I'm feeling old this year. I'm having a tough time adjusting to the cooler weather. For years I didn't even wear a winter coat most of the time. I kept the thermostat down and was perfectly comfortable with jeans and a sweatshirt. This year, I'm feeling the cold. I'm wearing long underwear and two sweatshirts, and still turned up the heat. Of course, I'm still fighting a cold, so that certainly doesn't help matters.
I've had a lazy day, though my walking partner and I did go out and walk one of the parks this morning. It was a beautiful day. It was in the 30's when we started out, but the sun was shining and the fall colors were brilliant. Normally, we walk when it was still dark, so we don't get to see the colors. I love the wonderful parks we have in this area, and it's probably been over a year since I walked that particular park. We were surprised, because there were lots of cars in the parking lot and we saw about 10 others out taking advantage of the wonderful trails.
Daughter has been apologetic today. She isn't bugging me to come get her. She recognizes that I'm not going to pick her up before Sunday morning. It's kind of nice not to have to worry about locking everything up....
Friday, October 25, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Red Tags and BS
Yesterday evening a group using the church building reported smelling gas. I called one of our property guys (the second time he'd been summoned for a problem that day), who called the gas company. The end result is that one of our large furnaces is now red tagged. We suspect it will need to be replaced, but won't know until the service company gets here tomorrow or Monday. We aren't thrilled, but are grateful it was discovered before there was a major problem.
Daughter is in full Drama Queen mode today. Home Owner told her they could talk yesterday about her TV, but then didn't make time to talk to Daughter, and didn't respond to her text. I reminded Daughter that she needs to control her eating if she wants her TV back. She responded by announcing she doesn't want the TV any more and is going to give away all her DVDs. She's also going to get rid of her library card (which she uses to check out DVDs).
Then she informed me she wanted to move back to the old house. I told her it wasn't happening. She is complaining because there aren't activities at the new house. She claims the old one had lots of activities (not true). She has conveniently forgotten the problems with the old house, and all the times she complained or refused to participate in what activities they did offer. I pointed out that she gets activities at her day program. She insisted that was all work. I pointed out that as part of the inclusion program she gets to go to the mall and go bowling. She insisted that was work. I told her that was Bulls---. I don't often speak that way, but I was not buying into her story.
She has had a bit of an attitude most of the day, but has done some work and avoided interaction with us, so I didn't take her back. I think the big problem for her is that she's looking at staying at the home on weekends since she lost the privilege of coming to my house. She doesn't like being home on the weekends, and they don't do outings. Getting into food has consequences, and right now, she's not liking those consequences.
Daughter is in full Drama Queen mode today. Home Owner told her they could talk yesterday about her TV, but then didn't make time to talk to Daughter, and didn't respond to her text. I reminded Daughter that she needs to control her eating if she wants her TV back. She responded by announcing she doesn't want the TV any more and is going to give away all her DVDs. She's also going to get rid of her library card (which she uses to check out DVDs).
Then she informed me she wanted to move back to the old house. I told her it wasn't happening. She is complaining because there aren't activities at the new house. She claims the old one had lots of activities (not true). She has conveniently forgotten the problems with the old house, and all the times she complained or refused to participate in what activities they did offer. I pointed out that she gets activities at her day program. She insisted that was all work. I pointed out that as part of the inclusion program she gets to go to the mall and go bowling. She insisted that was work. I told her that was Bulls---. I don't often speak that way, but I was not buying into her story.
She has had a bit of an attitude most of the day, but has done some work and avoided interaction with us, so I didn't take her back. I think the big problem for her is that she's looking at staying at the home on weekends since she lost the privilege of coming to my house. She doesn't like being home on the weekends, and they don't do outings. Getting into food has consequences, and right now, she's not liking those consequences.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Balance
I continue to search for balance in my life, which is the topic for this evening in the prayer study we're doing this fall. Fall is always a busy time at the church, and Daughter's drama has not helped with my stress level.
Last night I didn't have any meetings, so I left early. I took my computer home, but left it in the car. I also left the TV off, though I did listen to some CD's. I cooked some pasta for supper, and then worked on ornaments for the holiday bazaar here at the church next month.
I'm back walking early in the morning several times a week. We're looking forward to the end of daylight savings time, as we'd like a little more light. The moon has helped some this week, but we're going to need to start taking a light source with us. At one time the walks caused me a lot of pain in my feet, but they don't bother me anymore.
Daughter has reminded me that her month without a TV is almost up. She wanted to know if she could have it back. I told her she had to take that up with the Home Owner, but I did remind her she'd continued to get into extra food. After a predictable response, "Fine, I'll just get rid of my DVD player and DVD's then," she dropped it.
I will be picking her up tomorrow morning, so it will be interesting to see what kind of mood she is in then....
Last night I didn't have any meetings, so I left early. I took my computer home, but left it in the car. I also left the TV off, though I did listen to some CD's. I cooked some pasta for supper, and then worked on ornaments for the holiday bazaar here at the church next month.
I'm back walking early in the morning several times a week. We're looking forward to the end of daylight savings time, as we'd like a little more light. The moon has helped some this week, but we're going to need to start taking a light source with us. At one time the walks caused me a lot of pain in my feet, but they don't bother me anymore.
Daughter has reminded me that her month without a TV is almost up. She wanted to know if she could have it back. I told her she had to take that up with the Home Owner, but I did remind her she'd continued to get into extra food. After a predictable response, "Fine, I'll just get rid of my DVD player and DVD's then," she dropped it.
I will be picking her up tomorrow morning, so it will be interesting to see what kind of mood she is in then....
Monday, October 21, 2013
November 20
Daughter will have her first group therapy session on November 20. We started asking for this when her last therapist retired January 1. This is how long it has taken to get Daughter into it. I'm frustrated by the lack of urgency on the part of the agency. Daughter has felt like her requests are being ignored, which has caused some of the behaviors. She's sought to prove to us she needs therapy. I'm trying to focus on just being grateful it is finally happening.
I had my monthly meeting for the regional church today. I am now the committee leader, and we find ourselves unable to get through the entire agenda during our two hour meeting. Today I told them I thought we needed one longer meeting to do some planning and set some goals and priorities for our work. To my amazement, they all agreed. Now we just have to coordinate the schedules of 7 ministers and find a place that isn't too far from anyone. Hmmm. Agreeing to the need and scheduling the meeting are two very different needs. I wonder if this is why the therapy group has been so slow in getting started.....
I had my monthly meeting for the regional church today. I am now the committee leader, and we find ourselves unable to get through the entire agenda during our two hour meeting. Today I told them I thought we needed one longer meeting to do some planning and set some goals and priorities for our work. To my amazement, they all agreed. Now we just have to coordinate the schedules of 7 ministers and find a place that isn't too far from anyone. Hmmm. Agreeing to the need and scheduling the meeting are two very different needs. I wonder if this is why the therapy group has been so slow in getting started.....
Sunday, October 20, 2013
The Answer Is Blueberries
Anonymous asked what food Daughter would get into while she was at my house. I confidently stated that the food would all be locked up. Unfortunately, I forgot that I had some dried blueberries by my chair in the family room. Even if I'd remembered, I may not have worried, because when she tried my dried blueberries a couple of months ago, she didn't like them. I forget that if all she can find to sneak is something she doesn't like, she will eat whatever it is she doesn't like.
She confessed quickly this morning (her blood sugar was over 200). I apologized to her for failing to keep her safe, and told her that she wouldn't be able to spend time here until I could keep her safe. I told her I'd pick her up for church on Sunday morning. I didn't accuse her or yell. My approach had an impact. She told me not to bother picking her up, "It's not worth it."
Remember a pastoral counseling class many years ago, I responded, "You are worth it."
She insisted she wasn't, but I didn't get sucked in. When she came to me after church, wanting the keys to my study so she could put things away, I refused to give them to her, telling her I had to keep her safe, and there was food in my study. She didn't like that.
She was going to come back to the house with me and do some work to earn some money, and then I was going to take her home after the worship service at the nursing home. Instead, I took her home right after lunch. From the calls I'm getting, she's having a rough afternoon. She's threatening to go live on the streets. I keep telling her I have confidence in her ability to turn things around. She's not happy that I'm refusing to engage.
I hope she figures out how to turn it around soon.
She confessed quickly this morning (her blood sugar was over 200). I apologized to her for failing to keep her safe, and told her that she wouldn't be able to spend time here until I could keep her safe. I told her I'd pick her up for church on Sunday morning. I didn't accuse her or yell. My approach had an impact. She told me not to bother picking her up, "It's not worth it."
Remember a pastoral counseling class many years ago, I responded, "You are worth it."
She insisted she wasn't, but I didn't get sucked in. When she came to me after church, wanting the keys to my study so she could put things away, I refused to give them to her, telling her I had to keep her safe, and there was food in my study. She didn't like that.
She was going to come back to the house with me and do some work to earn some money, and then I was going to take her home after the worship service at the nursing home. Instead, I took her home right after lunch. From the calls I'm getting, she's having a rough afternoon. She's threatening to go live on the streets. I keep telling her I have confidence in her ability to turn things around. She's not happy that I'm refusing to engage.
I hope she figures out how to turn it around soon.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Football
I worked the concession stand at the local university football game today. Actually, I was outside, on ice cream and hot cocoa. It was cold. We sold lots of cocoa, and more ice cream than I expected. I enjoyed working the game, though it was cold out there today.
We picked Daughter up on our way home, as she's only a couple of blocks off the road we take. I put her to work when we got home, which doesn't thrill her. I'm making chicken curry for supper tonight. I'm doing more cooking now, and it's nice. She brought 4 test strips. Enough to last through lunch tomorrow. She gets 200 strips a month, and has 32 scheduled tests a week. I think she has enough to allow her to have extra strips to cover for lows. But what do I know? I never did get a response when I asked Home Owner to make a recommendation for covering lows.
Daughter brought home medical forms to be filled out for the podiatrist. I told her that Home Owner could fill it out. I'm not in the mood to be cooperative.
I'm gradually returning order to my kitchen, for which I'm grateful.
We picked Daughter up on our way home, as she's only a couple of blocks off the road we take. I put her to work when we got home, which doesn't thrill her. I'm making chicken curry for supper tonight. I'm doing more cooking now, and it's nice. She brought 4 test strips. Enough to last through lunch tomorrow. She gets 200 strips a month, and has 32 scheduled tests a week. I think she has enough to allow her to have extra strips to cover for lows. But what do I know? I never did get a response when I asked Home Owner to make a recommendation for covering lows.
Daughter brought home medical forms to be filled out for the podiatrist. I told her that Home Owner could fill it out. I'm not in the mood to be cooperative.
I'm gradually returning order to my kitchen, for which I'm grateful.
Friday, October 18, 2013
The Passing of a Generation
I received a text from Sister a little while ago. Mom's sister died yesterday. She was 80. She was the youngest of 3 siblings, and I know from conversations how much she missed her brother and sister. She is with them again, as well as her beloved Daddy. She was diagnosed with cancer 4 months ago, but didn't want anyone to know. She chose not to have chemo, a decision I admire and respect. I was thinking of her last week, and now I wish I had called her. When I last spoke to her a couple of years ago, she seemed in a hurry to get off the phone. I wondered if it was too painful for her to talk to me-- she told me often how much I sounded like Mom on the phone. I didn't want to add to her pain, and I was busy, so I didn't call.
She lived across the country from us, so we only saw her when we made our annual pilgrimage to visit the grandparents. I grieve the passing of that generation. Mom, the middle child, was the first to die just over 4 years ago. Her brother, the oldest, died a couple of years ago, and now the youngest. On Dad's side of the family, he has one sister still living. He was also one of 3. When a cousin called this week to get contact information for a family member, I wondered if she was calling to report that surviving aunt's death. I was relieved when she wasn't.
In my generation, I have lost a cousin on each side of the family. Sometimes it weighs on me, and I worry who will advocate for Daughter when I'm gone. Will anyone understand her and offer her the support and limits she needs? I have no fear of death, I do, though, have a concern for Daughter. I wouldn't want to add the burden to a family member, yet I also worry about what will happen to her without a strong advocate. It is a problem faced by many families. I have two members who serve as guardians for siblings. One man got the job after his sister died. It has been a burden, as he has struggled to figure out what treatment his mentally ill brother, who is now showing signs of dementia, will be most beneficial. We've had many conversations about it. The other man has been his sister's guardian since his mother's death. As she ages, the challenges involved increase. Greatly. He came to talk to me after he broke a tooth grinding his teeth in frustration after a conversation with her. He has been clear: he will not pass the burden on to his wife or sons. If she outlives him, she will have a public guardian.
I am grateful that the knowledge of my challenges with Daughter opened the door for these conversations, and I'm sorry so many families find themselves struggling with such challenging issues. I regret that we don't have a better system with more support to meet the needs of mentally challenged adults.
She lived across the country from us, so we only saw her when we made our annual pilgrimage to visit the grandparents. I grieve the passing of that generation. Mom, the middle child, was the first to die just over 4 years ago. Her brother, the oldest, died a couple of years ago, and now the youngest. On Dad's side of the family, he has one sister still living. He was also one of 3. When a cousin called this week to get contact information for a family member, I wondered if she was calling to report that surviving aunt's death. I was relieved when she wasn't.
In my generation, I have lost a cousin on each side of the family. Sometimes it weighs on me, and I worry who will advocate for Daughter when I'm gone. Will anyone understand her and offer her the support and limits she needs? I have no fear of death, I do, though, have a concern for Daughter. I wouldn't want to add the burden to a family member, yet I also worry about what will happen to her without a strong advocate. It is a problem faced by many families. I have two members who serve as guardians for siblings. One man got the job after his sister died. It has been a burden, as he has struggled to figure out what treatment his mentally ill brother, who is now showing signs of dementia, will be most beneficial. We've had many conversations about it. The other man has been his sister's guardian since his mother's death. As she ages, the challenges involved increase. Greatly. He came to talk to me after he broke a tooth grinding his teeth in frustration after a conversation with her. He has been clear: he will not pass the burden on to his wife or sons. If she outlives him, she will have a public guardian.
I am grateful that the knowledge of my challenges with Daughter opened the door for these conversations, and I'm sorry so many families find themselves struggling with such challenging issues. I regret that we don't have a better system with more support to meet the needs of mentally challenged adults.
