Daughter has a history of quick romances. She starts "going" with a guy, they discuss marriage, and within a week or two, they've broken up. Part of it is maturity. Emotionally, Daughter is much younger than her physical age. Part of it is her history. She has a very difficult time trusting anyone, especially anyone of the male persuasion. There are still times she has difficulty trusting me, and she's been with me for over 18 years now. A couple of years ago I sat her down and told her that she needed to be dating a man for a year before she began talking about marriage. I told her that I recommended this for all the couples I work with in premarital counseling. She decided this was a good rule, especially after she watched friends jump into marriage very quickly.
Before Christmas, Daughter reconnected with her prom date via the internet. They went to a couple of proms together, but never had any other dates. They were both in the special ed program at the regional career center, but a significant distance separated them, and neither drove or had much interest in more than going to the prom. She said she was through with him after his prom their senior year, when he spent all night playing poker with his buddies and ignored her. They graduated in 2006, and haven't seen each other since.
C had aged out of the foster care system, having spent some period of time in a treatment center near here. I heard, through another foster mother, that he had a fast food job and an apartment, and it wasn't going well. I won't go into my rant about how wrong it is for the system to decide that because he had graduated a developmentally handicapped man with issues that had kept him out of a family was suddenly capable of living on his own without supervision.
Over a year ago I saw in the paper that C had been charged with having sex with minors. He was sentenced to prison and labeled a sex offender. I showed the article to Daughter, and she carried it around for a while. I was kind of surprised when she reconnected with him, as she had been very disgusted with him when all of that happened.
They have had several phone conversations. He didn't know the girls were underage, and regrets what happened. Given his limitations, this is a possibility. He asked Daughter to go with him. She agreed. I pointed out to her her that he was used to having sex, so he would likely pressure her, so she needed to be prepared. They have yet to see each other, though they talk about getting together occasionally.
Today she came home and announced it was January, and a new year. I had been aware of this. Then she explained to me the import of this reality: that means that in December of this year it will have been a year, and she and C can start planning their wedding. I tried to explain how far off December is, and that they've yet to see one another, but quickly stopped. Between now and December she may have several other boy friends. For today, I'll let her hold on to a dream. In November, if they're still together, I'll worry.
In the mean time, is it evil to admit I took a perverse joy out of answering family members' questions about Daughter's current boy friend by announcing he was a registered sex offender?
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