Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Today I've been paying for taking it easy yesterday afternoon and not running around visiting people. It took over 70 miles to make 2 visits this afternoon. One of our women on hospice is declining fast. I am waiting for the phone call. I visited her this afternoon. Her son and one of her daughters was there, and I also visited her sister, who is in the same facility. Another daughter was coming from out of state, and should have arrived by now.
The woman was only semi-conscious, and when I went in and identified myself she began crying "help, help, help..." I found myself wondering if my parents had suffered when they were dying. When I visited Saturday, the woman was eating lunch and we shared communion. I'm glad I made the trip. Her daughter thought that may have been the last time she ate....
Our man who has been in the hospital thought he'd be discharged this afternoon. I hope he was. Tomorrow I have to go visit the other woman who is on hospice, and if the woman I visited today is still alive, I'll stop by to see her, too. Friday I plan to go to the nursing home in the other direction to visit the 3 people we have there.
Daughter has called me in tears every day this week. Each time she has had a different story. Monday, it was voices. Yesterday, it was Flasher harassing her. Today she was having stomach problems. We saw Therapist this afternoon, and Daughter talked about her "big feelings." She claims Flasher has calling her the N word at the workshop today. I'm not sure I believe it. She's back to lying all the time and sneaking food. While I'm not sure how much of what she is telling me is real, I do know this much: she is caught in a downward spiral right now. I hope that Therapist gave her some tools today to stop it. I hope.
Again tonight I am exhausted. The next two mornings I'm going to have to do some intensive work on my sermon for Sunday. I did have a laugh today. The hospital had a huge sign listing who shouldn't visit. It included those under 14, anyone who is experiencing nausea and vomiting, fever, body aches, and various other symptoms of the flu, including tiredness. I told the man I visited that if I didn't visit when I was tired, I'd never do any hospital calls! He thought that was pretty funny. As I think about it, I really didn't take it that evening yesterday afternoon, I was in the office working until after 4:00. I just wasn't out visiting. I guess I have reason to be exhausted.


Miz Kizzle said...

Ugh. It sounds like your DD is pulling out all the stops with the old reliable list of complaints: Flasher is bothering her, she feels sick, she hears voices and so on.
She must want you to respond in some way that will comfort her. Have you thought of asking her what she can do to make herself feel better? She may not come up with any suggestions (in fact I suspect she'll respond by saying that she doesn't know) but maybe you can work out a few tactics that will help her get out of the bad place that she's in.
I've read your posts for awhile and I really think that your DD both craves and fears independence and many of her problems come from imagining herself living in her own apartment or being married but she doesn't have the skills to make those things happen. It doesn't sound like the day program that she's in is teaching her those skills.
Are there any other programs or group home situations in your area that would help her on the road to independence?

Reverend Mom said...

Miz Kizzle,

You have Daughter pegged. Therapist has pointed out several times recently that fall is always tough for Daughter. We have worked on self-soothing behaviors. I have talked to her about identifying the stressors. I have let her sleep with her head on my shoulder when she gets home.

The workshop is not great for Daughter. Unfortunately, there are no other options. I had to go get Daughter today, and from what Nurse said, they've been handling her appropriately. I suspect she doesn't want to stop the downward spiral right now.

She is on the waiting list for supported living (group home), but in the current economy, that isn't going to happen in the foreseeable future. Plus, with what I've seen of the skills of their employees, I doubt they could handle her. She's a master manipulator.

Yesterday her tremors were so bad that even her voice had tremors. Therapist commented on how she could feel how bad they were when she hugged her. I've used up most of my bag of tricks with her this round. I may let her sleep in my room tonight, and see if that will help. It has in the past.

Linda B said...

You've been through a lot of emotionally draining stuff lately (for quite a while). I'll bet your body is finally feeling it and the exhaustion is setting in. Take care of yourself when you can...make time for it. You certainly deserve it. (I've got an award waiting for you over at my blog)