Thursday, October 13, 2011

"I Can't"

I told Daughter that the trash needed to be put out last night after Bible study. So on the way home from Bible Study, she started in. "I can't. I need to get my insulin and pills and go straight to bed when we get home. I just can't take care of the trash."
"Fine. I'll do it."
"You shouldn't have to do it."
"You're right, I shouldn't have to do it, but it has to be done, and since you can't, that means I will have to do it."
So when we got home I wheeled out the trash can, carried out 5 cans of leaves and grass clippings, and toted 3 recycling bins to the curb. When I got inside, I washed my hands and put away the clean dishes. Daughter pouted, because I took care of the work before I got her her insulin, pills, and snack. I wasn't done until 8:30. Any other night she would have been begging to stay up until 10:00.
She woke up growling this morning. I gave her a pb&j from the freezer and an apple for lunch. There are times when I get annoyed that she can't get her own meals and that any attempts to get her to help around the house result in rages that do damage to the house. She's acting like a spoiled brat. This morning she told me she wasn't yelling because she was mad at me. I pointed out that didn't stop the fact that she was yelling, and that I deserved better than that. Emotionally it's easier for me to do it myself than to listen to her verbal abuse. Even when I don't ask her to do anything, she's verbally abusing me, just not as much as if I were to have the audacity to suggest she could be a contributing member of the household. I sure hope that I like the residential placement I'm visiting this afternoon and that there is an opening soon. I'm tired of living like this.


Anonymous said...

ms. clergy
again she plays you like a fiddle. it is all about power and control. she doesn't pull that stuff with others because she knows it won't fly. you seem to try to reason things out but there is no reason. good luck with the placement. you need some peace and she needs a setting where she is not enabled and constantly manipulating. again it is all about power and control. good luck.

Reverend Mom said...

I can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. I can engage in battle, and she will rage, throw things, and I will end up emotionally exhausted. I choose peace right now.

Of course, when she's not doing things around the house, she gets frozen pb&j for her meals and she doesn't get to watch TV or use the computer. I don't do anything extra for her (I have to provide meds, insulin and meals), and I don't engage her. She doesn't like that.

I'm the mom. I will always be her target. That's the aftermath of RAD.