More Progress

Daughter called around lunch time. It wasn't a happy call. "I miss you," she whined. That was progress. She didn't call seeking to convince me she was in danger and needed me to come rescue her. She stated what she was feeling right up front. She was frustrated because she didn't see me Sunday. I reminded her that she gets to call me several times a day and that she'll see me tomorrow. I also pointed out that she had gone longer without seeing or talking to me when she was at camp.
.
We had a death this afternoon, and she called while I was with the widow. I answered long enough to tell her I was busy and she could call at 8:00. She was fine with that, and it's after 8 and she hasn't called.

Five in a Row

Yesterday I didn't get to one of Daughter's calls in time, and it went to voice mail. When I listen to her voice mails, there is often a note of panic in her voice. She pleads with me to talk to her. This voice mail was different. She was obviously happy. "Hi Mama! Please call me." I did, and she didn't complain that I didn't answer her call, as she often does. I had four happy calls from her yesterday. On her last call of the evening, I pointed out that all her calls had been happy. I told her I like happy calls. "Really?" Then she laughed. She has a wonderful laugh, and it was a laugh of pure joy.
.
I just got off the phone with her, and once again she was happy. She didn't complain about anything. She says she's sleeping nights. It is wonderful to hear her so happy. Wonderful. She has asked me to make double decker tacos for supper tomorrow night. I will stop and get the items I need today. It will be a joy to make her something she likes. I think I need to let Regional Manager know. She deserves to hear some good news, and I need to thank her.

Consistent and Slow

I'm nothing if not consistent. I headed out to make a call this afternoon and realized within a mile that once again, I had left my cell phone at the church. Last spring I got rid of my blackberry and started using an android. The battery life is terrible, so I keep it plugged in when I'm in the office. I still haven't adjusted to the fact that it's no longer on my body all the time-- it is now on the windowsill next to my computer stand attached to a charger.
.
I'm also a bit slow. I had promised a woman I would visit her today, but this is a short week and there's lots to do. Administrative Assistant asked if I was still planning to do the visit. I said I'd head over to see her about 3:00. I've always done my visiting in the early afternoon. I've done it that way because for almost 22 years my schedule revolved around Daughter's schedule. I had to pick her up from daycare or be home to meet the bus. As I drove away from the visit (which I really enjoyed) I realized that I now have the freedom to start all my visits in the late afternoon. I can have plenty of time in the office and still do some visits. When I finished the visit, I stopped by the warehouse store (less than a mile from her apartment) and then went out to eat. It was a nice way to end the day.

A Happy Call

Daughter called a little after 8:00 this morning and sang good morning to me. She said she slept well. She was looking forward to going to her program. She was happy. They have fixed the medication problems. She is getting her iron again, and she is getting her cranberry twice a day.
.
One of the things I realized on my personal retreat Sunday was that perhaps part of the reason Daughter is there is so that by my advocating for her the care of the other women there may improve, too. Perhaps.
.
I hope that I am making a difference. It seems like I did for Daughter, and hopefully some other, as well. The knowledge makes it easier when things are stressful and I'm spending lots of time advocating for Daughter.

Snowed

After a meeting this evening the women were talking about how organized I am. I pointed at my desk in disbelief. One said, "Oh, but you have it all up here," and pointed at her head. I laughed and told her I had her snowed.
.
This morning I got to the church. Someone had shoveled the walks, but there was some ice on them. I went in and dumped my briefcase, coat and various other items in my office then grabbed some salt and went out to deal with the ice. When I got back to the door I realized it was locked, and all my keys and my coat were in my office. It was about 20 out. Fortunately, I had my cellphone, so I called a man who lives close to the church to come let me in. Fortunately, he was available and made it there relatively quickly.
.
So as we were walking out together, one of the committee members pointed to the post it over the light switches. It says "cell phone?" I went back and got my cell phone off my desk, where I had placed it while I packed up my briefcase. The individual who had pointed to my post it note then entertained the other committee members with the story of what happened last week, when I took him home after a meeting. I got into my car and realized my cell phone wasn't in my pocket. I went back into the church to get it. When it wasn't where I thought it would be, I called it. When I didn't hear it, I knew it was in my briefcase in the car. Where Daughter and my passenger were laughing at me as they listened to it ring.
.
Like I said, I have them snowed.

Staff's Side

Daughter called with her daily report on everything the home was doing wrong with regard to her report. I heard a staff member telling her not to be lying to me. I told her I wanted to talk to the staff member, who I have spoken with before.
.
I told her I know Daughter lies. She said Daughter tells lies and staff gets written up and fired. I explained that any email I sent indicates that Daughter is unreliable. All I want is the problem fixed, if there is indeed a problem. I explained that I knew there was a lot of change going on and it was a time of transition. I said I had offered to come back in and offer training again. I said that the first time I came, they didn't know Daughter, but now that they'd worked with her and knew her, they might have some questions.
.
I told her I had told Regional Director that we need to find Daughter someone to talk to at the home so she doesn't come and tattle to me. I told her I know they have a hard job, and I had been Daughter's target for over 20 years.
.
I've received responses from Regional Director to my emails. She is going to find out what's happening. Their medical coordinator is not through training and on the job yet. I again offered training. She thinks they have received enough training. I think a refresher course is always helpful. She thought that was possible. As I predicted to the staff member, Daughter is furious with me. That's okay. She has to know we're going to communicate directly. She tried to tell me she had to lie. I told her there was never a reason to lie.
.
She's not very happy with me, but she hasn't been calling today. I call that progress.

Sabbath

Today has been my sabbath day. I shared at the meeting yesterday my plans for today-- a day spent working in a guide for retreat and connecting with God. I slept 9 hours last night, which was wonderful. I went to bed early because the day had caught up with me and I was exhausted. Today I have been reading and meditating. The guide I'm using is from a different tradition, and so I'm having some problems with the theology, but I've been able to re frame some of the questions in ways that are more in line with my tradition and they have been very helpful.
.
It's been snowing much of the day. I have a fire in the fireplace, so it is nice and cozy here in the family room. Daughter has called a couple of times, but has not tried to convince me to come rescue her. I've taken a couple of breaks to get on the computer and check email and such. Last night I had sent out a summary of the retreat, asking for corrections. I received one this morning (he was actually correcting information he had provided). I responded, thanking him for the correction. He responded with an email scolding me for reading his email today. His second email had "Don't Open until Monday," as the subject. Of course I opened it. Obedience is one of the issues I've been wrestling with in my reflections today.
.
One of my kids from Tiny Village was injured in an accident yesterday. She ended up being life flighted to the hospital an hour away. I saw something about it on facebook. It was like a sock in the gut. I found a post from her brother, and it sounds like she's going to be okay. I also found an article on it in the paper, and it sounds like she ran a stop sign. Her brother thought she'd be home later this week, and asked people not to visit. I was relieved to see that news. It was the first time in a long time I've wished I was in Tiny Village. When I saw the news, I began praying for the girl and her extended family-- they were all members of the church. I was sorry I wasn't there to wait with them.
.
I am glad, though, that I am here. I have had several emails wishing me a good, restful day today. They get that I'm human. They know I have limits. They want me to take care of myself. This is a good place to be. Now it's time to stir up the fire and return to my spiritual exercises.

Anxiety

It sounds like my analysis that fear prompted the staff member's response to Daughter's concern about the missing medication was on target. Daughter called this evening. She reported that calls had been made to other staff members and the Home Manager looking for the misplaced prescription. She reported that they have decided it is all my fault and that I am the one responsible for getting her prescriptions filled. I don't want anyone fired. I do want the problems fixed. I do wonder what mistakes are being made with other residents, especially those who don't have family to advocate for them. I suspect that there is a great deal of chaos in that house right now.
.
I'm grateful that Daughter has a voice and is reporting to me. There aren't any better options out there for her in terms of houses. I am not bringing her home. I do hope they get things straightened out there soon.

Short Crisis Leading into Great Day

Daughter called this morning, hysterical. She had a run-in with a staff member over medication issues. She claims staff member called me a d***** f******* liar. I told her it didn't bother me, which shocked her. I pointed out she'd called me far worst. She wanted me to come get her immediately because she wasn't safe there. I ran through the usual song and dance and told her I'd address the medication issue. I sent an email to Regional Director. I didn't include Case Manager on it (I suspect that staff was read the riot act on Daughter's medication issues and IF the staff member went off on Daughter it was because she was afraid of being fired for messing up.) I listed the usual disclaimers and asked her to look for what had become of the paperwork from Daughter's doctor's appointment, which included prescriptions for the medications in question and which the home claims they don't have. I suspect they have gotten lost in the chaos there. Daughter called back after breakfast to tell me she was better. I reminded her I had a meeting all day and wouldn't be available until after 4:00. Amazingly, she hasn't called again, and it's after 5:30.
.
The planning retreat for the boards today was awesome. We covered an amazing amount of material. I paced for almost 6 hours as I led the discussions. We celebrated the accomplishments of 2011 (and we came up with a number of accomplishments), evaluated our progress on the priorities we'd set for ourselves last year, and set new goals for this year. It really felt like we were moving forward in exciting ways. The focus for this year is going to be on growing and caring for the congregation. We spent some time making plans after we split into the separate boards. The attendance was amazing. Of the 18 people on the boards, only the two people who are out of town didn't attend. We are forming a task force to begin making plans for our 40th anniversary, which takes place in 3 years. We've already had 4 people volunteer to work on it, and one of them will serve as convener.
.
I finished the last meeting at 3:00. I transcribed all the information we put on newsprint and have emailed that to everyone. I've already received minutes from the board meeting I missed. Once again I am feeling very blessed to be serving with this congregation. We talked some about my plans for a sabbath/personal retreat tomorrow, and they were very supportive of it. One of the priorities we set for me last year was self-care. I named moving Daughter out as an important part of my self-care.
.
I'm excited about the opportunities this coming year will bring. I have started a fire in the fire place, and this evening I'm going to relax. Tomorrow I will begin working through the guide to retreat workbook, but only after I sleep in for a bit. On Monday I'll begin working on the newsletter and all the other things that need to get done this week. I'm looking forward to a week full of a variety of different opportunities for ministry. I love my life.

