Sunday, February 13, 2011

Interesting Conversation

Daughter wanted to talk yesterday evening. Interesting points:
  • She wants to get a job and insurance
  • She wants to adopt a child
  • She wants to be a single mother
  • She wants to live with me forever
  • She's unhappy because we didn't put her right into a job

I listened, and then I reminded her why we placed her in this program. I told her we wanted her to be successful, and so we placed her where she would feel safe. I reminded her that the workshop setting would have been loud and chaotic, and we were concerned she would have been overwhelmed. I told her that she was telling me she wasn't ready for any additional challenges as long as she was wetting the bed every night. I told her that once she proved to me she was no longer overwhelmed, we'd talk about employment/workshop options for her.

She agreed with my analysis of the issues and my explanation of the bed wetting. I told her to talk to me about these issues after she'd stopped wetting the bed. I think the fact that she wants to stay with me forever is another indication of how scared and overwhelmed she continues to be. On a positive note, she's talking to me, and she's been in a much better mood the last couple of days. Oh, and the trigger for all of this? She's had a couple of conversations with Mommy Best Friend from Tiny Village the last few days. She's jealous, but she knows she's not ready for sex, childbirth, or independent living. That's why she wants to adopt and stay with me.


Miz Kizzle said...

Did you explain that there's no way she can realistically expect to be able to adopt a child?
As for staying with you "forever" that's not going to fly either because she will probably outlive you and then what?

Reverend Mom said...

I know neither those are realistic. We've had the conversation about adoption many times. I don't want to kill her dreams, so I always point out what needs to happen before she can even consider it. My hope is the dream will motivate her to move forward. As to living with me forever, other times she wants to move out immediately. What I heard was her need for reassurance that I'm not going to abandon her. For people with borderline, that's the biggest fear. It's a hard balancing act-- being realistic without killing her dreams, hearing the fear/need behind the words.