Daughter was so excited when she saw her new mattress. She squealed with delight. I got a hug and she did a happy dance. I reminded her that it could go away again, and I could always bring back an air mattress. Last night she was excited when she went to bed. She was also concerned. I reminded her to go to the bathroom. "Shh! Don't jinx it!" I went to bed with a sense of foreboding, and lay there praying for a while before I could sleep. I resisted the temptation to go check on her, or wake her up to go the bathroom several times through the night. I didn't want this to become another power struggle, where she would have to prove I couldn't control her by wetting the bed.
She wet the bed. She's quite distressed and very apologetic. She told me to get rid of the mattress. "I knew I didn't deserve anything expensive." I pondered my response for a while. Finally, I went into her room and demanded that she look into my eyes. "Listen to me. You deserve to sleep on a good mattress, not an air mattress that is always losing its air and going flat. It's okay. We will make sure the mattress is protected today. It's going to be okay."
I bought an expensive mattress protector at the mattress store that is supposedly water proof. I was concerned last night because it only has waterproofing for the top of the mattress. I think today I will figure out a way to wrap protection around the side. It's called grace. I hope that it will help her get back on track.
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Miss K and I are in the middle of a big challenge and I went to see her therapist yesterday to get her advice. Her most important words to me were "the relationship is more important than the consequence". She told me to keep reiterating the goal and to tell her that the voices inside her head were giving her advice. (This is her conscience.) So I told her that she had her own strong voice that knew the best thing to do, my voice that knows it too, and her mom's voice that makes her afraid and guilty.
I think that Daughter has voices as well. Sometimes the ones you wish wouldn't win do win. But it doesn't last forever.
At least I hope it doesn't last forever.
Thank you. You are such a wise woman-- and even wiser because you continue to seek out new knowledge/tools. I'm glad you share your wisdom with me.
Oh, yeah, really wise. That's why I can't sleep at night worrying about this young person who is my daughter. I see her mother in her and I worry, worry, worry. And then her mother gets into the picture and tries to take control. YIKES has become my word for the year!
Wise enough to see her mother, and to recognize that they are different people. Wise enough to seek help when you get stuck. Wise enough to know that you can't control her choices, you can only offer your wisdom and then trust her to do the right thing. Wise enough to know that sometimes, all you can say is yikes!
Reverend Mom,
I am a chronic bedwetter thanks to CP and my grandmother had great success with vinyl "dust covers" that covered the whole mattress- Like a bag for it to be zipped into.
Thanks, Ashley. I plan to look for one of those.
I'm the foster mom of a PTSD kiddo who is a bedwetter. I was able to find waterproof mattress pads that zip around the mattress at Target.
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