Too Good to Be True

A book I've been reading describes a pastor's breakdown, and talks about the importance of sabbath. I read it and took the message to heart, and decided this Sunday is going to be a sabbath day for me. I have the day off (I decided I wanted the day off after the big meeting tomorrow). Originally, I was going to worship at a sister church and then take Daughter to a movie in the afternoon. Yesterday I decided I was going to stay home all day and reflect on some the exercises in a retreat guide I just purchased.
.
I will stay at the church tomorrow afternoon to write summaries of the retreat, and then I will leave that behind when I come home. Sunday I will sleep in and spend the day away from technology. I'll have my Bible, the retreat guide, and music if I want it. I met with my spiritual director today, and she encouraged me to go out for a walk if I need a break. I'm excited about my plans and looking forward to it.
.
So last night I explained to Daughter that I wasn't going to see her this Sunday. She said that was fine. I was really surprised by who well she took it. Then came this evening's phone call. Lots of sobbing. She insisted she had to be with me this weekend. I listened, reassured, and stayed firm. When she called back later, she was no longer trying to convince me to come rescue her.
.
I know the change in routine is hard on her. A sabbath day is going to be very good for me. My spiritual director also gave me several suggestions for retreat centers where I can make a personal retreat after Easter. She had some suggestions as to how I approach it, and we will talk about it more when I see her next month. That's another blessing I have here-- access to a spiritual director.

I Was Right

Daughter's Home Manager is stepping down. I'm not surprised. It will be hard on Daughter, because she doesn't do well with transitions and changes. She hates it when new staff starts at the house, and there will always be new staff starting. Hopefully in time it will become easier for her.
.
I am having an all day meeting with all of the church leaders on Saturday. This week has been busy with the preparations. The board secretary has submitted his resignation. This is a good thing, though it will make things a big more challenging in the short run. Administrative Assistant and I are going to sit down and right a job description for the position and take it to the board before we recruit his replacement. We're going to change the way a few things are done.
.
We had two retired men in the office for a couple of hours this morning putting together notebook for Saturday. I don't think they knew what they were getting into when they volunteered.
.
This morning when the furnace for the office area came on, it made a terrible racket. It needs a new fan. New fans are not cheap. Hopefully they will be able t install it tomorrow. We have a number of furnaces in the building, so it didn't get too cold in the office today. Administrative Assistant was considering bringing in a space heater for tomorrow. I stayed warm because I kept going between the two offices. I have Sunday off, and I'm very grateful I didn't have to write a sermon this week. Daughter still wants to come here for worship, so I'm trying to figure things out. She wants to sing in the choir Sunday.
.
This is disjointed-- a glimpse into the working of my brain. AA laughs at the way I bounce from subject to subject with new ideas popping up regularly. It does keep life interesting....

A Traumatic Evening

Daughter called yesterday evening, upset. As she told her story, I understood her fear. There is another diabetic in her house, who is described as a "real bad" diabetic. I think she is a poorly controlled diabetic, and suspect the home is not caring for her properly. Last night she had a low blood sugar, leaning to a seizure. According to Daughter, they were trying to figure out whether the new staff member had given her too much insulin at supper. This is the same staff member who decided to start giving Daughter her anti psychotic 2 hours before she ate supper.
.
Daughter was scared, and wanted me to come get her. She said she didn't feel safe. I didn't go get her, and I offered her reassurance, reminding her that she has a voice and she keeps herself safe. It concerns me, though, when I hear stories like this. I worry about the residents who don't have involved family advocating for them. I wonder what will happen to Daughter when I'm no longer able to be her strong advocate. No matter how well I get the current staff trained, there will always be new staff members starting.
.
I'm grateful that Daughter has a voice and not only advocates for herself, but tells me what's going on. For now, I can advocate for her and keep her safe. For the future, I'll have to trust God and other people who care about Daughter and her well-being.

Part of the Problem

So yesterday the Regional Manager went over to Daughter's house to look at the records and develop a plan to fix things. She clarified the orders and developed a chart that is to be filled out that records the time the medication is given and what time supper is served. She informed staff that those times had better match. Case Manager was not satisfied, and said a formal complaint will be filed the next time there is a medication issue.
.
So this morning I get an email from House Manager informing us that the medication is to be given at bedtime with a snack. So HM doesn't know what RM has done. I think that is a problem. There's also the small issue that she doesn't even know what the orders state about the timing of the medication (supper, not bedtime).
.
Daughter was happy when I spoke to her last night, so there is some good news in all of this.

A Bull Dog

Last night I received a sobbing phone call from Daughter. They had given her her anti psychotic without food again. She was afraid she'd have meltdowns at program today. She told me she didn't feel safe there, that she wanted to, but didn't trust them to handle her meds.
.
I sent off a second email to the team (the first had gone out yesterday morning after I picked her up and she was such a mess). I indicated I knew Daughter could be manipulative. I mentioned the coping methods I had suggested to Daughter, and said I hadn't let her off the hook for her behavior. I also asked that the medication issues be addressed ASAP, as I knew it was hard for her to function well and control her temper without the medication on board.
.
I just received a copy of an email that Daughter's new Case Manager sent to the main office of Daughter's group home. She informed them that she was getting too many emails about them messing up meds and diet. She said Daughter's issues were not beyond their ability to cope, and that she wanted a plan to address the situation immediately. She threatened them with a formal complaint. Her email brought tears to my eyes. She heard our concerns. She's going to go to bat for Daughter. She will get action. It feels good to be heard and have my concerns taken seriously.
.
This Case Manager is new to Daughter. I had been warned she wasn't touchy-feely, and could be a bull dog. I like her.

Progress?

This morning I realized it would be very helpful to have my set of church keys for the meeting tonight. I'm going to need the portable projector, which is locked up in a cabinet downstairs. Now Administrative Assistant has keys to it, but she won't be in today, so I'd have to try to remember where she placed them in her office. I decided to do one last all out search for the keys.
.
I know I had them before the retreat, so I checked all the cases I took to the retreat. I looked on the floor under the front passenger seat of the car. I looked in the drawer where I got some of the things I took on the retreat. I checked the kitchen table and counters again. Finally, I gave up. I reached in my pocket for my house and car keys, and they weren't there. So, I retraced all my steps. As I was checking out the car, I caught a flash of silver under the back part of the rear car seat on the passenger's side. My church keys!
.
I was delighted. I was unable to find my house and car keys, though, so I am now using the spare set. I'm trying to figure out if this is progress....

Melt Downs

Daughter called last night, sobbing. She insisted I needed to come get her, she couldn't live there anymore. I figured she was manipulating because I had refused to let her spend Saturday night here because she'd been into food.
.
When I went to pick her up this morning, she was a mess. She had gone off on one of the staff members. I tried to calm her down on the drive to church, but she just wasn't willing/able to calm.
.
Then I remembered something. She had called at supper yesterday to complain. They had given her her anti psychotic before they even began to cook supper. This particular drug needs to be taken with at least 400 calories in order for it to be absorbed. I called the home and checked with staff, who looked it up. She was given her pill at least 90 minutes before supper. Sigh. I have sent an email to the team asking that this be clarified and that her anti psychotic be given with her supper.
.
I said this didn't excuse her behavior, and I did talk to her about it, but that I was concerned that she's not getting her medication as she should be. When I dropped her off, I told her that if she felt like she was going to blow, she needed to go to her room. She wasn't to go off on staff. Apparently they have some new staff members,and they aren't doing the meds properly. With the turnover, this is going to be an ongoing challenge, I'm sure.

Winter Walks

One of the saints picked me up this morning to go walk in a park with her dog. We've been doing this most Saturdays. We had snow yesterday, and it is a cold, sunny day. The sun was reflecting off the snow, and it was beautiful. The snow was actually sparkling. The snow was crunching under our feet. We saw a couple of people cross country skiing, and there were tracks from snow shoes. It was interesting, because with the leaves gone, we could see things we don't see other times of the year. I was amazed by the number of trees that had fallen, probably in the heavy snow we had in November. It really thinned out the forest. It was quiet. I was wearing heavy socks with my boots, so once I adjusted to breathing the cold air, I was very comfortable. It was a beautiful day to be out walking.
.
Daughter was into food Thursday night. She wanted to come home today, but I told her I wasn't going to lock up food for her. She tried to convince me it wasn't her fault she was into food. I refused to listen, and pointed out that not only was she into food, she lied to me about it. I will pick her up for worship tomorrow morning, and will take her back after lunch. I expressed confidence that she would learn to control herself around food, and would be able to spend more time here.

