Rules and Forks

Due to the atrocious quality of our well water, we have a water cooler and 4 large water bottles that we refill at the grocery store. Daughter used to be responsible for changing out the water bottles, but she had made it into such an ordeal that I took it over. I have explained to Daughter numerous times that the water bottle has to be replaced immediately, and the cooler can't sit empty. That's one of my rules. Of course, all my rules are mean and unreasonable. Saturday night Daughter thoughtfully filled my water bottle for me before bedtime. Sunday morning, as she's getting her oatmeal, she asks, "Should I get water out of the big bottle and put it in the microwave?"

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Of course, she insisted she hadn't realized she'd emptied the water bottle the night before, it was just coincidence that she knew she wouldn't be able to get hot water out of it for her oatmeal. I quickly replaced the water bottle. When we got home from bowling, we couldn't get any water out. I explained to Daughter that this was why it was so important to follow Mom's rules. She immediately announced she was going to bed. I suspect that the cooler is no longer turning off and the cold water is freezing. I have turned the cooler off for now, so we can get hot water and room temperature water. I took advantage of the incident to explain (again) that Mom's rules are for reasons and that it is important to follow them. I explained that I wasn't yelling at her, I wasn't mad at her, I wanted her to learn from this experience.

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So Monday morning I opened the dishwasher to put something in and saw how much she had learned. Once again she had put her oatmeal bowl in the dishwasher without rinsing it out first. I don't know how many times I've made her wash bowls with baked on oatmeal, but she still goes through periods where she doesn't rinse them. Saturday night I had made her take out a number of items she's put in the dishwasher without rinsing them off and properly rinse them. I've explained to her that cheese and oatmeal will bake on, and most be rinsed off.

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She can recite the rules. She can tell me the reasons for the rules. She knows what happens when she doesn't follow the rules. Her intermittent refusal to comply is extremely frustrating, to say the least.

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This morning I opened the silverware drawer and discovered that once again my good forks have mysteriously vanished. She insists she has no knowledge of what happened to them. I pointed out that she's the only one who takes them out of the kitchen. I pointed out that those had been Grandma and Grandpa's before we got them. I told her I hoped she would be able to find them. She thinks it's a possibility that she can locate some of them, though she refuses to admit she's done anything with them or tell me where they might be....

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Today I got a phone call (on Daughter's cell phone) from Nice Guy. He wants to get back together with Daughter. He knows he did something wrong and he won't do it again. He can't tell me, though, what he did that was wrong. I patiently explained to him that he wants to get married, and no matter how long he waits, Daughter doesn't. I explained that it's not fair to him to settle for a girl friend who doesn't share his dream/goal. He finally said maybe they'd just be friends. Do I believe he'll settle for being "just friends?" I believe every bit as much as I believe that Daughter will follow Mom's rules.

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I realize that I seek out young women to mentor. Women who will learn and grow. Women who want to improve their lives and are capable of doing it. It makes up for some of my frustrations with my own Daughter. Right now I have two such young women I'm mentoring. I'm looking for the Daughter I'll never have. I love Daughter dearly, and it is a nice break to be able to work with one of these young women who are actually learning and growing....