The mother of a member died today. Today would have been Mom and Dad's 55th wedding anniversary. I realized today that we will begin moving into our new home on the 1st anniversary of Dad's death. I told Daughter I was tired tonight. But it's more than that. I'm grieving. My parents are dead, and I miss them. They would be so excited that I'm moving back closer to them. They would be excited about the new church, the higher salary, the opportunity to buy a house, and the opportunities for Daughter. Dad would want regular updates on what's happening. He'd offer advice as to whether I should move the lawnmower or buy a new one.
Tonight I miss my parents. Tonight I grieve their deaths. Yes I'm tired, but more importantly, I'm grieving. Tomorrow morning I'm having a breakfast with someone to plan a graveside service. That's another reminder of my own losses. The grief is coming less often, but it's still there. This will be the first church that doesn't know my parents. This will be the first house my parents haven't seen. Mom won't be offering advice on decorating and organizing. She won't be driving me crazy by decorating every nook and cranny for Christmas.
I guess this move has me feeling alone. I don't have parents to offer guidance and advice. I don't have parents to share my excitement and joy. I'll be alone.