Laughing

My mother was a perfectionist. She was a wonderful woman, and she was very hard on herself and her kids. She also was a bit of a space cadet, and often forgot and/or lost things. When she forgot or lost something, she'd get mad. I'd tell her not to worry, it wasn't a big deal, but to her it was. It was a very big deal, and she'd be frustrated with what she perceived as her complete incompetence.
.
I have inherited some her traits, like the talent for forgetting and losing things. I have chosen, though, to laugh at myself rather than getting mad. It's much more fun to laugh. I had an appointment this morning, and then went to the church, where I spent the rest of the day. I was behind, and decided that if I went into the church and got the work done, I'd better be able to relax and enjoy the time I did have off this evening and tomorrow.
.
I had a moment of panic as I was getting ready to leave. I couldn't find my church keys. I asked Administrative Assistant for help. She laughed-- the keys were around my neck, where they'd been all day. I laughed, too. We talked about what else I could forget, but I think I actually made it home with everything I need.
.
It has turned very cold here, so I came directly home and started a fire in my fireplace. I love my house.

More Forgetting

Tuesday night I left the church and was part way home when I remembered that I had not grabbed the checks to pay for my retreat.
.
After I'd packed, I was on my way to pick up a colleague for the retreat when I remembered I'd left my cell phone on the charger. So I turned around and went home to get it.
.
When I arrived back at the church yesterday afternoon, I had to ask Administrative Assistant to open my study. I couldn't find my keys. She was amused, and said she almost called when she got home Tuesday to remind me to take the checks. I admitted I had to come back to get them.
.
Last night I spent some time looking for my church keys, but couldn't find them. So today I asked Administrative Assistant for the spare keys I needed once before. She suggested I might want to go back to wearing them around my neck. I've always kept the church keys and the food keys on a lanyard, and when Daughter was home they were around my neck most of the time. Right before she left today, she went into the Christian Ed office. She then came into my study and presented me with a new lanyard. The keys are now around my neck. If only I could do that with all the other things I lose or forget....

Winter Party

We have about 32 members of the church involved in a program that assigns mentors to at-risk elementary students. The mentors go to the school and spend an hour a week with the kids. Twice a year, we bring them to the church for a party. Today was our first party of this school year. Usually it's at Christmas time, but for a variety of reasons we delayed it this year. I was asked to be the story teller. I found an appropriate book and read it to 3 different groups of kids who were 7-10 years old. I had a blast!
.
The book was good, I got them involved, and it was a reminder of how much I miss spending time with children. We had a lot of kids in Tiny Village, and they'd grown up around me so were very comfortable with me. We don't have that many kids here, and I don't have many opportunities to spend time with them. I told the program director that I would love to be the official story teller for all the parties.

Colleagues

I'm at my peer group retreat. We arrived yesterday evening (on icy roads) and sat up talking until 11:30. We talked about ministry, especially the hard parts of it. We shared stories. We shared ideas. We shared hope. We shared lots of food. We had homemade beef jerky, lots of fresh fruit. Pepperoni, cheese, and crackers. Chex mix. Chocolate covered peanuts and cashews. We at and we talked. It was a wonderful evening. I feel very blessed to be a part of this group. We talked about how late it was, but no one wanted to be the first to head off to our rooms for bed.
.
This morning we have a spiritual director coming in to lead us in reflections on the cross. We will close with communion and then lunch. This afternoon I will be back in the office, refreshed and ready to tackle the challenges of ministry again.

Holiday

Daughter was quite distressed yesterday when she realized today was a holiday and she wouldn't have her program. She tried to convince me to come get her. She failed. I expressed confidence in her ability to figure things out. She doesn't like it when I do that. There have been lots of people in and out of the church today. We had men finishing the painting in the basement. The mentors who work with kids in the local schools had a workshop.
.
I've done a little reading, but haven't been particularly productive. This week is not as busy as last week was, so there's not the pressure to get things done. I'm fighting a cold, which doesn't help. I think I'm going to pack up early and go home. I'll take a couple of things to work on, but I may just decide that I get half a day off for the holiday.
.

Getting Older

Today has not been a good day for memory issues. I was headed to the church when I realized I didn't have the church keys. I turned around and came back to get them. As I was getting out of the car, I heard a jingle and discovered I'd hung the keys around my neck. Daughter thought that was hilarious.
.
When we got to the church, I discovered that I had neglected to save the final edits to the PowerPoint for the sermon. My computer failed to resume and most of the slides were lost. I had other things to do before worship, so I didn't try to recreate the whole thing.
.
After worship, Daughter went to my study ahead of me. When I got there, I discovered she had placed my sermon notebook in my briefcase. I took it out and put it on the shelf where it belongs and put the computer in. She came in and informed me I needed the notebook. I told her I didn't. She reminded me that I had to lead worship at the retirement home this afternoon.
.
After lunch I took Daughter back to her home. When I got to the retirement home, I was almost in before I remembered I needed my notebook, which was still in the car.... A couple of friends emailed me this video this week. Somehow it seems especially appropriate today. In keeping with the theme of aging, I have not been able to embed or upload the video, even though I've tried several times and in several different ways. I guess you'll just have to click on the link, and hopefully it will work.

Really?

Daughter called this morning. "Okay. To be honest I wasn't really that sick Friday. I just didn't want to be at my program." I reminded her that lying will get her into trouble. She assured me she could handle the consequences. I told her I'd consider picking her up after supper this evening.
.
One of the saints picked me up this morning, and we went to a park to walk with her two dogs. We have snow on the ground, and it is continuing to snow off and on. The park was beautiful. The snow was fresh and white. We saw a few cross-country skiers, but for the most part we had the path through the woods and along the river to ourselves. It was a wonderful day to be out walking.
.
I finally got the last of the Christmas decorations down and put away last night. I've spent much of the day cleaning the house and rearranging furniture. It feels good to be getting things back to normal. Fortunately, I don't have as many evening commitments this week, so I'll actually be home and able to enjoy the clean house....

Slow Learners

Daughter left mad this morning. I had told her it was time to go out for the bus, and she said I was pushing her, and I always push her, and she wasn't coming any more because she didn't like me pushing her.
.
Program Manager sent me a text telling me that when Daughter got to program, she called her house and told them she was sick and they needed to come get her. So they did. PM and I didn't think she was sick. We did think the staff at her house are slow learners.
.
She called this afternoon and asked me to come get her. I told her I didn't think that was a good idea, since she was sick. She was mad that PM had told me what she'd done. The conversation was brief.
.
She called later, again wanting me to come get her. I pointed out the day is boring when you leave your program early. She insisted she was really sick and had been having stomach problems. I didn't go get her. I told her I might consider picking her up tomorrow evening for Sunday. She was very frustrated. I told her I thought I'd pick her up for church Sunday morning and take her right back. It will be interesting to see what her approach is tomorrow.
.
It really is nice to deal with her drama from a distance. Very nice.

Excruciating

I was at a meeting yesterday. It was over 70 miles from here. We had a winter storm coming in, and the individual running the meeting was not skilled in running meetings. It was excruciating. Sister Best Friend was sitting next to me (and emailing me, I discovered when I got home). She finally pointed out the meeting had been going on for 2 hours and there was a winter storm coming in. She's my hero. The leader of the committee agreed to adjourn, and asked SBF to close us in prayer. She did.
.
It made me appreciate the great meetings we had this week at the church even more. We had another good one Wednesday night, when we made lots of plans for Lent. That committee was really excited about some of the ideas I brought to them.
.
Daughter just left after coming yesterday evening for choir and to spend the night. Her blood sugar was good this morning, and she knew that I hadn't locked up the food last night. I'm pleased that she handled being around unlocked food. Unlike the committee meeting, her visits are not excruciating. I'm actually beginning to enjoy them.

Daughter's Physical

Daughter had a physical today, including pelvic and breast exam. It was very hard on her. Fortunately I was there to comfort her. As I was driving to her doctor's appointment, she called to have me tell staff where her appointment was. They didn't even know where they were taking her. I consider it a miracle they were only 3 minutes late getting her there. Her blood work was excellent, so that's good. Over all, I think she's doing well. She insisted she was depressed, but I pointed out to her that I thought she was disappointed. The excitement of the move is over and now she's dealing with the reality of it. She readily agreed. I don't think she's depressed because she can still laugh and tease. She still has joy in her life. So I'm not concerned about the depression.
.
Instead of eating a sandwich at my desk tonight, I'm going to go sit down in a restaurant and eat a real meal before my evening meeting today. Another good, busy day.

Daughter's Rant

Daughter called this evening and was ranting about how terrible her house is and how she belongs at home with me and if I loved her I'd come move her home right now. I put my phone on speaker phone and listened to her rant while I continued to work on material for adult education this Sunday. I said appropriate things: sympathizing with her hard week, expressing confidence in her ability to cope, telling her I loved her and would see her tomorrow at her doctor's appointment. Eventually she hung up on me. I continued with my work, somewhat surprised by how little her call distressed me. As I reflected on it, I realized that she is very frustrated by the lack of drama in her life. She was trying to get a reaction out of me, and was frustrated that I wouldn't react.
.
She called later and apologized. The initial excitement of the move is over. This last week has been frustrating for her with confusion over blood work, doctor's appointment, and her spending money. I hope that once things settle back down she will calm down at settle in for the long haul. I hope things will settle down, though I have to say I don't have a great deal of confidence in the house manager right now. It will be interesting to see what her average blood sugar has been. I hope they have the results of the blood work back by the appointment tomorrow.

