Saturday, September 14, 2013

Getting It

Daughter doesn't understand that the theft of the food is not about the monetary value of the food, but about trust.  She thinks she should pay for the food and that will be it.  I tell her it's not about the money, but she is refusing to understand that.  She can quote me, "I'm sorry is not an eraser," but doesn't seem to comprehend what that means.  She lives completely in the moment.  She's decided she's not going to do that anymore, so everyone should just trust her now.  It's over, at least in her mind.  I'm going to take a piece of paper and have her crumple it up and stamp on it today, and then see if she can make it look like new again.  I don't know that even that will help, though.  That's one of the challenges of consequencing the behavior.  She doesn't seem to be capable of making the connection.  Cause and effect are often challenging for kids with histories like Daughter's. 

Today she's cleaning her bedroom here.  She found some jewelry she had set aside, and was ready to get rid of it.  Then she started looking at the individual items, and remembering who had given them to her.  She's decided that rather than get rid of them, she's going to start wearing them.   I think that's a good plan....


Anonymous said...

Consequences work best if they are given immediately after the infraction, especially for you children or others who have a hard time "getting it." My MIL, who is a very intelligent woman, is unfortunately one of those people who refuses to admit to ever have done anything wrong (snooping through our financial records and personal possessions, talking trash about me to her friends, refusing to put my young son in a car seat because she never used one when her kids were little and then lying about it when we found out, and much much more.) In her mind, all that happened "in the past," and we should just forget about it, even if we confront her a few hours after we find out she's done something wrong.
Narcissism is the problem in her case, and everyone else is being unreasonable when they confront her.
If your DD had been caught in the act of sneaking food it would have been harder for her to brush it off as something that should be forgotten.

Reverend Mom said...

Sounds very familiar.