from church joining us at our campsite for supper tonight, then we will head over to a concert at the center across from state park.  I'm a little concerned about having the campsite up and a campfire ready to cook by 5:00, but we'll manage.  We always have the camp stove if I can't get the fire going in time....

I probably won't be posting while we're gone.  The computer isn't going, and it's too hard to post via phone.  Daughter reminded me of our standard deal-- if she cooperates and doesn't complain for a day of activities I choose, the following day we do the things she enjoys.  If she complains, I get another day of choosing.  It works well.  I'm looking forward to time in the woods. 

Daughter's Stress

Daughter has struggled today.  She's in the midst of another round of not liking her hair.  She wants a hair cut like mine, which is short.  My hair is also straight, and hers is not.  I got a hair cut today, and my hair dresser explained to her that short hair would not work well for her-- it would poof.  She needs the weight of longer hair.  Daughter was furious, said I shouldn't let people judge her.  I told her it wasn't judging, it was explaining.  After much drama, she finally told me she's frustrated with the tangles in her hair.  I put lotion on it for her this evening, and that helped. 

She is very concerned about our camping trip.  She's afraid I'm going to do something that will damage my arm.  I've reassured her, but I don't think she's buying it.  I'm a little concerned, too.  The reality is my arm isn't up to any lifting right now.  I'm taking my splint with me, and will wear it if my wrist starts bothering me.  It not only provides good support, it is a reminder not to do too much.

When she wasn't stressing out, Daughter was helpful today.  I'm grateful.  She's also getting better at telling me what's bothering her.

The Surgeon

Today I went to see the surgeon, and he took x-rays.  Originally he told me the bones would heal in 6-8 weeks.  It's been 8 weeks now, and the bones are not healed.  There is still a gap between them, but he says that will fill in in time.  Apparently they were not clean breaks.  Both bones have visible gaps on the x-rays. 

On a more positive note, he's delighted with the range of motion I have.  He's still talking about removing the metal in a year.  He says that it will be an easier surgery and I don't necessarily have to have general anesthesia....

He didn't give me any restrictions, but I won't be doing any heavy lifting for a while-- my arm complains if I forget and try.  I'll go back in 2 months.  I hope I will see signs that the gaps are filling in then. 

Lazy Day

We worshipped at a friend's church this morning, and then stopped by the mall.  We did a little shopping, got lunch, got Daughter's glasses adjusted, and had a conversation with a colleague. 

We've been relaxing this afternoon-- though I did do some food prep for camping-- repackaging some sausage and freezing it and making pecan butter.  The only meat I'm not sensitive to is pork, but it's hard to find sausage that doesn't have additives I'm sensitive to.  There is a store here that makes their own sausage, and I can eat it.  So we'll be taking some of that camping.  I'm thinking we'll take a second cooler with some dry ice....

Getting Ready

We will be heading out to go camping on Tuesday, so we are busy getting ready.  Daughter has been very helpful.  While I was out mowing the lawn and doing some weeding, she was working on cleaning the kitchen.  She even cleaned out the refrigerator.  I was impressed. 

We're debating where we are going to go to church tomorrow.  Daughter would prefer to stay home, but we will go someplace.  I get very few opportunities to just sit and worship, and so I look forward to the 6 Sundays I have a year to visit other congregations and worship.  My only requirement for tomorrow is that the church have air conditioning.  It has gotten hot.  I had to take several breaks while mowing today. 

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to be able to eat while we are camping.  Daughter is worried about the fact that I can't have any dairy--we usually have ice cream at least once while we're on vacation.  Restaurant eating is very hard.  I have a number of allergies to a number of additives.  I am finding that when I eat something I shouldn't, I spend a great deal of time in the bathroom-- not good when we're camping....

Home!

We got home early this afternoon.  We would have been home much sooner, but we stopped at the church to drop off the things that belonged there, and then had to talk to Administrative Assistant and Treasurer.  I hadn't seen AA in 3 weeks, so there was lots of catching up to do.  She's going to order a resource I liked, and she's done some work on the worship information I sent her for fall.  We stopped for lunch when we left the church. 

We got home and changed gears-- we're working on laundry and we've been in the garage sorting through camping gear and working on a list of things we'll need to buy before we leave.  Camping is going to be challenging this year.  Many of our favorite camping foods are things I can no longer eat.... 

Daughter got a little grumpy.  We're both tired, but we don't have to rush.  We don't leave until Tuesday, so we have time....