Connecting
I'm back walking early in the morning with a woman in the church. We've managed 4 mornings this week. Daughter isn't too happy about it, as she is jealous when she calls early in the morning and I'm out walking. Walker is divorced, and her youngest started college this year. She invited me to come over for dinner and a movie tonight. She's invited another woman as well. I'm looking forward to it. She's going to help me use my gift certificate for the performing arts center.
I received a request from linked in from one of the board members in the church. He's a retired banking executive. He listed his vocation as "personal happiness architect." I laughed, because that is so typical of him. He has ADHD a super high IQ, and is constantly on the move. He loves doing projects around the church, so we keep him busy. This past week he worked on drainage around the church and set up the dehumidifier downstairs to run into a drain. We've had an ongoing problem with a musty smell, and we hope this will solve the problem. He was in the office yesterday, talking about last Sunday. He loved the new graphics, and one of the hymns sent him home in search of a good version for his ipod.
He has taken care of several issues around my home for me. He and his wife followed the ambulance to the hospital when I broke my arm. Since he lives close to me, he and his wife will pick me up tomorrow morning to go work the concession stand at the football game. We were short of workers this week, so I signed up.
Walking in the mornings has increased my energy level, and my appetite. I like the increased energy level, I'm not so sure about the increased appetite.
Today I'm trying to get my kitchen cleaned, and I'm also doing some cooking. I have some gluten free brownies in the oven right now.
I'm enjoying playing in bell choir this year. I think I'm beginning to master the bells, though I still am challenged when I have to change bells quickly, or go from bells to chimes quickly. The bell choir is a great group of people, so I enjoy spending time with them. I am also going to play piano for our Taize service on Oct. 27. Fortunately, the keyboard part is very simple. It feels good to be involved in music again.
I'm connecting with people in new ways, and it's nice. I'm also getting everything done for Sunday by Thursday evening, which means I have real time off. I'm getting better and setting some limits and taking time to do the things I enjoy. A lot of that is because I'm feeling so much better since I'm on this diet. It also helps that Daughter is no longer living here. She keeps telling me she wants to move back in with me. Not going to happen.
I received a request from linked in from one of the board members in the church. He's a retired banking executive. He listed his vocation as "personal happiness architect." I laughed, because that is so typical of him. He has ADHD a super high IQ, and is constantly on the move. He loves doing projects around the church, so we keep him busy. This past week he worked on drainage around the church and set up the dehumidifier downstairs to run into a drain. We've had an ongoing problem with a musty smell, and we hope this will solve the problem. He was in the office yesterday, talking about last Sunday. He loved the new graphics, and one of the hymns sent him home in search of a good version for his ipod.
He has taken care of several issues around my home for me. He and his wife followed the ambulance to the hospital when I broke my arm. Since he lives close to me, he and his wife will pick me up tomorrow morning to go work the concession stand at the football game. We were short of workers this week, so I signed up.
Walking in the mornings has increased my energy level, and my appetite. I like the increased energy level, I'm not so sure about the increased appetite.
Today I'm trying to get my kitchen cleaned, and I'm also doing some cooking. I have some gluten free brownies in the oven right now.
I'm enjoying playing in bell choir this year. I think I'm beginning to master the bells, though I still am challenged when I have to change bells quickly, or go from bells to chimes quickly. The bell choir is a great group of people, so I enjoy spending time with them. I am also going to play piano for our Taize service on Oct. 27. Fortunately, the keyboard part is very simple. It feels good to be involved in music again.
I'm connecting with people in new ways, and it's nice. I'm also getting everything done for Sunday by Thursday evening, which means I have real time off. I'm getting better and setting some limits and taking time to do the things I enjoy. A lot of that is because I'm feeling so much better since I'm on this diet. It also helps that Daughter is no longer living here. She keeps telling me she wants to move back in with me. Not going to happen.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Broken Engagement
Snippets of conversations with Daughter today:
"So you've decided you're ready for sex?"
"Mom, marriage isn't just about sex."
"I realize that, but it is a big part of it. I know D will expect it. I thought you broke up with him because he wasn't treating you right."
"Someone taught me it is important forgive. I have forgiven him."
.....................................
"I've thought about it, and I'm ready."
"Isn't this the guy you accused of harassing you?"
"Yes, but this is different."
"I want you to be married to someone who will love and respect you. It seems to me that he hasn't treated you with respect."
(Discussion of the cycle of abuse.)
"How many times have you broken up with him because he wasn't showing you respect?"
"Four."
"So how many times are you going to go through this cycle with him?"
She finally decided to break up with him. After she broke up with him, she told me how hard it will be on the bus, because he likes to sit next to her. He puts his hand on her leg, and she tells him to stop, but he won't.
As I was taking her home, she explained that she is jealous of her married friends. I asked her to identify them, and she mentioned two women she knew when we lived in Tiny Village. Both were adopted, had issues, and were also developmentally disabled.
"B is very happy. She has a perfect marriage. She's pregnant with her third child."
"No marriage is perfect. Didn't she tell you her life was perfect when she moved into her apartment?"
"Yes."
"What did you find when you visited her?"
"It was a mess and she wanted me to help clean it because her parents were coming..." She then went into a long description of how she went about cleaning (not very responsibly).
"Do you really think this is any different? Do you believe she has a perfect marriage?"
"No. But M is pregnant with her 5th child."
"Really? She's 25 years old and she is going to have 5 children?"
"Yes, and she's on her 3rd marriage."
"Do you really want that?"
"No."
....................
For now, she's decided not to get married. Will she remember this conversation the next time she wants to get married? No.
"So you've decided you're ready for sex?"
"Mom, marriage isn't just about sex."
"I realize that, but it is a big part of it. I know D will expect it. I thought you broke up with him because he wasn't treating you right."
"Someone taught me it is important forgive. I have forgiven him."
.....................................
"I've thought about it, and I'm ready."
"Isn't this the guy you accused of harassing you?"
"Yes, but this is different."
"I want you to be married to someone who will love and respect you. It seems to me that he hasn't treated you with respect."
(Discussion of the cycle of abuse.)
"How many times have you broken up with him because he wasn't showing you respect?"
"Four."
"So how many times are you going to go through this cycle with him?"
She finally decided to break up with him. After she broke up with him, she told me how hard it will be on the bus, because he likes to sit next to her. He puts his hand on her leg, and she tells him to stop, but he won't.
As I was taking her home, she explained that she is jealous of her married friends. I asked her to identify them, and she mentioned two women she knew when we lived in Tiny Village. Both were adopted, had issues, and were also developmentally disabled.
"B is very happy. She has a perfect marriage. She's pregnant with her third child."
"No marriage is perfect. Didn't she tell you her life was perfect when she moved into her apartment?"
"Yes."
"What did you find when you visited her?"
"It was a mess and she wanted me to help clean it because her parents were coming..." She then went into a long description of how she went about cleaning (not very responsibly).
"Do you really think this is any different? Do you believe she has a perfect marriage?"
"No. But M is pregnant with her 5th child."
"Really? She's 25 years old and she is going to have 5 children?"
"Yes, and she's on her 3rd marriage."
"Do you really want that?"
"No."
....................
For now, she's decided not to get married. Will she remember this conversation the next time she wants to get married? No.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Daughter's Latest and Odds and Ends
I received a text from Daughter a little while ago. She wants to get married this summer, to the guy that she has accused of harassing her. I told her we'd talk tomorrow. Part of me is tempted to say, "Sure, go for it!" because within a month, the engagement will be off.
I told her we'd talk about it tomorrow. If I'm lucky, the engagement will be off by then. If not, at least I have some time before I have to deal with the drama.
I have continued to disengage as much as possible with the agency. I'm tired of dealing with them. They are upset with the doctor because she hasn't sent orders. I called the doctor today. They haven't received a request for orders. I'll fax them info tomorrow, and they'll get it back to me.
On a cheerier note, I bought some size 12 slacks last night. Before the diet I was in size 18. It was kind of nice. I finally turned on the furnace last night. It was 62 in the house. As several people have pointed out, I have less insulation than I used to have.
I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow, so I will be late getting in. Administrative Assistant is taking a woman in the church to the hospital for a procedure, so she will be late getting in. Treasurer has a doctor's appointment, so he will be late getting in. We laughed-- people will wonder what happened-- we are very good at having the office open at 9-- no matter what.
I told her we'd talk about it tomorrow. If I'm lucky, the engagement will be off by then. If not, at least I have some time before I have to deal with the drama.
I have continued to disengage as much as possible with the agency. I'm tired of dealing with them. They are upset with the doctor because she hasn't sent orders. I called the doctor today. They haven't received a request for orders. I'll fax them info tomorrow, and they'll get it back to me.
On a cheerier note, I bought some size 12 slacks last night. Before the diet I was in size 18. It was kind of nice. I finally turned on the furnace last night. It was 62 in the house. As several people have pointed out, I have less insulation than I used to have.
I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow, so I will be late getting in. Administrative Assistant is taking a woman in the church to the hospital for a procedure, so she will be late getting in. Treasurer has a doctor's appointment, so he will be late getting in. We laughed-- people will wonder what happened-- we are very good at having the office open at 9-- no matter what.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Taking a Break
Daughter says she confessed her latest transgressions. I hope that is accurate. I have not sent out an email about it. I need a break from dealing with all of that.
So I have sat in my study today, enjoying conversations with a variety of people who have stopped by for various reasons. I think I had my longest conversation ever with one man who stopped in to change the sign. My IT genius finally has my android talking to Outlook, so my calendar now automatically syncs. Now I have no excuses for missing appointments.
Yesterday the congregation celebrated my 3rd anniversary and pastor appreciation Sunday. They gave me some assorted foods I can eat and a nice gift certificate for the performing arts center on campus. I walked this morning, and my walking buddy's kids are both at college now. She agreed to go with me to an event. I decided I didn't want to take Daughter and deal with her drama, and I didn't want to go alone. Now I just have to find an event that isn't sold out, sounds interesting, and fits my schedule. The woman who did the presentation mentioned my "innovative ideas." I liked that, it sounded much better than "weird ideas."
It's been a good day, with a couple of meetings tonight that I hope will also be good....
So I have sat in my study today, enjoying conversations with a variety of people who have stopped by for various reasons. I think I had my longest conversation ever with one man who stopped in to change the sign. My IT genius finally has my android talking to Outlook, so my calendar now automatically syncs. Now I have no excuses for missing appointments.
Yesterday the congregation celebrated my 3rd anniversary and pastor appreciation Sunday. They gave me some assorted foods I can eat and a nice gift certificate for the performing arts center on campus. I walked this morning, and my walking buddy's kids are both at college now. She agreed to go with me to an event. I decided I didn't want to take Daughter and deal with her drama, and I didn't want to go alone. Now I just have to find an event that isn't sold out, sounds interesting, and fits my schedule. The woman who did the presentation mentioned my "innovative ideas." I liked that, it sounded much better than "weird ideas."
It's been a good day, with a couple of meetings tonight that I hope will also be good....
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Once Again....
Daughter's blood sugar was high yesterday evening. Once again she denied doing anything wrong. This morning she got belligerent when I pointed out that every time she denies having been into anything, she is lying. I told her to cut the c**p and stop playing the victim. I told her I didn't deserve her abuse.
When we got to the church, she wrote me a note confessing to getting into the kitchen and taking ice cream bars. They have a relief staff person this weekend, and apparently she doesn't have keys. Daughter is taking full advantage of that. I told her she had to go back and confess, and that I'd be sending out an email to assure she really did confess.
After church I took an individual who has visited for several Sundays out to lunch. I heard the story of tremendous evil done by people who claim the name of Christ. It was a troubling conversation. I'm honored to be entrusted with these stories, and it is unsettling to ponder them.
Now I'm going out to mow the lawn. I'll be doing a lot of praying as I mow as I seek to be an effective pastor to this individual.
When we got to the church, she wrote me a note confessing to getting into the kitchen and taking ice cream bars. They have a relief staff person this weekend, and apparently she doesn't have keys. Daughter is taking full advantage of that. I told her she had to go back and confess, and that I'd be sending out an email to assure she really did confess.
After church I took an individual who has visited for several Sundays out to lunch. I heard the story of tremendous evil done by people who claim the name of Christ. It was a troubling conversation. I'm honored to be entrusted with these stories, and it is unsettling to ponder them.
Now I'm going out to mow the lawn. I'll be doing a lot of praying as I mow as I seek to be an effective pastor to this individual.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Homecoming Reflections
I went to my college homecoming today. I spent some time with 3 women I knew in college. I realized, as I was driving home, that all 4 of us have the same hair style we had in college. Our styles are very different, but they are identical to what we had 30+ years ago. It was really good to see them, and to be back on campus.
The campus has changed since I graduated. It is a very different place. They've gone from 3 dining halls to 1. They recently remodeled my favorite dining room, and I think it lost some of its coziness. The house I lived in senior year has been torn down. It was a beautiful day. I managed to find a few things I could eat at the lunch on the quad. I think the band was better 30+ years ago when I was in it. I understand that enrollment is down over all, which is sad. I bought a lanyard for my church and pantry keys. It replaces one I got at a conference at another college I've been using for a number of years.
Perhaps the best thing is that Daughter didn't call and bug me all day. That was truly a gift. She's here now, as I picked her up this evening.
It was a very pleasant day.
The campus has changed since I graduated. It is a very different place. They've gone from 3 dining halls to 1. They recently remodeled my favorite dining room, and I think it lost some of its coziness. The house I lived in senior year has been torn down. It was a beautiful day. I managed to find a few things I could eat at the lunch on the quad. I think the band was better 30+ years ago when I was in it. I understand that enrollment is down over all, which is sad. I bought a lanyard for my church and pantry keys. It replaces one I got at a conference at another college I've been using for a number of years.
Perhaps the best thing is that Daughter didn't call and bug me all day. That was truly a gift. She's here now, as I picked her up this evening.
It was a very pleasant day.
Friday, October 11, 2013
The End of Silence
Case Manager called. She had cc'd me in an email to Daughter's day program reminding them that they are not to be taking Daughter home when she complains. She pointed out there was a signed statement from me laying out criteria for Daughter leaving program early: documented fever, or witnessed vomiting. She called to ask me not to respond to it. I asked her why. Was I satisfied with her answer? Not really.
