Monday, December 5, 2011

Let Us Know How that Works out for You

I took Daughter to her program this morning. She was not happy about being there. Program Manager and I were speculating on how long it would be before she called her house to come get her, and how many times they'd do that before they'd catch on. PM sent out an email to the team a little while ago passing on Daughter's request to quit her program and stay home all day with her friends. I pointed out that that was interesting, since Saturday she wanted me to go get her because it is too boring at her house when she doesn't have program. She will change her mind many more times before the team meeting on the 19th.
It's nice to watch her drama from the outside. Yesterday she kept dropping little tidbits, trying to get a reaction out of me. It didn't work, but she tried. She tried to convince me that the home is messing up her medication and her diet. She made comments about safety related issues. She claimed she was attacked by a staff member. The comments kept getting more outrageous, and I'm sure she was frustrated by my lack of response.
I'm sure she'll take back some wonderful stories about her time with me to the home. Some of them are beginning to figure her out, others will take longer.


Miz Kizzle said...

She wanted you to go into "Mama Bear Mode" and start a ruckus with the staff members who are allegedly endangering her health and beating her to a pulp.
She loves drama and triangulation.
I hope you told her how much fun you had at the party.

Anonymous said...

i agree with ms kizzle, this is what i have been trying to say. good luck, don't continue to enable her to get to you and cause drama. this group home is the best thing for both of you, get a part of your life that you don't share with her or excuse and don't feel guilty. put "mama bear" in hibernation.

Reverend Mom said...

Miz Kizzle,
I'm not going to tell her about the party-- she would feel bad about not going. I want to disengage from the drama while staying connected with her-- her biggest fear is abandonment, I'm not going to intentionally feed into that fear by gloating about the things I'm not taking her to.

I have been watching from the sidelines for some time. I report what happens here, but my mantra with her for months has been, "I have confidence in your ability to handle this. I love you and will see you ____." The only time I've intervened was when staff didn't know what she needed for a bedtime snack, and then there was no drama involved, I thanked them for all they were doing and explained what she needed for her snack and why. I have a good relationship with the staff, and they know that I have their backs-- I told them that and they've seen that from day one. She wanted me to yell at staff for not getting her her pills and breakfast earlier. I assured staff it was not a problem, and when I arrived to get her I informed Daughter that she was to treat staff with respect and her attitude and words t them had not been appropriate. They heard me reprimand her.

Yes, it is exhausting when she's targetting me, but I don't react. She certainly isn't getting what she wants from me. She was mad Sunday because she wanted to eat at a sit down restaurant, and I told her I'd only take her to one if she promised not to argue with me about what she could order. That made her mad. She didn't argue about her meal selection, but she did pout throughout the meal. I had my 'droid, so I checked email when she refused to talk. Her problem, not mine.

Miz Kizzle said...

No gloating implied. Your DD gets to have fun with her friends and I think she should know you do, too.
My mom died shortly after I graduated from college but I would have hated starting out my life as an independent adult thinking she was sitting around waiting for me to call.

Reverend Mom said...

She knows I'm busy and happy. It's bothering her some. She will begin to hear more about my social life, but not all at once.