As long as my parents were alive, I didn't really have to face my own mortality. After all, my parents were still living, I was young, I had lots of time. In some ways, I feel like I'm the next in line, since I'm now the oldest member of the family. Setting up a will and a charitable remainder trust for Daughter has taken on a new urgency. Selecting a guardian for her (Far Away Sister) has become more important.
I'm only 4 months older than I was when Mom died, but somehow, I feel much older, much closer to death. Today I emailed a law firm that was recommended by the lawyer who wrote Mom and Dad's will. I feel better for having done it, and hope I will have time to complete all that must be completed to protect Daughter before I die-- not of illness, but in an accident or something.
It's a strange feeling, and a strange perspective, but somehow, a layer of protection has been removed with my parents' death, and I feel much older and more vulnerable than I did before. I don't fear death, but I do want to make sure that Daughter will be protected and safe should something happen to me. My concern is for her. As Far Away Sister commented this morning, my death will devastate Daughter. Far Away Sister gets it, and will see that Daughter is safe. I may feel unprotected, but I want to make sure that Daughter is protected. That has become my top priority.