Sunday, November 22, 2009

An Exhausting, Wonderful Day

Today was our second annual youth/senior citizen Thanksgiving Dinner at the church. It grew. We fed over 60 people this year. I made the cranberry relish (that was finished last night), the dressing, and a 22 pound turkey. I got over to the church at 1:30, and within half an hour, the cold water wouldn't turn off. Last year the hot water heater went out. I called Angry Man to come fix it. He had to end up turning off the water to one of our triple sinks, which made dish washing take longer, to say the least. I left before the clean up was done. I'd been there over 6 hours and my feet were killing me. I have a stock pot of remainders from the turkeys simmering on the stove. It will make great soup.
Everyone had a good time at the dinner. The senior citizens were delighted, and the kids worked really hard. The food was good, as was the company. Secretary's foster sons invited family members they don't see very often. They were delighted to be there with the boys, and the church people made them feel welcome. It was a nice mixture of church folks and people from the community.
Daughter came to me last night and told me there was something she should have told me sooner. Nice Guy had sex with one of his previous girl friends. She was very uncomfortable with that, and told me he was afraid he would rape her. I listened, and told her I didn't think she had to worry about that, and reminded her that she has a voice and uses it to keep herself safe. She talked to NG last night, and told him she was uncomfortable with physical contact. He told her they could slow down, and she could just hug him good bye or shake his hand if she wanted to, and he'd wait until she was ready for a kiss. He really is a Nice Guy.
This morning during the worship service, when I called up the children, one of the girls presented me with an Ohio State commuter cup. I catch a lot of flack since they know I'm a Michigan fan. I was gracious and thanked them for the cup, and pointed out how appropriate it is, since we gave them the football game yesterday.
One of my young women is having female problems. Grandma is quite concerned, as she had cancer at a very young age and doesn't want that for her granddaughter. I have a growing list of people who need attention. I love it when I'm busy. Tomorrow is my day off, so C is coming and we're going to work on the guest room and Daughter's room tomorrow morning. Then I need to crank out a newsletter and three worship services: Thanksgiving Eve, a wedding, and Sunday morning. Thursday morning we head to Sister's for Thanksgiving. We'll come back Friday morning so I can be here for the wedding rehearsal.
Daughter continues to struggle. Earlier today she was asking me if Nice Guy could go with us for Thanksgiving to meet the family. Tonight she told me she has decided she doesn't want to live independently. She is afraid to leave me. She wants to be like me, though, so she wants to adopt a child, while continuing to live with me. She wants to break up with NG, because she wants to stay single like me. I guess her desire to continue living with me proves she's not ready for supported living.
She was also complaining about the voices, but for the first time she named them: her birth parents. It is so hard, watching her struggle like this and not being able to make things better. I know that NG is part of the trigger for her right now, but the other thing is the first Thanksgiving since my parents died. Mom's birthday was Thanksgiving. Last year Dad was in the hospital for Thanksgiving, and we took Mom up to see him. Mom was so excited to see Dad. Her fear that her family is falling apart has her remembering her birth family, which did fall apart. Hopefully once we make it through Thanksgiving she'll calm down some.
Looking back, this post isn't very coherent. It does reflect the scattered nature of my life right now.


Adelaide Dupont said...

So the voices are the birth parents!

What a big insight!

And Nice Guy really is nice.

"Slow it down, that's all I ask/Slow it down, don't go so fast". That is one of the East 17 songs I knew as a girl.

Angry Man: I'm sure he felt needed and useful this time.

It would be good to have a three-generation family under one roof.

Reverend Mom said...


I was amazed when she identified the voices as her birht parents. Psychiatrist and I had talked about it, but hadn't mentioned it to her. She doesn't remember living with them.

Tonight she told me the stress she is feeling is connected with our first Thanksgiving since my parents death. She really is having some good insights, and I think she is doing better. She's just been through a lot this year.

I think I'd be more comfortable with the kind of grandchildren who visit occasionally, not live with me!


Adelaide Dupont said...

Yeah, visiting ocassionally would be good too.

It probably depends on whether the birth parents talked a lot to her, or not. If they did not talk a lot, it might have been a big impact when they did.

I am reading lots of psychoanalytic texts, for example, Nameless, which is originally from Germany. A lot of stuff about the life force or the death wish. Light and darkness.

Thanksgiving really can be stressful. I hope you can do a gratitude list, and get into the gratitude attitude. But you don't need me telling you that.

And the Pilgrims came for religious freedom. And freedom in general.

Glad you had an exhausting, wonderful day.

Reverend Mom said...

I don't think the birth parents talked to her-- I think they yelled. She has Central Auditory Processing Disorder, which probably is a result of a lack of verbal stimulation as a baby. When she first came to me, she had a severe hearing loss. Her hearing is fine now-- the theory is she stopped hearing to protect herself. Raised voices have always been a powerful trigger of her PTSD.

Thanks for the idea of a gratitude list. I think I'll have Daughter work on that. I should have thought of it, but I'm so busy with multiple projects right now that I hadn't considered it.