Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Last Straw

When we saw Psychiatrist a week and a half ago, she said she wanted an update on Friday and then every week. Case Manager and Nurse followed up with an email asking for Tuesday updates. After very graphic updates yesterday and again today, I received an email from Nurse. She just found out Psychiatrist is on vacation this week. Maybe that's why she wanted an update last Friday? No medication adjustments until Monday. Suddenly Monday seemed like a very long way off. Then Case Manager reported on her lunch with Daughter and talked about how well Daughter was doing.

It took a while, but I composed an email that went to the entire team. I said I was delighted that she did so well in public, and was tired of being her target at home. I pointed out that they stirred things up, and then I dealt with the fall out. I said I cope well, but I was reaching my limit. I pointed out she threatened to kill me last night, and that I slept with my bedroom door locked.

Case Manager called about an hour later. She had talked to Therapist and then gone to talk to the residential placement person. Daughter is no longer 6 months away from an out of home placement. There is an opening in a home that technically she doesn't qualify for because she doesn't need that high a level of care, but that they will put her in because they need to fill the space. She would be in a supported living situation with 2 other people. She would have two rooms to herself. There is 24 hour staffing, and the staff is awake all night. They are trained for personality disorders. There is another diabetic in the house.

She is setting up for me to go see the place on Monday. I will rearrange my schedule to do it. It's about 30 minutes away, and Daughter would have to change her day program. That's okay. Program Manager called on her way home and told me this is an unheard of opportunity and to jump on it. She told me Daughter will hurt me someday, it's just a matter of time. Program Manager told me they don't know how I keep dealing with Daughter. I commented that it would be easier to make the transition if Daughter were stable. She pointed out that over the last year any stability has been very short lived. I get caught up in the day to day and don't always see the big picture.

I'm viewing this opportunity as a gift. The transition will be very hard, and we will survive it and be in a better place. I have hope again. It's possible to keep going through the pain when there is hope.


maeve said...

I know that you must have "two way feelings" about this opportunity, but it seems that it's coming at a really perfect time. I'm happy for you as you look toward what will be a different life; a life without 24/7 responsibility for a mentally ill adult daughter. You do know that you've given her more than anyone else could have given: love, support, and wings. There's a lot more to say -- you are an amazing woman and a role model for all of us. Your experiences with Daughter and your ability to share them here are a gift to all of us, especially those of us who do this work as well. Thank you.

Reverend Mom said...

Thanks, Maeve, keep encouraging me and reminding me. This is going to be incredibly difficult, and as Program Manager said, she'll create a huge crisis when we make the move, even though we'll get the team together and do careful planning. Once the crisis is over, hopefully she'll settle in and our relationship will improve.