Yesterday evening Daughter told me what happened last Friday night. We didn't go to the concert yesterday evening. We were under a heat advisory, so we stayed home and Daughter snuggled next to me while we watched TV. Early in the evening Daughter had asked me why we couldn't just move now (it will be at least 2 months before we move). But later she began to cry and tell me she couldn't move. She couldn't leave her friends, especially Best Friend Mommy, who has appointed her godmother to her baby. She couldn't leave because she wouldn't be able to see them. I pointed out she didn't see them now, and asked how many times she had seen the baby. She surprised me by telling me she'd seen them twice. I asked when she'd seen them the second time, expecting to hear the BFM had come by the workshop with the baby.
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She told me a scary story. Last Friday, after they finished pizza, Nice Guy began pressuring Daughter to sneak off with him. He wanted to go to the courthouse and get married. I think he must have finally used the heat and the promise of visiting BFM to get her into the car. Once he got her into his car, he wouldn't let her use her cell phone to call me for a while. I don't know what all happened, and I'm not sure I want to know. Fortunately, the courthouse was closed, so getting married wasn't an option.
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I am very grateful that Daughter broke up with NG Sunday evening. I hope that when I get her situated in a new program in Capital, there won't be the pressure to be a part of a couple and get married and make babies. That's one of the things I will be looking for in any programs we consider. I'm glad that I'm going to be getting Daughter away from this culture.
6 comments:
So, did she visit BFM during the aborted elopement? I'd say Nice Guy isn't so nice after all. That type of obsessive behavior is very dangerous. Naive young woman might see it as romantic but in reality it's selfish and controlling. Too often, it leads to violence if the girl decides to break up. Back when I was a newspaper reporter I covered a sad story of a murder- suicide on the young woman's wedding morning. Her ex-boyfriend shot and killed her on the porch of her parents' home as she was dressed in her wedding gown on the way to be married. The shooter drove his car into a lake and shot himself in the head. He left a note that said, basically, "If I can't have you, nobody will."
Awful. And all too prevalent among spoiled young men who see woman as possessions and not as people.
it's good you're leaving. You may want to get a restraining order against Formerly Nice Guy.
Yes, they visited BFM. I think that's how he convinced her to leave with him. I agree, it's dangerous. Case Manager mediated between Daughter and NG on Tuesday. They'd agreed they'd just be friends. Last night Daughter told me she wasn't sure she even wanted to be friends with him. She's wise.
Can we move with you? I see this in our future. Sadly.
Kari,
Sure, move with us. I don't think it will make much difference, though. There will be NG's wherever we move....
What is it with these workshop guys feeling driven to be married and have babies? Most young men would rather wrestle with an alligator than get married so young.
It's the culture here. The drive to marry and marry young is strong. For many women, it's their only goal in life. It is rather disheartening at times.
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