Reflections

At the conference, I took a course on professional development. It was a good opportunity to examine my gifts and my passions and consider what God's call to me really is. I will blog later about where I see God calling me in ministry. It was also an opportunity to explore ways to reprioritize my life and ministry, which is what I have been working on today.
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This morning I sat down and blocked out the week, scheduling the things I want to get done in various time slots (and making sure I leave margins). In addition to working out a schedule, I was busy today in the kitchen. I put some chicken and barbecue sauce in the crock pot this morning. I cleaned out the refrigerator, made some real oatmeal and put it in the refrigerator for Daughter's breakfasts, made some apple muffins, finished unloading the dishwasher that Daughter didn't complete this morning, and washed lots of dishes. I also was working on laundry, including Daughter's linens (yes, she's still wetting the bed).
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My plan is to make time for Daughter every day when she first gets home. So today, I greeted her warmly and invited her to come sit in my study and enjoy a treat with me. I got us each an apple muffin (still warm). Her only comment was that it wasn't completely done. Then she asked if she could have something else, too. I said not now. I was asking her about her day (she was reluctant to say much).
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As we were finishing our conversation, the phone rang. It was the young woman next door. She had just found several newspaper articles online about the man who raped her last summer. He's been caught and is being held for another rape, but the DA wants to talk to my neighbor about possibly prosecuting her case, as well. My neighbor was having a difficult time with the feelings all of this was raising in her, so I began listening and offering reassurance. (Why do people comment on an article about rape by blaming the woman?)
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I asked Daughter to take care of the clothes in the dryer. She told me she did, but she didn't, leaving things in the dryer to get wrinkled. I commented that she had lied to me, and asked her to finish the job. She informed me she was done, she wasn't doing another single thing for me, and stormed out of the house.
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She is struggling to turn things around now. I can do everything right, but she can still choose to be a victim. No rational person would see her as a victim, but that doesn't make any difference to her. She sees herself as a victim of this awful mother who only lets her have one snack and expects her to help with the laundry. I can give her every opportunity to be happy and successful, but it's up to her whether to take advantage of them or not.
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I'm going to start setting up respite for one evening a week. I'll let someone else supervise her chores. I'll run away (or hide in my bedroom). I'm not going to let her issues get in the way of my life and ministry (at least as much as that is possible....)