What I did learn:
1. Home isn't planning to kick Daughter out at this point. (Yes, there have been discussions.)
2. They can't control how long it takes to get Daughter into therapy.
3. She will take Daughter's cell phone away from her if she continues to be verbally abusive to me.
4. She is aware Daughter is playing the staff at her program, and is seeking to address that.
5. She claims they recognize that I have provided care and resources for Daughter and they're not disputing that. I'm not convinced. I still see a power struggle, and think they want me to have less say. Her call asking me not to respond to emails has more to it than that she is going to take care of it so I didn't need to get involved. Yes, I'm paranoid.
What I did learn:
1. Home isn't planning to kick Daughter out at this point. (Yes, there have been discussions.)
2. They can't control how long it takes to get Daughter into therapy.
3. She will take Daughter's cell phone away from her if she continues to be verbally abusive to me.
4. She is aware Daughter is playing the staff at her program, and is seeking to address that.
5. She claims they recognize that I have provided care and resources for Daughter and they're not disputing that. I'm not convinced. I still see a power struggle, and think they want me to have less say. Her call asking me not to respond to emails has more to it than that she is going to take care of it so I didn't need to get involved. Yes, I'm paranoid.
Silence
I asked in one of the team emails what the Home Owner suggested regarding Daughter's need for test strips to cover lows. She not responded. The silence has been deafening. Yesterday the dietitian emailed me privately for my input before she goes to the house to address the issue with lunches. I thanked her for contacting me, and we are definitely on the same page. Maybe they will hear from her what they refuse to hear from me.
It is frustrating. The Case Manager is also silent. She was at the house Wednesday evening, and I half expected a phone call from her yesterday telling me I had to move Daughter. She is silent, too.
Daughter was distressed yesterday by my unenthusiastic greeting. I told her that her behavior and verbal abuse of me had hurt, and that she had a lot of work to do to earn my trust. She was super cooperative yesterday. She did some shredding, folded and stuffed over 100 bulletins, cut out crafts for our Friday evening children's program, and helped construct a time machine out of 2 furniture boxes.
I will pick her up this evening for the Friday evening children's program, and then take her back. I'm going to my college homecoming tomorrow, and will pick her up tomorrow evening for Sunday. She's not thrilled, but continues to be cooperative.
It is frustrating. The Case Manager is also silent. She was at the house Wednesday evening, and I half expected a phone call from her yesterday telling me I had to move Daughter. She is silent, too.
Daughter was distressed yesterday by my unenthusiastic greeting. I told her that her behavior and verbal abuse of me had hurt, and that she had a lot of work to do to earn my trust. She was super cooperative yesterday. She did some shredding, folded and stuffed over 100 bulletins, cut out crafts for our Friday evening children's program, and helped construct a time machine out of 2 furniture boxes.
I will pick her up this evening for the Friday evening children's program, and then take her back. I'm going to my college homecoming tomorrow, and will pick her up tomorrow evening for Sunday. She's not thrilled, but continues to be cooperative.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Grrrr.....
Home Owner continues to ration out Daughter's test strips, and claims there aren't enough for her to test and treat for low blood sugars. She also is insisting on taking Daughter to a podiatrist--because she has diabetes.
I have explained that I am concerned that Daughter will seize on her need for a podiatrist as another opportunity to say "Woe is me. I am a diabetic." I have explained that the more they seek to control, the more Daughter will feel the need to rebel and prove she can't be controlled.
Apparently, though, since I am the mother who failed to consequence her and get her the professional help that would cure her, I am not credible.
I have explained that I am concerned that Daughter will seize on her need for a podiatrist as another opportunity to say "Woe is me. I am a diabetic." I have explained that the more they seek to control, the more Daughter will feel the need to rebel and prove she can't be controlled.
Apparently, though, since I am the mother who failed to consequence her and get her the professional help that would cure her, I am not credible.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Today's Accusation
Daughter called me around lunch time. She yelled at me and hung up. Today's transgression? I had updated the team on what I knew about the food issues. Case Manager was all over it, and so one of the staff at her program had had a conversation with her about it.
Now Home Owner wants to search her bags when she comes into the house. I suggested that she could try that, but I thought that Daughter would probably see it as a challenge and come up with new ways to sneak food into the house. We're also having an ongoing conversation about specialists. Now they think she should be seeing a podiatrist quarterly. She isn't having any problems with her feet. Taking her to lots of doctors gives her lots of opportunities to complain about how hard her life is and how bad she has it. I try to emphasize her health and her abilities, so I don't seek out specialists unless there is a need.
I was away from my computer for an extended stretch today, and when I came back to it I discovered that there had been a bunch of emails from various team members about the whole situation. I'm so glad they think they can control Daughter's eating. I wish them luck. I did remind them, though, that every time they tighten up Daughter takes her frustration out on me. She makes them promises and then calls to tell me I have no right to talk about her and I'm horrible and she hates me. I limit her opportunities to do that and am very firm about cutting her off. It does take a toll, though.
Now Home Owner wants to search her bags when she comes into the house. I suggested that she could try that, but I thought that Daughter would probably see it as a challenge and come up with new ways to sneak food into the house. We're also having an ongoing conversation about specialists. Now they think she should be seeing a podiatrist quarterly. She isn't having any problems with her feet. Taking her to lots of doctors gives her lots of opportunities to complain about how hard her life is and how bad she has it. I try to emphasize her health and her abilities, so I don't seek out specialists unless there is a need.
I was away from my computer for an extended stretch today, and when I came back to it I discovered that there had been a bunch of emails from various team members about the whole situation. I'm so glad they think they can control Daughter's eating. I wish them luck. I did remind them, though, that every time they tighten up Daughter takes her frustration out on me. She makes them promises and then calls to tell me I have no right to talk about her and I'm horrible and she hates me. I limit her opportunities to do that and am very firm about cutting her off. It does take a toll, though.
Monday, October 7, 2013
"Back Stabber"
Daughter called this morning, outraged because Staff didn't believe her when she insisted she hadn't been into any food that caused her blood sugar to be high this morning. She was playing up the persecuted victim. I cut her off and told her to stop it. I pointed out she'd claimed she wasn't into any food after she bought the candy, and when she was taking food out of the pantry. I told her I agreed with Staff, and suggested she tell the truth about the food she'd been into. She yelled, "Back Stabber," and hung up on me. That should guaranteed me a day free of phone calls from her. It will be evening before she cools down enough to call and apologize.
I think she's trying to get herself hospitalized. This is the longest she's gone in years without a hospitalization. She hasn't been in the hospital in the three years we've been here. I was hospitalized with a broken arm in May, and last week she couldn't come for the weekend because I had a sore throat. She wants some of the attention. It's not going to work, and tonight I will inform her of that.
I think she's trying to get herself hospitalized. This is the longest she's gone in years without a hospitalization. She hasn't been in the hospital in the three years we've been here. I was hospitalized with a broken arm in May, and last week she couldn't come for the weekend because I had a sore throat. She wants some of the attention. It's not going to work, and tonight I will inform her of that.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Another Good Sunday
I'm enjoying the sermon series on Exodus that I'm doing this fall, and the congregation seems to be enjoying it, too. People are beginning to add events to our timeline, which is nice. Our attendance is steadily growing. When I arrived, we had several families leave because I was a woman. The first year was rough, as both giving and attendance were down. It's wonderful to see the congregation moving forward.
Today we had a fellowship meal, and at my suggestion we had a baked potato bar. From the number of people who stayed for the meal, I think we will do this particular meal again. There is an energy and excitement which is great. We had a man who worshiped with us for the second time today. He is a minister on disability, and unable to drive. He is living with family 13 miles from the church. He would like to join the choir. The choir decided today if a family member brings him to choir, one of them will take him home. The choir director is excited because he's going to have to add some chairs to accommodate the new choir members this year.
I'm excited because we have more children who are attending regularly. One of our young women shared with me that she felt God calling her in a new direction. Today she completed some training that gets her started in that new direction. It's wonderful to see her stepping out in new directions in response to this call.
This is pastor appreciation month, which is nice and I appreciate their kind words. I keep telling them, though, that I am very grateful to be serving with them. It's a wonderful place to be. They are so good with Daughter. Once we get to the church, I don't see her, as she is off collecting hugs and singing in the choir. I'm rambling-- I think it's time to head to bed....
Today we had a fellowship meal, and at my suggestion we had a baked potato bar. From the number of people who stayed for the meal, I think we will do this particular meal again. There is an energy and excitement which is great. We had a man who worshiped with us for the second time today. He is a minister on disability, and unable to drive. He is living with family 13 miles from the church. He would like to join the choir. The choir decided today if a family member brings him to choir, one of them will take him home. The choir director is excited because he's going to have to add some chairs to accommodate the new choir members this year.
I'm excited because we have more children who are attending regularly. One of our young women shared with me that she felt God calling her in a new direction. Today she completed some training that gets her started in that new direction. It's wonderful to see her stepping out in new directions in response to this call.
This is pastor appreciation month, which is nice and I appreciate their kind words. I keep telling them, though, that I am very grateful to be serving with them. It's a wonderful place to be. They are so good with Daughter. Once we get to the church, I don't see her, as she is off collecting hugs and singing in the choir. I'm rambling-- I think it's time to head to bed....
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Confession
I received a text this evening that the house was concerned about the very high blood sugars Daughter was having today (over 300 before supper). When I picked her up this evening, I asked her what she'd been eating. She did the standard denials, and then confessed to buying candy while on an outing yesterday. She told staff it was for the house. I made her call the house and confess, and tell staff where the candy was so they could removed it.
I get so tired of this. So tired.
I get so tired of this. So tired.
Food
Daughter wanted to come cook supper for me. I informed her that until she could keep herself safe around food, she wouldn't be cooking. She is not happy, but she did not dispute that she has somehow managed to get into food this week. She has informed me she just won't come here today. That's fine with me, though I suspect she will change her mind.
I'm finally getting some work done in the kitchen, which is nice. I'm also figuring out my diet rotation. It is challenging, as I knew it would be, but I think I'm coming up with something that will work for me. I have to rotate food over 3 days, so I'm not eating the same things, which can cause new sensitivities to develop. I'm going to have meat one of those three days. One day my protein will come from nuts, one day it will come from beans. I'm going to have to do some tweaking, but I think I have something that will work.
Yesterday we ate out, and I chose a Mexican restaurant. I had bean burritos and asked them to use corn tortillas. I also had rice and salsa. I suspect there was something I was sensitive to, as I had some cramping in the afternoon, but it didn't create problems. It was nice to know there are restaurants where I can find food I can eat.
Friday, October 4, 2013
A Day Off
A member of the congregation and I went to an art show today. We thoroughly enjoyed it. We did lots of walking and took lots of pictures. We saw some amazing works of art. It was a wonderful way to spend my day off. I haven't decided what I'm going to do about Daughter this weekend. She wants to come tomorrow, but I may wait until Sunday morning.
Her blood sugars indicate she has found a new way to get into food. I'm going to let the team figure it out. They are convinced they can cure her-- go right ahead.
All the walking wore me out, so I think it will be an early night for me. I think I will do more artsy things with the woman I went to the art show with. We had a wonderful time.
Her blood sugars indicate she has found a new way to get into food. I'm going to let the team figure it out. They are convinced they can cure her-- go right ahead.
All the walking wore me out, so I think it will be an early night for me. I think I will do more artsy things with the woman I went to the art show with. We had a wonderful time.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Resolved
As I anticipated, Case Manager was all over the strip situation. She called Home Owner, and informed us in an email that there were other issues here and it was being addressed. I dropped Daughter off after choir, and she quickly called me to tell me they had received the strips. "Now I can relax."
I guess we'll find out in a month if Home Owner has dealt with the issues that are leading to the monthly strip crisis.
We have a man in the congregation who just retired as head of IT for a major insurance company. He is bored, and looking for things to do. He has offered his IT expertise to us. I have been frustrated with my inability to sync the calendar on my android with the calendar in Outlook. I've attempted several different things, and done a little research, but have never been successful. So, I took him up on his offer. He spent several hours at the church today trying to figure it out. He went home and did some more research. Next Thursday morning he will come in and get my phone talking to Outlook. I am delighted to have this close to being resolved. I thanked him for not solving it immediately, as it made me feel a little less incompetent to see that there isn't an easy fix for it.
With my new computer I subscribed to Office 365. My IT retiree sold me on the usefulness of SkyDrive, and yesterday I installed the new Office on my old computer. That took some time since I kept getting different error messages, but I finally managed to fix the issues so it would install. I think my computer will be spending more nights in my office at the church now. I like being able to pick up where I left off on multiple computers....
I guess we'll find out in a month if Home Owner has dealt with the issues that are leading to the monthly strip crisis.
We have a man in the congregation who just retired as head of IT for a major insurance company. He is bored, and looking for things to do. He has offered his IT expertise to us. I have been frustrated with my inability to sync the calendar on my android with the calendar in Outlook. I've attempted several different things, and done a little research, but have never been successful. So, I took him up on his offer. He spent several hours at the church today trying to figure it out. He went home and did some more research. Next Thursday morning he will come in and get my phone talking to Outlook. I am delighted to have this close to being resolved. I thanked him for not solving it immediately, as it made me feel a little less incompetent to see that there isn't an easy fix for it.
With my new computer I subscribed to Office 365. My IT retiree sold me on the usefulness of SkyDrive, and yesterday I installed the new Office on my old computer. That took some time since I kept getting different error messages, but I finally managed to fix the issues so it would install. I think my computer will be spending more nights in my office at the church now. I like being able to pick up where I left off on multiple computers....
Daughter's Wisdom
Yesterday evening Daughter informed me I needed to give her some test strips for the old meter, as she only had enough test strips to last today. I informed her that they should be able to order them from the pharmacy. She said Staff told her that the pharmacy wouldn't deliver strips anymore.
To say I was unhappy would be an understatement. I sent out one of my emails today to Home Owner, Case Manager and Nurse. I pointed out that Daughter should always have at least 3 extra strips to cover low blood sugars and that relying on me to come up with strips at the last minute was not a good plan. I said I was getting tired of the monthly strip crisis.
I picked up Daughter this morning for her volunteer day at the church. I explained to her that I'd spent hours trying to straighten things out last month, and I was frustrated that they were not planning ahead and figuring things out before the crisis. She said, "They're just like the government." I thought that was good insight on the current shutdown.....
To say I was unhappy would be an understatement. I sent out one of my emails today to Home Owner, Case Manager and Nurse. I pointed out that Daughter should always have at least 3 extra strips to cover low blood sugars and that relying on me to come up with strips at the last minute was not a good plan. I said I was getting tired of the monthly strip crisis.
