Daughter and Nice Guy went to a movie today. They are talking about marriage (again). I told them that conversation needs to wait until November. Daughter insists they are ready right now, and that NG has agreed not to ask her for sex. He understands that she isn't comfortable with it. She doesn't seem to understand that sex is a part of marriage, though I just explained it again.
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She still isn't comfortable being with him for extended periods of time, yet somehow things she's ready to be with him 24-7. She insists they'll work all of this out. It's so hard. She wants what other people have, and yet she isn't like other people. She isn't capable of handling her own insulin. She isn't capable of taking care of her medication. She still hasn't mastered the art of keeping her room clean. Money management is completely beyond her.
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I suspect that this will be an ongoing struggle with Daughter. I feel so bad for her. It's hard, wanting something but not quite being able to reach it. She sees Therapist tomorrow. We could again set up a plan of things she has to master to move out, but I suspect that it would lead to a crisis, just like it has every other time. When she begins talking about moving out or living independently, she acts out to prove that she isn't ready. It's sad.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry for you and your daughter. I also feel sorry for NG. He deserves to have a girlfriend who's into him physically, one who's as high functioning as he is.
Would getting engaged help her feel more "normal" without requiring anything that seems threatening to her?
Some people are engaged for years and some just stay that way permanently.
Daughter and I have talked about long engagements. I think she would be content with that. NG desperately wants to be married like their friends. When they came back from the movies yesterday, Daughter wanted me to talk to them about their plans. I told them both that they shouldn't even be talking about marriage until November, when they'd have been dating a year. NG said he understood and respected that. As soon as he left, he called Daughter and said he thought they should plan their wedding for spring or summer of 2011. He's not going to be content to just date or be friends....
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