Joy

It's another busy day at the church, with people dropping by. Several have come in with huge smiles talking about what a great meeting we had last night. I like to hear things like that. I mean, after all, who likes meetings? We've all heard the saying that God so loved the world he didn't send a committee. So to hear people coming in and praising a committee meeting is a wonderful gift. To make it even better, they're talking about two different committee meetings. I agree with the assessments. They were both great meetings. We're moving forward in exciting ways. I have more energy and am much less distracted now that Daughter is no longer living with me. Tonight two medical social workers in the congregation are cooperating on a program they're calling Aging 101. They plan to share a number of resources with the group. From the sounds of things, it's going to be a very big group attending. I'm looking forward to it. My life is full of joy right now. I like it.

Incompetence

The manager at Daughter's house doesn't know what I need to do to get money to Daughter. They didn't get all her blood work done Saturday, so they're taking her for more tomorrow morning. Daughter is understandably upset. I gave the situation a few minutes of my time today, but am not getting sucked in. I will give Daughter cash when I see her at her doctor's appointment on Wednesday.
.
I'm addressing the situations in emails that are addressed to the entire team-- everyone knows my concerns. I'm doing it in a nice way, but I'm putting it in writing.
.
Today was a busy day at the church, and a good one. I had three committee meetings, and important work was done at each one. We are moving forward in exciting ways. It's easy to set aside Daughter's frustrations when there are so many positive things elsewhere in my life.

Sunday

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my life? I began to teach a new class today, and the first one went very well. It was a good group, and good discussion. I'm looking forward to next week. Daughter had a good day, too. She has been helping in the nursery some, and I heard today that she is a great helper down there and they love having her do it. The woman who coordinates the volunteers wanted to know if it was okay to ask Daughter to help, and if she could ask her more frequently. I told her to go for it.
.
We had a visitor in worship this morning who is looking for a new church. She discovered that two of her friends are members here, so she stayed for the fellowship meal and spent time visiting an catching up with them. I have two other women who have been attending who are ready to become members.
.
Two women who don't know one another very well and haven't been real active in the church (in both cases, their husbands are much more active and regular in their attendance) were talking during the fellowship meal. One just retired, and the other has cut back to 4 days a week. They decided they are going to co-chair a craft show they want to start at the school in the fall. Both are very artistic, and will do a good job.
.
We were downstairs in the freshly painted fellowship hall for the meal. Everyone was amazed at the difference and loved the new color. The men will be back downstairs tomorrow to finish the work, and the leftovers from today's meal were left in the refrigerators for lunches this week. We'll eat well with with lasagna, salad, and bread.
.
I took Daughter to the mall on the other side of town to spend a gift card Sister gave her for Christmas. She got some amazing deals, including a pair of jeans for $1.97. They will need to be shortened, but at that price, we'll shorten them. I took Daughter back, and she thanked me for a good day. She had her touchy moments with the shopping, but over all it was a very positive visit. Very positive. I'll see her again at her doctor's appointment on Wednesday.
.
It's going to be another busy week at the church. I'll be at the church 4 nights in a row, and most days I have at least 3 commitments. I'm going to have planning meetings at the church and for the judicatory, and I'll also have time with colleagues as well. I'm mentoring a young woman on Wednesday, and will meet with denominational colleagues for lunch at an educational event on Tuesday. Thursday I'm meeting with an ecumenical group of pastors in this immediate area. We have two medical social workers in the congregation, and they're going to lead a workshop on dealing with issues of aging for members Tuesday night. I think we've had over 30 people say they plan to attend. I love the variety of things I will be involved with this week, and throughout the week the property guys will be working around the building, stopping in to chat about issues large and small while they're there. It will be fun.
.
I've decided I'm going to get a few things done this evening to get a head start on the week. I'm not going to rush into the office tomorrow, as I have two evening meetings. It's going to be a busy week, and a good one. I love my life.

Daughter's Frustrating Day

Daughter started the day frustrated. Because they hadn't cashed the check I'd sent for her spending money, she wasn't able to go out to breakfast after her fasting blood draw as we usually do. She claims that they wanted her to take her insulin before she went for the blood work-- even though she wouldn't be able to eat. I'm hoping she's wrong about that. I will send an email off inquiring. She says she had to argue with them and they insisted she was wrong, but finally went along with her. I will check on that.
.
Then the rest of the women went to a movie, but because she didn't have money, she wasn't able to go. Then she called at supper time. Everyone else was eating, but she was waiting for the staff member who as on meds to come and help her check her blood sugar and get her insulin. I have no idea where the staff member was, but she wasn't in the house. It sounds to me like things are not going well there at all. I think they have major staff issues going on. Given the state of the economy, I'd think the staff members would want to hang on to their jobs.
.
Of course each phone call has been accompanied by a plea for me to come get her. Each time I've told her I'm sorry she's having a bad day, expressed confidence in her ability to handle things, and told her I'm looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. I'm glad that aren't too many days like this.

Joys and Frustrations

This has been a great week at the church. Sister Best Friend and I planned worship themes through the end of April. Administrative Assistant is already working on the graphics for the series we're doing during Lent. We're really excited about the plans. The last two days the church has been full-- we've had about 10 men downstairs painting the main hall. Several women have been working on center pieces for the fellowship meal Sunday, and the centerpieces are going to be amazing. It's great to see the energy and enthusiasm.
.
I had a conference yesterday, and it was wonderful. I have gained some insights into the way I work. One of the shifts I'm going to make is that I'm going to plan on doing housework in the morning rather than the evening. I have more energy in the morning. It's easier for me to get up at 5:00 to clean the bathrooms than to do them in the evening. I'm also going to start back walking.
.
Wednesday evening I received a phone call from Daughter's doctor's office reminding me of her appointment today. I had her down for an appointment next Friday. So before I went to the conference yesterday morning, I called the doctor's office. The group home had scheduled her for a physical. Of course, they hadn't told me, hadn't prepared Daughter, and hadn't gotten her fasting blood work done. I wasn't going to be available, and I knew that would be hard on Daughter. So I sent off an email to the team, letting them know all of this and asking what was going on. I also explained I was at a conference and would not be available all day, though I'd try to check email at breaks. No response from the group home, but Nurse, Case Manager, and Program Manager were all very concerned. Program Manager needed to know if someone was going to be picking her p from program for the appointment, because she'd have to change staffing because everyone was scheduled to be off-site. Case Manager called Home Manager. Nurse called Home Manager's Supervisor. No one from the home responded to messages.
.
When there was no response by afternoon, I sent off another email. Program Manager asked if she needed to cancel a meeting so she could stay behind with Daughter. More calls were made. The Home Manager for the men's home next door called and rescheduled the doctor's appointment for Wednesday at 1:00, and then called and interrupted my conference. I told her I couldn't guarantee my availability and didn't have my calendar in front of me. She couldn't understand why I didn't know my availability. Sigh. Anyway, she called back after I checked my calendar and I decided to adjust my schedule so I can be at the appointment. (There are several issues that need to be addressed with the doctor, and I don't have much confidence in the group home staff, for some strange reason.)
.
Daughter was here last night so I told her about the doctor's appointment and that they would be taking her for a fasting blood test tomorrow. Daughter was excited to see Sister Best Friend. She was happy. She was singing this morning as she waited for the bus. This morning Home Manager emailed. She was "unexpectedly" not in at all yesterday.
.
She's a little frustrated tonight for a variety of reasons. Last month she didn't get her spending money because they claimed I was supposed to give it to the home instead of sending it to the administrative offices. So this month I wrote a separate check and took it to the home. Actually, I did that a couple of weeks ago. So Daughter wanted money to go out to breakfast tomorrow after her blood work. They haven't cashed the check. Apparently they took her to a bank this afternoon to cash it, but it's made out to the home, not her, so she couldn't cash it. She's frustrated, to say the least. She's also a little anxious because I won't be there for her blood work tomorrow. I pointed out I haven't gone in with her for years. "Yes, but I always know you're right out in the waiting room." I expressed confidence in her ability to handle it. It's too bad there wasn't more time to prepare her for this.
.
I ended up spending most of the day at the church today. Several people pointed out it was supposed to be my day off, but with the holiday Monday and the conference yesterday, I had things I wanted to get done. Working today was worth it, because the worship planning we did will make the next few weeks much less stressful. There have been frustrations with the group home, but the joy and freedom to live my life is so much greater.

Happy Calls and January

Daughter called this morning before she went to her program and this evening right after she got home. She was happy in both calls. I like those calls.
.
As I anticipated, it's been a busy week in the office. January is always a busy month. There is the combination of wrapping up last year's business and the challenges of setting up this year's. I have a meeting with a committee leader from last year to assist in writing the committee's annual report. This particular leader took on a challenging job and I promised to help with the things that were difficult. I have a meeting with a new committee leader to provide training on the committee's responsibilities.
.
Poor Administrative Assistant has to deal with all the programmatic issues I'm concerned about and help the treasurer with all the financial aspects of closing out one year and beginning a new one. We increased her work week by one hour for this year, and I think she'll need that hour and could probably use more, as well. We'll start with the hour, though.
.
This Sunday I will begin teaching a new class. Lent will be upon us soon, which means I need to come up with a theme. Sister Best Friend is coming tomorrow afternoon and we will work on that together.
.
The church has been invaded by a bunch of men this week-- they're painting and replacing ceiling tiles in our fellowship hall downstairs. I was down to check on their progress a couple of times, and observed that there seemed to be more supervisors than laborers. They didn't dispute that. They were having a very good time. One of the men was avoiding painting by taking care of electrical tasks. Our alarm system is very old, and will need to be replaced in the next year or so. The keypad by the office entrance has become finicky, so today he swapped it out with one that is not used as frequently. He also moved a thermostat. I reminded him of a couple of other electrical issues that he could address (he is a retired electrician). I suspect he will take care of them all so that he can be there working and enjoying the fellowship without picking up a paint brush....