I picked up Daughter this morning for her volunteer day at the church. I explained to her that I'd spent hours trying to straighten things out last month, and I was frustrated that they were not planning ahead and figuring things out before the crisis. She said, "They're just like the government." I thought that was good insight on the current shutdown.....
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Finally
I mowed the back yard this afternoon. It's not pretty, but it's mowed. I also found enough ripe raspberries to make a raspberry crisp, which tastes pretty good. I have a bunch more tomatoes and some more peppers, too. I'll make tomato sauce with the tomatoes. I'm now eating some tomatoes, and so far haven't had any problems with them.
I woke up at 4:00 this morning to empty my bladder, and then began wondering when it was I was supposed to be writing the stewardship letter. I couldn't remember, and was afraid it was this week. I laid there in my bed trying to figure out what I would say in the letter. Administrative Assistant and I sat down with the calendar this morning to map out what needs to happen between now and the end of the year. We even listed out the newsletter articles that need to be written for November. I'll write the stewardship letter the week of October 14, which is 2 weeks before it needs to go out. We have the graphic and theme for this year's campaign, so we're in pretty good shape. I think the treasurer has all the information he needs to put together the preliminary budget. The past two years we've had major increases due to growth in staff. This year our program growth is fueled by volunteers, so we won't have the increase in budget. So, as of now, I'm optimistic about this year's campaign.
Daughter seems to be doing well right now, so I'm getting fewer phone calls. I like that. It enables me to get more work done, and come home and do things like mow the lawn. I even stopped by the grocery store on my way home.
My throat is still a little sore, but I'm drinking hot tea and not letting it slow me down. It's nice to feel better and be able to move forward.
I woke up at 4:00 this morning to empty my bladder, and then began wondering when it was I was supposed to be writing the stewardship letter. I couldn't remember, and was afraid it was this week. I laid there in my bed trying to figure out what I would say in the letter. Administrative Assistant and I sat down with the calendar this morning to map out what needs to happen between now and the end of the year. We even listed out the newsletter articles that need to be written for November. I'll write the stewardship letter the week of October 14, which is 2 weeks before it needs to go out. We have the graphic and theme for this year's campaign, so we're in pretty good shape. I think the treasurer has all the information he needs to put together the preliminary budget. The past two years we've had major increases due to growth in staff. This year our program growth is fueled by volunteers, so we won't have the increase in budget. So, as of now, I'm optimistic about this year's campaign.
Daughter seems to be doing well right now, so I'm getting fewer phone calls. I like that. It enables me to get more work done, and come home and do things like mow the lawn. I even stopped by the grocery store on my way home.
My throat is still a little sore, but I'm drinking hot tea and not letting it slow me down. It's nice to feel better and be able to move forward.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Dragging
I'm still dragging some, but even dragging, it was a great Sunday. Three couples were on a trip together (visiting former members who moved out of the area) and we had other people traveling as well, so attendance was down some. Even so, it was a great Sunday. I love the energy that is in the church right now.
We have a 3 year old who comes up for the children's sermon. She is interesting. She is in love with the 4 year old boy in the church, so last Sunday instead of listening to the man who was doing the children's sermon, the two of them were laying on the floor on their stomachs with their heads propped up on their arms gazing into one another's eyes. This week her boyfriend was hope sick, so she was trying to answer every question, and ask a few of her own. The only problem is that she is a young 3, and I have difficulty understanding everything she says. Plus, there are times when it isn't really connected with what I'm talking about. She was quite lively today.
There were also a number of joys and concerns prior to the prayers of the people this morning. One of our members who had major surgery last summer was with us today, and thanked us for our prayers. She has recovered well from her brain surgery. There were concerns for the woman who had a seizure last Sunday. I told them I'd talked to her this week, and she had told me that as they wheeled her out on the gurney, she could feel the love of the congregation surrounding her and supporting her. We had visitors who were asking for prayers this morning. One of the visitors was talking to the choir director about joining the choir.
I had picked Daughter up prior to church, but she didn't want to wait around for me to finish leading the discussion group. She asked if she could find someone else to take her home. A woman overheard the conversation and volunteered to drop her off.
I cancelled the class I was going to teach this afternoon. It's going to be a quiet, relaxing afternoon. Hopefully by Tuesday I will feel like I've beaten this bug. My throat is definitely better today, so I'm hoping.
.
We have a 3 year old who comes up for the children's sermon. She is interesting. She is in love with the 4 year old boy in the church, so last Sunday instead of listening to the man who was doing the children's sermon, the two of them were laying on the floor on their stomachs with their heads propped up on their arms gazing into one another's eyes. This week her boyfriend was hope sick, so she was trying to answer every question, and ask a few of her own. The only problem is that she is a young 3, and I have difficulty understanding everything she says. Plus, there are times when it isn't really connected with what I'm talking about. She was quite lively today.
There were also a number of joys and concerns prior to the prayers of the people this morning. One of our members who had major surgery last summer was with us today, and thanked us for our prayers. She has recovered well from her brain surgery. There were concerns for the woman who had a seizure last Sunday. I told them I'd talked to her this week, and she had told me that as they wheeled her out on the gurney, she could feel the love of the congregation surrounding her and supporting her. We had visitors who were asking for prayers this morning. One of the visitors was talking to the choir director about joining the choir.
I had picked Daughter up prior to church, but she didn't want to wait around for me to finish leading the discussion group. She asked if she could find someone else to take her home. A woman overheard the conversation and volunteered to drop her off.
I cancelled the class I was going to teach this afternoon. It's going to be a quiet, relaxing afternoon. Hopefully by Tuesday I will feel like I've beaten this bug. My throat is definitely better today, so I'm hoping.
.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Slow
My recovery from the sore throat is not nearly as rapid as I would like. It still hurts quite a bit. I really need to mow the backyard, but not today. I think I'll cancel tomorrow afternoon's commitment, too. I'm spending another day drinking hot tea and taking it easy. Today I'm making Christmas ornaments with poly-clay. I'm experimenting with penguins.
Daughter called this morning, and the good news is she didn't bug me about getting her today. I'm grateful. I suspect that this is a virus, which is one of the reasons I'm not feeling much better. The throat is not as sore, but I've also begun to cough....
It looks like a beautiful fall day outside. If I felt better, I'd definitely be out working in the yard. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. I'm a little surprised. Daughter doesn't have her TV, so I'm not sure how she is entertaining herself today. Maybe they are doing activities at the house today. They do have a second staff member now, which is good.
Daughter called this morning, and the good news is she didn't bug me about getting her today. I'm grateful. I suspect that this is a virus, which is one of the reasons I'm not feeling much better. The throat is not as sore, but I've also begun to cough....
It looks like a beautiful fall day outside. If I felt better, I'd definitely be out working in the yard. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. I'm a little surprised. Daughter doesn't have her TV, so I'm not sure how she is entertaining herself today. Maybe they are doing activities at the house today. They do have a second staff member now, which is good.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Really?
I was one of the recipients of a long email from House Manager this morning. She is concerned about Daughter's eating and thinks she needs "professional help." I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry. Does she think this is a new idea?
I have told them since the beginning that Daughter has issues with foods. I've outlined the various things that have and haven't worked. I've explained that she has had a psychiatrist and therapist for most of her life, and that I have gone great distances to find professionals who were competent and could help Daughter.
One of the things I find most frustrating is that they don't seem to give me credit for what I've done or the knowledge and expertise I have on Daughter. I am cautiously optimistic that perhaps the loss of her TV is having an impact on Daughter (that consequence was my suggestion). Yesterday she didn't try to watch videos on the computer or her DVD player, saying, "I know I'm not allowed to watch TV." I also heard her tell friends that she made a mistake and has to live with the consequences of it. Do I think she's cured? No. But maybe she'll do better for a while.
I have told them since the beginning that Daughter has issues with foods. I've outlined the various things that have and haven't worked. I've explained that she has had a psychiatrist and therapist for most of her life, and that I have gone great distances to find professionals who were competent and could help Daughter.
One of the things I find most frustrating is that they don't seem to give me credit for what I've done or the knowledge and expertise I have on Daughter. I am cautiously optimistic that perhaps the loss of her TV is having an impact on Daughter (that consequence was my suggestion). Yesterday she didn't try to watch videos on the computer or her DVD player, saying, "I know I'm not allowed to watch TV." I also heard her tell friends that she made a mistake and has to live with the consequences of it. Do I think she's cured? No. But maybe she'll do better for a while.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
The Power of the Z-Pack
Last night I had trouble sleeping. Every time I swallowed, the pain woke me up. I finally gave up and got up at 5:00. I picked up Daughter at 7:30 for an assessment to start group therapy. While I was waiting, I called and got an appointment with my Nurse Practitioner. I took Daughter back to the church, did a bit of work, and then headed to the appointment. Daughter went into my study to pout, and Administrative Assistant went in and told her she needed to come fold bulletins. So she went out and folded bulletins.
NP suspects strep because of the amount of pain I was in, so she prescribed a Z-pack and gave me suggestions for things to help ease the pain of the sore throat. Part of the issue is I can't take aspirin, ibuprofen, or Tylenol. Of course, just swallowing pills is hard right now. I drank lots of hot tea today. I took a nap on the love seat in my study this afternoon, and then left right after bell choir. AA was going to make sure Daughter got home. I felt a bit better as the day went on, but my throat is still very painful, and I've now begun to cough....
NP suggested I get someone else to preach for me Sunday. I won't do that, but I am going to rest tomorrow and Saturday. I was supposed to play cards Saturday evening, and I sent my apologies today. It would have been fun, but Sunday morning is much more important. Hopefully after resting for two days I will be up for that. Standing an hour for bell choir this evening was a challenge....
NP suspects strep because of the amount of pain I was in, so she prescribed a Z-pack and gave me suggestions for things to help ease the pain of the sore throat. Part of the issue is I can't take aspirin, ibuprofen, or Tylenol. Of course, just swallowing pills is hard right now. I drank lots of hot tea today. I took a nap on the love seat in my study this afternoon, and then left right after bell choir. AA was going to make sure Daughter got home. I felt a bit better as the day went on, but my throat is still very painful, and I've now begun to cough....
NP suggested I get someone else to preach for me Sunday. I won't do that, but I am going to rest tomorrow and Saturday. I was supposed to play cards Saturday evening, and I sent my apologies today. It would have been fun, but Sunday morning is much more important. Hopefully after resting for two days I will be up for that. Standing an hour for bell choir this evening was a challenge....
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Shocked
Case Manager was shocked to hear that Daughter had gotten into more food. She was sure that after their conversation it would never happen again. She has a lot to learn about Daughter. I told them that I think in some ways this is a compulsion for her, and goes back to those first three years of not having enough to eat. I don't think they understand. They are used to dealing with people with developmental disabilities, and don't have as much experience with reactive attachment disorder and severe post traumatic stress disorder.
Tomorrow I take Daughter in for an assessment for group therapy. Daughter is not happy about the idea of group therapy. However, if she wants therapy, that's what she'll be getting. Her appointment with Psychiatrist that was scheduled for tomorrow has been cancelled. I am going to skip my breakfast meeting to take her to the assessment. Doing it early in the morning made more sense than disrupting my day. I've written a bunch of newsletter articles and am now working on Sunday's sermon. I still have some calls to make and notes to write. Tonight I'm teaching a class, and tomorrow night is choir. I am doing bell choir this year. It's challenging, but my wrist seems to be handling it okay. Of course, they put me on the smallest bells, which helps.
Tomorrow I take Daughter in for an assessment for group therapy. Daughter is not happy about the idea of group therapy. However, if she wants therapy, that's what she'll be getting. Her appointment with Psychiatrist that was scheduled for tomorrow has been cancelled. I am going to skip my breakfast meeting to take her to the assessment. Doing it early in the morning made more sense than disrupting my day. I've written a bunch of newsletter articles and am now working on Sunday's sermon. I still have some calls to make and notes to write. Tonight I'm teaching a class, and tomorrow night is choir. I am doing bell choir this year. It's challenging, but my wrist seems to be handling it okay. Of course, they put me on the smallest bells, which helps.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Rage
I went over this afternoon and Home Owner told Daughter that she was losing her TV for a month. Daughter had a whole stacks of videos she'd checked out of the library today. She was angry, to say the least. She screamed, she swore. She tried to give me her meter because she's never eating again.... I was going to mow the backyard when I got home, but I'm tired, my back hurts, and I have a sore throat. So I'm going to finish writing newsletter articles instead. I think I'll go to bed early tonight....
Monday, September 23, 2013
Meetings and Hang-ups
Today I led a committee meeting at our regional office. It is hard to come up with a good meeting time when 6 of the participants are ministers. Our topic is church growth, and when I first went on the committee the meetings were excruciatingly long and nothing was ever accomplished. We all tended to arrive late. I took over last spring, and we are now making exciting plans. It is really a good committee, and I've turned them loose to come up with creative ways to encourage growth among our congregations. Members are now arriving early, and there is an energy in the room that I love-- which is something for a bunch of ministers on a Monday morning.
Daughter hung up on me this morning. She had decided that the only way to stop herself from sneaking food was to stop eating anything at all. I told her that when she was done being dramatic I was willing to help her problem solve on this. She informed me she wasn't being dramatic, said good-bye, and hung up. I haven't heard from her since then. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. I predict she'll be calling and apologizing by this evening.
I still haven't heard anything from Home Owner about telling Daughter her consequences. I'm getting more than a little frustrated by that. Now I have to go get ready for this evening's board meeting.
Daughter hung up on me this morning. She had decided that the only way to stop herself from sneaking food was to stop eating anything at all. I told her that when she was done being dramatic I was willing to help her problem solve on this. She informed me she wasn't being dramatic, said good-bye, and hung up. I haven't heard from her since then. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. I predict she'll be calling and apologizing by this evening.
