Thursday, January 29, 2009

Broken Trust

This week I discovered that a family member Dad had trusted to take care of his finances has borrowed massive amounts of money from Dad, and at least one of those loans wasn't authorized. When I made the discovery, I felt sick. Dad has been so concerned about his finances with the problems in the stock market. He was heavily invested in automotive stocks and has lost a great deal of money. He has been afraid he won't have enough to take care of his and Mom's needs.
Far Away Sister and I have been working hard to make sure Dad is protected. We told Dad today. He took it hard. He has gained 4 more lbs of fluid since he's been in the hospital. He thinks he's going to rehab tomorrow. We hope they get more fluid off of him before they ship him to rehab. At this point, we don't know if they'll be able to get the fluid off of him. We don't see him lasting much longer. We fear the betrayal may be the final straw, which makes it all the more important that we do everything we can to assure that he and Mom are protected. I'm supposed to be gathering documents tonight.
It's such a betrayal, and so painful. I know that this family member must be in a desperate situation to have done this, and I also worry about that situation. It's just been a very painful few days, to say the least.
I did have one wonderful belly laugh today, so I will share it. Now understand that sometimes I laugh to keep from crying, and I have found that sometimes the best way to deal with Mom's dementia is to laugh. Today I went over to get her to take her to the hospital to see Dad. She was very excited to see me, and jumped up and down with joy. I hugged her, and she burst into tears. She still knows how to lay the guilt trips on us. I took her into her room to get her ready to go, and she showed me a black sock she had on her bed. I took it from her, and realized there was something in it. I emptied it (which did not please her) and found two bracelets. I put the bracelets on her wrists and she was happy. Then I got her boots out of the closet and sat her down to put them on her. I could not get the first boot on. I kept pushing and pulling. I thought maybe her feet were so swollen it wouldn't fit anymore. I took a break to go to the bathroom. When I came out, she had the boot off and was holding a doorstop in her hand. I burst out laughing. Once the doorstop was out of the boot, it went on with no problem. She was pleased to see Dad, and Dad was pleased to see her.
Now I need to go back to sorting through documents and getting lists of assets and insurance policies. I did find Dad's will, so that was good.


Munchkin Mom said...

I am so, so sorry this happened. Dementia alone is such a hard thing, so unfair, and then to experience a violation...

Reverend Mom said...

Thank you. At this point, it looks like we may have managed the best possible outcome. I had another sleepless night last night, but today I am at peace.