Down

I'm feeling a bit down the last two days. I'm edgy, and much less patient than usual. I had a wedding yesterday, and the bride totally annoyed me by her complete disregard for board policy on weddings. She did it very intentionally, too. I haven't decided what to do about that yet.

.

I went to the rehearsal dinner Friday night, which happened to be Mom's birthday. I sat next to father of the bride's girlfriend, who was telling me about the wonderful 80th birthday celebration they'd had for her dad on Thanksgiving. She know nothing about the challenges of the past year, and I was gracious about listening, and more than a little bit jealous.

.

We went briefly to the reception, but I had to come home to get ready for this morning. I needed to finish my sermon. Actually, I needed to start it. I've been avoiding work the last few days, which is a part of being down. Daughter was furious that I brought her home before the dancing began. She's hearing voices again. She says her birth parents are telling her to kill herself.

.

Sister-in-law said something really stupid and insensitive at Thanksgiving. At least she had the good sense not to say it to Sister or me. Her comment prompted Sister's ex-Mother-in-law to turn her back on her and get a glass of wine. I keep telling the Sisters that as long as Brother is happy, that is all that matters. But that doesn't mean there aren't times when we'd like to wring SIL's neck. There are times when Daughter shows more maturity and sensitivity than SIL.

.

Faraway Brother-in-law heads to the other side of the world on business today. I hope that his problem last week really was a medication mix-up and not a TIA or stroke.

,

Daughter is off bowling with Special Olympics. NG's mother picked her up and took her. I had the opportunity to talk to NG's mom yesterday, and warned her a little about Daughter's PTSD. Flasher is supposedly completely out of the picture now. His mom pulled him out of the workshop. I don't think that's going to be permanent, but we'll enjoy the peace while he's gone.

.

The next few weeks are going to be crazy busy for me. I'm going to have to prioritize carefully to make sure I get the things that are most important done first. C is coming in a little while, and we're going to begin by filling up Daughter's pill boxes for the next 4 weeks. I've decided that is a very high priority. We see Psychiatrist again on the 7th. I've been teaching Daughter how to talk back to the voices, and hopefully that will carry her through the holiday season and stability will return following the holidays.

.

Next Sunday evening we are having a Blue Christmas service. I was fighting back tears during worship this morning, so I don't even want to think about what that service will do to me. I'm glad that the board members agreed to lead it. I'll be able to sit quietly and worship, provided, of course, that I can let go of my need to control worship and trust them.