I still haven't heard anything from Home Owner about telling Daughter her consequences. I'm getting more than a little frustrated by that. Now I have to go get ready for this evening's board meeting.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Long Day
One of our members had a seizure during the worship service this morning. She has a history of seizures. She was sitting up front, and I saw her whisper something to her friend next to her, and her friend reached out and held her hand. I thought she was getting ready to seize. There was a nurse in the row behind her. Nurse was looking over at her, hesitant. As she started to seize, I nodded to the nurse, and things began moving. She asked for someone to call 911. Nurse's husband went to call Seizing Woman's daughter, who happened to be his next door neighbor. I could tell everyone was freaking out, and I admit I was a little distracted. I led us in prayer, and then went back to the sermon. As I was coming to the key points, I saw movement in the back that meant the ambulance had arrived. I paused the sermon, suggesting people go get a cup of coffee, and said we'd resume once SW was safely out. She was conscious and had stopped seizing. She thought the squad was unnecessary. I told her that she might not think she needed it, but we did, because we loved her and were concerned about her. We needed to have her checked so we'd know she was okay. The paramedics asked how long her seizure had been, and nurse in the back row announced, "7 minutes." I was impressed that she thought to time it.
SW was taken out, and we had another prayer for her, and I resumed the sermon. The service was a little long today. SW's daughter showed up, and after the paramedics checked her out, took her home. I saw Nurse this evening, and she said SW had slept all afternoon and felt that she was now back to normal.
After worship I led reflections on our history, then came home and got lunch for Daughter. She was quite dramatic about not wanting to go back to the house and confess that she'd been into food again. I took her back and accompanied her in, and made sure that she confessed and apologized. I offered Staff sympathy and some of the tricks I've learned over the years.
I went back to the church, where I had a meeting at 3:00. I did some work in preparation for the committee meeting I'm leading tomorrow morning at the regional office of the church. I packed up and came home, ate supper, and then headed out for our Taize worship service. One of our young women has felt a call to plan these services. I've been her cheer leader. I offer suggestions when asked, and then sit and enjoy an opportunity to worship without any responsibilities.
I'm home, and I'm tired. I'm going to bed early tonight....
SW was taken out, and we had another prayer for her, and I resumed the sermon. The service was a little long today. SW's daughter showed up, and after the paramedics checked her out, took her home. I saw Nurse this evening, and she said SW had slept all afternoon and felt that she was now back to normal.
After worship I led reflections on our history, then came home and got lunch for Daughter. She was quite dramatic about not wanting to go back to the house and confess that she'd been into food again. I took her back and accompanied her in, and made sure that she confessed and apologized. I offered Staff sympathy and some of the tricks I've learned over the years.
I went back to the church, where I had a meeting at 3:00. I did some work in preparation for the committee meeting I'm leading tomorrow morning at the regional office of the church. I packed up and came home, ate supper, and then headed out for our Taize worship service. One of our young women has felt a call to plan these services. I've been her cheer leader. I offer suggestions when asked, and then sit and enjoy an opportunity to worship without any responsibilities.
I'm home, and I'm tired. I'm going to bed early tonight....
Saturday, September 21, 2013
No Longer Vegan
As I've mentioned, people were alarmed at how little I ate at the fellowship meal. Last Saturday one of the women went to a farmers' market on the other side of town. She came back and told me I needed to go check it out, as I would be able to get preservative-additive free meat. So this morning Daughter and I went. I feel like I hit the jackpot. Not only did I find pork and chicken I can eat, I found some baked goods I could have. Of course, the prices were very high, but I don't intend to eat large quantities of meat. I had a hot Italian sausage for lunch with grilled peppers and onions. I'd have loved to put it in a bun and have some kind of Italian tomato sauce. It's okay. It was wonderful to have some meat, and not feel sick as soon as I ate it.
Daughter and I had a long talk today. She wants to move back home so she can take care of me. She's distressed with the difficulty I'm having keeping up with the house. It's true, I've been spending too much time at the church and have had too little energy for housework. I told her I'm feeling better, so I'll be able to keep up now. I don't know if she bought that or not. I hope she did. She provided powerful motivation to do a better job of keeping up with the house. I don't want her feeling responsible for me and my well-being.
Daughter and I had a long talk today. She wants to move back home so she can take care of me. She's distressed with the difficulty I'm having keeping up with the house. It's true, I've been spending too much time at the church and have had too little energy for housework. I told her I'm feeling better, so I'll be able to keep up now. I don't know if she bought that or not. I hope she did. She provided powerful motivation to do a better job of keeping up with the house. I don't want her feeling responsible for me and my well-being.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Consequences and Health Matters
Daughter still hasn't heard her consequences for stealing food at the house. Case Manager wanted to take away choir, but I was opposed to that. I said the consequences needed to be connected to her house, where the behavior occurred. House Manager said there wasn't anything they could do there. I suggested removing her TV for a while. Case Manager wanted me to go take her TV and tell her why. I said I would support the decision and bring her TV back home. I said I'd be present when she was told, but I thought the consequences needed to come from the house, since it was their trust she broke. Case Manager was okay with that, and asked when it could be set up. House Manager hasn't responded. I don't think she wants to deal with it.
Daughter was able to get into the kitchen yesterday morning, and the cookies had her blood sugar high for lunch yesterday and breakfast this morning. I told her she will confess and apologize when I take her home, and I will go in to witness it. It would be nice if House Manager were there to tell her about her consequence and I could take the TV at that time.
I continue to suspect that House Manager is overwhelmed with trying to run 3 houses on her own. I think she is a control freak, and it is hard to control 3 houses....
Yesterday I saw my Nurse Practitioner. We decided the anemia isn't a problem-- my hemoglobin is actually a little higher than it was a year ago. I was more concerned about the low sodium, and I wondered if it could be connected to an endocrine problem. I had a tumor removed from my pituitary gland 24 years ago. NP agreed with my concern, so I will be having an MRI done to check the pituitary gland, if they can get it authorized by my insurance company. She's also considering referring me to an endocrinologist.
We reduced my blood pressure medication again, and we also cut my diabetes medication. After skipping last night's pill, my blood sugar was 98 this morning. By their records, I've lost 32 pounds in 4 months.
Today Daughter and I had our annual appointments with the ophthalmologist. Our appointments were at 7:50 and 8:00. We had identical exams. I was done almost an hour before Daughter. Since we were across town, I ran all the errands I had to run over there. We dropped off recycling and visited 4 stores. We stopped by home for lunch, and after a quick lunch, went over to the church so I could finish the things I didn't get done yesterday. From there we went to another store, and Daughter decided we were done for the day. I agreed.
Daughter was able to get into the kitchen yesterday morning, and the cookies had her blood sugar high for lunch yesterday and breakfast this morning. I told her she will confess and apologize when I take her home, and I will go in to witness it. It would be nice if House Manager were there to tell her about her consequence and I could take the TV at that time.
I continue to suspect that House Manager is overwhelmed with trying to run 3 houses on her own. I think she is a control freak, and it is hard to control 3 houses....
Yesterday I saw my Nurse Practitioner. We decided the anemia isn't a problem-- my hemoglobin is actually a little higher than it was a year ago. I was more concerned about the low sodium, and I wondered if it could be connected to an endocrine problem. I had a tumor removed from my pituitary gland 24 years ago. NP agreed with my concern, so I will be having an MRI done to check the pituitary gland, if they can get it authorized by my insurance company. She's also considering referring me to an endocrinologist.
We reduced my blood pressure medication again, and we also cut my diabetes medication. After skipping last night's pill, my blood sugar was 98 this morning. By their records, I've lost 32 pounds in 4 months.
Today Daughter and I had our annual appointments with the ophthalmologist. Our appointments were at 7:50 and 8:00. We had identical exams. I was done almost an hour before Daughter. Since we were across town, I ran all the errands I had to run over there. We dropped off recycling and visited 4 stores. We stopped by home for lunch, and after a quick lunch, went over to the church so I could finish the things I didn't get done yesterday. From there we went to another store, and Daughter decided we were done for the day. I agreed.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Ideas
After my overnight retreat, I arrived back at the church with a small idea for worship in November. By the time Administrative Assistant and I were through discussing it, we had a big idea that has us both excited. When we come to the Sunday in the story of the Exodus where the people cross the Jordan River into the Promised Land and construct a memorial of 12 rocks to mark the place, we are going to make a banner in worship. We will have some people who will pin large felt rocks to it after telling a story from the history of the church that they think should be remembered. Then we will invite the entire congregation to come forward and write a memory or thanksgiving on a smaller felt rock with a marker and pin them to the banner. We will sew them on, creating a banner that we will be able to hang in our sanctuary as a reminder of the many ways God has been at work in the life of this congregation.
I love the fact that AA and I can build on one another's ideas and come up with creative things like this.
I led the second class on medieval mystics tonight, and it went well. The resistance is melting and they are beginning to get it. Plus, one of the women was quoting a sermon I preached over a month ago that she was still contemplating. I love it when I hear that something I said in a sermon is continuing to work in their lives. I've got a lot of work to jam into tomorrow. It should be an interesting day....
I love the fact that AA and I can build on one another's ideas and come up with creative things like this.
I led the second class on medieval mystics tonight, and it went well. The resistance is melting and they are beginning to get it. Plus, one of the women was quoting a sermon I preached over a month ago that she was still contemplating. I love it when I hear that something I said in a sermon is continuing to work in their lives. I've got a lot of work to jam into tomorrow. It should be an interesting day....
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Meetings
I had a regional meeting today for our denomination. I got to worship without any responsibilities. I sat with Sister Best Friend, and she helped me write a verse for a hymn for Sunday. I got some other work done as well. The host pastor kindly shared their Wi-Fi password. He said he'd had more questions about that than the location of the restrooms. This one was only 45 minutes away, which was nice. As meetings go, it went pretty well. There was one call I didn't answer-- I don't know if it was Daughter or not. It's a definite possibility. Whoever it was didn't leave a voice mail. One blessing from today was a chance to talk to a woman who was in a new pastor group with me over 25 years ago. We were in different states then, and somehow ended up here in the same region. There is going to be a reunion of people who were in the new pastors' programs in November, and I think I may go, especially if I can hitch a ride with her. It will be interesting to see what became of our group.
Tonight I have our peer group retreat. Of the 6 of us in this peer group, one was preaching today, two did a presentation, and two of us were involved in leading discussion groups after lunch. That leaves just one who didn't have any leadership responsibilities today. I truly am blessed with the people who are in my peer group. They are good friends and have much wisdom to share.
I spoke to Administrative Assistant twice today, and sent some emails in between. It was another busy morning in the office, but this afternoon she had time to work ahead on one project. I shared my latest schemes for Advent, and once again she was encouraging me, not reining me in. I told her she's supposed to slow me down, not egg me on. She just laughed. It's one of the reasons we work so well together. We feed on one another's ideas.
I'm looking forward to 18 hours away to enjoy fellowship and reflect on ministry. I need that time, and I treasure it. Attending something like that is one of the gifts of Daughter living in a group home.
Tonight I have our peer group retreat. Of the 6 of us in this peer group, one was preaching today, two did a presentation, and two of us were involved in leading discussion groups after lunch. That leaves just one who didn't have any leadership responsibilities today. I truly am blessed with the people who are in my peer group. They are good friends and have much wisdom to share.
I spoke to Administrative Assistant twice today, and sent some emails in between. It was another busy morning in the office, but this afternoon she had time to work ahead on one project. I shared my latest schemes for Advent, and once again she was encouraging me, not reining me in. I told her she's supposed to slow me down, not egg me on. She just laughed. It's one of the reasons we work so well together. We feed on one another's ideas.
I'm looking forward to 18 hours away to enjoy fellowship and reflect on ministry. I need that time, and I treasure it. Attending something like that is one of the gifts of Daughter living in a group home.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Seeking Attention
Daughter is frustrated because she knows I have a busy week. She is aware I will not be available to her all the time due to meetings/commitments. She was with me Friday-Sunday, but that doesn't make up for the fact that I have an all day meeting on Tuesday and an overnight retreat Tuesday evening. She'll be with me Thursday-Sunday this week, but that doesn't change the fact that I will be hard to reach from Tuesday morning until Wednesday afternoon. I had a couple of phone calls from her today. She's claiming voices/flashbacks. I reminded her of coping skills. That wasn't what she was looking for. I asked her what she wanted, but she hung up on me, angry. Of course, this evening she called and apologized.
I feel sorry for the staff that will be working with her. She will survive. She doesn't need me all the time, despite what she might think. She's not going to succeed I her attempts to manipulate me, and I know that will leave her very frustrated. That's her problem, not mine.
I feel sorry for the staff that will be working with her. She will survive. She doesn't need me all the time, despite what she might think. She's not going to succeed I her attempts to manipulate me, and I know that will leave her very frustrated. That's her problem, not mine.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Food
We had a fellowship meal last week, and apparently what I ate was being carefully scrutinized. Those doing the scrutinizing have decided I'm not eating enough. I'm not sure when they got their medical degrees, but they certainly consider themselves to be experts. I decided this week it's time to enter the maintenance phase of my diet. That means I need to figure out a 3 day rotation so I'm not eating the same foods 2 days in a row. The challenge is going to be finding enough variety and figuring out adequate protein for each day.
I had scoured the shelves of a health food store on Friday, and found some granola I could eat. It was very expensive. Today I pulled out a recipe a friend had given me and made some modifications. I added extra nuts and sunflower seeds to give it a little more protein. I replaced the brown sugar (which I can't have) with real maple syrup (which I can have). Instead of margarine or butter, I used pecan oil and coconut oil. I have a peer group retreat this week, so I will take some of that for my breakfast. I also bought some small boxes of non-dairy milk to make it easier to travel.
I also found some vegan cheese I can tolerate. If' I'd tried it 3 months ago, I would have thought it was terrible. After 3 months without any cheese (and I love cheese), it tastes good. Unfortunately, it does not provide any protein. It tastes good melted on top of corn tortilla chips and refried beans for some nachos.
Prepared products, even in the health food store, are a challenge. I haven't found any bread I can eat. Sweeteners are a problem. I'm sensitive to cane sugar. Some of the things that are sugar free use apple juice for sweetener, and I'm sensitive to apples.
I am going to try some quinoa. At this point I have pinto beans, garbanzo beans, pecans, and cashews as protein sources. It would be helpful if I could eat soy. I need to look at the information again and remember why it is I'm supposed to be staying away from soy. I purchased a bunch of semi-healthy frozen dinners for Daughter when she's here. They were on sale. I've decided I'm not going to try to get her to follow my diet. Yesterday she had nachos with me, using real cheese on hers.
There are some things that are out of whack in my blood work, and I'm going to go talk to my Nurse Practitioner about those this week. I suspect the dietitians at the church may have a point. I do need to begin eating more....
