Yesterday evening Daughter refused to do anything. She was obviously distressed about something, and I was obviously fed up. Not a good combination. Anyway, I finally lost my patience and yelled at her, pointing out (in more colorful language than I normally use) that I was behind on laundry because I was having to wash her linens every day because she was too lazy to get up at night to use the bathroom. (Interestingly, she didn't wet the bed last night.)
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This morning she came downstairs and was obviously wanting to turn it around and be responsible. I suggested a good way to start would be to tell me the truth about what had gone on with Flasher yesterday. Sigh. Apparently she has convinced him that I am so mean and unreasonable that he is planning to send his friends to come rescue her from this house. They will bring a gun and dogs and not leave until Daughter is safely out of my clutches. I asked her if she thought she'd be safer with Flasher. She told me several times in several different ways that she doesn't know what to think or believe any more.
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After she left, I called and left messages for both Case Manager and Therapist. I'm not worried about Flasher sending his friends to take care of me. He is all talk. I am concerned that someday Daughter may convince the wrong people of how evil I am. CM called me back. I shared the story. She shared my concern, and we decided if I didn't hear from Therapist by noon, I'd call again and see whether she was in the office today.
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So I was sitting over in the church office fighting with the computer. We were having a lively disagreement with one another on the placement of graphics in the newsletter. I think the computer had been taking lessons from Daughter, because it was becoming increasingly unreasonable. Case Manager called. Daughter had informed staff that I held her down last night and took a knife and cut her behind her knees. An inspection by the nurse showed there were no cuts, only dry skin. I told Case Manager to call Therapist, she did, and reached her using the emergency instructions. Therapist headed over to the workshop to assess Daughter.
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Therapist checked in with me, and told me I should keep my lunch date with a colleague, but it might be good to pack a bag for Daughter. I called and pushed my lunch date back by 30 minutes so I could win the battle with computer. Computer escalated again by messing with the address labels, but I made it to my lunch date only a few minutes late and with the computer beat into submission. At least I can still convince computer to do what I tell it.
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Therapist called me to tell me Daughter didn't meet the criteria for hospitalization (I suggested she could hospitalize me). Daughter told the story because she was mad at me for yelling at her. She was to apologize to all the people she'd told the lie. Daughter assured Therapist she had no intention of hurting herself or me. Daughter promised to let us know if she needed to be hospitalized. (She called me to tell me she did, and I told her she couldn't run away from her problems, and I knew it was uncomfortable, and we'd talk about whether she needed to go to the hospital when she got home.) Therapist scolded me for deciding not to go to the retreat Sunday afternoon.
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Case Manager called me. Daughter has apologized, and CM thinks they've convinced her she doesn't need to go to the hospital. CM said that Daughter is only part of the drama in the workshop right now, and that Boss is going to meet with everyone today and tell the to cut the drama and focus on their work. CM is escaping to Vegas tomorrow. We chose someone to be the point person on Daughter until CM gets back. Since Daughter is sticking by her story on Flasher, they are going to talk to him to hear his version of the story and explain to him that he can't make threats like that.
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I called Psychiatrist and talked to Nurse. I'm going to increase Daughter's Depakote tonight. Nurse will talk to Psychiatrist tomorrow (Psychiatrist was gone for the day.) I had hoped we'd be able to get Daughter off some of her meds, and was pleased that we were reducing the Depakote. I've surrendered. She needs the meds. I just hope that beginning to increase it will get her stable.
2 comments:
I doubt the guy has any friends who can drive a car, let alone friends with guns who would be willing to commit a kidnapping. You're right; he's all talk but it's dangerous talk, especially if your daughter believes him.
What I wonder is, where are the staff members at the workshop while all this talk is going on? If they're not aware of what kind of plots the clients are hatching then they're not doing their jobs. I suspect that the low-level people they hire to work with clients at the workshop aren't particularly motivated. They're probably more interested in chatting with each other and drinking coffee than keeping close tabs on the clients.
I'm feel very sorry for people who aren't bright enough to make it in the real world but who are desperately trying to fit in by copying what they think their normal peers do. Their hormones tell them to have sex but they're not equipped to be responsible for themselves, let alone another person.
I've thought for awhile that you and your daughter need a change. It would be good for her to get into a supervised living situation where she could have room mates her own age and be a little more independent .
You deserve time for yourself, too. I feel bad that you missed that retreat.
You are right-- on all your points. They don't really have enough staff now. Many of the people who were in community employment have lost their jobs and returned to the workshop (the unemployment rate in our county is over 15%). They are so concerned about protecting clients' rights that they give them too much freedom. I also understand that staff is not equipped to deal with the troubled group of relatively high functioning hormone driven young adults they have in the workshop right now. One of my sources tells me they've never had to deal with this level of drama.
When there is an opening in supervised living after we move, she is going. It will be challenging, because the supervisors at the houses are no better equipped to handle these issues than the supervisors at the workshop. The thought of having her in the care of minimally competent people 24 hours a day is frightening....
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