Back into the Routine

This morning routine returns. I'm grateful. I think I need it almost as much as Daughter. I realized yesterday that she doesn't do well with down time at home with me. In the future, I will limit the amount of time she comes to just hang out. I was tired the last two days, and really didn't want to go out and do anything. I was content to sit at home and watch the rose parade and bowl games (which for once went well for a team I liked). She was not. Of course, when I finally took her back, I wasn't home before she called me begging me to come get her, she'd made a mistake and wanted to be with me. I told her I loved her and looked forward to seeing her on Thursday.
.
January is a busy month. I get to ease it to it, as the only evening commitment I have this week is bring Daughter for choir Thursday night. Next week I have commitments Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday evening. I think I need to focus on getting the decorations down and put away this week, while I'm home in the evening....

Thinking Ahead

I had decided I was going to take today off, and then I realized I have an all day education event Thursday. That meant I'd only have 2 days in the office, which didn't seem like enough time to accomplish what needed to get done this week. So, while sitting around watching TV and relaxing yesterday evening, I figured out most of Sunday's worship service and the Wednesday noon prayer service. I also scheduled a meeting for Tuesday afternoon via email. I still need to figure out communion and the class I'm teaching Sunday morning, but I now can take today off without guilt. I think that made some time working on Sunday evening well worth it.
.
It's snowing now, so we're going to watch the Rose Parade, and then we'll see if we're going shopping or hunkering down. There is a possibility I'll be taking her to her program tomorrow morning rather than back to her house today. At least I won't be stressing about getting my work done.

2012

Yesterday I was walking with one of the saints, who had a friend along from out of town. Her friend is a personal trainer. I asked how she got into it, and she explained she'd lost 200 lbs. I asked how she'd done it, and she said she got out of a stressful situation. I'm sure there was more involved than that, but I am hoping that this year will be a year when I will lose weight.
.
A colleague, who is very much into fitness and running, sent me a flyer about a 10 week program for women over 50 that culminates with walking or running a 5K in March. They meet twice a week. I looked at my calendar, and I think I can make it work. I'll miss the last few Wednesday evenings because of Lent, but I won't have a problem making the Saturdays.
.
I'm feeling like Daughter has made the transition, and is settling in well at the group home. We are having another pleasant visit. She is happier and more relaxed. Which certainly cuts down on my stress. I suspect I'll still take on more than I should at the church. I love what I'm doing, though, so for the most part I find ministry energizing. I had a conversation this morning with a woman who is struggling with her husband's advancing dementia. Of course she insists she will never put him in a home. I talked to one of the medical social workers in the congregation, who called me this afternoon with a list of resources and numbers. I need to find a time to continue the conversation. It's going to be a busy month, and I'm looking forward to jumping in.

Sucked In

Sister and Short Niece are both struggling as they adjust to life on their own. Short Niece is struggling with going between her mom and dad's home. Sister is a helicopter parent, which makes it harder for Short Niece to be away from her.
.
Short Niece, as is to be expected, is running back and forth between the two houses with all kinds of stories. Sister is taking the bait, hook, line, and sinker. I end up getting the distraught phone calls as Sister reports to me everything Short Niece said to her. I remind her that Short Niece's reports are filtered through her emotional state and her interpretation, and are most likely designed to get a reaction. I'm a little frustrated because it seems that Sister isn't taking any of my suggestions. I'm not convinced she wants to improve the situation.
.
The one bit of good news is that she is getting Short Niece in to see a counselor this week. I don't think she'll be real happy when the counselor begins making suggestions about changes she needs to make to her approach. She told SN's dad about the counselor, and he wants to talk to her. She's not thrilled with that idea. I told her I think it is wonderful that he wants to be involved and that she should give him the counselor's name and number.
.
I'm hoping that the counselor will encourage Sister to get some help. I know Sister is frustrated with me because I won't join her in trashing her ex and his mom. My mantra with her is that this is hard on everyone and she needs to remember that they all love SN and want what's best for her. That's not the answer she's looking for. I have managed to disengage from Daughter's drama, so you'd think it would be easy not to get sucked in to Sister's drama. It's proving to be hard, though. Very hard.

Today I Slept In

Today I slept in. I woke up to a day of absolutely no commitments. In fact, I don't have to do anything until I pick up Daughter at 3:00 tomorrow. I think I'll let her stay until Monday. I've decided I'm taking Monday off. The reality is that I really haven't had much time to simply sit and be. I preached Saturday and Sunday. Monday and Tuesday I prepared to host my family on Wednesday. Yesterday I had a memorial service to lead and then took Daughter shopping.
.
So today, I slept in. I have finished cleaning the house from our family Christmas. I have talked to Daughter-- a wonderfully happy, playful, non-manipulative Daughter. She is pleased that I will pick her up at 3:00 tomorrow. All she wants is to spend some time with me. She was disappointed when I took her back yesterday, but didn't object. She had to go back because I gave her the last of one of her meds. They had more at the house, but hadn't sent it with her. I'm glad I had to take her back, because it gave me the gift of this day.
.
Today I slept in. I'm not completely free today-- I'd like to get everything ready for worship Sunday, but I don't have anyplace I have to be or any immediate deadlines, and I'm enjoying the opportunity to just relax.

Christmas Meltdowns

Yesterday I hosted the family Christmas. It was an interesting day. 4 of my 7 guests had meltdowns. I told Far Away Sister that Daughter had trained me well, and the meltdowns didn't prevent me from having fun.
.
Sister and Short Niece moved this fall. Sister's husband announced he wanted a divorce one week before she found out she was pregnant. They tried to work it out, and then Sister stuck around while they tried to work out something on the house. Finally they decided to walk away from it. They are badly underwater on it. So Short Niece has never known anything but living with divorced parents. She is struggling with adjusting to the reality of going between two parents. She has always been the youngest and thus the center of attention at family gatherings. She has been displaced by Baby Nephew. She was having a hard time yesterday, and had several meltdowns, which prompted Sister to meltdown. Sister has, at the urging of Far Away Sister and me, found a therapist for Short Niece. Hopefully that will help her deal with all that is going on in her life.
.
Daughter actually did better than either of them, though it was hard on her to have all the people and chaos here, but she did have some mild meltdowns. She removed herself several times, but after Sister and Short Niece left, she came and watched us play cards and then watched TV.
.
Baby Nephew is only 9 months old, so I guess it's to be expected that he had a meltdown. He also took two naps in my arms. Short Niece dropped him (no injuries, fortunately), so I think he had the best excuse for a meltdown. He is actually a very laid back, good natured baby. I ended up feeding Brother twice, since they were here 8 hours.
.
I enjoyed myself. Thanks to Daughter, I can avoid getting sucked into the drama. I'm sorry Sister and Short Niece were having a hard time, but it's not my problem or responsibility. I'm sure I'll hear from Sister today, and she'll be angry with other family members. Short Niece goes back to spend more time with her Dad, which will be hard on Sister.
.
I have a funeral this morning, and then I'm taking Daughter shopping this afternoon. I realized this morning that I failed to lock the refrigerator and guest room last night. I was exhausted and didn't feel good. It will be interesting to see what her blood sugar is this morning....

Consequences

I'm continuing to cook and clean today. Daughter wants to come help. I explained to her that until I can trust her around food, she can't be here when I'm doing the kinds of things I'm doing today. She wasn't happy, but she understood. I cleaned out the refrigerator today. It needed it badly. I've been unlocking and opening the refrigerator for as brief a period as possible. It was nice to take time to really clean it out today.
.
I hope that at some point she will be able to be here without food being locked up. The food is not locked up at her house, and she has been staying away from it there. She can do it, I hope eventually she will choose to do it here, too. Until then, though, she will not be around when I'm doing a lot of cooking.

Unstructured Time

Daughter has called twice this evening. She won't have program again until January 3, and the unstructured time between now and then is going to be very hard on her. I told her that if I get a lot done, I may be able to come get her tomorrow evening. She wants to come back now, of course. I told her I was doing a lot of cooking, and I didn't want to have to deal with locking the food up. She said she's working on the food issue. I hope so. The reality, though, is that she would be just as bored here as she is there, if not more so, since she wouldn't have other people around.
.
I have had a good day. I've made twice baked potatoes and two kinds of cookies, and had time to sick and relax, too. I think I'm done with baking now. Tomorrow I'm going to put together some appetizers and clean. Hopefully I'll have enough done to be comfortable picking Daughter up tomorrow evening. She was asking to play video games, so maybe we can do that tomorrow evening.

Success!

I took Daughter back this morning. She was here two nights and it went well. I will pick her up Wednesday morning for the family Christmas. I offered her the option of spending Wednesday night here and going to church with me on Thursday. I told her when I was done with the memorial service, I was willing to take her shopping to spend her gift card. She thought that was a great idea. She wants to help with the dinner after the memorial service. She'll also help fold bulletins. It was so nice to have a pleasant visit with her. Even better, she didn't object to going back today. She may be going to a movie this afternoon with a friend, but we aren't sure.
.
I spoke with one of the staff members at the facility. They still don't have a med coordinator, but she's stepped up and is making sure prescriptions are kept filled. All of Daughter's meds are not on the cards, which makes it so much easier. They are arranged around her box by time of day. I'm going to be domestic today and tomorrow, doing some cleaning and baking. I think Kitten may need another flea bath. Then I think I'll put the expensive flea treatment on her. I think it's been long enough since I put the cheap, ineffective ones on her. We'll see. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and that all of your traumatized children were able to enjoy it without trauma issues interfering.

