Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Two Nights in a Row

Daughter hung up on me again this evening. Tonight she was mad because I won't let her move back here. I told her I look forward to her visits and to spending time with her, but she's not going to live here. She said, "Then you're not my mother. Good-bye." She then hung up the phone.
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I talked to a staff member earlier in the evening, who was calling to figure out the carbs on the pizza they were having for supper. I asked her how she thought things were going, and she said Daughter hasn't been happy recently, but isn't willing to talk about what is bothering her.
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I tried to get her thinking about goals for the coming year, and asked her about getting a job. She wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea. There is a party tomorrow night, but she has said she doesn't want me to attend. I told her to let me know if she changed her mind.
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I'm sorry she's having a hard time right now, but she's going to have to work through it. I'm not going to rescue her. I'm not going to bring her back here and have to live with her drama. It's a lot easier not to get hooked when the drama is limited to a phone call or two each day. I'm enjoying the empty nest.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like your daughter is having a hard time "owning her life." The thing about independence is, you can't just have it, you hafta decide what to DO with it. Hard to imagine my J someday in her own place, staring at the walls ... who will she argue with? who will she blame and attempt to get fired? I am realizing again how stressed she gets during the holidays, with parties, church events, etc. But her life would be pretty empty without those externals. I have yet to see her identify a personal goal and move toward it purposefully. -- Rachel in SL

maeve said...

I've been reading about Borderline PD in the last few days and the most interesting thing I've read says: they get pleasure from drama and from being the center of drama. This has always been true of my RADult kids and now Miss K. I'm working hard on not getting sucked into the drama and you are as well. I think we're headed in the right direction. We can't fix the Borderline but we can fix the drama in our lives. You are my hero.

Corinn said...

This may be a question for the ages, but why DOES she try so hard to stir up drama? I get that she's trying to be manipulative, but sometimes she seems to attempt to incite drama just because. Which sounds pretty exhausting, given how worked up she gets...

Corinn said...

...and my question has possibly been answered. ^^ This is what I get for leaving windows open for hours before I comment!

Reverend Mom said...

Busy day-- haven't been here at all. Yes, I agree that her behavior is very borderline. I'm saddened by that, and glad that she is no longer living in my home.

Heather said...

I read your posts with interest, because all of it could be said about my 15-yr-old daughter with RAD & FASD. She's used the exact same drama creation and wording that Daughter does. I know how exhausting it is and I applaud you for removing yourself from the drama. We may find ourselves in the same boat in the coming years! Thank you for continuing to post!