A Mixed Day

Daughter's day started well.  During worship, 5 different people shared the one word they thought of when they thought of the Gospel.  Daughter was one of them, and her word was "safety."  She was told she could offer a 2-3 sentence explanation.  I helped her edit what she wanted to say.  Her first version was focused on  me, and not God, and I told her worship needed to focus on God.  Here's what she said:

"I was born into a family that abused me.  God rescued me and sent me to live with my mom, who kept me safe while I was learning to keep myself safe.  When I was little, every night she would sing “Be not Afraid” and read the book “I’ll Love you Forever” to me,  pray with me and tell me I was safe so I could sleep at night without fear."

I'm told there wasn't a dry eye in the place when she was done.  She did a beautiful job with it.  That was the good part of her day.  The hard part came this afternoon, when Brother called.  He had been talking to Oldest Brother, and wondered why she didn't want to talk to him anymore.  She told him that he was making her uncomfortable.  I didn't hear about this until bed time.  She so desperately wants answers as to why those terrible things happened to her.  She's understandably frustrated at the lack of answers. 

The good news is that after our conversation she was able to sleep well.  She is growing stronger every day.    

Daughter's Tough Day

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in the lobby, talking to friends, when one of the teenagers came running in.  Daughter had been playing kickball, and was now shaking uncontrollably.  She needed me.  I headed to the field, and as I approached, Daughter, said, "I'm fine.  You don't need to come."  She walked back up to the lodge with me.  I suspect she had a low blood sugar, and then rebounded, since her blood sugar was a little high. 

I sat back down and was resuming my conversation when Daughter came running down the hall from our room, sobbing.  She thrust her cell phone into my hand.  "I can't talk to him!" 

"Who is it?" 

"Oldest Brother." 

I took her phone and told him not to call Daughter anymore, it was too distressing for her.  Daughter then sat next to me with her head on my shoulder, sobbing.  I offered reassurance, and she slowly recovered. 

Someone asked if I thought she was manipulating me.  I don't think so.  She had recovered and didn't want me when I arrived at the field.  She wouldn't cry in public or put her head on my shoulder if she weren't genuinely scared-- she would think it too embarrassing.  The good news is she recovered quickly, and by evening she was back to normal. 

Several people have commented on how much she has matured in the last year.  As one man said today, she's not as clingy.  It's nice. 

Community

Daughter and I have been attending this conference for years, and many of the participants return each year.  It truly is a community, and it is a community that understands Daughter.  She is helping with the preschool class this year.  They brought enough supplies so Daughter can make the projects with the kids. 

One of the teenagers wants Daughter to do something in worship tomorrow.  His mom checked with me to see if I thought Daughter could handle it.  She has been eating with the teens for most of her meals, checking with me on blood sugar and insulin, and then going off to enjoy time with them. 

She was still hanging out with them after lunch, and Sister Best Friend told her she needed to come back to the room and rest.  She did.  I was grateful that I didn't have to be the one to bug her. 

I am grateful for this community.  It embraces Daughter with all her challenges, easing my load and giving both of us a wonderful experience. 

She slept well again last night.  Hopefully the worst of this round of PTSD is behind us. 

Nightmares

Yesterday Daughter asked me to tell her what happened in her birth family.  She said she'd been having nightmares.

"Is Oldest Brother calling you again?"

"He's not calling me on the phone, but he's calling me in my dreams.  I need to know what happened." 

I wasn't sure how much I should or could tell her.  I told her what I knew of her birth family and the history of abuse in it.  After sharing some general background and gauging her reaction, I finally told her that OB had forced her to perform oral sex on him.  "I was just a baby!  I didn't know how to do that!"

I told her that what he'd done had been very wrong.  We talked about how frightened she had been as a young child.  We remembered the bedtime ritual, and how I had to tell her she was safe and nobody would hurt her every night before she went to sleep.  We remembered all the times she had awakened, screaming.  She listened intently.  I told her she was doing a good job of using her voice to keep herself safe, and we talked about some of the recent incidents at her program.  There are several men she won't allow to sit near her now. 

This morning she woke up around 6 and announced, "I slept through the night." 

I am impressed.  I guess she did know what she needed. 

Snapshots

Daughter was helping with childcare today at church.  She looked at the bulletin and expressed disappointment that she'd miss out on some of the hymns.  I pointed out that we were headed to a conference where she'd have the opportunity to participate in worship twice a day.  Her whole face lit up.  "You're right!  I forgot."

By the time worship began, she had told half of the church that I hadn't packed any of my clothes yet, and we had to leave this afternoon.  We actually left earlier than I had planned.  I knew what was left to do wouldn't take much time, but she was anxious about it.

