I Lost It

This morning was not one of my better mornings. Last night I discovered that the water proof mattress pad I had on Daughter's bed had failed. I had to wake her up at 9:30 to make her bed and take care of her medical needs. It took her until 10:30 to make it. She did manage to get up on her own this morning. Once again she'd wet the bed. She informed me that people like her don't wet the bed when they're in other places, only when they're at home, so it won't be a problem when she moves in with Flasher. I didn't like that response. "I don't deserve the same respect you'd give him?" She told me not to talk to her.

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I reminded her that I have a meeting (interview) tomorrow and she'll be with a respite provider. I said I planned to give them money for lunch out and a movie. She informed me she wouldn't stay for that, and would leave before she'd stay with anyone. She told me that if she did come home today, it would only be to pack and leave again.

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I told her I was sorry she hated me so much that she'd rather live with an abusive boyfriend than me. I wasn't the calm, cool and collected mother who doesn't rise to the bait. As she was leaving she told Cat to leave me alone. I said, "At least he loves me."

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She called me this afternoon when she got on the bus. It was an interesting conversation. She can't spend the weekend with Flasher because he's tied up with Special Olympics basketball. He's still talking to his Dad about moving in with him. She apologized. She promised she'd be cooperative tonight. I asked her if she still thought moving in with Flasher was a good idea. She said her whole heart, soul, and mind thought it was a bad idea. She didn't say though, that she wouldn't do it. The conversation was wearing me out, so I told her we'd talk when she got home. I bought two new water proof mattress pads for her bed, and some cleaner designed for pet messes to see if that will get rid of the terrible odor in her room.

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I'm tired. I spent some extra time in prayer this morning to regain some of my calm. I am a little concerned about the interview tomorrow. I'm very concerned about Daughter. We see Psychiatrist on Tuesday. I find myself wondering about the possibility that this isn't related to meds, and this is what I'm going to be dealing with in the future. When we do move, I hope there will be services and a better culture in the workshop for Daughter. Case Manager has told me that a move is probably the best thing I could do for Daughter right now. The culture in the workshop is toxic to her. There aren't alternatives in this area. God will provide the right position at the right time. I just hope it's soon.