Broken Engagement

Snippets of conversations with Daughter today:

"So you've decided you're ready for sex?"

"Mom, marriage isn't just about sex."

"I realize that, but it is a big part of it.  I know D will expect it.  I thought you broke up with him because he wasn't treating you right."

"Someone taught me it is important forgive.  I have forgiven him." 

.....................................

"I've thought about it, and I'm ready." 

"Isn't this the guy you accused of harassing you?" 

"Yes, but this is different." 

"I want you to be married to someone who will love and respect you.  It seems to me that he hasn't treated you with respect."

(Discussion of the cycle of abuse.)

"How many times have you broken up with him because he wasn't showing you respect?"

"Four."

"So how many times are you going to go through this cycle with him?" 

She finally decided to break up with him.  After she broke up with him, she told me how hard it will be on the bus, because he likes to sit next to her.  He puts his hand on her leg, and she tells him to stop, but he won't. 

As I was taking her home, she explained that she is jealous of her married friends.  I asked her to identify them, and she mentioned two women she knew when we lived in Tiny Village.  Both were adopted, had issues, and were also developmentally disabled.

"B is very happy.  She has a perfect marriage.  She's pregnant with her third child." 

"No marriage is perfect.  Didn't she tell you her life was perfect when she moved into her apartment?" 

"Yes."

"What did you find when you visited her?"

"It was a mess and she wanted me to help clean it because her parents were coming..."  She then went into a long description of how she went about cleaning (not very responsibly). 

"Do you really think this is any different?  Do you believe she has a perfect marriage?"

"No.  But M is pregnant with her 5th child." 

"Really?  She's 25 years old and she is going to have 5 children?" 

"Yes, and she's on her 3rd marriage."

"Do you really want that?"

"No." 

....................

For now, she's decided not to get married.   Will she remember this conversation the next time she wants to get married?  No.