An adoptive mother of a son with autism came up to me after church with tears in her eyes.  "M bought a trailer!  He's been wanting to get out on his own."  He has also been holding down a fast food job for 9 months now.  I shared her excitement.  I said, "Did you ever think, when you began your adoption journey that a trailer and fast food job would be cause for celebration?"  She said she hadn't, and then observed that I was one of the few people at the church who could understand what great news this is. 

When we finally got in the car to head to our conference, Daughter said, "We used to sing when we were going someplace.  Can we do that again?"  So for the first half hour or so, we sang hymns.  Then she hooked her ipod up so we could listen to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. 

A Conversation with Daughter

We live near a mall.  There has been an empty anchor store at one end of the mall for a number of years.  They have decided to tear it down and build a movie theater in that area.  When we drove by it today, the work had begun, and the middle portion of the empty store was a pile of rubble.  I expressed surprise, and pointed it out to Daughter. 

"Now Program won't be able to go the mall and walk."

"Yes they will.  It won't effect mall walking."

"They walk through the entire mall."

"This store has been empty and was blocked off from the mall."

"But they go in every store."

"This store was empty-- there wasn't anything in it."

"It's stupid to have an empty store in the mall!  They should tear it down!"

"Exactly.  That's why they are doing it."

"They should tear down the whole mall!" 

Sigh. 

Sigh

I picked up Daughter this evening.  She'll go back in three weeks.  They gave me a huge tub of her meds.  They didn't give me enough test strips.  They have a real obsession about controlling test strips, and ration them out to Daughter.  That's fine on most days, but on days when she has a low and needs to recheck, that is a problem.  I think there are some power struggles going on-- I'm an involved parent.  Daughter is much higher functioning than most of their residents.  I'm just going to go buy some additional test strips.  It will be expensive, but I'm not going to go to battle over it.  They didn't even give me enough strips for her scheduled blood sugar checks.  It is frustrating, to say the least. 

I spent some time working in my garden today, which was nice.  Now I need to do some work inside, which I don't want to do.  I hate getting ready to go on a trip.  It will be fine once we get there, but the preparation is no fun.  I'm having more pain in my arm/wrist which doesn't do much to improve my mood....

Pre-Vacation Anxiety

Daughter is well into pre-vacation anxiety mode.  She's afraid she'll run out of test strips.  She's going to miss her friends at program.  She's going to forget to pack something.  She has packed and repacked several times now, staying up much of the night to do it. 

She was at the church today, and this afternoon, when we were alone, she wanted to be almost on top of me.  She wasn't trying to prevent me from working (as she has in the past), she simply needed some reassurance. 

I have a bit more work to do on the sermon, but I'm about done preparing my class for Monday.  A volunteer came in and used the comb binder to put together all the material I will be distributing to my class. 

I'm developing a long list of things I need to do before I go.  I will pick Daughter up after supper tomorrow, and she will help with some of the work.  Hopefully with tomorrow and Saturday, we'll be able to get everything done.  Hopefully. 

Daughter's Disability

Daughter has Central Auditory Processing Disorder.  Her speech center wasn't stimulated when she was an infant, so she has trouble comprehending the spoken word.  That's why she prefers a written list of chores to a spoken list.  Her receptive language skills test out at a 3 year old level.  She presents well, so people don't realize it.  When I give her instructions, I stop to clarify that she understands.  Often she doesn't. 

She called a little while ago.  The Home Manager is trying to get her medications ready for our trip.  She was trying to figure out how many test strips Daughter would need.  She asked Daughter when she would be back, and asked Daughter to call me to clarify.  Daughter called, and she was scared.  She heard "there aren't enough test strips and they are too expensive and you can't have more."  She couldn't explain it to me, she asked me to talk to HM.  HM said Daughter was distorting things and she hadn't said anything about test strips being expensive.  I explained Daughter's receptive language skills are low.  I don't think she believed me. 

I think HM is overwhelmed right now.  She wants to take Daughter to her doctor's appointments without me.  I told her we can both be there, and that is fine and good.  I manage her insulin (I adjust within a doctor approved range), and I am her mother, and I will be at any appointments that I can attend.  She seems very defensive.  I'm not trying to criticize.  I don't expect perfection.  I know Daughter is challenging as vacation approaches.  Her anxiety level goes up and along with it her volatility.  I get it.  I hope they enjoy the 3 week break they will get. 