Christmas

It has been a pleasant day. I got up early to put the egg casserole in the oven. We had our big breakfast before going to church. There weren't a lot of people there, but it was a good group and the service was relaxed and fun. Daughter and I have been watching TV since we got home. I did take time to make dinner: ham and scalloped corn. With the family room open to the kitchen, I could keep track of the movie while I was cooking.
.
Daughter has been happy and relaxed most of the day. She knew that I would take her back if she wasn't. She has plans tomorrow, so I'll take her back in the morning. I'll get her again on Wednesday for the family Christmas gathering. I'm going to do some baking and cleaning tomorrow. I keep thinking about what I need to do when I go into church tomorrow, and then remember I don't have to go in until Thursday for the memorial service. I guess because I have the memorial service and I'm preaching on Sunday it doesn't feel like vacation this week.
.
One of the men commented this morning that he thought I'd be dragging this morning, but I seemed as into it as ever. I really did get into the whole service today. I did some things a little differently, and that was fun. It's getting a late, so Daughter is getting a little bit grouchy. I really do feel like she is settling in and doing well. I hope that will continue.

Merry Christmas! Years ago I gave up on Christmas cards and letters. I determined that the season was busy and stressful enough. If I were to write one this year, I would talk about the blessings of this past year:

I am grateful to be serving with a wonderful congregation in a great city. I have been here for just over 14 months, and I love everything about it more with each passing day. I am especially grateful to be able to participate on a regular basis with several groups of colleagues. I'm enjoying being back in community and the opportunities to grow and explore new ideas.

Daughter is doing well here. We have a great team working with her. She is in a community inclusion program, so every day they go on outings in the community. I often hear that she has run into church members at the mall or bowling alley, where she often greets them with hugs.

She did more traveling this year than I did with two weeks at church camp this summer, and loved them both. We attended a conference, where I taught a Bible Study and Daughter helped with one of the children's classes. We also spent a week on a mission trip to Tennessee with the church. I spent my vacation time working in my yard. The previous owners had done a lot of landscaping, but they were elderly, and failing health and a year of sitting vacant had resulted in it becoming overgrown. I had help from several church members as I sought to tame it. I love my house and yard, and plan to put in raised garden beds for vegetables this spring.

A rough patch this fall resulted in several medication changes for Daughter and moved her up the waiting list for residential. In November she moved into a residential facility about 20 minutes from there. She loves her 12 "sisters" and the move has gone more smoothly than any of anticipated. She comes home every Thursday night for choir practice and spends the night with me. I pick her up for worship on Sunday morning. For now, she is continuing in the same day program. Eventually we hope she will be able to handle community employment.

One of the blessings of the move is that we are closer to family and friends, though I have been so busy we haven't seen them as much as I thought we would. I will host the family Christmas on the 28th, and am looking forward to it.

Daughter joins me in hoping you know the blessings of God's love and grace throughout the coming year.

Love and peace

So Much for that Idea

Daughter wants scalloped corn for Christmas tomorrow. I've never made it, but she said, "You know, I'm trying lots of new food now, and I was wondering if you could make...." So I'm making it. Of course, she told me this yesterday, and I did't have the ingredients. I decided to hit the super store early this morning, when it would be quiet. It was a good thought, but it didn't work that way. The store was busy. I'm sure it will get busier as the day goes on, so I'm glad I didn't wait. I'm still surprised at how busy it was that early.
.
Daughter has called. She was in a good mood, and wanted to know if I could come get her earlier. I told her I'd see how my day goes. I want to have the breakfast casserole in the refrigerator and be ready for tonight's worship before I go pick her up. We'll see.
.
I hope everyone finds peace and joy this Christmas Eve.

A Gift

Due to confusion this morning, I didn't have a hair appointment when I thought I did. So, I headed over to the church to pick something up. I decided Daughter should help fold bulletins and newsletters because one of the usual volunteers was not coming in today and there was more to do than usual. I began clearing off my desk. Then I had Daughter sort through the piles of magazines and organize them in the cases I have for magazines. I filed all the papers that had piled up on my desk (when I reached the surface, the large desk calendar was still on October. It took several hours, but my office is clean. I asked Administrative Assistant how long she thought I'd keep my desk clean. She pondered for a minute, and then said, "I think a week." She paused and added, "You are off for the next week." The confusion about my appointment turned out to be a gift. I'm delighted that I will be returning to a clean office.
.
There was a steady stream of people dropping in for a variety of reasons. I told AA we should have anticipated that. Daughter was super cooperative. She had a bit of an attitude this morning, so we talked about it. I didn't have the guest room securely locked, so she got into sweets overnight. Her blood sugar was high this morning. She acknowledged that guilt was what had set her off, and that if she'd just stayed out of the guest room, there wouldn't have been a problem. She was ready to go back, as one of the staff members promised to braid her hair today.
.
The mall traffic is insane. I headed north to go south to the church so that I wouldn't have to go by the mall. Of course, my hair appointment was at the mall. My stylist said this is the busiest she's seen the mall in a number of years, and she was glad to see it so busy. There are a lot of empty store fronts, so that is really encouraging to hear they are busier than usual this year.
.
I still need to finalize two sermons and develop the powerpoints to go with them, but they will get done. I will pick Daughter up again tomorrow afternoon, and she'll spend the night with me. I need to find and wrap her gifts before I pick her up. I have them hidden around the house.
.
I'm a little stressed, but not as much as I am most years. It really is nice not to have to deal with Daughter and her drama.

Early Morning Phone Call

I overslept this morning (I can do that now that I don't have to have Daughter ready for the bus at 6:30). I woke up to a phone call-- from Daughter. When I answered, she began to sing to me: "Good morning to you...." She was very happy. She talked about helping two of her "sisters" dress up for today (program Christmas parties). She wanted to know if she could spend more time with me, since she's off until after the new year. I told her I was looking forward to seeing her tonight for choir, and that we could talk more then. She was fine with that. I could get used to phone calls like that!

Productive Day

Yesterday afternoon Administrative Assistant and I were thinking we would be in the office two days next week. This afternoon we left confident we would only have to work one. Administrative Assistant is tweaking the newsletter while she waits for one more bit of information.

I figured out Christmas Day, New Year's Day and the memorial service. I led the noon prayer service and met with the daughter and son-in-law of the woman who died. We are very grateful for such a productive day.

Daughter didn't call, though I had a couple of emails. The House Manager at her group home has been told by her doctor she can only work half days. I think it is going to be a challenge for her to establish her authority in the midst of the dysfunction among the staff at the home if she's only working half a day, so I suspect we will be looking at another management change....

I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked up some items for Christmas and for the supper Daughter requested tomorrow night. Traffic was not fun. The main commercial strip is between my home and the church. This time of year I often have to sit through several signal lights because of the traffic.

I brought home some work to do this evening, including an initial proof read of the newsletter. Administrative Assistant and I will read it through several times, and may recruit someone else to read it, too.

For now, though, I'm going to relax for a while.

More on Monday's Meeting and the Aftermath

We talked about a number of things at the meeting Monday, including the fact that Daughter likes the group home, but won't acknowledge it to me, because she wants me to feel guilty and is punishing me. Whenever this came up, Daughter would put something over her face to hide her grin. I would make a show of looking away so she could acknowledge that she liked it without me seeing it.
.
I think (hope) that was an important acknowledgement. Yesterday evening she called and she was excited because they were going to a jazz club. I'm not clear about what this activity is, but they go somewhere to listen to live music on Tuesday evenings. She was excited and willing to share that excitement with me.
.
A couple of hours later, she called back, sad. She said her old problem was back and the noise had been overwhelming and she had to leave. She wanted to be with me. I told her that wasn't possible, but asked if she had talked to Therapist that day about a self soothing kit. She had, so I suggested she make use of those things, and she decided she'd do it. I also reminded her I was looking forward to seeing her Thursday. It was good.
.
At Monday's meeting, Therapist had talked about how one of the things they do with borderlines in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is have the individual take a box and put in it things they can use to sooth themselves. I hadn't heard that, but for years I have been responding to Daughter's crises by encouraging her to do things that are soothing. That's one of the reasons I keep replacing her ipod-- music is very helpful for her in self soothing. In fact, at one point I wasn't going to replace it because it had been damaged by her negligence. The staff at her program begged me to replace it, because it was so soothing to her.
.
Yesterday evenings conversations were more real. She was being much less manipulative. I think (hope) that we have turned a corner in her adjustment to living away from me. That would be the best Christmas present ever!

