We talked about a number of things at the meeting Monday, including the fact that Daughter likes the group home, but won't acknowledge it to me, because she wants me to feel guilty and is punishing me. Whenever this came up, Daughter would put something over her face to hide her grin. I would make a show of looking away so she could acknowledge that she liked it without me seeing it.
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I think (hope) that was an important acknowledgement. Yesterday evening she called and she was excited because they were going to a jazz club. I'm not clear about what this activity is, but they go somewhere to listen to live music on Tuesday evenings. She was excited and willing to share that excitement with me.
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A couple of hours later, she called back, sad. She said her old problem was back and the noise had been overwhelming and she had to leave. She wanted to be with me. I told her that wasn't possible, but asked if she had talked to Therapist that day about a self soothing kit. She had, so I suggested she make use of those things, and she decided she'd do it. I also reminded her I was looking forward to seeing her Thursday. It was good.
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At Monday's meeting, Therapist had talked about how one of the things they do with borderlines in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is have the individual take a box and put in it things they can use to sooth themselves. I hadn't heard that, but for years I have been responding to Daughter's crises by encouraging her to do things that are soothing. That's one of the reasons I keep replacing her ipod-- music is very helpful for her in self soothing. In fact, at one point I wasn't going to replace it because it had been damaged by her negligence. The staff at her program begged me to replace it, because it was so soothing to her.
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Yesterday evenings conversations were more real. She was being much less manipulative. I think (hope) that we have turned a corner in her adjustment to living away from me. That would be the best Christmas present ever!
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