Just don't accuse Daughter of intentionally distorting things when she doesn't understand and is afraid.  After I talked to the HM, I assured Daughter it would be fine.  "I'm scared.  What if I have a low?  What if I don't have enough strips?"  I told her we'd get more strips if we needed to to.  "How?"  I told her we could buy some if she ran out.  She was genuinely scared.  She was seeking clarity when she was confused.  Her receptive language skills are at a three year old level.  Don't blame her for that. 

I Knew It...

So it wasn't really a huge crisis that set me back, or at least, not the expected type.  We have a drainage pond that has drain issues.  The property guys have been dragging their feet on addressing the issue.  Last week one of our members had quite a bit of damage to his home after the pond behind his home overflowed into his lower level after a heavy rain.  I sent an email to the property guys nudging them to address the issue. 

So today they had someone come out to clear the drain.  Except that instead of clearing the drain, they got their hose stuck in it.  Now they are saying it is our fault and we have to pay to dig up the drain and removed their hose.  There were three of our guys here, and they had at least 4 different opinions on how it should be handled.  By noon, I had had 6 different people in the office to talk about various issues, from drains to time lines to sermons.  I did not accomplish all I had hoped to accomplish this morning, though I did have some good conversations.  The drain issue is not resolved, and I'll have different guys here tomorrow to address it.  Hopefully they will get it fixed before the next heavy rain. 

After a wonderful lunch with a colleague, I'm back in the office hoping to accomplish a few things. Then I'm headed home to get some cleaning done and experiment with making my own sausage. 

The Final Countdown

I led two successful meetings today, which reduced my stress level significantly.  Now I have one sermon to write and some work to do on the class I'm leading next week.  I have some cleaning and packing to do.   Of course, I probably shouldn't be writing this-- it almost guarantees a time consuming problem will spring up....

Daughter's Memory

Daughter has a fantastic memory when it comes to my phone numbers.  We've moved twice, and each time I got three new phone numbers-- home, church, cell.  Each time she has found the numbers (I didn't think she necessarily needed them all) and memorized them immediately. 

I wish she could transfer that same skill to memorizing her passwords on the computer.  Over a year ago I set her up with a new password for iTunes.  I set her up a new email account, because the previous one she had set up for herself, and hadn't put my email address in as a rescue address.  I wrote down the usernames and passwords.  She lost them. 

Today I reset the gmail password and then, once I could get into that, was able to go in and reset the iTunes password.  She has put them on stickers on the computer she uses here at the house.  I have put them in a file on my computer.  She's grateful, and I'm grateful, because she did quite a bit of cleaning around the house yesterday evening and today.  I'm going to get her an iTunes gift card to put on her account.  She'll be happy. 

Weddings

If you get a group of clergy together, chances are they will have some wedding horror stories.  Emotions run very high at weddings, and the stress is sky high.  Everyone has their own idea of what the perfect wedding looks like, and everyone thinks there way is best. 

I plan out the wedding with the couple, then I run a very tight ship when it comes to the rehearsal. I ask them to bring the marriage license and any needed checks to the rehearsal, as then they don't have to worry about remembering those things on their big day.  The couple I married today were writing their own vows.  I told them they needed to bring those to the rehearsal as well. 

I acknowledge at the rehearsal that this is an event worth celebrating, and suggest they hold off until after the wedding.  I tell the story of the groomsman who had partied too hard after the rehearsal, and couldn't stay on his feet through the ceremony in a hot church.  I tell them to hold off on the celebrating until after the wedding. 

Last night at the rehearsal they hadn't written their vows, didn't have the check, and didn't have the marriage license.  They scheduled the rehearsal for 6:30, so I was at the church at 6:00 to open up.  They didn't get there until 7:00.  The groom wasn't sure where he'd even put the wedding license.  They decided to go home and get it and bring it back to me at the church before going to the rehearsal dinner.  I hung around the church for an extra half hour waiting for them to get back with the check and marriage license.  I had suggested they write the vows right after the rehearsal, but they insisted they'd do it when they got home. 

Today's wedding was outdoors on a lake. It was supposed to start at 3:00.  I got part way there and realized I'd forgotten my cell phone.  I decided I didn't have enough time to go back and get it.  I arrived at the place at a little after 2:30.  They were still decorating.  The men had not yet arrived, the bride was not dressed, and she was still working on her vows. 

I was promised the vows soon, and sent away.  They didn't come, and I began trying to remember the traditional vows, in case I had to lead her in reciting those.

The limousine arrived with the men a little after 3:00.  They got out of the limo holding cans and bottles of beer.  One had a huge joint stuck behind his ear.  The groom had at least written his vows.  He showed them to me, and they were beautiful. 

