Friday, October 9, 2009


As long as my parents were alive, I didn't really have to face my own mortality. After all, my parents were still living, I was young, I had lots of time. In some ways, I feel like I'm the next in line, since I'm now the oldest member of the family. Setting up a will and a charitable remainder trust for Daughter has taken on a new urgency. Selecting a guardian for her (Far Away Sister) has become more important.
I'm only 4 months older than I was when Mom died, but somehow, I feel much older, much closer to death. Today I emailed a law firm that was recommended by the lawyer who wrote Mom and Dad's will. I feel better for having done it, and hope I will have time to complete all that must be completed to protect Daughter before I die-- not of illness, but in an accident or something.
It's a strange feeling, and a strange perspective, but somehow, a layer of protection has been removed with my parents' death, and I feel much older and more vulnerable than I did before. I don't fear death, but I do want to make sure that Daughter will be protected and safe should something happen to me. My concern is for her. As Far Away Sister commented this morning, my death will devastate Daughter. Far Away Sister gets it, and will see that Daughter is safe. I may feel unprotected, but I want to make sure that Daughter is protected. That has become my top priority.


maeve said...

Oh, your post really hit home. I was fine until DH died just 7 months after my mother died. Strange how we get naked on the front end....nothing to protect us from the threats of death. I'm definitely the next in line. It is a strange perspective. I've done the living will and the will that names my son as Miss K's guardian. These are hard times. After time goes goes by you'll feel better. Trust me.

Linda B said...

This has been something so hard for me to start....a will. Not because I am afraid of dying, but because I don't know anyone who can take 3 kids (the 4th is 19) with 2 of them having severe special needs. I never thought about how you change when both of your parents are gone. My dad is still alive and I do depend on him for advice on how to do things. I'm the oldest of siblings too. I'm thankful I don't have to feel that feeling you are now.

Reverend Mom said...

Thanks, Maeve. Soon Miss K will be able to make it on her own. You've done a fine job with her.

Linda, Daughter is 22, and I'm just formalizing it. I had an off the internet will, but it really wasn't enough. I preach the importance of these things, but I don't always do them. With Daughter, I made it clear that the guardian is to see she's safe, not keep her in their home. It's harder, because your kids are younger. I'd encourage you to begin to consider who could take on DQ and Andrew. I know it will be hard....