The mother of a member died today. Today would have been Mom and Dad's 55th wedding anniversary. I realized today that we will begin moving into our new home on the 1st anniversary of Dad's death. I told Daughter I was tired tonight. But it's more than that. I'm grieving. My parents are dead, and I miss them. They would be so excited that I'm moving back closer to them. They would be excited about the new church, the higher salary, the opportunity to buy a house, and the opportunities for Daughter. Dad would want regular updates on what's happening. He'd offer advice as to whether I should move the lawnmower or buy a new one.
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Tonight I miss my parents. Tonight I grieve their deaths. Yes I'm tired, but more importantly, I'm grieving. Tomorrow morning I'm having a breakfast with someone to plan a graveside service. That's another reminder of my own losses. The grief is coming less often, but it's still there. This will be the first church that doesn't know my parents. This will be the first house my parents haven't seen. Mom won't be offering advice on decorating and organizing. She won't be driving me crazy by decorating every nook and cranny for Christmas.
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I guess this move has me feeling alone. I don't have parents to offer guidance and advice. I don't have parents to share my excitement and joy. I'll be alone.
3 comments:
Wendy, I am so sorry..... I know how it feels to not have parents to share in the things that happen, good or bad.
I want to say it gets easier with time, but it doesn't, every millstone in our lives, there is a sadness that they aren't here to share in it. it is what you say, it is "grief."
We know Jesus is with us and He will never leave us, but I, too, know what you mean. My parents are gone too, and it's so hard. Two years last month that mom died. Next month would be her birthday. And just the other day I started to say "I need to call mom and tell her such and such." There is always some kind of a reminder. I hope it gets better for you. Your move is exciting and something you've wanted for a long time. I hope you can enjoy it.
Blessings,
Marge
I know how you feel. My mother died shortly after I graduated from college. She never knew my husband or met my children. She never knew that I became an attorney, had two books published, traveled through Europe and Asia, bought the lakeside cottage that she always wanted and became a very competent cook.
Not long ago I realized that I have been married for more years than I knew my mother. It was an odd feeling.
Odder still is how it feels to talk about my mother to my children and to realize that to them, she is a collection of photographs and some anecdotes instead of an actual person, the grandmother who would have been absolutely thrilled to watch them grow up.
Yes, I believe in a life hereafter and yes, I believe that we will be reunited, but for the moment, the best word I can think of to describe how I feel is cheated.
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