The guests were milling around, unsure where to go.  I'd given the ushers careful instructions, but one didn't arrive until after 3:00.  The other was every place but where she was supposed to be.  It was hot today, so everyone was looking for a breeze or a bit of shade. 

Finally, around 3:30, I was told they were ready.  They had to figure out where all the men had gone to get them into position.  Someone had to track down the groom.  They said we were good to go, so the groom and I went up front to wait for the rest of the bridal party.  We waited, and waited.  The groom realized there wasn't the music the DJ had promised from a speaker set up outside.  Someone went to ask him to set it up.  We waited some more. 

They are now married.  By the end of the day I could feel my feet and legs swelling up as I stood there on the hot pavers, waiting.  I always tell the couple that all that matters is that at the end of the day they will be married, everything else is unimportant, so don't sweat it.  Then I waited while they greeted all their guests so they could sign the marriage license and I could leave.  It was a long afternoon of waiting, made longer by the fact I didn't have my cell phone to distract me.

I had promised Daughter I would pick her up for supper after the wedding, and I would call when the wedding was done so she'd know when to expect me.  I had estimated I'd arrive around 4:30.  Of course, I didn't leave the wedding until after 4:30, and then I took the longer way home to avoid the traffic back up in a construction zone.  I stopped and picked up Daughter without advance warning, and we ate at a Mexican restaurant.

Now I need to finish the sermon for tomorrow, and then I'm going to bed.  It's been a long week.  Have I mentioned that I'm ready for vacation?

Warning: Pre-vacation Grouchiness

Administrative Assistant is on vacation right now.  She will return from her two week vacation after I begin my four weeks of study leave and vacation.  I told Treasurer that AA was very smart in her timing.  She doesn't have to deal with my stress and grumpiness as I prepare to be gone for an extended period.  I'm always tired as vacation approaches, and this year is no different.  I think the broken arm made it harder.  I'm prioritizing carefully, and still working too many hours.  I have a wedding today.  I spent yesterday morning in the office, came home and mowed my lawn, and then showered and went back to church for the wedding rehearsal.  I ended up spending 4 evenings at the church this week.  I did not get a day off.  This coming week is going to be even busier. 

I'm tired, so I'm not working efficiently.  There is too much to do, and I don't want to do any of it.  The sermon isn't done for tomorrow, and I haven't started preparing for the two meetings I'm leading on Monday.  Yes, AA is very smart.  I just have to make it until the afternoon of June 30th.  Then we'll be off to the conference we attend every year.  The conference where I am teaching a class I've not yet planned....

Daughter's Bad Day

Daughter got punched in the face today at the workshop.  If you're counting, this is the third man she's had trouble with this week.  She called me, and insisted she hadn't done anything.  It was bad enough they put ice on her face and one of the staff members took her home. 

A staff member called me to tell me about it, and basically the punch came out of the blue, with no warning.  The man is autistic, and apparently thought Daughter was talking too much.  He does not have a history of violence.  Staff thought she'd probably have a bruise on her cheek. 

Daughter will be with me tomorrow, which is good.  Friday they have a basketball game, and Daughter is singing the national anthem and leading the cheerleaders, so she's looking forward to it.  I'm not sure which of us is more in need of a vacation right now.  Have I mentioned lately that I'm tired?

Food Sensitivities and a Miracle

At the recommendation of my nurse practitioner, I had food sensitivity testing done.  Today I received the results. Let's just say I have a lot of sensitivities, and I am in for a drastic lifestyle change.  There is a detox diet that starts me with a very limited menu, and I have decided that I won't begin that until after I return from our camping trip.  I think it will be too hard to follow on vacation.  I will be eliminating some things from my diet, though.  Things like dairy, wheat, turkey, beef, peanuts, apples, grapes, broccoli, and all processed foods.  Supposedly I will feel much better when I make these changes.  I certainly hope so, because it's not going to be easy. 

We are currently looking for a new pianist, as ours is moving out of the area.  From the beginning  people have been saying they wanted Old Pianist back.  OP played here for several years, and then left for a position at his home church.  That didn't work out, and he is at a neighboring church served by a friend.  I told them I would not recruit OP away from my friend.  I even warned my friend that my people were coveting his pianist.  Last week we interviewed 2 individuals last week, and we had concerns about each of them.  Today I finally managed to get in touch with one of the references, and it confirmed some of our concerns.  I asked the choir director to contact the reference, as he was the one who would be working most closely with the pianist.  I was sharing my concerns with the Treasurer when the phone rang. 

OP had heard about the position from my friend.  He thought it was a joke, and then found the posting online.  He wants the job.  I emailed the committee, asking if they'd like to interview him.  I very quickly had responses from 2 of them (who were responding from their mobile phones at work).  The responses were simple, "YES."  I think this may be a miracle in the making....