I had scoured the shelves of a health food store on Friday, and found some granola I could eat. It was very expensive. Today I pulled out a recipe a friend had given me and made some modifications. I added extra nuts and sunflower seeds to give it a little more protein. I replaced the brown sugar (which I can't have) with real maple syrup (which I can have). Instead of margarine or butter, I used pecan oil and coconut oil. I have a peer group retreat this week, so I will take some of that for my breakfast. I also bought some small boxes of non-dairy milk to make it easier to travel.
I also found some vegan cheese I can tolerate. If' I'd tried it 3 months ago, I would have thought it was terrible. After 3 months without any cheese (and I love cheese), it tastes good. Unfortunately, it does not provide any protein. It tastes good melted on top of corn tortilla chips and refried beans for some nachos.
Prepared products, even in the health food store, are a challenge. I haven't found any bread I can eat. Sweeteners are a problem. I'm sensitive to cane sugar. Some of the things that are sugar free use apple juice for sweetener, and I'm sensitive to apples.
I am going to try some quinoa. At this point I have pinto beans, garbanzo beans, pecans, and cashews as protein sources. It would be helpful if I could eat soy. I need to look at the information again and remember why it is I'm supposed to be staying away from soy. I purchased a bunch of semi-healthy frozen dinners for Daughter when she's here. They were on sale. I've decided I'm not going to try to get her to follow my diet. Yesterday she had nachos with me, using real cheese on hers.
There are some things that are out of whack in my blood work, and I'm going to go talk to my Nurse Practitioner about those this week. I suspect the dietitians at the church may have a point. I do need to begin eating more....
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Getting It
Daughter doesn't understand that the theft of the food is not about the monetary value of the food, but about trust. She thinks she should pay for the food and that will be it. I tell her it's not about the money, but she is refusing to understand that. She can quote me, "I'm sorry is not an eraser," but doesn't seem to comprehend what that means. She lives completely in the moment. She's decided she's not going to do that anymore, so everyone should just trust her now. It's over, at least in her mind. I'm going to take a piece of paper and have her crumple it up and stamp on it today, and then see if she can make it look like new again. I don't know that even that will help, though. That's one of the challenges of consequencing the behavior. She doesn't seem to be capable of making the connection. Cause and effect are often challenging for kids with histories like Daughter's.
Today she's cleaning her bedroom here. She found some jewelry she had set aside, and was ready to get rid of it. Then she started looking at the individual items, and remembering who had given them to her. She's decided that rather than get rid of them, she's going to start wearing them. I think that's a good plan....
Today she's cleaning her bedroom here. She found some jewelry she had set aside, and was ready to get rid of it. Then she started looking at the individual items, and remembering who had given them to her. She's decided that rather than get rid of them, she's going to start wearing them. I think that's a good plan....
Friday, September 13, 2013
Consequences
Case Manager called me today. She thinks they've cured Daughter. I hope she's right. They're looking for meaningful consequences, and wondered about taking away choir. Choir is the only independent activity Daughter has with the general public, and is a wonderful support for her. I said I had concerns about doing that, and suggested that it might be better to take away her TV for a while. I don't know what they'll decide. I said I'd support whatever decision they made.
I also shared some of my concerns regarding communication. I have intentionally stayed out, telling Daughter she has a voice and needs to use it. I'm going to encourage Daughter to start telling CM her concerns. CM says one of the staff members left because she's pregnant. I said Daughter needs to be told what's going on. She says they can't tell her due to confidentiality. I suggested they could tell her that this staff member has resigned and moved on to other things. After our conversation, I realized that for them this is simply a staff member. For Daughter, it's a family member. You shouldn't find out a family member isn't coming back by seeing their bedroom emptied of all of their possessions.
We had our children's ministry at the church tonight. I had a blast leading singing and building Noah's ark with the kids while I told the story. The kids had a great time. Daughter helped with the crafts, and didn't complain. After I did the opening. I sat in my study and read.
I saw the orthopedic doctor today. He's delighted with my arm. He said he didn't need any more x-rays. I'm supposed to go back in May to talk about removing the hardware. We'll have another discussion about it then-- I might consider it if I didn't have to have general anesthesia....
I also shared some of my concerns regarding communication. I have intentionally stayed out, telling Daughter she has a voice and needs to use it. I'm going to encourage Daughter to start telling CM her concerns. CM says one of the staff members left because she's pregnant. I said Daughter needs to be told what's going on. She says they can't tell her due to confidentiality. I suggested they could tell her that this staff member has resigned and moved on to other things. After our conversation, I realized that for them this is simply a staff member. For Daughter, it's a family member. You shouldn't find out a family member isn't coming back by seeing their bedroom emptied of all of their possessions.
We had our children's ministry at the church tonight. I had a blast leading singing and building Noah's ark with the kids while I told the story. The kids had a great time. Daughter helped with the crafts, and didn't complain. After I did the opening. I sat in my study and read.
I saw the orthopedic doctor today. He's delighted with my arm. He said he didn't need any more x-rays. I'm supposed to go back in May to talk about removing the hardware. We'll have another discussion about it then-- I might consider it if I didn't have to have general anesthesia....
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Let Me Know How that Works out for You
Case Manager called this afternoon. She heard about the food Daughter was taking at the house. They are replacing locks and one door to make things more secure. CM was shocked by the planning that went into this. She wants my advice on how to get Daughter to stop. I tried for years. All I succeeded in doing was teaching her how to be sneakier. I finally disengaged. I secure the food as best I can. I call Daughter on it when she gets into food. I leave it at that. I can't control what she does. The harder I try, the more she resists.
Case Manager, Home Owner, and staff are confronting Daughter. I dropped her off early (she'll miss choir tonight) so they could do that. I told them I would not be a part of it. I didn't have the emotional energy for it. I warned them of all her lines. She's going to threaten to kill herself. She'll try to run away. She's going to say she'll hurt herself. She knew what was coming, and was not thrilled. I was not sympathetic. Actions have consequences. She can control what she does, it was a choice she made.
Do I think they'll be successful? No. I wished her luck, pointing out I hadn't succeeded in 13 years.
It continues to be very busy around the church. Very busy. Lots of good things are happening. I'm hoping I will get all day tomorrow and Saturday off, provided I can get the sermon finished tonight. It's close to being done. Very close.
Case Manager, Home Owner, and staff are confronting Daughter. I dropped her off early (she'll miss choir tonight) so they could do that. I told them I would not be a part of it. I didn't have the emotional energy for it. I warned them of all her lines. She's going to threaten to kill herself. She'll try to run away. She's going to say she'll hurt herself. She knew what was coming, and was not thrilled. I was not sympathetic. Actions have consequences. She can control what she does, it was a choice she made.
Do I think they'll be successful? No. I wished her luck, pointing out I hadn't succeeded in 13 years.
It continues to be very busy around the church. Very busy. Lots of good things are happening. I'm hoping I will get all day tomorrow and Saturday off, provided I can get the sermon finished tonight. It's close to being done. Very close.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Blessed
One of the saints was sitting in the office this morning. He'd come to do a project outside. It was hot, and he was debating waiting until another day. Instead he went to my house and fixed my garbage disposal. He is going to mow my back yard. I am grateful. Those things were really stressing me out, and it's a wonderful weight off my shoulders.
I'm beginning a new class this evening on contemplative prayer. I have no idea how many people to expect. I asked people to register, and about 10 did. Today I've heard from 5 more who are planning to attend. I hope I have enough books. I hope the attendance is that good.
I still have some personal business items hanging over my head. I'm going to address them tomorrow morning. I tried to deal with two late this afternoon, but couldn't make the phone connections. I'll keep trying....
The good news is that the discussed updates are moving forward on the website, Sunday's sermon is coming along nicely, and it will begin to cool off tomorrow, for which I'm very grateful. By the time I finished mowing the front lawn yesterday evening, the heat was really getting to me-- and it was almost dark.
I'm beginning a new class this evening on contemplative prayer. I have no idea how many people to expect. I asked people to register, and about 10 did. Today I've heard from 5 more who are planning to attend. I hope I have enough books. I hope the attendance is that good.
I still have some personal business items hanging over my head. I'm going to address them tomorrow morning. I tried to deal with two late this afternoon, but couldn't make the phone connections. I'll keep trying....
The good news is that the discussed updates are moving forward on the website, Sunday's sermon is coming along nicely, and it will begin to cool off tomorrow, for which I'm very grateful. By the time I finished mowing the front lawn yesterday evening, the heat was really getting to me-- and it was almost dark.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
It's a Good Thing....
It's a good thing I love my work so much. Yesterday I went into the church a little late, arriving about 10:00. I dumped my back pack and lunch in my study and then headed to the sanctuary to put something away. As I headed back to my study, the doorbell rang. I opened the door for one of our board members. He wanted to talk about Sunday's worship. He thought the sermon was great, and it had started him thinking, he wanted to share those reflections with me. Another board member showed up, and the first invited him to come join the conversation. They were trying to remember the name of an early leader in the church. I finally went to the office and brought back the record book. Finally the first leader left. As the second leader started to leave, the treasurer showed up, so the second leader followed him back in to get a question answered. Second leader left, and website coordinator arrived for a noon meeting with me. Treasurer had some questions/suggestions for her. Treasurer left. Website coordinator and I discussed some changes to the website. She left. I grabbed my lunch and ate quickly, as I had an appointment with a recent retiree who was willing to consider leading up a video project for us. We also talked about some computer issues, and then we discussed some other church things. By the time he left it was 3:00.
I sat down and tried to do some work. I ate supper. The members began arriving for a 6:00 meeting. The 7:00 committee members were arriving as they left. It was after 8:00 before I left the building. This morning I sat down around 9:00. People started dropping in quickly. I think it was 10:30 or 11:00 before Administrative Assistant and I were alone. We talked a bit, and a little after 12:00 I headed out for a lunch gathering/program with colleagues. When that was over, I dropped a colleague off and came home, getting here a little after 4:00. I have to mow the lawn tonight. It is very hot. Daughter's comment, "It's too dangerous to mow in this heat!" Unfortunately, this is the only evening I'm home this week. I was too tired Saturday and Sunday. I keep hoping it will cool off a bit. The current heat index is 94.... By the end of the week the overnight low will be in the high 30's. Fall is such fun here.
I'm just glad I love what I do so much!
I sat down and tried to do some work. I ate supper. The members began arriving for a 6:00 meeting. The 7:00 committee members were arriving as they left. It was after 8:00 before I left the building. This morning I sat down around 9:00. People started dropping in quickly. I think it was 10:30 or 11:00 before Administrative Assistant and I were alone. We talked a bit, and a little after 12:00 I headed out for a lunch gathering/program with colleagues. When that was over, I dropped a colleague off and came home, getting here a little after 4:00. I have to mow the lawn tonight. It is very hot. Daughter's comment, "It's too dangerous to mow in this heat!" Unfortunately, this is the only evening I'm home this week. I was too tired Saturday and Sunday. I keep hoping it will cool off a bit. The current heat index is 94.... By the end of the week the overnight low will be in the high 30's. Fall is such fun here.
I'm just glad I love what I do so much!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Fall Kick Off
Today was the fall kick off. Sunday School started back up, we had a fellowship meal, and I began the sermon series I will be doing this fall on Exodus. I did another one of my weird sermons. A series of women took turns interrupting one another as they told the story of how they saved Moses (all of them seeing what they'd done as an unimportant little thing.) There was no indication in the bulletin it would be anything other than a normal sermon, so the first interruption was a complete surprise to the congregation. I think by the 4th woman, they'd probably figured it out. I had an introduction and then tied it all together at the end. The congregation loved it. What I loved was some of the specific comments after the sermon:
"I'm going to go read Exodus this week."
"Why didn't I know that story? I don't remember hearing it before."
"I did a little thing this week that made a couple of children happy. It made me feel so good."
"I remember a little thing someone did for us our first Sunday here. It's why we came back."
I love those kinds of specific comments, because it tells me people connected with the story and are applying it to their lives.
The church timeline also made it's first appearance today, and a lot of people spent time reading it. There were stickers people could add to it to mark a place where a little thing made a big difference. I was delighted to see several people had placed stickers by various events.
After the fellowship meal, I had a workshop on making your own spiritual timeline. Daughter had to come, of course. She didn't start at the table, but in a chair along the wall, where she pulled out her ipod. She quickly joined us at the table, and while we were talking, she began writing down events from her life on the page with questions for people to use for reflection. She was very excited about it as a I drove her home. I was impressed by her reflections on faith.
I used a picture of her from her first Easter with me when I wrapped it up. I said a little thing that made a difference in my life was when I agreed to take a member's young daughter "for the weekend." The congregation loved seeing a picture of her when she was that young. She got lots of comments after the service (she knew my plans and gave me permission to use the illustration). She confessed to some of the members that she'd found the kitchen keys and had been raiding the kitchen at night. It was heart warming to hear them assure Daughter that they loved her, supported her, and knew she would turn things around.
Have I mentioned lately how much I love my life?
"I'm going to go read Exodus this week."
"Why didn't I know that story? I don't remember hearing it before."
"I did a little thing this week that made a couple of children happy. It made me feel so good."
"I remember a little thing someone did for us our first Sunday here. It's why we came back."
I love those kinds of specific comments, because it tells me people connected with the story and are applying it to their lives.
The church timeline also made it's first appearance today, and a lot of people spent time reading it. There were stickers people could add to it to mark a place where a little thing made a big difference. I was delighted to see several people had placed stickers by various events.
After the fellowship meal, I had a workshop on making your own spiritual timeline. Daughter had to come, of course. She didn't start at the table, but in a chair along the wall, where she pulled out her ipod. She quickly joined us at the table, and while we were talking, she began writing down events from her life on the page with questions for people to use for reflection. She was very excited about it as a I drove her home. I was impressed by her reflections on faith.
I used a picture of her from her first Easter with me when I wrapped it up. I said a little thing that made a difference in my life was when I agreed to take a member's young daughter "for the weekend." The congregation loved seeing a picture of her when she was that young. She got lots of comments after the service (she knew my plans and gave me permission to use the illustration). She confessed to some of the members that she'd found the kitchen keys and had been raiding the kitchen at night. It was heart warming to hear them assure Daughter that they loved her, supported her, and knew she would turn things around.
Have I mentioned lately how much I love my life?
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Oops.
