Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sunday Snapshots

I was running a little late this morning, and when I went down to get Daughter, she was just getting her meds in preparation for breakfast. I informed her she didn't have time to eat. I grabbed her meds, she grabbed her suitcase and we headed to the church. When we got there she was pouting because I obviously didn't understand that she is a diabetic and needs to eat. I gave her some peanut butter crackers. She threw them across the study. I put them away.
I have a note book that contains all the liturgy for the day. When the lay leader started reading an introduction, I realized she was reading last week's material. I left to get this week's, and it had vanished. I had printed it out and punched holes in it, I have no idea where it is. I printed out a new set and got back to the sanctuary before she needed the next item. Fortunately, the congregation thought it was funny.
Daughter was happy and pleasant around the church members, but as soon as we got in the car and headed out to lunch, she was mean again. When we got home, she went in to take a nap. I finally woke her up, telling her we needed to go get the insulin we'd left in the refrigerator at her house, but first I wanted her to do some work in her room. She had dumped a bunch of stuff on the floor. I brought up a box, and began putting clean clothes in it to take back to her house. She told me to get out of her room, she'd made the mess and it was her responsibility. I got out. She started yelling that she couldn't do it alone. I went back in. She kicked me out.
I got the cable to hook up the DVD/VCR player Sister gave us Thanksgiving. It had been Dad's. In fact, I think I'm the one who bought it for Mom and Dad. We headed back to her house with the box and the cables to hook things up and get her insulin. She was surly until we got there, and then she got all nice and sweet in front of the people at the house.
When we got back into the car, I called her on the behavior, pointing out she was mean to me when we're alone, but nice when there are other people around.
For supper I'd prepared some of her favorite foods. She asked for things she knew she couldn't have, and complained about portion sizes.
We had a Christmas concert at the church tonight, and Daughter was singing in the choir. When we got back to the church, she was cheerful. She came and found me alone and started talking about needing her meter because she thought she was going low. I just looked at her. She stormed off.
The concert was wonderful. It featured our choir, bell choir, and a brass quintet. There was food following it. Both the choirs did a fantastic job. We have a large percentage of the congregation that is involved in choir. We are blessed with a gifted director.
After the concert she started being super sweet to me. I started calling her on it, loudly. "You've been mean to me all day, and now you've decided to be nice?" She was embarrassed. I've decided that's what I'm going to tell her she's being mean when she starts pulling this stuff. Will it help? Maybe for a while.
I am very aware of how exhausting it is to be alone with her. It's torture, listening to her complain about everything. I'm going to minimize time she spends at home until she can start showing me some respect. She's spending the night tonight, and then I'll take her to her program tomorrow morning. She'll go back to her house from there. I won't see her again until Thursday evening.


Anonymous said...

again, she plays you like a fiddle. tell her your "dr." said you need time off from her brutality and will see her maybe next week. she chooses how to act with each person and you have seen it again and again. why do you deserve this? you are not helping her, only enabling her to continue. good luck.

Miz Kizzle said...

I'm sorry your visit was so stressful. Aren't you glad you have so time to unwind before the next go-round?

Reverend Mom said...

I don't see how she plays me like a fiddle. I don't go running to her rescue. I don't give her extra time. I have her for church and choir, and the minimum amount of time for each. I won't take those away from her. Yesterday was unusual because of the choir concert she was singing in. It reinforced my decision not to have her home except for worship and the family Christmas celebration over Christmas break. I won't take those away from her, either. She is still my daughter and part of the family, and she is still a member of the church.

Miz Kizzle,
I'm very grateful. It's nice to be able to say, "I have confidence in your ability to figure it out," and hang up on her drama.

maeve said...

I think you're doing a great job at "staying at the station". She is trying very hard to push your buttons and she can't get close enough to push them. I love it! Great job, mom!