PTSD

Daughter's PTSD is making life difficult for her right now.  She is reacting to some of the things going on at the workshop.  I'm not sure how much of what she says is real, and how much is her need to emphasize that she doesn't feel safe.  These men need to learn to respect the boundaries she's setting for her, and I may need to block another phone number on her cell phone.  I told her to ignore the calls, but she says the one guy called her 6 times this evening.  She's been turning her cell phone off when he gets too annoying. 

The staff at the workshop is addressing the program with the men and their parents.  I'm just tired. 

Drama and Recovery

I think I'm about back to normal.  I'm working closet to my normal hours.  It feels good. 

Daughter was with me all weekend, and was not in the best of moods.  Finally, as we headed to the minor league ball park for a church outing, she told me what was wrong.  She had a new boyfriend.  He had informed her he had made reservations and was taking her out to dinner at a certain time.  He didn't ask her.  He didn't check to see if the date and time worked for her.  She informed him she wasn't available.  She identified the fact that he wasn't showing her respect, and it was reminiscent of her Oldest Birth Brother.  She decided to tell him she wasn't interested in him and ask him to stop calling.  She then acknowledged that life was easy and she was happier when she didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't seeking one.  Maybe that acknowledgement will get us a few months of peace....

The game last night was pretty bad.  As a pastor of a congregation attending the game, I was introduced on the field.  There was also a pastor's reception on the suite level, which was nice.  The game was pretty bad-- lots of errors.  The home team was soundly defeated.  Following the game they had fireworks, and that was pretty nice.  If you leave out the ball game it was a good evening.

A friend from seminary showed up in worship this morning.  We had a wonderful visit.  I last saw him 4 years ago at a conference.  His oldest daughter is close to 30.  I remember when she was born.  How did I get to be this old????

Daughter, the Soloist

Daughter signed up for special music last Sunday.  Administrative Assistant helped her pick the best song for her range.  Our sound guru stood by and adjusted the volume on her CD and her mic.   Her mic was down pretty low by the end of the song.  So this morning Daughter goes to find the sign-up sheet for special music.  She brought it in and showed me.  She'd signed up for this Sunday.  I informed her she could only do one solo a year. She got mad, and proceeded to pout. 

I went into my study and found her pouting on my sofa.  I informed her that if she wanted a job, she'd best learn to work through her disappointments, because pouting would get her fired.  Of course that just increased her drama.  She decided to walk home.  Of course it was too far, so I told her that wasn't a good idea.

Eventually she turned it around.  She helped take down tables downstairs, did a bunch of shredding, and was generally helpful.  She's helping with the kids' program at church tomorrow night, and we have a baseball game Saturday, so the plan is for me to pick her up tomorrow evening for the weekend.  I've already told her an attitude will earn her a quick trip home....

New Resident

Daughter's home is getting another new resident, and it is another woman moving out of her old home.  Her case manager has both homes, and is continuing to move people out, which means things haven't approved since Daughter moved out.  Daughter is not thrilled about the woman who will be moving in.  Daughter considers her difficult.  Of course, there are many who consider Daughter difficult, and I'm among them. 

She was dreading going to her program today, but this evening she told me she used her voice and spoke to a staff member about the man who she felt was harassing her.  She is satisfied with the plan to deal with it.  It's nice to have her dealing things without my help.

We had an interesting conversation this morning-- one of her friends wants to get an apartment with Daughter.  I asked her if she thought she was ready, and she said she wanted to try.  I finally asked her how it would have worked if she'd given Older Birth Brother that address-- who would have stopped him from seeing her?  She decided maybe she isn't ready....

One Week

Administrative Assistant was on a mission trip last week.  Next week she leaves for 2 weeks of vacation.  When she returns, I will be on vacation for 4 weeks.  So this is the only week we have together in the office in 8 weeks.  That means this is a very busy week.  Very busy.  One of the priorities for this week is getting some planning done for fall.  I like to kick off the fall with a themed sermon series.  This fall we will be using the story of the Exodus to reflect on our personal faith stories and the story of the congregation.  We are working on banners, new hymn verses, time lines, stickers, a drama.  So far it is coming together well.  We have volunteers working on designing the banners and writing the hymns. 

Today was our first day back together, and to say we were scattered would be an understatement.  We had to catch up on what went on last week, of course.  Treasurer needed some of her time.  I was playing with various ideas, and seeking opinions.  We had research projects we hadn't been able to complete without her help.... 

