So I pulled together some discussion questions, pull myself together as best I could, and headed out to a gathering of colleagues. Daughter called as I was on my way. "Mom, are you on your lunch break?"
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"No. I'm on my way to a meeting."
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"Oh. Crap."
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"Why?"
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"Well I didn't wait too long. I really didn't. I was walking to the bathroom, and it was like my bladder exploded."
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"Hm. You got yourself into a mess."
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"Yes."
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"Good luck with that."
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I hung up. I decided it was her problem (and I was just too tired to deal with her). I wasn't going to go rescue her. I wasn't going to suggest alternatives to her. I was not surprised, as she will often manufacture a crisis after a particularly rough morning to test and see if I am still available to her and concerned for her.
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I went to lunch with my colleagues. Several of our group were unable to attend, but there were 6 of us there, and we had a wonderful lunch and discussion. We laughed. We prayed. We listened to one another's pain. We had a wonderful discussion about worship and how we approach it. We stayed much later than usual.
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As I headed back to the church to pick up Daughter for her appointment, I could feel the weight settling back on my shoulders. She was a minute or two late for her appointment with her therapist. I dropped her at the door and went and parked. I ran into a couple of people I knew while I was waiting for Daughter. Her therapist came out with Daughter and handed me an appointment card. She asked how I was. Tired. She wished me happy birthday, and asked if I was going to the restaurant that offers a free meal (or $11 off a more expensive meal) on your birthday. I told her I didn't know what I was going to do. She talked about using a citrus scent to help Daughter get moving in the morning. I told her I'd help her do it, but nothing would work until Daughter decided she wanted things to change. She also talked about a medication that might help with the bed wetting. Daughter was on it many years ago when she was going through another bed wetting period. It didn't help.
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When we left Daughter, said Therapist told her just what she needed to hear. I asked what that was. Basically it was the same things I've been telling her. Of course, coming from someone else, it is much better than when it comes from me.
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As I drove home, I decided a free dinner sounded nice. I had ribs. They were good. Daughter was quite apologetic and very disappointed that her apology didn't immediately fix everything. I reminded her that she apologizes almost every night, but the morning never changes. I've had that conversation with her a couple of hundred times, too.
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Then we went to the grocery store. I bought myself a birthday cake. I may share it with Daughter. As I walked into the house, I made a decision. I have commitments Monday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings this week. I will be at an all day meeting on Saturday. I am coming home tomorrow afternoon. I am going to take some time for me. Or maybe rather than coming home, I will go shopping and buy myself a birthday present.
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Daughter is going to continue to challenge me. It will be exhausting at times. I am the only one who is going to take care of me, so I'm going to make that a priority. I think I'll go to bed early tonight. It's part of taking care of me.
2 comments:
You deserve to do something nice for yourself. Frankly, I doubt the citrus spray is going to do a thing to energize your DD in the morning. She's stuck in a rut of inerta and self pity. I doubt she has any empathy or understanding of how hard you work for her.
And bravo for telling her, "Good luck with that."
I was skeptical, too. But the citrus did energize her. She was energized enough to turn off her alarm clock when it went off. Most mornings it keeps going until it shuts off after 30 minutes.
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