Focus

This week I have 3 worship services to finalize, 4 sermons to write, and a newsletter to write. Oh, and the Wednesday noon prayer service to figure out. On weeks like this, I find it very hard to focus. I was pacing today, as I sought to figure out where to begin and had all these ideas and thoughts bouncing around in my head. We had lots of people dropping in with various concerns: what happened to the children's Sunday school material? how can we support a family having financial struggles? what about paint colors for the painting that will begin in January? why did the service board do things this way? what did the board do with the budget last night? how do we handle my salary package for next year? meaning that there were plenty of things to distract me. I finally decided I needed to go out to lunch.
.
I took sermon material and headed out the door. I think Administrative Assistant was relieved, as my pacing was taking a path through her office. I went to the local coney and ordered a coney platter and iced tea. I focused on the sermon material, and quickly had Christmas Eve outlined. It had been bouncing around in my head for days, but had never made it on to paper.
.
I came back and started pandora on instrumental Christmas music. I quickly wrote the last three articles I needed to write for the newsletter and shipped them off to AA. I told AA for the 45th time that it really does help me to focus if I can get away for a little bit. She is quite patient with my quirks. While I was gone I thought about the things I needed her to get me for my meeting with the family tomorrow about the memorial service next week. When I walked back into the church, she handed them to me. It's scary the way she reads my mind sometimes.
.
I've now finished the prayer service for tomorrow noon. AA has gone home to celebrate her daughter's birthday. I'm trying to figure out Christmas Day. I'm beginning to get some ideas, so I should be able to get it finalized today. We need to ship it off to the volunteer who puts together the PowerPoint.
.
I requested a Sunday off in January at the meeting last night, but hadn't selected a date. Today I decided it will be January 29. The two boards will have an all day meeting on January 28th, so it will be wonderful not to have to worry about leading worship the next day.
.
As crazy and stressful as this week is, I'm grateful that we sat down at the beginning of November to space out the work. It did help. AA observed that she was having a hard time figuring out how to fit everything into the newsletter, as there was so much information that needed to go into it. I pointed out to her that is part of the reason why we are so stressed....
.
As stressful as the week is, I love the challenge of juggling multiple projects. I love my work.

After the Meeting

Daughter's new antipsychotic has to be taken with food. The recommendation is that it be taken with a full meal. If it's not, it's not absorbed properly. Yesterday Daughter called me around supper time. She wanted clarification on when she was supposed to take her pill. She had just heard us talk about it with Psychiatrist, and knew she was supposed to have it with supper. They weren't going to give it to her until bedtime. I spoke with staff who said the orders said 8:00, so they couldn't give it until 8:00. So I called the nurse with the cell phone number she had given me. It took her several phone calls, but she finally convinced them to give it at supper. Today she will correct the order. I hope that the system will continue to be as responsive.
.
Daughter called again during my meeting. The board started laughing, because they have seen the routine before. They decided it was a good time to pass around the tray of leftover goodies from the open house. (I had told them they had to eat them all. The tray was passed around several times.) Daughter claimed that another resident told her that a staff member had complained to her and said Daughter needed to move out because Daughter had reported seeing a staff member hit a resident. I reminded Daughter that the resident was notoriously unreliable and loved to stir up trouble. She is the one they've been trying to move out since before Daughter moved in. I will be glad when she is gone. What has pleased me is the way Daughter handled both situations. She called, and she was calm and matter of fact, reporting, not manipulating.
.
Yesterday ended well.

Ministry

About a month ago I went to visit a woman who was very depressed. She's too young (and poor) to retire, and too old to easily find another job. Her workplace can only be described as toxic. We talked, and I gave her some suggestions about ways to deal with the stress. One thing I suggested was that when she hung up her work clothes when she got home, she also hang up all thoughts of the place. I also encouraged her to plan a vacation south to see a sister in January or February so she would have a break to look forward to. She works many Sunday mornings, so I hadn't seen her since our visit. Yesterday she was in worship. She rushed over to greet me with a hug and kiss, thanking me for my time and telling me how much it had helped and how much better she felt. She had to work last night, so she wasn't able to Christmas caroling or come to my open house. So one of the groups went and sang carols to her where she works. She was thrilled. So often in ministry we don't know if we're making a difference, so it was wonderful to learn that my visit had been helpful to her.

We had both boards meet in a joint meeting tonight, including all the people who will begin service in January, which meant there were about 25 people there. I told them I was too tired to do higher math tonight, and I couldn't count because it required more than my toes and fingers. We had some time of retiring and continuing members imparting their wisdom and sharing what they thought we should work on in the coming year. The new people shared their hopes/concerns. It was a very positive meeting. The service board then left and I continued with the leadership board. The leadership board was so positive about my leadership this past year.

I asked for a Sunday to be determined off in January. I told them I was tired. The co-moderator of the search committee told me he was proud of me for asking for a Sunday before he had to yell at me. It was such a positive meeting. Lots of laughter and sharing. Some good dreams for the future. In January the two boards will another Monday night and all day on Saturday together to do more intense planning for the coming year.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love serving with this congregation?

The Meeting

We had the team meeting today on Daughter's plan. There was universal horror at the med situation. House Manager has some real challenges with the staff there. She has several issues to go back and address. I also have her personal cell phone number for the next time there is an issue. Nurse was going down to talk to the pharmacy as we left. In spite all the medication issues, Daughter is happy with the move.

I'm optimistic that the problems will be addressed. They are working on getting a new medical coordinator, hopefully one that will last longer than the last one. The woman who has been stirring up a great deal of problem should be moving out in the next month. Daughter was present for the entire meeting, and handled it well. We could tell she was getting overwhelmed at times, but I was very proud of how she handled herself. More later. Need to finish preparing for the board meeting this evening....

I Don't Think So

Case Manager just called. She has a medical appointment to deal with an important issue that came up over the weekend, and wondered about rescheduling today's meeting. I told her absolutely not. If she's not there, we'll just have to do it without her. I told her that wasn't fair to Daughter, and Daughter wasn't stable enough to handle having this meeting we've been anticipating rescheduled (probably for some time in January or February). CM had not read the email yet, so was unaware of the med issues.
.
The meeting is going forward today to deal with the med issues, and we may need to meet again next month to finish her plan for the year. Got a response this morning from Home Manager. They're "trying" to find a new med coordinator. It should be an interesting meeting, to say the least. Program Manager will be transporting Daughter to the meeting. She just responded to the team pointing out that the old pharmacy automatically refilled prescriptions on a monthly basis. There are so many new, inexperienced players in this equation that is a real mess. My goal for today's meeting is simple: Make sure there is a proactive plan with safeguards to make sure Daughter is getting the medication she needs when she needs it. One of my main concerns about this move was making sure her medical needs were met.
.
I am not going to bring her home, and the situation has to improve immediately.

Action

I'm amazed-- but somehow they supposedly managed to get the antipsychotic filled on Sunday. In Daughter's last call staff told her to tell me the pharmacy would be delivering it. The only thing I can think is they contacted the pharmacy on the psych unit, because I know the retail unit in the mental health building isn't open weekends.
.
Daughter was sobbing the last time she called, begging me to come get her so she could be at the open house. She promised she'd be good. It broke my heart. I told her I knew she would want to be good, but I didn't think she would be able to handle the chaos. Besides, I didn't have time to go get her. I promised her I'd see her at the meeting tomorrow.
.
The open house went very well. Kitten charmed everyone, moving from lap to lap to snooze. I hope she didn't share any fleas with anyone. I don't know how many people came, but it was well attended. One of the men was wearing a ridiculous Christmas tree hat. Another man had a Santa hat with Goofy ears with flashing lights. It was a fun evening. Apparently Daughter had a number of interesting conversations this morning at church. I was hearing reports. One woman heard about her anger and frustration with the med issues. She told another woman to stop whining.
.
I'm tired. I'm going to do a little more clean up and then head to bed. I have a doctor's appointment at 10:00 tomorrow morning, and then Daughter's meeting and such beginning at 1:00. A woman who was over 100 years old died yesterday evening. I saw her on Thursday, and knew death was close. I told her daughter Administrative Assistant and I would be available when they needed us, even if it is the week we're off between Christmas and New Year's. I got an email from her this evening, and they're thinking about a memorial service on December 29. A lot of family will be visiting for the holidays, making it easier. Of course I told her I'd be available, but my heart sank. I need some time off. I'm tired. I don't know when I'll get it, but I need it. I now have 4 sermons to write between now and January 1. It's going to be another busy week. I think I need to head to bed....

2:00

I had to take Daughter back. She was going to walk back. She'd first asked to go back at 12:35. That one blew over. I was intentionally not engaging her. I was letting her choose what, if anything, she wanted to do to help with the final preparations. By 2:00 it was obvious she couldn't handle this, and would end up embarrassing herself at the open house if I didn't take her back. As she said as we were headed back, "I'm not in my right mind." I told her I knew that, and we'd get the meds straight and she'd be fine. "No I won't. They're never going to get the meds right."
.
Turns out the med coordinator is no longer with them. Daughter made quite an entrance, and when a staff member got on her, I informed her she couldn't help it-- she is off her antipsychotic. Daughter certainly got their attention. They were tracking down the house manager for the men who is supposed to be filling in as med coordinator. They are also out of her birth control pills.
.
This is so unfair to Daughter. I was crying by the time I left her. She was curled up on the floor of the office, sobbing. Now I have to pull it together and finish the open house preparations so I can be a charming hostess. At least that gives me something to focus on other than Daughter's pain.

Not Off to a Promising Start

When I got to the group home to pick up Daughter, she hadn't had breakfast. Daughter wanted to know if she had time for breakfast. I told her not unless she could take it to go, as I had a lot to do and we needed to get going. The staff member on meds had been late getting in, and is new and very slow. Daughter claims she tried to give her the wrong pills, giving her night pills instead of morning pills. Daughter hadn't packed for spending the night-- she said she didn't know, but I'm sure I told her.
.
By the time we got out of the house, Daughter was crying (and hungry). I explained to staff that the plan is for her to spend the night, but if she is too volatile, I may bring her back this afternoon. I suspect she'll be going back this afternoon. I realized halfway here that staff hadn't given me her night time insulin from the refrigerator. I have a feeling it's going to be a very long day....
.
I still have quite a bit to do in preparation for the open house. My workload and Daughter's lack of the antipsychotic could make for an explosive combination. I hope I'm wrong, and she's able to pull it together. It will be an interesting team meeting tomorrow as I express my concerns over some of these issues. A very interesting meeting.