I'm pleased, though, with what we accomplished.  Our third Friday night children's program is this week, so the program director was hanging around the office for a while working on things.  The program is growing, and we're excited to see where it will take us in the fall.  We've had new adult volunteers each time, and more children have joined us each time.  I'm going to be the story teller and music leader this time.  We are taking July and August off, and will restart in September. 

Daughter was texting me about sexual harassment at her program today.  I kept referring her back to staff.  She wasn't too happy with me.  I wasn't overly concerned about it.  She tries for drama, but isn't having much luck with it....

Sometimes....

We have a trailer at the church that we use for mission trips.  We have a crew that got back Saturday from a trip.  They didn't get all their tools out of the trailer.  Someone cut the hardened locks off the trailer and stole the saw and air compressor that were still in there.  Sometimes it's discouraging.  We use this trailer and these tools to help people, and someone made those efforts a little more difficult....

PT Consult

I have a couple in the congregation who are retired Physical Therapists.  She sent me a get well card reminding me of their expertise.   Tonight I sat in worship with my wrist hurting.  It's been puzzling to me, because the pain is not where the break or plates are.  I asked for a consult after worship.  She suspects I have a bad wrist sprain, and prescribed ice.  She also suggested wrapping it in an ace bandage as a reminder not to use it too much.  She's going to bring one to the church tomorrow for me.  I'm grateful for the expertise within the congregation. 

I had promised Daughter I'd take her shopping this afternoon.  A couple invited us to join them for lunch following worship, and she offered to take Daughter shopping.  I was very grateful.  Even though I didn't have to preach this morning, I'm dragging this evening.  I'm still not back up to full strength, as much as I would like to be.  It will come....

Healing vs. Healed

Fresh off the good report from the surgeon, I went out to work in the yard today.  I did some things in the back yard, and then decided to trim some bushes.  I have an old manual pruner.  I completed one large bush, and started on another before my wrist began to hurt.  My work day ended at that point.  While my arm is healing, it definitely isn't healed. 

Daughter was very helpful.  She helped by spreading mulch.  There is still a great deal of work to do in the yard, and more mulch to spread.  I think I may have to ask for help.  I hate asking for help.  I know, though, that there will be people who are willing to give me a hand, and I'm grateful. 

Saw the Surgeon

I had an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon this morning.  He was very impressed with my range of motion.  He said that on average you can expect a loss of 15% of range of motion with the type of injury and surgery I had.  Less than 4 weeks later, I have a loss of about 20%.  He said I don't need to go for physical therapy.  I think that the typing I do on a daily basis has helped regain the motion.  After the surgery, I couldn't make a fist or touch the tips of my fingers to my thumb.  I have complete use of the hand and fingers now. 

I asked about restrictions-- he said I shouldn't engage in contact sports or lift heavy things yet.  I celebrated by doing yard work today.  I still don't have the stamina I'd like, but with Daughter's help I was able to get quite a bit done.  I'm pleased.  A church member mowed my lawn today, but I'm going to try doing it next week.  If I'm not up to it, there are several people who are willing to do it for me.  I asked specifically about mowing the lawn, and he didn't see a problem with it. 

Profound Words from Daughter

Daughter was not in a very good mood this morning.  Apparently she's been on edge ever since her first conversation with Oldest Birth Brother.  He's been calling her, and last night he finally went too far.  He called, and she told him she was tired and was going to bed, she couldn't talk with him.  He then sent her a text saying he needed to talk to her.  She called him back and asked him what part of "tired and going to bed" he didn't understand.  She told him she would call him when and if she wanted to talk to him again.

As we talked, more came out.  He was planning a trip to come see her.  He had a date picked out, but wouldn't tell her when.  She'd given him her address, so he just planned to show up at her house and surprise her. 

Refusing to respect her boundaries and planning a surprise visit without her consent were powerful triggers.  I explained that she was reacting out of the past, and that he was once again refusing to respect her boundaries.  I told her he'd violated her boundaries in the past, and she wasn't going to put up with it.  He also was showing her a lack of respect, another echo from the past. 

She was looking for answers as to why things were so bad in her birth family.  I understand, and she needs to understand that they are real people, and she can't control their response or emotional demands on her.  I suggested she thought they were like a museum.   She could visit them, learn things, and then leave and be done with it.  She liked that analogy. 

We talked some about the fact that she'd been molested.  She talked about the problems that created with boy friends, because she wasn't comfortable being physical with them.  "They took something important away from me.  It's gone forever, and I can never get it back."  She's right.  They stole her innocence, her trust, her ability to enjoy the sexual. 

