Insights into Daughter

I braved the rotten roads (I understand why the workshop closed) and took Daughter to see Therapist. They talked about how Daughter got down in her deep hole. None of her issues right now have anything to do with me. Therapist pointed out to her that her current behaviors would dig her a hole no matter where she lived. Daughter acknowledged that reality. However, there are some new insights:

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Therapist had talked to Case Manager, who stated that Daughter had really thought I was going to get the church I met with at the end of last month. She was very disappointed. CM thinks that Daughter saw a move as an escape from all the difficult situations she's created and the ongoing drama at the workshop.

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Daughter recently began working on a scrap book again. I took this as a positive sign, that she was following through on something. Unfortunately, her focus had been on pictures that were connected to her birth family. That was a major trigger for her. It reinforces our decision not to allow any contact with her birth family.

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Once Daughter starts in on the behaviors (sneaking food, lying, refusing to do chores) that start the descent into the hole, she begins to feel guilty. She deals with the guilt by yelling at me, which increases the guilt and pushes her deeper into the hole.

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She knows the stealing was wrong, and of course that created more guilt, more yelling, a deeper hole. She hurts herself in an attempt to deal with her guilt. The good news is that she does have a conscience.

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She wants to earn her electronics back. She has a list of chores she needs to do by Friday. If she completes the cleaning chores and keeps her room and litter boxes clean and her laundry put away for 3 consecutive days, I will return her DVD player.

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Case Manager offered emergency respite. It would be in the home, so I'd have to leave. I don't want to go stay in a motel right now. The closest motel is over 12 miles away, and with the uncertainty of the weather, that doesn't sound like a good idea. I have too much to do to get very far away.

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I have tickets for an evening of Gershwin music Thursday. I've sent an email off to see if I can arrange respite for that evening so that I can take someone else or go alone. I haven't heard back on that.

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Things are looking very promising on the church about 50 miles from here. Therapist is one of my references-- I used her as a community leader. She talked to the church today (and was probably the last of my references they checked). He told her that the references had all been wonderful, the people in the church were sad to think I might leave, which he thought was impressive after over 13 years, and that they are meeting tomorrow night and will make a decision then on how to proceed. She called me right away to tell me about the call-- she knew I needed some good news, and that certainly qualified as good news. If we do move, I think for a while I'd make the drive to bring Daughter back to see Therapist. It would be about an hour, I think, and it would be worth it if it would ease Daughter's transition. Of course, she'd have to be coping well enough she didn't need multiple appointments in one week like she has recently....

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Since Daughter needs immediate reinforcement and Friday and the possibility of getting her DVD player back are a long way off, Therapist made her a chart of steps out of the hole and stickers to mark her progress. Daughter has begun work on her chores, and seems to be working to get herself out of that hole. I hope she doesn't get overwhelmed but will continue to be motivated.