Growing Frustration

Daughter called a little while ago, in tears. She doesn't know what's wrong. There aren't any activities planned for today. She can't handle the noise there. She doesn't think they gave her all the medications they are supposed to give her this morning-- she thinks they shorted one of her mood stabilizers. So she's now without her antipsychotic and short on her mood stabilizer. I noticed when I did her meds this week that they had changed the strength of the pill, and that I had to punch out a pill from each of two different cards (all her meds are now blister packed). I was concerned, as she's always had the proper strength of the pill so she only had to take one. All the other meds that she had to take two of them had the two of them together in one blister. I thought it was confusing.
.
I sent an email out this morning to the entire team, expressing my concern over what had happened. I ache for Daughter. This is so unfair to her. We have her 30 day meeting Monday and then she sees Psychiatrist. That should be interesting. Daughter said that the medical coordinator wasn't there any more. She didn't know if that was because she doesn't work there, or she's just been off or not working when Daughter is there. I find myself wondering if she was fired. I know she was struggling in the new position.
.
It looks like we're going to have an interesting weekend.

Frustrated Mom

Daughter and I had a good evening yesterday. She talked about some of her feelings. I can help when she's willing to talk about her feelings. I talked about the things she needs to do to get and keep a job. I reminded her that no place is perfect, and she needs to learn how to deal with frustrating situations, because she will always face them.
.
When she left this morning, there were some genuine tears-- she misses living at home. I was pleased with the way this visit went, and hoped maybe we'd turned a corner. Then she called this evening. They are out of her antipsychotic. The pharmacy is closed until Monday. The Christmas Open House is Sunday, and I was planning on having her with me all day and taking her to her program on Monday. I am dreading what being off her antipsychotic will do to her. I'm a frustrated mom. I just want to cry. I told Daughter to have whoever is on meds call me. That was 3 hours ago. I think they may be avoiding me. That may be a smart thing to do....

Ministry

I began the day with a 7:30 breakfast with colleagues, and will end tonight by (hopefully) finalizing Sunday's sermon while Daughter is at choir. In between we worked on Christmas and New Year's Day worship, and I made 4 visits. One visit was at a senior high rise, and one was in the hospital. Both places I was introduced to others with great pride, "This is my pastor." Neither visit was particularly long, but both were very much appreciated. All of the visits had stories of pain. Family estrangements, fear of death, longing for death, hanging on to life in hopes of reconciliation.
.
I consider it a great honor to be allowed to accompany people on their journeys. I see sides of them that others don't get to see. I hear of pain that is carefully hidden from others. I have two people who are near death. Administrative Assistant and I have both said that we are willing to come in during our vacation between Christmas and New Year's if either of them dies. It would be a blessing if one of the deaths came sooner than that. The other would be better later, because the same caregiver is responsible for both of them. She does have limits, and the stress is taking a toll. If you count the time with her as we drove between the two women, that makes 5 pastoral visits today. A full and rewarding day.

An Apology and a Pleasant Evening

Daughter called this afternoon. "Hi, Mama."
.
"Oh, I'm your mother again."
.
Silence. More silence.
.
"Okay, last night was bad. I'm sorry."
.
She invited me to the party, provided I didn't embarrass her. I dutifully showed up a few minutes after the party started at 5:00. She wasn't there. The car transporting her home from program broke down. They'd sent someone to rescue her and the others. I talked to the house manager, who said Daughter seems to be adjusting well, and always greets her warmly.
.
Finally someone told me Daughter was dropping off her things and coming. (The party was at the men's house next door). She said Daughter was pretty upset. I told her I had figured she would be. When she finally came in, she was glad to see me and hugged me (in public). She was upset because someone who used to be in her program and is rather exuberant, to say the least was there. We got our food, and went back over to her house. We sat and ate together and chatted. It was pleasant. She was not happy when I mentioned I might not make the traditional egg casserole for Christmas morning, since we'll have to head out to worship, so I said I'd make it. I guess she likes that tradition more than I knew.
.
I left her and went to the warehouse store, and got home a little while ago. I think I was possessed by my mother while I was there, because I ended up buying more Christmas decorations. Now I'm going to go put them up.

Two Nights in a Row

Daughter hung up on me again this evening. Tonight she was mad because I won't let her move back here. I told her I look forward to her visits and to spending time with her, but she's not going to live here. She said, "Then you're not my mother. Good-bye." She then hung up the phone.
.
I talked to a staff member earlier in the evening, who was calling to figure out the carbs on the pizza they were having for supper. I asked her how she thought things were going, and she said Daughter hasn't been happy recently, but isn't willing to talk about what is bothering her.
.
I tried to get her thinking about goals for the coming year, and asked her about getting a job. She wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea. There is a party tomorrow night, but she has said she doesn't want me to attend. I told her to let me know if she changed her mind.
.
I'm sorry she's having a hard time right now, but she's going to have to work through it. I'm not going to rescue her. I'm not going to bring her back here and have to live with her drama. It's a lot easier not to get hooked when the drama is limited to a phone call or two each day. I'm enjoying the empty nest.

Missed Call

I missed Daughter's call this morning, but in her message she was happy and upbeat. Her storms come up quickly and blow over quickly. Staff gets to go home at the end of their shifts, which makes it easier for them to deal with it. It's much easier for me to deal with her when it's just phone calls once or twice a day. Of course, when she calls back tonight, it may be another storm. I should have saved the voice mail so I could go back and hear her happy after the frustrating calls....
.

"You're Too Much of a Minister!"

Daughter called while I was at the church waiting for the budget meeting. She was mad. She didn't have enough carbs in her lunch today, so she wanted the responsible staff member to be fired. She saw it as proof that she isn't safe there. I reminded her that she has a voice and she can keep herself safe. I suggested she check the carbs in her lunch before she leaves in the morning and help staff figure out what she needs to bring it up to the appropriate amount of carbs. She was growing increasingly frustrated as I calmly suggested ways to deal with the issue. Finally she shouted, "You're too much of a minister!" and hung up on me. She probably wouldn't be happy if I told her I took that as a compliment.
.
The budget meeting went very well tonight. People were very willing to make cuts to their budgets. We ended up with a budget that will work and it only took an hour. The biggest problem was that people don't understand the budget. We will be working on that in January, and hopefully next year they will come to the meeting with a better understanding of how things work.
.

Dragging

I was in bed at 6:00 yesterday evening, and after 12 hours of sleep, I'm still dragging today. Tonight we meet to finalize the budget for 2012. Our stewardship campaign resulted in a nice increase in pledges, but we did a challenge budget, so we will have to do some cutting to balance the budget for next year. I think I'll go home and get a nap before the meeting-- it could be interesting and I will need to be at my best. In the past, the treasurer has taken recommendations to the finance committee. The finance committee has sent his recommendations to the board, and the board has approved those recommendations. I discovered this year that the treasurer and administrative assistant are the only ones who really understand the budget.
.
This year, the committee leaders will meet to negotiate the cuts that need to be made with the finance committee. In January, the treasurer will go in and meet with each committee to explain their budget to them. The committee leaders will get reports on their line item budgets every month. It's part of communicating and equipping leaders, two of our priorities for this year.
.
I'm beginning to make changes in the way things are done. For the most part, the congregation has been open to them. I don't generally think of administration as one of my strengths, but as I look at the changes I've made this year, I'm reassessing my perception of my strengths. We have made a number of changes to reduce costs and increase efficiency in the office. There will be more changes coming.
.
We are moving forward as a congregation, and I am moving forward as an empty nester. I'm excited to see what the coming year will bring us.

A Movie

I took Daughter to see a movie this afternoon. It is obvious that she is struggling right now. She doesn't know what she wants. I asked what goals she had for our upcoming meeting to set her case plan for the year. She wants to get her own place. I don't know if she understands how much she has to do before we can even talk about her living independently. I tried to engage her in a conversation about it, but she didn't want to talk about it. She was less offensive today, but I didn't feel like I connected with her.
.
I'm supposed to be headed to a party with colleagues right now, but I don't know if I'm going to make it. I'm sticking pretty close to the bathroom. I may just curl up and go to sleep. This is going to be a very busy week,and getting some extra rest before I jump into it might be a good idea.

Phone Calls

Daughter has called twice today. The first time she got mad and hung up on me, because I called er out on her treatment of me. She called and apologized a few minutes later. I told her if she was nice to me tomorrow, I'd take her to see a movie after church. I'm not going to bring her to the house.
.
I think she's struggling with the reality of the move. She's struggling to find new goals. We have the team meeting to come up with the plan and goals for the coming year on the 19th. I think it will be essential to come up with some realistic goals that she can achieve and that will move her forward. Maybe we can get her into a job training program or something. She needs something to look forward to. She needs hope and a goal.

Daughter's Request

Daughter called yesterday evening. She sounded down. She didn't apologize, but she didn't complain either. She asked if I could come get her today. I was surprised, and pointed out that she's miserable when she's here. She said, "Mom, I'm miserable every where I am right now."
.
I refused to pick her up today, but told her that if she did well Sunday morning, we'd do something fun before I take her back. I'm thinking I might take her to a movie. I have a Christmas party tomorrow, and need to see what time that is before I make my final decision.
.
While I wish she had apologized, I'm pleased that she made a straight forward request rather than seeking to manipulate me. We'll see how she does tomorrow, and what today's phone call brings....