I said, "I'm sorry your family disappointed you again."  She said she was a disappointment, too.  I assured her that she is not a disappointment, she's my daughter.  It was a good conversation, but I can tell that the contact with OBB is weighing on her.  I have assured her that she will not have to see them or talk to them if they show up.  He is almost 40 and lives with his Paternal Grandmother.  She was planning to drive him here so they could both visit.

During the termination of parental rights case, OBB acknowledged molesting Daughter.  PG testified in court that her sweet OBB never did anything like that.  He's an angel.  She insisted the other brother must have done it, "There's something wrong with his brain.  He needs an operation on it."  I will do everything I can to prevent Daughter from having to see them if she doesn't want to.  She needs to feel safe and secure in her home, and if she's living in fear of them showing up on her doorstep, she won't. 

Forgiveness

Daughter has been having somewhat regular phone conversations with her Oldest Birth Brother since she first talked to him on the day I broke my arm.  She seems to enjoy them, and I have not seen any signs that they are triggers for her PTSD. 

I'm having a harder time with the knowledge she is in contact with him.  He molested her.  Repeatedly.  She was 2 years old.  I don't want OBB anywhere near my Daughter.  He is part of the reason life is so hard for her.  Does she remember this?  I don't know.  I know she wants nothing to do with Birth Father.  For a long time she didn't want any contact with OBB.  Now, she's enjoying the contact.  He lives several hundred miles away, and at about 40, is still living with his Paternal Grandmother.  During a hospitalization he acknowledged that he had molested his Daughter.  PG insisted he never did anything wrong, and was an innocent victim. 

I know he was a victim.  I also know he was a perpetrator.  Daughter seems to have forgiven him, I'm having a harder time.  I don't want him to hurt Daughter again.  My challenge is to forgive him and to pray that this new relationship via phone and text message is healing for both of them....

Hard Conversation

Daughter came home with me after church and did some cleaning for me.  She did not want to go home.  She is frustrated with her life.  She wants to get a real job.  She wants to live independently in her own apartment.  She feels like she's stuck.  We have these conversations every so often, and they are always hard.  Always. 

I was able to tell her that Administrative Assistant and I were talking about her on Friday.  I told her we were impressed by how much she has grown and matured since she moved out of my house.  I pointed out that she is now at the workshop 4 days a week.  When we moved here, we decided she couldn't handle it at all.  When she started at the workshop, one day a week was overwhelming.  She acknowledged this, and told me it doesn't feel like she's making progress. 

She was once again saying she'd prefer to live with me.  Not happening.  There are times when my heart aches for her.  It's hard.  Today was even harder because I am so tired.  I was so tired I probably shouldn't have been driving.  But I got her home safely, and now I'm in for the evening....

I Survived

I made it through my first Sunday back in the pulpit.  It was good to be back.  Many people told me how glad they were I was back.  We had a big crowd today-- there were several family celebrations going on.  One woman was celebrating her 90th birthday, so her family was in from out of town.  I was careful to conserve energy, sitting much of the time before the service, and sitting through some of the hymns. 

I made it through the two meetings following the service, too.  They were both productive.  Now I'm home in my recliner.  I'm tired, but I made it through.  I'm grateful.  It really was good to be back, and to be welcomed back so warmly.

A More Productive Day

After the graveside service I picked up Daughter.  I came home and changed, and we started planting.  I was not as successful in starting seeds as I had hoped, so we went to the store and bought a few plants.  They are in the ground.  I did a bit of weeding.  Then I was done.  I don't think we're going to get the predicted rain, so I'm going to go out and water things. 

My stamina is improving, slowly but surely.  The incisions are healing well.  I'm getting more range of motion in my wrist, and am able to lift more.  Tomorrow will be interesting, I'm preaching, we have communion.  There is a fellowship meal after the service, and I have two meetings after the fellowship meal.  I suspect I'll be sleeping tomorrow afternoon....

Officially Old

I am officially old.  I have a graveside service today, so I have on my funeral dress.  My legs are too white and I hate wearing shoes without socks.  I was afraid if I tried to put pantyhose on, I'd be done for the day (just a shower still takes a lot out of me. The dress is long, so I put on some sheer black knee highs.  I have seen older women do that, and I always thought it a little weird.  I won't in the future.  It's much easier than pantyhose.  I'll be standing for the entire service, so I don't need to worry about anyone knowing-- except everyone who reads my blog. 

After the service I'm picking up Daughter.  If I have any energy left and the weather cooperates, I hope to have her help me in the yard.  It's not likely, but I keep hoping.