Stress

The knowledge that we will be moving and all that will be involved with that move is of course stressful, but amazingly, I feel like a huge load of stress has lifted. For the past 4 years I've been living in uncertainty. Every time I have scheduled a wedding, I've wondered if I should warn the couple I might not be here for it. Every January in the board retreat when we've set the calendar for the year, I've felt a little guilty scheduling the December open house, recognizing that I might not be here for it. In August, when we've planned the senior luncheons for the year, I've wondered if it's fair for me to volunteer to prepare particular food items, knowing that I might not be here when the meal comes round.

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Over 4 years ago I went to see an attorney about getting guardianship of Daughter. He told me what it would cost, and then explained that it did not transfer between states. For 4 years I've been waiting to get guardianship until after we moved, not wanting to spend megabucks to get guardianship twice.

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I've struggled each year with vacation plans. Did I need to save vacation time for interviews? I've held off on buying things for our home. Would we need it/have space for it after we moved? We live in a large 4 bedroom home that the church provides, I've pondered whether I needed to be getting rid of stuff in preparation for a move, and I've struggled with the question of what should be downsized.

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For four years, many aspects of our lives have been in limbo, and decisions have been on hold. In the next month or so I will be putting an offer on a house, and thanks to my parents' good stewardship, I will have the resources to buy a more than adequate home for us. I will be making plans about decorating a house in which I get to choose the paint colors.

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I will be moving back to civilization. There will be grocery stores, department stores, and shopping malls within a mile of us. There will be options in restaurants. We will be able to get pizza delivered to our home. My ministry will be with people who are more like me in terms of background and education. It's back in my home state, so I understand the industry and the culture. I will be among people who enjoy reading, and won't dismiss me as a bookworm. I will be among people who will push me for more creativity in worship and for the use of PowerPoint, not people who complain if the music isn't from the very old hymnal we use.

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This morning, I already feel better, lighter. The next few months will be full of change and stress, and I will welcome it. Because I know where we're going. Four years of living amid uncertainty are ending. I have learned and grown in these four years, and I'm grateful to be looking ahead to the next challenge.