Safety

Daughter's biggest issue is feeling safe. PTSD continues to be her major challenge. Some of the things that are necessary for her to feel safe are rather strange. She doesn't feel safe when she can manipulate people. She doesn't feel safe when she is allowed to get away with things. There are other things that make more sense in terms of her safety. She no longer feels safe at Brother's house because Brother and Sister-in-law got into a shouting match in front of her. Any disturbance or show of anger is very threatening to her. She doesn't feel safe if she is touched in certain ways, some of them seemingly harmless.

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Right now she isn't certain about her safety at the workshop. Flasher may or may not be starting up again. She has been able to manipulate them with seizures, so she's not sure they are going to be able to keep her safe. She needs the supervisors to show her that they are in control and that she isn't getting to them. I've had this discussion with them a number of times. I don't care how scared you are, you have to remain super calm and not let Daughter see your concern. I've told them there are times I've deserved an academy award for my acting. You can't let her see you sweat.

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So part of her issue at the workshop right now is testing to see if she's safe-- she's checking to see if they are in charge and will call her on her manipulation. She also continues to struggle with grief. She's stressed about the possibility of a move. She doesn't do well with uncertainty. Her stress is coming out in tremors, and when they start she focuses on them and they get worse. When I'm around, I can distract her and the tremors aren't as bad.

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Daughter needs structure and needs to be busy. She likes that about the workshop. I suspect, though, that Friday she was afraid to work because she thought the tremors would start. She was also checking to see if they would make her work. Would they buy into the idea that she was too sick to work? Would they see through her manipulations? When I called her on it, she knew the gig was up. I told her I had given Supervisor my email address. We went through this every fall when school started. Until she was sure that I was going to be communicating with the teachers, she wasn't sure she was safe. Once she knew that we were communicating and that I was going to teach them how to handle her, she'd feel safe and relax.

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My hope is that now that she knows we are communicating, she will feel safe and relax. It will help, too, if Flasher isn't there. I have told Case Manager that Daughter and Flasher can't be in the same group if he comes back. They were being assigned to work side by side, and Daughter was too threatened to complain. When she experiences a powerful trigger, she is 2 years old again and unable to speak up for herself.

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The other challenge at the workshop is when they don't have work and are on down time. She is not able to structure her own time. I've explained this to them, as well. Hand her a puzzle book. Assign her to read to one of the other clients. Suggest she play a game, or draw a picture. Don't expect her to figure out how to entertain herself.

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She is testing me at home, too, I discovered tonight. She's checking to make sure I'm paying attention. Before supper she told me her blood sugar was 46. I was trying to figure out a fast sugar source for her when I got suspicious. I asked to see her meter. "Okay, that's what I want it to be. It's really 246." I'm going to have to provide closer supervision and make sure she has plenty of mommy time every day. We're going to be in for a rough few months while we wait to see if we are moving or not. If we are moving, the tough time will be even longer. In the end, though, it will be worth it.