I had registered for a painting class at a local craft store last night. After working all day, I totally forgot about it. Then the computer and cell phone beeped reminders. I still had time, and made it in time. It was a fun evening. There were two of us in the class, and we learned how to paint a landscape with acrylic paints. I will probably sign up for another class in the future.
When I talked to Daughter this morning, she reported her blood sugar was 300. I asked what she'd been into, and she said, "Nothing!" I said her name, and she stopped her denials. I informed her she was to go downstairs, get the key she'd found in the empty staff room, and deliver it to the staff. She was mad, but she did it. I was impressed she actually did it.
I worked the church's concession stand at today's football game, so I haven't picked her up yet. I'm not sure I want to go get her, but it's probably better to get her tonight than to wait until tomorrow morning. The football game was long, but fun. I was on ice cream. We sold lots of ice cream.
I'm glad I have everything done for tomorrow, because I'm tired.
When I talked to Daughter this morning, she reported her blood sugar was 300. I asked what she'd been into, and she said, "Nothing!" I said her name, and she stopped her denials. I informed her she was to go downstairs, get the key she'd found in the empty staff room, and deliver it to the staff. She was mad, but she did it. I was impressed she actually did it.
I worked the church's concession stand at today's football game, so I haven't picked her up yet. I'm not sure I want to go get her, but it's probably better to get her tonight than to wait until tomorrow morning. The football game was long, but fun. I was on ice cream. We sold lots of ice cream.
I'm glad I have everything done for tomorrow, because I'm tired.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Not Quite a Day Off, but a Good Day
I spent most of the day at the church today. We have been putting together a timeline of the congregation's history. Today was the day we were going to mount it for display in the sanctuary. We will be reflecting on it all fall.
When I arrived, 2 volunteers were already working on it. One had to leave, and another arrived. It was after 3 before I left. Around 1:00 someone stopped by to check in. I sent him to the store to get lunch for us, and then he came back with his wife, and they helped, too. It went relatively smoothly, and we were a good team, it just took a great deal of time. In addition to getting the timeline mounted and displayed, I also heard some interesting things:
We have a Friday night children's program once a month that enables parents to have a date night. One of the women who has been sending her two boys said it was the first time she and her husband had been able to do date night-- and their oldest is in first grade. One of the boys is autistic, and both have been having a wonderful time. My favorite 4 year old was there with his mom. He accompanied me downstairs, and was intrigued by the labyrinth that has been taped to the floor downstairs. After seeing how it fascinated him, I suggested to the program coordinator that we include it as an activity at our next Friday children's program.
One of the men in the church has been rather contrary and negative the last few weeks. Both Administrative Assistant and I have noticed it and commented on it. Today he informed me that irritability is a side effect of a medication he is on. He was apologizing (sort of) and promised to be more aware of it in the future.
Even with all the work we were doing, it was a fun day. Lots of conversation and laughter. I needed that, as Daughter was in the midst of a bad day. Her 3rd or 4th call ended with her hanging up on me. I wasn't willing to go rescue her, and she wasn't happy about that. I once again told her I was sorry she was having a bad day and had confidence in her ability to cope. She didn't like my response.
On the way home, I stopped and donated two trash bags of clothing at the thrift shop. It felt good to get them out of my house....
When I arrived, 2 volunteers were already working on it. One had to leave, and another arrived. It was after 3 before I left. Around 1:00 someone stopped by to check in. I sent him to the store to get lunch for us, and then he came back with his wife, and they helped, too. It went relatively smoothly, and we were a good team, it just took a great deal of time. In addition to getting the timeline mounted and displayed, I also heard some interesting things:
We have a Friday night children's program once a month that enables parents to have a date night. One of the women who has been sending her two boys said it was the first time she and her husband had been able to do date night-- and their oldest is in first grade. One of the boys is autistic, and both have been having a wonderful time. My favorite 4 year old was there with his mom. He accompanied me downstairs, and was intrigued by the labyrinth that has been taped to the floor downstairs. After seeing how it fascinated him, I suggested to the program coordinator that we include it as an activity at our next Friday children's program.
One of the men in the church has been rather contrary and negative the last few weeks. Both Administrative Assistant and I have noticed it and commented on it. Today he informed me that irritability is a side effect of a medication he is on. He was apologizing (sort of) and promised to be more aware of it in the future.
Even with all the work we were doing, it was a fun day. Lots of conversation and laughter. I needed that, as Daughter was in the midst of a bad day. Her 3rd or 4th call ended with her hanging up on me. I wasn't willing to go rescue her, and she wasn't happy about that. I once again told her I was sorry she was having a bad day and had confidence in her ability to cope. She didn't like my response.
On the way home, I stopped and donated two trash bags of clothing at the thrift shop. It felt good to get them out of my house....
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Finally
Yesterday I sent a quick email to Case Manager asking her if something was going on with Home Owner, since she wasn't responding to my emails or texts. Case Manager emailed this morning asking if I'd heard from her. I told her I hadn't. Very quickly after that, I had an email from her explaining she'd cut her right hand and needed stitches so she was having difficulty using the computer. To I buy this? No. She also claimed she'd tried to call yesterday. She didn't leave a message if she did, and all my phones have voice mail.
At least she has now emailed me and assured me that they have fixed the issue with Daughter's statin.
I decided I was going to try eating out today. I figured the oatmeal and fresh fruit would be safe. Wrong. I took Daughter to one of those 24 hour places for supper. I ordered oatmeal and a banana. I'm getting a headache and have cramps. I checked the restaurant's allergy menu, but it insists the oatmeal doesn't have any dairy or other bad things in it. All I know is that oatmeal at home doesn't bother me, and this oatmeal did. I guess I won't be eating out again for a while.
At least she has now emailed me and assured me that they have fixed the issue with Daughter's statin.
I decided I was going to try eating out today. I figured the oatmeal and fresh fruit would be safe. Wrong. I took Daughter to one of those 24 hour places for supper. I ordered oatmeal and a banana. I'm getting a headache and have cramps. I checked the restaurant's allergy menu, but it insists the oatmeal doesn't have any dairy or other bad things in it. All I know is that oatmeal at home doesn't bother me, and this oatmeal did. I guess I won't be eating out again for a while.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Sigh
I adjusted Daughter's insulin over the weekend, and she did beautifully while she was with me. I took her back, and her morning blood sugars have been over 200 ever since. I have no clue why this is happening. The kitchen door is supposedly kept locked, and Daughter insists that she is not getting into things and that she is getting appropriate snacks.
If Home Owner were speaking to me, maybe we could trouble shoot this together. However, she still has not acknowledged the email about adjusting Daughter's insulin, nor has she responded to the text message. One possibility is that Daughter has been lying to me about her blood sugar numbers. I will download her meter while she is with me tomorrow. That could be interesting....
If Home Owner were speaking to me, maybe we could trouble shoot this together. However, she still has not acknowledged the email about adjusting Daughter's insulin, nor has she responded to the text message. One possibility is that Daughter has been lying to me about her blood sugar numbers. I will download her meter while she is with me tomorrow. That could be interesting....
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Silent Treatment
Home Owner has not spoken to me since she cashed the check she'd lost, overdrawing my checking account. I sent her an email yesterday about Daughter's meds and asked her to respond. Nothing. I sent her a text last night about the change in Daughter's insulin. Nothing.
This is getting old. I cc'd Nurse and Case Manager on yesterday's email. Nurse has responded, telling me I needed orders from the doctor on the change. I pointed out Home Owner had given the doctor the paperwork to fill out, and I assumed it was there. I haven't seen the paperwork. Nurse was going to look for the documentation, but I haven't heard anything back from her.
I'm a bit frustrated with this. I've sent several emails asking direct questions and have had no response. I know from past experience that it's very hard to get her to answer her phone, and her voice mail box is perpetually full, making it impossible to leave a message.
In the midst of this busy week, I have some paper work I need to take care of for Daughter, including calling the pharmacy to straighten out the insurance mess. Administrative Assistant's son was offered his dream job last week. He has been doing contract work since he graduate from college, so they are very happy that he now has a permanent position doing what he loves. It's nice to have good news to take my mind off my frustrations.
This is getting old. I cc'd Nurse and Case Manager on yesterday's email. Nurse has responded, telling me I needed orders from the doctor on the change. I pointed out Home Owner had given the doctor the paperwork to fill out, and I assumed it was there. I haven't seen the paperwork. Nurse was going to look for the documentation, but I haven't heard anything back from her.
I'm a bit frustrated with this. I've sent several emails asking direct questions and have had no response. I know from past experience that it's very hard to get her to answer her phone, and her voice mail box is perpetually full, making it impossible to leave a message.
In the midst of this busy week, I have some paper work I need to take care of for Daughter, including calling the pharmacy to straighten out the insurance mess. Administrative Assistant's son was offered his dream job last week. He has been doing contract work since he graduate from college, so they are very happy that he now has a permanent position doing what he loves. It's nice to have good news to take my mind off my frustrations.
Monday, September 2, 2013
New and Different
Daughter and I cleaned out my closet today. When we'd sorted through the clothes and decided which to give to Sister Best Friend, what ones to donate, what would go in the trash, and what I would keep, the outcome was pretty amazing. I don't have many clothes left in my closet. I don't feel any need to fill it in, though.
I found the dress I bought for Adoption Day. That was 19 years ago. It was a size 18. I haven't been smaller than that since then. Today, some of the clothes that fit are size 14, some are size 16. After sorting through everything in my closet, I decided I could use another sweater or two. Daughter and I went to see the Smurfs 2. She thought it was great. I wasn't as thrilled, but it made her happy. Then we went shopping for my sweaters. I went into a store I've never shopped in before (the clothes were too small). I tried on some sweaters. One of them was too big in size large, so I had to go down to a medium. I liked the way they looked on me. I enjoyed shopping and trying on clothes. I don't remember the last time I enjoyed shopping for clothes for me. Daughter was helpful. She didn't complain or ask to get anything. It was buy one, get one for half price. I also had a gift card. I walked out with 2 sweaters which cost me less than $6 after the gift card. It was nice.
Then we went and got pedicures, which was also nice. Since I can't eat out anymore, I can afford to spend money on other things. Daughter and I enjoyed a good weekend. Today was a mini-vacation. I liked it.
I found the dress I bought for Adoption Day. That was 19 years ago. It was a size 18. I haven't been smaller than that since then. Today, some of the clothes that fit are size 14, some are size 16. After sorting through everything in my closet, I decided I could use another sweater or two. Daughter and I went to see the Smurfs 2. She thought it was great. I wasn't as thrilled, but it made her happy. Then we went shopping for my sweaters. I went into a store I've never shopped in before (the clothes were too small). I tried on some sweaters. One of them was too big in size large, so I had to go down to a medium. I liked the way they looked on me. I enjoyed shopping and trying on clothes. I don't remember the last time I enjoyed shopping for clothes for me. Daughter was helpful. She didn't complain or ask to get anything. It was buy one, get one for half price. I also had a gift card. I walked out with 2 sweaters which cost me less than $6 after the gift card. It was nice.
Then we went and got pedicures, which was also nice. Since I can't eat out anymore, I can afford to spend money on other things. Daughter and I enjoyed a good weekend. Today was a mini-vacation. I liked it.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
One Weekend a Year
There is one weekend each year I miss Tiny Village. Labor Day weekend was the biggest weekend of the year. It was the Big Event, which was a homecoming. We'd have 500 people in the church Sunday night, and it was one of the highlights of the year. Then on Monday Daughter and I would make our annual trip to the County Fair, where we'd check out the kids' 4H projects and visit with people.
It's getting easier, now that we've been gone 3 years. On this Sunday night, though, I still find myself remembering. Remembering and longing. One of the wonderful young women who came with her family every year for the Big Event posted a couple of videos from tonight on Facebook. It was bittersweet, watching the videos. I was glad for a glimpse, and wish I was there. I shared the videos with Daughter, she was nostalgic, too.
Most of the year, I'm delighted to be right here in Capital. Things are going well. I'm feeling blessed. One weekend a year I miss the place we spend 14 years. I'm grateful for the time I had there, and I'm glad I'm here now. I love my life.
It's getting easier, now that we've been gone 3 years. On this Sunday night, though, I still find myself remembering. Remembering and longing. One of the wonderful young women who came with her family every year for the Big Event posted a couple of videos from tonight on Facebook. It was bittersweet, watching the videos. I was glad for a glimpse, and wish I was there. I shared the videos with Daughter, she was nostalgic, too.
Most of the year, I'm delighted to be right here in Capital. Things are going well. I'm feeling blessed. One weekend a year I miss the place we spend 14 years. I'm grateful for the time I had there, and I'm glad I'm here now. I love my life.
Praise
So after my lament the other day, it's time for some praise. I stripped my bed and washed the linens yesterday. When Daughter headed to bed last night, she saw I had remade my bed. "Come on, Mom, I'll help you make your bed before I go to bed." There are times when she's wonderfully helpful and considerate. I love those times.
This morning I got on the scale, and my weight, which seemed to have plateaued, dropped again. For years I had not been able to get my weight below 200, so when I passed that milestone, I was excited. The weight seemed to come off quickly for a while, and I breezed down below 190. Then I seemed to get stuck. On August 15, I was at 185. It seemed to get stuck around 182-183. This morning it was 180. It makes it easier to stick to the diet. This morning I put on one of the dresses I was going to keep, since it was a slightly smaller size. It's too big. I may keep it for a while, but it is going to have to go soon.
Daughter is willing to help me clean out my closet this afternoon. She was quite distressed this morning. She saw one of the blouses Sister Best Friend gave me hanging in the laundry room. "Mom, you're wearing THAT?" I assured her I was, and what's more, it looked good. She was skeptical, to say the least.
I've decided I'm going to have to buy some new underwear. A wonderful problem to have. Right now, we're both relaxing. Then we'll get busy....
This morning I got on the scale, and my weight, which seemed to have plateaued, dropped again. For years I had not been able to get my weight below 200, so when I passed that milestone, I was excited. The weight seemed to come off quickly for a while, and I breezed down below 190. Then I seemed to get stuck. On August 15, I was at 185. It seemed to get stuck around 182-183. This morning it was 180. It makes it easier to stick to the diet. This morning I put on one of the dresses I was going to keep, since it was a slightly smaller size. It's too big. I may keep it for a while, but it is going to have to go soon.
Daughter is willing to help me clean out my closet this afternoon. She was quite distressed this morning. She saw one of the blouses Sister Best Friend gave me hanging in the laundry room. "Mom, you're wearing THAT?" I assured her I was, and what's more, it looked good. She was skeptical, to say the least.
