Sub was at the workshop today. I've had 3 calls from Daughter. The first time she was sobbing so hard she couldn't talk. The second time she claimed one of the men had flashed her (though no one else had seen it). I told her she can keep herself safe even when Super Supervisor isn't there. She told me she couldn't. I stood firm, suggested coping techniques, and let her finish the day. She should be arriving home soon.
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I've come up with a devious plan to get her to stay through the day tomorrow without all the phone calls. I'm going to tell her that if she makes it through the day without calling, I'll take her to the concert in the park tomorrow evening. Tomorrow the entertainment will be provided by a group that plays music by one of her favorite '60's groups. She asked me this week about when the concerts would start, and who would be playing at them.
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Hopefully something to look forward to will be the incentive she needs to get through the day without calling me. I call it an incentive, though some might call it bribery....
5 comments:
I'm sorry you're having health problems. I hope you get past them and things improve. You just going to HAVE to go camping; you deserve to do something that YOU love instead of always doing for others, you really do.
Do you think you can explain to your daughter that the sub just made a mistake when all this started and she didn't allow her to call you? She was new and she didn't understand what was permitted and what wasn't. From what you say, the sub isn't incompetent, just inexperienced. You DD is allowed to make mistakes so why can't she give others that right?
I sympathize with your DD; she faces enormous difficulties and she had a very rough early life but in order to succeed she needs to learn that it can't be all about her all the time. The fact that she wasn't able to give you support and reassurance when she found out you needed to go for tests really bothered me.
Miz Kizzle,
I'm still hoping to escape for a few days in late July or August. So much depends on what happens with the interview at the church.
At supper tonight, I said to Daughter, "I know that you got off on the wrong foot with Sub when she wouldn't let you call me that first day." She immediately said, "and I haven't let that go." I reminded her of the number of things I've had to let go and the number of chances I've given her, and suggested she owed Sub another chance.
Thank you for your insight. It seemed to click with her. She's excited abouth the concert tomorrow night, so I suggested that she make a list of things she can do when she gets anxious tomorrow instead of calling me. She said, "Oh, that will be a long list."
I didn't expect sympathy or support from her-- she operates out of fear, and anything that threatens my health is terrifying for her. She freaks out if I get the flu. She will be very helpful immediately following the procedures, and then she will become very demanding, wanting me to prove that I can still take care of her. We'll get through it. I'm contemplating asking Sister to come down for a few days if I have surgery. She's a teacher, so she'll be off.
I hope your sister comes to help.
I understand the fear thing perfectly. Miss K operates out of the same fear and I've learned that scaring her is a terrible thing that causes her to decompensate. I don't expect support and reassurance either because...well, just because.
She won an award tonight at her school's convocation: acceptance and inclusion. No academic awards, but I'll take acceptance and inclusion.
I hope she has a good day tomorrow. It's all a matter of finding the right incentive, isn't it?
I'm sorry your daughter was upset by the guy at the gift shop. Living with PTSD is very difficult, along with all her other problems. However, men take their shirts off sometimes. It wasn't appropriate for him to do it in that instance but to guys, shirts are optional in casual situations, especially in hot weather. If she's going to flip out every time she sees a bare-chested man she's going to wear herself (and you) out.
Can she understand that the shirt removal wasn't directed at her? Can she process the fact that in the summer lots of guys are sans shirt and it doesn't pose a threat to her?
Maeve,
I've asked my sister. She was very noncommittal. I told her to begin lining up her excuses. I think that's what she's doing.
Anonymous,
Most of the time she can understand that. When she's living in fear, everything is a threat. Everything. She didn't feel safe at the workshop with Sub, so she over reacted to a minor incident. If the same thing were to happen today, it probably wouldn't bother her. Safety has always been her number one need.
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