Seeking Normal

This afternoon I was congratulating myself for my wise decision to skip worship yesterday do I could have time in the evening with Daughter. I was thinking about how wonderful it was that she hadn't called me at all today. Then she walked in, and it was obvious something was wrong. When I asked, she said she hadn't felt good all day. That didn't make sense, though, since she hadn't called, and normally she would have called if she wasn't feeling well.

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Gradually the story came out. One of her friends had been messaging Flasher on Facebook. Flasher asked her about Daughter and indicated that he was still interested in her. Daughter agreed to get back together with him. I pointed out that she'd been happy, singing, cooperative, and now that she was back with Flasher she was growling and yelling at me. She informed me I had never cared about her happiness and expressed her displeasure with me in very colorful language. She then stormed out of the house and got in the back seat of the car (usually she sits up front) so I could take her to see Therapist.

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She wouldn't speak to me at all. Therapist could tell immediately that something was wrong, of course. I explained what had happened. She and Daughter went for a walk while I went to get fast food for our supper, since we had a youth group event as soon as we got home. Daughter decided that she couldn't be with Flasher until his mother approved since his mom might charge her with harassment and she didn't want to go to jail. The concern isn't very realistic, but it does give her an excuse not to go with him, which she was seeking. Therapist's observation was that Flasher represents "normal" for Daughter. If she has a boyfriend, she is like other 23 year old women. There is no easy way to help her feel normal. She can't live on her own. She can't handle community employment. She can't go off to college. She wants to be like everyone else. When she was diagnosed with diabetes, she told me, "Mom, it's just one more thing that makes me different."

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I want normal, too. I understand her longing. Once she had found a reason she couldn't be with Flasher, she was more cooperative and happier. At bedtime she said, "Do you know what I'm grateful for? I'm grateful that I have you in my life." I thanked her. She went on to say that it is still hard for her to trust me, and she knows that after over 20 years she should be able to trust me. One more way in which she isn't normal. She has trouble trusting me, even though I've kept her safe for 20 years. Sometimes I get very angry when I think about her birth family. Other than losing Daughter, they didn't experience any consequences for the damage they inflicted on her. It just doesn't seem right.