I've decided I'm going to have to buy some new underwear. A wonderful problem to have. Right now, we're both relaxing. Then we'll get busy....
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Productive Relaxation and Diet Lament
Yesterday I shortened a couple of skirts. I've been working on laundry. I did some weeding and mowed the lawn today. I've also been watching college football. Probably too much college football. I enjoy it. I confess, I was relieved when they didn't need me to work the concession booth this weekend. I'm concerned about how I will handle all the fumes from stuff I'm sensitive to. I've asked them to station me on the ice cream cart when I do work, which is outside of the booth. They will make special arrangements for me to take food in. I can't eat anything in the booth.
This diet is very inconvenient. I'm still finding it depressing to go to the grocery store. This week she told me I need to stay gluten free permanently. I'll also be dairy free forever. I've been exploring websites looking for recipes. I have yet to find any meat that I can eat due to all the things that are added to our meat-- even that which is "minimally processed" has chemicals I react to. I can try to add egg now, but it may be easier to just remain vegan. The problem is that the recipes I can have all take time and planning. This is an entire change of my lifestyle. Even the nut butter I can eat is not available commercially. I've become an expert at making it. Actually, there are versions available in specialty shops online, but they all contain ingredients I can't have.
I am pleased that I can have bananas and rice now. Both of those are much appreciated. I'm adjusting. It's just there are times when I'd like to order a pizza. I made all that vegetable soup for the freezer a couple of weeks ago, but it contains gluten, so I can no longer eat it. I'm going to have to find other things I can make for the freezer. I'll figure it out. I told Daughter she could pick out several frozen dinners for meals while she is hear. When we left the store, we had raw fruits and vegetables and a variety of chemical laden frozen dinners. I know better than to try to make Daughter eat vegan....
This diet is very inconvenient. I'm still finding it depressing to go to the grocery store. This week she told me I need to stay gluten free permanently. I'll also be dairy free forever. I've been exploring websites looking for recipes. I have yet to find any meat that I can eat due to all the things that are added to our meat-- even that which is "minimally processed" has chemicals I react to. I can try to add egg now, but it may be easier to just remain vegan. The problem is that the recipes I can have all take time and planning. This is an entire change of my lifestyle. Even the nut butter I can eat is not available commercially. I've become an expert at making it. Actually, there are versions available in specialty shops online, but they all contain ingredients I can't have.
I am pleased that I can have bananas and rice now. Both of those are much appreciated. I'm adjusting. It's just there are times when I'd like to order a pizza. I made all that vegetable soup for the freezer a couple of weeks ago, but it contains gluten, so I can no longer eat it. I'm going to have to find other things I can make for the freezer. I'll figure it out. I told Daughter she could pick out several frozen dinners for meals while she is hear. When we left the store, we had raw fruits and vegetables and a variety of chemical laden frozen dinners. I know better than to try to make Daughter eat vegan....
Friday, August 30, 2013
Time Off
Even as the fall rush looms, or maybe I should say, especially as the fall rush looms, it is important to practice good self-care. The sermon is done, in the notebook in place in the sanctuary. The PowerPoint has been sent to the sound desk, with a slide saying, "video here" for the video someone else captured for me to be placed. Our volunteers will put it in Sunday morning when they finalize the slides for the worship service.
That means that I have today and tomorrow totally off. I don't have anything hanging over my head. I will also take Monday off, though I might sneak in a little bit of work from home, especially if Administrative Assistant sends me future bulletins. We like to work ahead. It helps with the stress level. The bulletin for the 8th is in pretty good shape. The announcements aren't done, but the worship service is all laid out. We've planned music well into October. The sermon on the 8th includes a drama, so it is pretty much done. We've practiced it, and the slides for the rear screen that will serve as teleprompter have been tried and edited to make them easier to read. I do still need to write the communion liturgy for that service.
I haven't decided yet how much time Daughter will spend with me over the holiday weekend. There is the challenge of diet. I'm now vegan, and she is definitely not. I will have to buy different food for her to eat while she is here. I also have to look to see if there is something fun going on in the community that we could do together. I'm sure she'd love to go shopping, but that is not my favorite activity. It would be helpful to have her here a couple of nights. I think her insulin needs to be adjusted, and I prefer to do that while she is here with me so I know what she's eating and that the insulin is right. I think they continue to make some mistakes at the house.
Today, I'm going to enjoy my time off. I think I will finish shortening 3 skirts. I may make some more ornaments. I should do some cleaning and weeding. There is plenty to keep me busy in the yard, if the weather cooperates. I'm looking forward to the weekend.
That means that I have today and tomorrow totally off. I don't have anything hanging over my head. I will also take Monday off, though I might sneak in a little bit of work from home, especially if Administrative Assistant sends me future bulletins. We like to work ahead. It helps with the stress level. The bulletin for the 8th is in pretty good shape. The announcements aren't done, but the worship service is all laid out. We've planned music well into October. The sermon on the 8th includes a drama, so it is pretty much done. We've practiced it, and the slides for the rear screen that will serve as teleprompter have been tried and edited to make them easier to read. I do still need to write the communion liturgy for that service.
I haven't decided yet how much time Daughter will spend with me over the holiday weekend. There is the challenge of diet. I'm now vegan, and she is definitely not. I will have to buy different food for her to eat while she is here. I also have to look to see if there is something fun going on in the community that we could do together. I'm sure she'd love to go shopping, but that is not my favorite activity. It would be helpful to have her here a couple of nights. I think her insulin needs to be adjusted, and I prefer to do that while she is here with me so I know what she's eating and that the insulin is right. I think they continue to make some mistakes at the house.
Today, I'm going to enjoy my time off. I think I will finish shortening 3 skirts. I may make some more ornaments. I should do some cleaning and weeding. There is plenty to keep me busy in the yard, if the weather cooperates. I'm looking forward to the weekend.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Fall Rush
The calendar doesn't say September yet, but the pace in the church office sure does. Everything changes after Labor Day. I will begin teaching 2 classes a week. All the meetings that haven't taken place during the summer will start up again. At the very time there is more work to do, there is less time in which to do it. We've spent the last 2 weeks trying to get the newsletter done. It was especially complicated this month, as there were so many things that had to go into it. It was one of the longest we've ever done. We've also had to expand the bulletin again to fit in everything that needs to be there.
These are good problems to have. It reflects our growth. We also know that with continued growth will come additional work. I've decided I'm going to take Labor Day off. Tuesday, I'll jump right in. We're in pretty good shape, all things considered. I'm excited about the plans we've made for this fall. I hope it will be meaningful for the congregation.
These are good problems to have. It reflects our growth. We also know that with continued growth will come additional work. I've decided I'm going to take Labor Day off. Tuesday, I'll jump right in. We're in pretty good shape, all things considered. I'm excited about the plans we've made for this fall. I hope it will be meaningful for the congregation.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Answers
I finally heard from Daughter's Case Worker today. She has straight Medicaid. So she is covered. I can relax. I still need to deal with the pharmacy (or someone does). I hate dealing with this stuff. The last week or so has been heavy on it. I had to complete the annual report to Social Security. I have to finish the annual guardian's report to the court. I do understand why Far Away Sister is not thrilled about being the back-up guardian. There are times when it is a real pain. I don't think Daughter is aware of the drama. Home Owner is still not communicating with me, which is rather frustrating. Daughter overheard a conversation yesterday and apparently the plan is to only have one staff member at the house from now on. It would be nice if she would be officially told and guardians were kept up to date on what the plans are. Daughter thinks the one staff member is too busy and has too much to do and that's why she forgets to give her her bedtime snack. I don't care how busy she is. Daughter needs a snack most nights, and to skip it can be life threatening.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
No Insurance, No Answers
Daughter is still eligible for Medicaid, and her case is shown as active. For some reason the Medicaid plan she is enrolled in was cancelled in November. The plan can't tell me why. The information line can't talk to me without Daughter's permission. I tried to fax them the guardianship order, but the number they gave me didn't work. When I tried to call back, I kept getting shuttled to an automated system. Her Medicaid caseworker doesn't answer her phone. I (hope) got her email address off of her phone message and emailed her. I also cc'd her Case Manager, the Nurse, and the case worker who gave me her name and number. Administrative Assistant scanned the guardianship order and I attached it to the email, so she has no excuses for not talking to me. I stayed at the church late waiting for her to call. She hasn't yet. She also hasn't responded to my email. I should have asked to be notified when she opened it, but I didn't. As far as I can figure out, no one was notified that her Medicaid plan was cancelled.
Yes, I'm frustrated. I'm not sure about next steps. Hopefully she'll call tomorrow with answers....
Yes, I'm frustrated. I'm not sure about next steps. Hopefully she'll call tomorrow with answers....
Monday, August 26, 2013
Frustrated Mama Bear
Daughter called around lunch time today. Her blood sugar had been low before lunch, and after lunch it had dropped even lower. She was down to her last 3 strips. This morning her blood sugar was sky high. She wasn't given a snack last night, so I suspect her blood sugar bottomed out over night and rebounded. Because the high was from a rebound, she didn't need as much insulin as she was given. I've explained multiple times that she has to have a bedtime snack. It is in her plan. She could die from undetected lows over night. So I was frustrated--but then it gets worst.
I had to give her extra test strips because she ran out. She claimed she couldn't get any more until August 27. Yesterday I saw the receipt for her strips in her med box, and it said she could get more strips on August 7. I send off an email to the Home Owner and Case Manager seeking clarification. CM forwards email to Nurse. Nurse calls pharmacy. Bottom line: They claim that her Medicaid has been cancelled, and she has no insurance. They say they haven't been paid for the last 2 months of strips, resulting in an outstanding bill of $400. I was in a meeting in another city all afternoon, so tomorrow I'm going to have to get on the phone. I was answering emails about this in the meeting, but they are a group of pastors, and understood my distraction.... I told the board tonight they should pray for the people who will be answering my calls tomorrow. I decided I probably shouldn't use the church phone to place the calls, as I don't want the church name showing up on caller ID....
I hope I can quickly get this mess straightened out. The thought of Daughter not having any medical insurance is scary. I hope this is miscommunication. I hope there is not notification of a problem floating around out there that I have never seen....
I had to give her extra test strips because she ran out. She claimed she couldn't get any more until August 27. Yesterday I saw the receipt for her strips in her med box, and it said she could get more strips on August 7. I send off an email to the Home Owner and Case Manager seeking clarification. CM forwards email to Nurse. Nurse calls pharmacy. Bottom line: They claim that her Medicaid has been cancelled, and she has no insurance. They say they haven't been paid for the last 2 months of strips, resulting in an outstanding bill of $400. I was in a meeting in another city all afternoon, so tomorrow I'm going to have to get on the phone. I was answering emails about this in the meeting, but they are a group of pastors, and understood my distraction.... I told the board tonight they should pray for the people who will be answering my calls tomorrow. I decided I probably shouldn't use the church phone to place the calls, as I don't want the church name showing up on caller ID....
I hope I can quickly get this mess straightened out. The thought of Daughter not having any medical insurance is scary. I hope this is miscommunication. I hope there is not notification of a problem floating around out there that I have never seen....
Sunday, August 25, 2013
A Confession
I have a confession. There are times when I'm not very patient. There are some people who I find very annoying. There are some people who I find it very hard to give pastoral care. I ran into one of these women today. I think she first got under my skin when she was bothered because we weren't concerned enough about her husband's illness some time ago. We were in the process of celebrating the life of a young person who had died way too young. She was upset because her husband's mystery illness had been diagnosed as an infection that would require two days in the hospital for antibiotics. He would make a complete recovery. She thought it was terrible that he had to spend two days in the hospital. I thought it was great that he had a diagnosis that would lead to a complete recovery. I pointed that out to her, but she couldn't hear it.
She has a new crisis. She was grieving today. Her son graduated from college in the spring. He found a job in retail that put him on the management track. He would have to complete training, and then would be assigned to a store. He has completed training. He has been given an assistant manager position in a store a couple of states away. He is moving. He doesn't know anyone in the new state. He doesn't have an apartment yet. The economy here is still not doing well, yet he graduated college and walked into a job. He's been given a management position. He is on the ladder. We have one man who graduated almost 2 years ago, and has not been able to find a job. We have a woman who had to move back into her parents' home after being laid off and not being able to put together enough jobs to pay her rent. Yes, she will miss her son. He has been given a wonderful opportunity.
I think part of it is that parenting a special needs child, I have learned a different perspective. For me the cup is half full. For this woman, the cup is half empty. The other issue is that while she is wrapped up in her "crises." I am providing pastoral care in some horrific situations. When her husband was sick, I was in the midst of dealing with a grieving family and a grieving congregation. While her son is off following his dreams, I am ministering to someone who came out of an experience of horrific abuse and had dreams sabotaged by an abusive parent.
I was able to listen this morning. I hope my face reflected compassion, not impatience. There are times when it's hard to show compassion. It wouldn't be appropriate to tell her about other situations and tell her she has lots to celebrate, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is confidentiality. It's not always easy being a pastor.
She has a new crisis. She was grieving today. Her son graduated from college in the spring. He found a job in retail that put him on the management track. He would have to complete training, and then would be assigned to a store. He has completed training. He has been given an assistant manager position in a store a couple of states away. He is moving. He doesn't know anyone in the new state. He doesn't have an apartment yet. The economy here is still not doing well, yet he graduated college and walked into a job. He's been given a management position. He is on the ladder. We have one man who graduated almost 2 years ago, and has not been able to find a job. We have a woman who had to move back into her parents' home after being laid off and not being able to put together enough jobs to pay her rent. Yes, she will miss her son. He has been given a wonderful opportunity.
I think part of it is that parenting a special needs child, I have learned a different perspective. For me the cup is half full. For this woman, the cup is half empty. The other issue is that while she is wrapped up in her "crises." I am providing pastoral care in some horrific situations. When her husband was sick, I was in the midst of dealing with a grieving family and a grieving congregation. While her son is off following his dreams, I am ministering to someone who came out of an experience of horrific abuse and had dreams sabotaged by an abusive parent.
I was able to listen this morning. I hope my face reflected compassion, not impatience. There are times when it's hard to show compassion. It wouldn't be appropriate to tell her about other situations and tell her she has lots to celebrate, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is confidentiality. It's not always easy being a pastor.
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