Saturday, August 7, 2010

Scary Night

Yesterday evening we went to Town for supper and the concert in the park. Daughter was planning to meet some of her friends, including Nice Guy. We arrived at the park and I took my seat in my lawn chair while she went off in search of friends. It was a much smaller crowd than usual, as it was the community concert band that was playing rather than a band they'd hired that played hit music.
As the evening progressed, I realized Daughter had not stopped by or called me, which was unusual. Then I realized that Best Friend Mommy was over to the side with her baby and Daughter hadn't come by to see her. I got up and wandered over to the restrooms, scanning the crowd as I went. I didn't see Daughter or her friends. I began to wonder if she'd gone off with Nice Guy again. I called her cell phone to check on her. She didn't answer. She often doesn't answer the first time I call. Sometimes she leaves it on vibrate and doesn't hear it. I called again. She still didn't answer. It occasionally takes her a few calls to hear my call, but she always answers or calls me back. I called again. My call went straight to voice mail. Okay, maybe she was trying to call me at the same time. But my phone didn't ring, and repeated calls went straight to voice mail.
I got up and walked around, looking for her, my mind racing. Had she gone off with Nice Guy? Had he made her turn off her phone? Where could they have gone? I didn't have his cell phone number, and the other friends she was talking about meeting didn't have cell phones. How long should I wait before I called the police? What kind of car did Nice Guy drive? Would his mother be home? Did I have his mother's phone number in my cell phone? Would Daughter call me eventually? Should I go home and wait for her to call? What if he'd decided to take her someplace and keep her until the court house was open and they could get married? What if he was raping her? What if they'd been in an accident? Who could I call to help me figure things out?
Then I saw her. She was over in a completely different area of the park, alone. Her story was she didn't know I was trying to call her because she was talking on the phone to friends. Her phone had shut down because the battery was dead. I told her she had to stay with me since her cell phone was dead and I wouldn't be able to reach her. She got mad and refused. We came home with her in the backseat alternating between yelling about how unreasonable I was being and hitting herself with her fists.
Once we plugged her cell phone into the charger I was able to confirm that she had two missed calls from me. Eventually, she acknowledged she'd ignored my calls. I told her how worried I had been. She showed remorse and felt guilty. I'm glad she was just being a brat, but am reluctant to give her any freedom when she pulls things like that. She doesn't keep her cell phone charged, and I told her she has to find a place for the charger, and put her cell phone on it every day.
She didn't acknowledge that she'd ignored my calls until bedtime. I told her if she ever pulled a stunt like that again she'd be grounded for life. She informed me that was impossible. There will be another conversation about that today, and there will be consequences, I just have to decide what they will be. For now, I'm grateful that she was just being a brat and ignoring my calls.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad she's okay. All this drama isn't doing your health any good.
If you're concerned that NG would kidnap your DD and rape her, then maybe you shouldn't allow her any contact with him at all. Even an innocuous concert in the park turned into an emotionally draining experience because your DD can't be trusted.
Perhaps a talk with the local law enforcement in which you give them a photo of your DD and describe her limitations would give you some peace of mind. Giving them NG's license plate number and a description of his car would help, too.
There are a few places in the US where a couple can just show up and get married without a waiting period or blood tests or any of the other requirements that are usually mandated by law but unless Tiny Village or someplace nearby is one of them, it's impossible for them to just appear at town hall and get hitched. Would it help for DD to be informed of this?
You're in a bad situation that's getting worse. I don't think threatening to ground her for life is going to do anything except make her more defiant but from reading your blog for a while, I really, REALLY think the two of you would be much happier if she were living in some sort of supervised group home where she could be with her peers and have some sense of freedom while having qualified people on hand to keep an eye on her diabetes and her general progress.

Marge said...

How scary for you! I'm so glad you found her and that she was safe. It's time to move!

Reverend Mom said...

Lots of good ideas, and if we were staying here... I plan to check into supported living for her as soon as we move. She will stay with me a while as she gets comfortable with the new community, but my hope is that a year from now she'll be out of the house.

It's time to move. Soon.

maeve said...

Our girls are a lot alike. I have "family locator" on Sprint. If she hasn't checked in I can find her with this service....$5.00 month. I've used it a couple of times and been happy I had it. Of course you didn't have a computer at the concert, so no suggestions.

It's great that you're moving...another place will make it easier for you and Daughter.

Reverend Mom said...


Does that work when the cell phone is turned off? I have internet on my cell phone, I may have to see if verizon has a similar feature. When we move and change our phone numbers, I'm going to get her a new phone. She's past due for a new one.