Thursday, November 5, 2009

People Who Don't Understand

A woman, D, stopped by the church this morning while Secretary and I were working in the office. Somehow, the conversation got around to Daughter. She informed me it was obvious that Daughter was on too much medication and I needed to stop taking her to all these counselors and psychiatrists who just stirred up things that happened when she was too young to remember.
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I foolishly tried to explain and defend Daughter's needs and treatment. D is never going to understand, and she'll always be convinced that I am creating Daughter's problems.
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I struggle with the amount of medication Daughter is on. I held off doing anything about her downward spiral because I knew it would mean more medication. She is having tremors, and the Psychiatrist has said if they are too bad we can give her a medication to stop the tremors. I don't want to put her on more medication to counter side effects of other medications. I also don't want her hearing voices instructing her to kill people. I don't know what was talked about while she was in the hospital, but I know that neither Psychiatrist or Therapist are talking to her about her past abuse. Both are focused on giving her the tools she needs to improve her functioning.
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I know I'm doing a good job with Daughter. I know that I'm making the best of a difficult situation. I know that I have rejected medical professionals who didn't understand her needs and been willing to drive great distances to find her the help she needs. I know that I am good at recognizing and stopping her manipulations. I also know I'm not perfect. So why do I feel the need to defend myself?

8 comments:

Miz Kizzle said...

You don't need to defend yourself. The woman was out of line with her comments. She has no idea what living with a person with your daughter's issues is like. You can't tell her to mind her own business but you can politely thank her for her concern and redirect the conversation to another topic like how volunteers are needed for some upcoming church activity and you're putting her name down.

Reverend Mom said...

Thank you. I need that reassurance occasionally. D was there doing some volunteer work. I saw her when I went back later in the day, and thanked her for all the time she had put in.

maeve said...

So many have opinions about stuff that they know nothing about. I have many memories about folks who thought that they knew how I should raise my now-RADult kids, but with no first-hand knowledge of the day-to-day living. Some of this is just "gotcha" stuff. My D. was in the newspaper a few months ago because they were looking for him because he didn't report his address as required. A neighbor woman, who'd been one of those critics, encountered me in the produce aisle of the supermarket and asked, in a loud voice, was that your son in yesterday's paper? I'd about had it with her and asked her why she thought it was appropriate to ask a question to which she already knew the answer. Slink...slink...slink. But I guess way you can't make this woman slink. People are yucky sometimes....attribute it to their insecurities.

Reverend Mom said...

Maeve, Thanks. You lived through this at a time when there was even more ignorance than there is now. I stand in awe of you. I wish I could come up with such snappy comebacks, and had the freedom to give them (and keep my job)....

FAScinated said...

It has been said, "The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge."

This woman is obviously quite satisfied with her limited level of understanding of your daughter's needs. Educating her might suck up a lot of your energy and yield limited results. Is it worth it? I'd suggest using that energy to do something that makes you feel good instead. :-)

~Kari

Reverend Mom said...

Kari,
That sounds like the voice of experience-- it certainly does fit with your post about where to invest one's energy. Thanks for your wisdom.

Munchkin Mom said...

That woman should have minded her own business. Shame on her. You know that your daughter would never ever ever ever be where she was if it wasn't for your patience and perseverence and constant attention.

Reverend Mom said...

MM,
Thanks...