Friday, January 22, 2010

Up We Go....

Last night I took Daughter with me to a meeting at a church 25 miles from here. She was very patient until the last half hour or so (the meeting last 2 1/2 hours). For the last half hour she was kneeling beside me with her arms wrapped around me. So after this display of dependency we got in the car and headed home. In a couple of months she will turn 23. "Mom, I just want 2 things for my birthday." Already I was filled with dread. Her gift lists are never realistic. A couple of years ago she wanted me to take her and a couple of friends on a cruise to the Caribbean to celebrate her birthday.
"I want a place of my own and to adopt a child."
The rest of the drive home was taken up with gentle reminders that the last time we had the conversation about her living independently we had decided to wait at least a year before even discussing it again because every time we have the conversation she acts out to show us she can't live independently. I pointed out that before she could live independently she needed to be able to stay home alone and be safe for a couple of ours. As we were having this conversation, I was wondering if this kind of grandiose thinking might be the beginning of a manic phase. I convinced myself I didn't need to worry-- yet.
She was 90 minutes late getting to bed last night. I told her she could take her shower this morning, dreading the battle to get her out of bed and moving after a short night. When I got up at 6:30 this morning and called her, she had been up for an hour. She had showered, washed, her hair, and even put the shampoo and conditioner away. Maybe I do need to worry....


Miz Kizzle said...

Does your daughter understand how dangerous it is to make false accusations? NG could have been arrested. In no way did he deserve to be under suspicious, even for a minute, for something he didn't do.
I'm not convinced that Flasher really did expose himself to her. It seems like she panics when she's in a situation that she thinks might turn sexual and she fights back with wild accusations.
The next time she gets upset she might accuse some man in your congregation of propositioning her. It could turn into a serious mess for you and your DD.
I can understand that she was horribly mistreated as a young child and sex probably will always be fraught with all kinds of bad memories for her but she's in danger of destroying some poor guy's reputation and that isn't right.
Do you think she might do better in an all-female group home where she can be supervised 24-7 but she can learn to do things for herself? It seems like the workshop isn't a good fit for her anymore.
You must be so frustrated. I have a daughter who's 14 and she's an honor student, a volunteer in the community and an excellent, fun companion. Believe me, I'm aware how blessed I am.

Reverend Mom said...

We had a long conversation about the danger of what she'd done, and the fact that she could end up in jail for making false accusations. Will she remember? Maybe. Flasher was real-- he acknowledged it.

Unfortunately, all the supported living situations around here would send her to the workshop every day. Their staffs are also even less able to handle Daughter than the workshop staff. She would run them in circles. It's one of the reasons we need to move back to civilization, where there will be many more options for her. She needs to be challenged and have the opportunity to set realistic, attainable goals. That's difficult to do here, for a variety of reasons. It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that it is time to move-- and to move back to a more metropolitan area. Rural America is wonderful, but the resource just aren't available.