Bid My Anxious Fears Subside...

Today was my day off, but after looking at my schedule for this week, I decided if I was going to take shut-in communion to the one nursing home, it was going to have to be today. I arranged for someone to meet me there today at 12:30 (her lunch hour). When I got there, L wasn't there. It turns out she had forgotten. I visited with the first woman, and then went down the hall to see the married couple. I love this couple. Five years ago I walked into the OR waiting room on a Saturday evening as the house manager was telling Wife that Husband had coded on the table. They were doing CPR, but it didn't look good. What I remember of that night is her calm acceptance of what was going on. "We've had a good life together." I remember her strength. She had refused to worry her sons by telling them what was going on. She told me to leave so I'd be ready for the Easter festivities in the morning, and she could drive home on her own. I refused to leave, knowing she wasn't supposed to drive after dark. I stayed with her, called their son, arranged for someone to come get her car, and after we saw him in ICU, I took her home. We both remember my arrival at precisely that moment as a gift from God.

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They've been married for over 65 years. He was a POW in WWII. He never went home after that night 5 years, but has been in a nursing home. He is content there, reading his mysteries and enjoying visitors. Several years ago she decided that she didn't want to be alone anymore and moved in with him. When I walked into see them today, Wife was alone. They took Husband to the hospital yesterday. They think he may have had a mild stroke. He has been failing the past few months. She has recognized it and whispered it to me when I've gone to see them. Today I pulled up a chair and sat down to visit with her. We remembered that night 5 years ago. She thought she'd said stupid things. I didn't remember those things, and told her my memory was of her strength and peace.

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Then she told me a story. When her boys were in little league, Husband was coach. They'd traveled some distance for a game, and she got sick with food poisoning. She was in the hospital and almost died. She remembered floating out of her body and then down a long tunnel of white. She came out and was on the edge of a river. On the other side, she could see Jesus waiting with open arms. She said, "No, I'm not ready. I have to go back for my children." Then she was back in her body. Her husband had a similar experience the night his heart stopped. Now I understand why they can face death with such peace.

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We talked about the stress of watching him slip away, and how it was exhausting. But again, what struck me was her peace. We were able to talk in ways we wouldn't have been able to talk if Husband had been there. I left and went up to the hospital. Husband's face lit up when he saw me. He told me that he wasn't sure what had happened, but he supposed they'd ship him back to the nursing home if they decided he was still among the living. His concern was for Wife. He didn't want her worry about him. I assured him she was okay. After a brief visit I prayed with him and left. Once I got to the car, I made two phone calls. I called Wife to tell her he was in good spirits and had his sense of humor. I called and left a message for the woman who had forgotten we had communion scheduled. I told her not to worry, it had been the Holy Spirit at work, and her absence had made possible a wonderful conversation with Wife.

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The hymn in the video is a favorite in this congregation, and Wife's story reminded me of the third verse, "When I tread the verge of Jordan bid my anxious fears subside...." It is such an honor to be present with families as they deal with issues of life and death. I am so blessed to be able to serve as a pastor to these people. I didn't work on my day off, I received a gift.